Traits of Confident People

Laura

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Administrator
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FOTCM Member
I think there is more to this than just being "confident people".

They don’t make excuses. If there’s one trait confident people have in spades, it’s self-efficacy—the belief that they can make things happen. It’s about having an internal locus of control rather than an external one. That’s why you won’t hear confident people blaming traffic for making them late or an unfair boss for their failure to get a promotion. Confident people don’t make excuses, because they believe they’re in control of their own lives.

They don’t quit. Confident people don’t give up the first time something goes wrong. They see both problems and failures as obstacles to overcome rather than impenetrable barriers to success. That doesn’t mean, however, that they keep trying the same thing over and over. One of the first things confident people do when something goes wrong is to figure out why it went wrong and how they can prevent it the next time.

They don’t wait for permission to act. Confident people don’t need somebody to tell them what to do or when to do it. They don’t waste time asking themselves questions like “Can I?” or “Should I?” If they ask themselves anything, it’s “Why wouldn’t I?” Whether it’s running a meeting when the chairperson doesn’t show up or going the extra mile to solve a customer’s problem, it doesn’t even occur to them to wait for somebody else to take care of it. They see what needs to be done, and they do it.

They don’t seek attention. People are turned off by those who are desperate for attention. Confident people know that being yourself is much more effective than trying to prove that you’re important. People catch on to your attitude quickly and are more attracted to the right attitude than what, or how many, people you know. Confident people always seem to bring the right attitude. Confident people are masters of attention diffusion. When they’re receiving attention for an accomplishment, they quickly shift the focus to all the people who worked hard to help get them there. They don’t crave approval or praise because they draw their self-worth from within.

They don’t need constant praise. Have you ever been around somebody who constantly needs to hear how great he or she is? Confident people don’t do that. It goes back to that internal locus of control. They don’t think that their success is dependent on other people’s approval, and they understand that no matter how well they perform, there’s always going to be somebody out there offering nothing but criticism. Confident people also know that the kind of confidence that’s dependent on praise from other people isn’t really confidence at all; it’s narcissism.

They don’t put things off. Why do people procrastinate? Sometimes it’s simply because they’re lazy. A lot of times, though, it’s because they’re afraid—that is, afraid of change, failure, or maybe even success. Confident people don’t put things off. Because they believe in themselves and expect that their actions will lead them closer to their goals, they don’t sit around waiting for the right time or the perfect circumstances. They know that today is the only time that matters. If they think it’s not the right time, they make it the right time.

They don’t pass judgment. Confident people don’t pass judgment on others because they know that everyone has something to offer, and they don’t need to take other people down a notch in order to feel good about themselves. Comparing yourself to other people is limiting. Confident people don’t waste time sizing people up and worrying about whether or not they measure up to everyone they meet.

They don’t avoid conflict. Confident people don’t see conflict as something to be avoided at all costs; they see it as something to manage effectively. They don’t go along to get along, even when that means having uncomfortable conversations or making unpleasant decisions. They know that conflict is part of life and that they can’t avoid it without cheating themselves out of the good stuff, too.

They don’t let a lack of resources get in their way. Confident people don’t get thrown off course just because they don’t have the right title, the right staff, or the money to make things happen. Either they find a way to get what they need, or they figure out how to get by without it.

They don’t get too comfortable. Confident people understand that getting too comfortable is the mortal enemy of achieving their goals. That’s because they know that comfort leads to complacency, and complacency leads to stagnation. When they start feeling comfortable, they take that as a big red flag and start pushing their boundaries again so that they can continue to grow as both a person and a professional. They understand that a little discomfort is a good thing.
Bringing It All Together

Embracing the behaviors of confident people is a great way to increase your odds for success, which, in turn, will lead to more confidence. The science is clear; now you just have to decide to act on it.

_https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/critical-things-confident-people-wont-do-dr-travis-bradberry
 
From Laura
I think there is more to this than just being "confident people".
We can say; That, it is just the top of the Iceberg... first thing, lets see the Dictionary definition...

con·fi·dent
ˈkänfədənt/
adjective
adjective: confident
1. feeling or showing confidence in oneself; self-assured.
"she was a confident, outgoing girl"
synonyms: self-assured, assured, self-confident, positive, assertive, self-possessed, self-reliant, poised; coolheaded, phlegmatic, levelheaded, unperturbed, imperturbable, unruffled, at ease;
informal together, can-do

"a confident young man"
* feeling or showing certainty about something.
"this time they're confident of a happy ending"
synonyms: optimistic, hopeful, sanguine; sure, certain, positive, convinced, in no doubt, satisfied, assured, persuaded
"we are confident that business will improve"

noun archaic
noun: confident; plural noun: confidents
1.
a confidant.

Origin
late 16th century: from French confident(e ), from Italian confidente, from Latin confident- ‘having full trust,’ from the verb confidere, from con- (expressing intensive force) + fidere ‘trust.’
 

Haiku

Jedi
Seems to me that what is being described here is part of a prospective 4D STO profile, one that will/can help with any endeavor.

The CAN-DO attitude. They will make suggestions/methods/concepts that will get the need done. They will take charge if necessary and can follow others lead. They point out basic thoughts that may have been overlooked by others. They will make it happen. They typically will not adhere to general rules or thinking inside of a box.

The picture frame individual. They are the one that typically stays in the background but is very important to the structure of the group. They will help everyone or as many as possible to discuss/interpret/assist in an effective solution to any issue. In concept: They do not care if they are the picture frame for a 2-year-old picture that is put on the front of the fridge or the Mona Lisa. They will make any picture/individual look better. The picture frame individual may be a lead to a prospective STO wanderer profile.

On a personal note: I was referred to as ‘The Can-Do American’ guy when I was assisting with the installation of a plasma furnace in Northern Germany. I do have an advantage as I feel that I am using knowledge from previous lifetimes which I like to call ancient engineering in my area of employment. At least in this life, in this reality, one of the Quantum Realities that exist.

Laura, thank you for directing our attention to these traits. They have always guided me every day, Haiku …
 

Alejo

The Living Force
FOTCM Member
I think that true self confidence is better understood in terms of impecabilty as described by Don Juan Matus: The proper use of energy.

But thinking about it in these terms implies that there's a tremendous amount of energy being used in a very inefficient manner, completely away from our consciousness. So I think that in order to achieve that true self confidence requires work to observe, understand, back-track, and decide upon this energy that is going everywhere in our lives and timelines (as often times we're stuck injecting energy into past events).

And this goes way beyond simply the work environment.

My two cents
 

stellar

Dagobah Resident
FOTCM Member
This quote for the most part left me with having a taste of arrogance about it with no room for empathy or consideration; almost mechanical thought patterns. FWIW
 

Ennio

SuperModerator
Moderator
FOTCM Member
stellar said:
This quote for the most part left me with having a taste of arrogance about it with no room for empathy or consideration; almost mechanical thought patterns. FWIW
I got a different impression from yours, that these traits basically reflect someone who is more or less integrated or individuated to some significant degree, and value self-reliance and their chosen responsibilities very highly. Putin certainly comes to mind here. And I do think that they are good traits to work towards and to be aware of as we pay attention to our attitudes and the approaches we take to life. The thing of it is, these traits can only come from working on ourselves it seems. If we are ever to seem, and really be, competently confident it will be a result of this self work.

'Exuding confidence' in the way that it is meant here, does not have to mean that a person is arrogant or egotistical necessarily. Maybe just that one has a good valuation of their strengths and weaknesses and enough humility to recognize the weaknesses and not get deterred by them. But instead choose to work on those. I get what you mean though, stellar. How many people live through the belief that because of the one or two things they do effectively - that this extends to all other areas of their life, and so become effectively blinded to all the things that they don't do so well. And yet, they can "confidently" (but really arrogantly) insist that the sky is green. Dunning Kruger effect and all that.
 

stellar

Dagobah Resident
FOTCM Member
Ennio said:
stellar said:
This quote for the most part left me with having a taste of arrogance about it with no room for empathy or consideration; almost mechanical thought patterns. FWIW
I got a different impression from yours, that these traits basically reflect someone who is more or less integrated or individuated to some significant degree, and value self-reliance and their chosen responsibilities very highly. Putin certainly comes to mind here. And I do think that they are good traits to work towards and to be aware of as we pay attention to our attitudes and the approaches we take to life. The thing of it is, these traits can only come from working on ourselves it seems. If we are ever to seem, and really be, competently confident it will be a result of this self work.

'Exuding confidence' in the way that it is meant here, does not have to mean that a person is arrogant or egotistical necessarily. Maybe just that one has a good valuation of their strengths and weaknesses and enough humility to recognize the weaknesses and not get deterred by them. But instead choose to work on those. I get what you mean though, stellar. How many people live through the belief that because of the one or two things they do effectively - that this extends to all other areas of their life, and so become effectively blinded to all the things that they don't do so well. And yet, they can "confidently" (but really arrogantly) insist that the sky is green. Dunning Kruger effect and all that.
The latter part of your reply is close to how I perceive the authors definition. For one example "They don't wait for permission to act" indicates a presumption of knowledge that could very likely be based on the individuals perception not necessarily the objective truth. I mean if the chairperson doesn't shoe up it is one thing to stand up and suggest an adjournment or such but to take over the meeting/process would to me seem like an attitude of self entitlement or seeing every opportunity to take control of everything.

Maybe I'm off, I don't know... but the whole definition as it is presented just seems lacking some kind of human factor.
 

stellar

Dagobah Resident
FOTCM Member
Laura said:
Embracing the behaviors of confident people is a great way to increase your odds for success, which, in turn, will lead to more confidence. The science is clear; now you just have to decide to act on it.

_https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/critical-things-confident-people-wont-do-dr-travis-bradberry
[/quote]

And another thing that I think that didn't sit with me too well was the comment that it seems all about success which in my mind is subjective. The confident behaviour that may bring a feeling of success to one may be the opposite or unimportant to others. What is the intent of the wanted success and the ripple affect from it is more what I would consider.

Furthermore when someone uses the statement 'the science is clear' I just think "really? Todays 'science' has shown to be anything but clear" especially considering how ponerised so many scientists are and their studies.
 

Ennio

SuperModerator
Moderator
FOTCM Member
stellar said:
The latter part of your reply is close to how I perceive the authors definition. For one example "They don't wait for permission to act" indicates a presumption of knowledge that could very likely be based on the individuals perception not necessarily the objective truth. I mean if the chairperson doesn't shoe up it is one thing to stand up and suggest an adjournment or such but to take over the meeting/process would to me seem like an attitude of self entitlement or seeing every opportunity to take control of everything.
To behave in this way certainly can mean all the things you mention IF the person is seeking to gratify themselves with the attention, and wants to manipulate the situation for their own benefit, etc. But not necessarily. Not everyone who "takes charge" is a snake in a suit. Not all leaders are pathological. Another *possibility* is that the person standing in for the boss may actually know what the boss had intended for the meeting, is acquainted with the goals involved, has every intention of helping the company given his own experience, insights, know-how, etc. If it is such a person "taking charge" at such a moment, then the confidence to press forward in such a way can be a very good thing because it means the aims of the company can be carried forward.

stellar said:
Maybe I'm off, I don't know... but the whole definition as it is presented just seems lacking some kind of human factor.
How would you suggest including more human factor?

I just think you have too many negative connotations wrapped up around your understanding of the term confidence. Maybe the author would have done better here to qualify some of his statements with ideas about the requisite amount of work and humility required to be confident for all the right reasons. But have another look at what the author says about 'They don’t seek attention' or 'They don’t need constant praise'. He seems to have a handle on issues of narcissism and ego here, wouldn't you say? Maybe just replace the word 'confidence' with the term 'good character traits' and the thrust of his article will be clearer, because I think that's what he's really getting at.

The thing is, our Western society is so devoid of individuals who do make good confident leader role-models, and we've been faked-out so many times, that we can hardly believe that these people exist when we see them. And again we can reference Putin here. He may not be a heaven-sent angel or perfect, but the confidence he appears to carry would seem to demonstrate a competence level, aim, and sense of righteousness that is absolutely demanded of his position and the situation his country is in. But he first had to work very very hard with a lot of drive and focus, and a lot of assimilation of the principles the author presents to be where he is, and doing what he's doing. And look at how easily many interpret his confidence as arrogance, a strong man, a Hitler, etc. when he is, in fact, nothing of the kind. I'm not saying you're doing this, just how easy it is for many to misconstrue the behaviors of confidence for other things sometimes.
 

Kay Kim

Dagobah Resident
I think Traits of Confident People's description is exactly like Laura's quote. And I like that kind of people and I would like to be. But they are lacking few things.

Anyway, somehow, if the confident person come to this Forum and gaining Knowledge and learns to get along with others, also develop to become compassionate to other human beings, then perhaps would become perfectly efficient Service to the Other person. Then, that we all can benefits from such a person.
And I believe, we do have such person among us!!!
 

SeekinTruth

Ambassador
Ambassador
FOTCM Member
I agree with Ennio that it's more a description of good character traits than merely confidence. The confidence aspect is confidence in doing the right thing and letting the chips fall where they may, maybe? And it certainly can be applied much wider than the work place. That limited context can makes it harder for some to see how such good character traits can be applied in any situation. Or so I think.
 

obyvatel

The Living Force
The work of Travis Bradbury, the researcher/author of the article, has been discussed previously in the context of
Emotional Intelligence

[quote author=stellar]
And another thing that I think that didn't sit with me too well was the comment that it seems all about success which in my mind is subjective. The confident behaviour that may bring a feeling of success to one may be the opposite or unimportant to others. What is the intent of the wanted success and the ripple affect from it is more what I would consider.
[/quote]

Confidence is regarded as a factor which leads to success. Success is usually measured by achievement of goals in the context of psychological studies. So it is not a feeling in the sense the author is using the term.
 

Divide by Zero

The Living Force
It reminds me of what we try to cultivate, the true ego not the false ego/ predators mind.

That being said, a few things seem contradictory in some cases.

I agree to not avoid conflict, as we learned in Gabor Mate's book and others. Without standing up for an idea, even if it's wrong- you won't be able to test that idea in the "real world".

But that involves judgement. Sometimes a conflict arises based on what you see in a co worker or family member for example. If you are all positive about everyone, how could you have a conflict? Maybe I mixed up what he means by judgement. To me it is being honest, that yes, we all have an "estimation" of others based on what they do and how they interact with us.


The part about not letting a lack of resources or not quitting also can be an issue. In our culture those are valued, like for example Tesla- who was pretty much obsessed with his inventions to the detriment of his health. Same for Gabor Mate himself, who took way too much responsibility upon himself.

I guess we have to learn the fine line between healthy narcissism and narcissism/psychopathy. Healthy narcissism allows you to set limits whether it be with others or your own goals. At least on this level, there are limits. Call me pessimistic, but even though "anything is possible", it "costs" something on some level. Nothing is free.
 

Phill4

The Living Force
FOTCM Member
I think the aspect of confidence can be analized internaly, and also different levels of confidence , sometimes we can have self-defeating programs that simply prevent the expression of ideas into reality. Are met with any number of self imposed barriers. And fears.

It is an area that CAN be inproved through effort in discovering and addressing the self defeating programs and voice in our head. Programs like ourselves , your own skin and this one in particular drains the person from all the energy, that can potentially be used to achieve a goal.

Personally i discovered many self imposed barries and obstacles and walls and "no you can't" accompanied with strong feelings of both lazines and defeat, why bother. But it only existed in my imagination.
It would come to reason that one of the biggest challenge for someone whose personality is driven by anxiety, causing all this inner talk and conflict, is to discover the anxiety behind it, and develope methods of expression at one's own pace.
(Do what it doesn't like)

Then there is the other side of the coin.
When you look at people who are confident, like people whose confidence was nurtured and people who are on the narcisistic part of the spectrum that denotes confidence and lack of insight and consideration for others, even there, you can see the absence of that program(s), (regardless if there are other programs in its place). But you can see it, not because they are more aware, but because they either lack the mechanisms to feel higher empathy or they grew in the absence of the conditions for fear and anxiety to form the self-defeating program, thus such restrictions never formed.

And i was thinking about the expression if confidence in psychopaths, which lack this program, because their system does not pocess the necesary emotions and the necesary functions to form the internal programs that are associated with empathy and love. And their corresponding oposites rejection and fear.
Their programs loop around fullfiling inmediate cravings that came to be after the trauma that shape their reward systems , with access to the negative side of the emotional brain.



I belive there are different expressions of confidence, i could use some of the ones Laura pointed out, and thinking further, it seems every item presented corresponds to areas of us that may be unexplored.
 

bozadi

Jedi
All my life, I've been very unconfident and I still kind of am, but in recent years, I've got more are more determined to question myself and everything in connection with the problem. I'm thankful for all the guidance provided here.

Incidentally, a few minutes ago, I came across a youtube video in which a girl talks about some fundamental issues of our lives and I must say that I appreciated her much and also found this to be related in some way to the subject of this thread. Beware of occasional foul language, please. I don't yet know about any other videos, thoughts or acts of her, I will try to find out. I just found this piece inspiring. It is as if she's been through some of the material covered here.
 
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