last week I had two sessions with a therapist, and in short I would like to present how it was done more or less. The therapist suggested that I should preserve the image of the person who hurt me the most. When I did, she asked me what I would like to tell her or to do at the moment - I answer that I am angry with her and I want to pull her hair. I was surprised to hear her voice, which encouraged me to do it. Later, she explained to me that it was about "healthy aggression" as it was called. Wounds inflicted by others, which, despite being removed from our memory, are still stored in our body, and using "healthy aggression" we remove them from our body, i.e. we will balance the so-called bills. After this session I was exhausted and I did not have any energy. I know that I kept a lot of emotions in my heart because I could never defend myself. I continued to purify taking all the people with whom I settled "my bills". I am not sure whether through the purification process I am going through, but this week ended with bronchitis. I have now understood how important therapy is, which I never used, though I should, when I lost my father when I was a teenager, or twin brother, and other family members. Through all these years I struggled with the pain and it was, and very hard.
Therapy
- Thread starter Wodnik
- Start date
NewOrleans
Jedi Master
Dear Wodnik, I've been away from this forum for an awfully long time, regretfully, but I arrived back and your post got me thinking of my own recent sessions with a first-ever therapist (after my mother's death just a few months ago), and all sorts of things that flooded out. Both loss and anger - I realized how deeply screwed up I've been! And the deep shame and hurtfulness of all that. Repeating mistakes over and over, quite stupidly. And then, just today, I came across a poem by Vernon Howard. This one is for ME to remember, not to you personally. Though you may find something to it. Somewhat like what Gurdjieff might say.....I can only wish you encouragement and healing.
YOUR HUMILIATION IS YOUR SALVATION
Endure personal disgrace to the very end.
Let disgrace have its way with you.
Be completely humiliated, cast down!
Be a nothing.
Nothing left but disgrace, shame, regret.
Welcome the shame, disgrace,
the loss of respect.
Collapse completely.
Don't fight the fact you did wrong,
hurt someone, said something stupid.
Only pain can save you.
You have been wasting your suffering,
your humiliation.
Next time you do some small thing wrong,
picture a tide wave moving upon you and
washing over you. Don't
do a thing to save yourself.
You are not going to argue at all.
Suffer completely from it.
When you are NO ONE,
you are somebody.
YOUR HUMILIATION IS YOUR SALVATION
Endure personal disgrace to the very end.
Let disgrace have its way with you.
Be completely humiliated, cast down!
Be a nothing.
Nothing left but disgrace, shame, regret.
Welcome the shame, disgrace,
the loss of respect.
Collapse completely.
Don't fight the fact you did wrong,
hurt someone, said something stupid.
Only pain can save you.
You have been wasting your suffering,
your humiliation.
Next time you do some small thing wrong,
picture a tide wave moving upon you and
washing over you. Don't
do a thing to save yourself.
You are not going to argue at all.
Suffer completely from it.
When you are NO ONE,
you are somebody.
That poem might be helpful in some ways to address particular types of character disturbances (and even then there are issues with it imo), but I think it would be very detrimental to try and apply it for the types of issues Wodnik is trying to work on.
Wodnik, are you doing Keto? That will help a lot in getting your energy up while you work through these things.
Hi Wodnik,
I'd encourage you to continue on with the process and don't be dismayed by getting a bout of bronchitis. Emotional states are intrinsically tied to the immune system, so if your going through a process of emotional detoxing and release, there may be some side-effects that will go along with it. But it'll eventually pass.
Also, if you get a chance to, you can look more into NeurOptimal - which can help the therapeutic process along.
I'd encourage you to continue on with the process and don't be dismayed by getting a bout of bronchitis. Emotional states are intrinsically tied to the immune system, so if your going through a process of emotional detoxing and release, there may be some side-effects that will go along with it. But it'll eventually pass.
Also, if you get a chance to, you can look more into NeurOptimal - which can help the therapeutic process along.
Hello Wodnik,
Work with the therapist can be exhausting, especially if the emotional issues are deep. For that reason, you may be extra careful to take care of your health as well, getting enough rest and sleep. Also, it's a process that takes time so the best thing to do is to not expect rapid results and let the healing process at its pace.
I agree that this poem does not help at all. There are times to heal, and there are times to stand up and learn from the past. Resignation and self-abandonment on the other way doesn't heal, and doesn't build character. It only leads to a spiral towards non-being.
Work with the therapist can be exhausting, especially if the emotional issues are deep. For that reason, you may be extra careful to take care of your health as well, getting enough rest and sleep. Also, it's a process that takes time so the best thing to do is to not expect rapid results and let the healing process at its pace.
I agree that this poem does not help at all. There are times to heal, and there are times to stand up and learn from the past. Resignation and self-abandonment on the other way doesn't heal, and doesn't build character. It only leads to a spiral towards non-being.
The poem appears to have been written by someone who was the "bad guy" in a situation and was exposed and shown how badly he/she had hurt other people. In such cases, it might be the right approach to take. But in the cases where the person of focus is the one who has been hurt by others or by life, it's definitely not appropriate.
Wodnik, all the best on this journey! It can be extremely difficult, but if you can remind yourself that it's better when that suffering and those memories don't rule you anymore, so that you can be yourself, then it's worth it! Some strategies helped you survive as a child, but you don't need them anymore as an adult, and are much better off with processing them and letting go. If you are interested, Peter Levine talks a bit about this "healthy aggression", bottled up emotions, how they get "stuck" in your cells, and some means to release them safely like you are doing withing your therapy setting. His book is titled In an Unspoken Voice.
FWIW, Louise Hay's take on bronchitis, in case it helps you make a connection and release the related trauma:
FWIW, Louise Hay's take on bronchitis, in case it helps you make a connection and release the related trauma:
Kudos to you Wodnik for being brave to face the pains of the past, and get external help to process and release them. I don’t know if you use flower essences, but I swear by Rescue Remedy for acute or chronic stress (most good health food shops stock them). Maybe some writing exercises like the Pennebaker (where you write for 15 minutes a day over 4 days) or Jordan Peterson’s Past Authoring program might help with the process too. Thank you for sharing and I hope you feel better soon!
Thank you everyone, for your comments. Bronchitis lasted for 2 weeks but I still feel the impact it has had on me. In between the therapist suggested to me that if something flows out, I just have to face it and apply the method of healthy aggression, which I did - and something unusual happened ... I worked on the injuries from my mother in law, and which morning just I felt a 'shift' in my body and mind.And suddenly the pain I felt towards my mother in law disappeared, along with her image, I felt that this chapter was closed.The internal happiness I felt was worth the price of bronchitis.
Thanks Chu,
Yes, I fully agree with you. I came to a point where I have 2 options ; giving up and be destroyed, or pick up myself and try to fix.
I chosen the second option, which is healthier.
I'm exited about NO therapy, and I think before the session I will try to disturb my brain as much as possible, rather then pretend to be calm.
For the last 4 months I was facing so many difficulties which tried to stop me in this process, but at least with small delay am on a right path.
Thank you for your support and feedback.
Thanks Arwenn, I will keep you informed .