What is your actual routine? And your ideal routine?

Starshine

Jedi Master
I finished the Future Self Authoring program provided by Peterson's team in February. Since a few months, I'm starting to get better at handling a routine. Something that was severely lacking in my life, for sure. Having no boss other than myself since some time now, and being a terrible boss and a worse employee even, to begin with, I certainly have made progress. :lol: Thanks to our current renovation project, I found purpose and utility, hence obligation, and it's ever better since.

Since a long time, I wonder what are the actual routines of other Forum members. I'm sure it will provide inspiration and guidance if anyone is interested to share. It is a bit personal so I'm not sure if it should be placed in the Swamp or not. I'll leave it here, in the Work section but feel free to move it somewhere else if needed. I certainly am really curious about it, especially because it actually is in the routine that most battles go on. I used the framework of the Self-Authoring program so it's a bit long, and I'm sure others will picture their routines in a different way.

I will begin by listing my ideal routine based on the introspection the Self Authoring program led me to. Some of it is already being applied and some, not yet. I'll mention if it's actual or not.

I hadn't reviewed this part of the exercise since I finished it. I am glad to look at this detailed list of my goals again because I see that my objectives are rather well structured and reasonable thanks to this program and my presence here. It is now up to me to take responsibility for it and to keep in mind persistence, constant updating and the notion of scale to be adjusted. I see that my aspirations are noble and have value. I am proud of the result of this exercise after reading it and I feel I am heading in the right direction. I would advise it for anyone interested.

One most important message I got from Peterson:
Do not sacrifice what you could be for what you already are.

I would like to concentrate on the actual actions to be taken, leaving aside the goals, which inevitably transpire.

  • I have to keep getting up early so I can do everything that needs to be done because I have to share my time between the forum, work, and reading. I'll keep waking up earlier with time, I went from no real obligation to 08.30 to 07.45. Considering I was a real "night owl", I can say it's been one of the best things I've done to feel better. It might seem like a joke for some "early birds", but so far, it is a real success to me. Obligating oneself is the best thing to do!
  • With each interaction, I have to think: How can we make each other's lives more pleasant? Keeping external consideration in mind. Definitely, have to make more progress on this.
  • I have to learn new things every day, and I have to change my routine based on new information. I should not try to impose anything, but rather illustrate the transformation by myself. Ongoing. Slow process.
  • Recitation morning and before sleep since crystals are there. Singing, not as consistent, only when alone.
  • Keeping a Food dairy, daily since the beginning of February with a few lacks.
  • I have to check the forum once a day. Stay focused on one subject at a time, and give it my full attention when I'm there. I have to read every day too. Forum in the morning is fine for now. Reading for the evening and if away. Ongoing, have to be mindful not to forget daily priorities.
  • The afternoon is for work on the house and site. Still, a lot to do.
  • I have to post at least twice a week. I have to learn to give my opinion more spontaneously. To engage in conversation and imitate the older members. I have to give interest to others and their problems. I need to be able to ask for help, remain open in my formulations and talk about my problems. I need to have a more natural attitude and become more comfortable around here. Ongoing, great improvements in this area.
  • Staying informed about the state of the world at least once a week. Ongoing, and a bit more than that.
  • Write at least once a week too, on a dairy. Not actual.
  • HIT exercises once a week. Ongoing.
  • Take advantage of the shower(cold at least 50% of shower time) to allow me 5 minutes of movement. Joint mobilization, balance, unlocking. I also have to keep standing up straight and increase my movement snacks. Still too erratic for movement snacks and mobilization, though there is an improvement too.
  • Breathing in 3 steps once a week. The Warrior's breath 3 times a week. The prayer of the Soul also, before going to sleep. I prefer not to aim too high because I eventually tend to aim too high and abandon everything. Not there yet. I was consistent for some months some years ago but it's not the case anymore.
  • One day a week, I shall think about success. I will make it a fundamental thought to stay on the lookout for the best way to proceed. I'll come up with the idea if I keep looking. I need to feel congruent here. I want to find the interface between financial success/security and service to others. Discover or create a job that will allow me to be financially comfortable while being sincerely useful to others. I don't want to live in mediocrity. I would like to have more finances to achieve my goals, take care of myself and others, improve my knowledge, improve my environment. This requires determination but also finances. I would like to find the work that will help me to develop in this way. I have to meet a need if I want to succeed. I have to identify this need based on what I can bring myself. To do this, I must be attentive, to reality, left and right. The story of my life, many questions here.
  • Listen to more podcasts, more regularly. 1 per week would be good. It is more about 1 per month for now.
  • Maintain equipment and site more automatically and regularly. Improve consistency. Ongoing but erratic and not really scheduled.
  • Regarding my family, I think that every 2 months, we have to review together what we want as a group. Does not happen that way for now. Things happen. We live together daily. However, we must be able to maintain a positive course and overcome certain negative trends. It is necessary to share and discuss. Lead others to progress. External consideration is the behavior underlying this goal.
  • I must do the same for myself, every month, update myself as to my goals, and readjust them as to my real abilities. Well, I just started summing up my goals, so I'd better keep track, for the times to come.
  • Regarding my girlfriend/wife, we must always communicate and not let dragons grow under the carpet. We have to talk about our personal stories every week. We must keep this complicity that characterizes us. Keep activities together and time alone. Go to conflict if needed and keep in mind the reformulation of the spouse's words to resolve them. Specify what we want and how we feel. We have to fight to stay together. We must not hide our individual weaknesses. Ressentiment must be brought to light every time it occurs. Shuffle the cards and accept each other. Ongoing and always improving.
  • For both my family and my girlfriend/wife: Having beneficial activities in common is important. Sharing information together is important. Paying attention to what we are moving towards. Listening to each other, knowing what the other is going through. Play, alleviate, take care of others. Can always be improved.
I could indeed self-sabotage quite easily by setting up unattainable goals, then telling myself that I am too bad and that I have no discipline. I could hurt myself a lot like that! To be mad at me and stay a victim of my own fate. I have had enough of this sick method.
To avoid this, if I can't put in place what I recommended, I have to readjust instead of giving up everything so as not to change anything. If what I think is feasible is not, then I have to go down a notch. I have to go gradually to ensure that there are always slight, if not infinitesimal, improvements to the daily and weekly routine.
I need to aim low to start anything. Stay in the present to avoid anticipating what is not necessary.

Thanks for reading, and I hope some members will participate!
 
Thanks for posting this Starshine. I actually got up this morning thinking about how tired I am about always struggling with money issues and not being able to do the things that I want to do, especially with helping my family (and others) to be prepared for what's coming ahead. I think having a well thought out and structured routine, as you outlined above, is something that I lack in my life.

What is the "Future Self Authoring program provided by Peterson's team"? Is it a book by Peterson?

Again, thank you for posting this. It was very "timely"!
 

Ina

Jedi
Housework has always been my Nemesis. I like clean and organised spaces but I ‘ve never understood how to achieve them until I watched Mary Kondo. What I think it’s missing Starshine, is time for ‘tiding up’ or championing a part of the house work or better put home work.
 
Ra (The Law of One) says: "All honor is a responsibility, every responsibility is an honor."

If someone decides to practice this, the rest of the free time can be used to enjoy life, according to the possibilities of each one.

Maybe there is a difference between a way of living STS and another STO?
 

Chu

Administrator
Administrator
Moderator
FOTCM Member
I don't know how useful this can be to you, Starshine, but because I have a tendency to "gogogogo" and never stop, I've recently been trying to rework priorities and be a bit more efficient if I can, while making sure I pace myself better and take time to read, learn, etc. It is based on a tip that Stephen Covey gives in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People (it's available in French too). It is simple, really, he basically divides tasks and activities as shown in this image:




Here is another example, with more focus on the type of people who would tend towards one quadrant or the other:



Naturally, he then suggests focusing on the top 2 quadrants (especially the Important-Not Urgent one, since that is what often gets neglected because it doesn't involve immediate gratification, urgency, etc., and it often gets boycotted by the introject, insecurities, laziness, etc.).

So, for tasks I want to accomplish, I've made my own list, with the 4 quadrants full of things I have to do, but it has helped me prioritize. I regularly have to do the "Not Important" stuff too, but it helps me make sure that I don't only do that during the day, and always do something from the top two quadrants no matter what. It has to be flexible, as you said, and once you create a new habit, you don't necessarily need to write some things down, but maybe it can give you an idea or two.

I read the book so long ago, that I don't remember much, but it occurred to me that it would be worth a try. So far, so good.:-)

My 2 cents!
 

Anthony

The Living Force
FOTCM Member
One thing that I started doing and that can be used to somewhat bridge the gap between an actual routine and an ideal routine, is to track your smallest activities hour by hour by writing it on a peace of paper, and then seeing if it reflects your ideal, whether you're wasting time on trivialities, etc.

So an example would be something like this:

7:00 - 8:00 (forum, breakfast, reading sott, shower...)
8:00 - 9:00 (having a cigarette, reading a book, cleaning, meditation...)

and so on.
 

Starshine

Jedi Master
Thanks, Ina for bringing up Mary Kondo, I will see if I can get any useful tips from her.. I do like house chores and tidying up even though I tend to spread a bit too much and too quick when working, be it on my computer or in daily life. It's under reasonable frontiers but I was looking for clues on how to improve in that area.

Thanks for the recommendation Chu, I am looking forward to read that book, definitely sounds like help ;)

I forgot to mention that I also took the habit of just writing down what I actually do of my days on my agenda since January. Everything. It sounded a bit silly at the beginning, but it helped me get a clearer picture of the overall structure of my life before envisioning changes. Also, I can say that I have a busy agenda, now. :lol: I always struggled to keep up an agenda for long, it has helped a lot to do so.
Since then, I develop the habit of writing down what I have to do for the day to come before bed, and also what I think of for the week to come. That way, I realize how I deal with things. There are some things that are reported from weeks to weeks but I keep track and eventually deal with it because that annoys me to have it yet unchecked.
I'm sure this book and method might help go a step further! Reviewing my agenda with that in mind would be a good thing!

Ra (The Law of One) says: "All honor is a responsibility, every responsibility is an honor."

If someone decides to practice this, the rest of the free time can be used to enjoy life, according to the possibilities of each one.

Maybe there is a difference between a way of living STS and another STO?
I am not sure I understood what you meant and my questions to you would be what is your view of enjoying life? Why would it be limited to "free time" and what "free time" means anyway?
I tend to think of free time as either "dissociative time" in some sense, or to a "delayed gratification time". I guess you're speaking of the latter by citing responsibility being an honor.
That makes me think of Laura's statement:
People who see themselves as victims almost never have any hope of true happiness and fulfillment. It's all about blaming others for one's own failings; it is the "Criminal Mind" in action at a sub-criminal scale.
Through responsibility and delayed gratification comes real joy. Is that what you meant?

Great tip Anthony!
 

Gaby

SuperModerator
Moderator
FOTCM Member
One thing that I started doing and that can be used to somewhat bridge the gap between an actual routine and an ideal routine, is to track your smallest activities hour by hour by writing it on a peace of paper, and then seeing if it reflects your ideal, whether you're wasting time on trivialities, etc.
I've been doing this for years, but I have a dedicated daily planner for it. I list everything and then take satisfaction from checking things off from my day. Some days are more chaotic than others, but still. With time, you also get more realistic about how much you can accomplish and/or if paying rent of life really takes all of a specific time in your life. Still, if I can't get around something for some reason or another, it's easier to track the resistance of the predator mind towards it, so I prioritize that little thing that somehow I don't get done. It gives me food for thought. Sometimes the resistance is so big, that I can only dedicate 5 minutes to it, but even that helps up to build up some will. Other times the daily planner can go to an extreme and then you get stuck in "must do" gear and then the results are not of good quality. Then, you realize that you have neglected other areas as the chart that Chu posted above shows. Overall, I think it helps you to do some fine-tuning.

I would usually sit down the night before, thinking on the various areas that need energy, and then plan my day. It's like a statement to the Universe.

There are some things that are reported from weeks to weeks but I keep track and eventually deal with it because that annoys me to have it yet unchecked.
Exactly! It also has helped me to see how far I'm from the target and has made me realize how taking care of my health or setting appropriate boundaries will help me free up energy to finally get around it. It's good food for thought and action. I have found it helpful.

As of the last years, I have 3-4 daily planners: a job-related one, another one for activities that Anthony gave examples and a third one to keep track of dreams. In my FOTCM calendar I write down FOTCM related activities. Sometimes this has helped me to gain perspective, retrospectively. For instance, I would read what was going on during a certain period, if my dreams had red flags or if my daily activities deteriorated and so forth. And then you can correlate the whole thing with the SOTT database or the forum, and that gives you a better picture overall.

For 2019, I searched for a giant daily planner where I could fit in everything, but didn't found anything appropriate 😉.
 

maiko

Jedi
FOTCM Member
Housework has always been my Nemesis. I like clean and organised spaces but I ‘ve never understood how to achieve them until I watched Mary Kondo. What I think it’s missing Starshine, is time for ‘tiding up’ or championing a part of the house work or better put home work.
I feel you. I have become a rather orderly person over the years but somtimes it is just overwhelming what a house with just to people in it and a garden will amass workwise. Therfore we try to do 10 minutes every evening after work where we tidy up things around the house, it is impressive what you can do in 10 minutes. It doesn't always work and that is ok. It is really helpful also to mark a break in the day where I shift from "business" to personal interests. And it helps to avoid big cleaning missions that steal your time and are exhausting.
 

luc

Ambassador
Ambassador
FOTCM Member
I came to think that this issue of routines, schedules etc. can be frustrating because people are so different. What works for some might not work for others, and sometimes different people even need opposite approaches!

For example, very rigid schedules have never worked for me. It's not that I haven't tried or put effort into it, but my mind just doesn't seem to work like that. I don't even enjoy ticking off to-do lists! And I don't mean that as an excuse, but at some point if something doesn't work - why bother? Perhaps, ironically, rigid schedules work best for those who are very organized to begin with? I remember Chu mentioning something about putting "recreation time" into a schedule! Definitely not something I, personally, would need lol.

So if Chu said that she needs to stop being too "gogogo!", I for one need more of it! Too much busywork is not my problem - I'm more inclined towards procrastination, distraction and getting lost in my head thinking about stuff. So for me, a good strategy is to just keep busy, and not to worry too much about what I'm doing as long as I'm doing something productive. That really helps. And if my mind turns to a specific problem or puzzle it wants to solve all the time, at least I can mow the lawn or wash the dishes at the same time. But for others, very different things would be needed!

I'd like to mention some techniques that worked for me personally:
  • Writing down some general items on a list such as "ongoing project X", "family calls", "house repair project Y", "stuff to write about" etc. I can then take a glance at the list (usually max. 10 items) and remember things I set out to do or want to achieve. If I have a moment where I lost focus and don't know what to do, I can fill those moments with anything from the list that feels right and that suits my current energy. That way I can increase productivity, but I don't worry about specific times, whether I do this or that now or tomorrow etc. I just do something.
  • Similar to such a list, like Gaby already mentioned, just think about in the morning (or evening) what I want to do with the day and what I want to achieve. Again, this is a reminder for me about things I want to achieve, but without worrying too much whether I will achieve all that, even more than that, or less. Key is to use my time productively, not to tick off lists - that does the trick for me.
  • A Time Timer clock!! This is an overblown stop-watch you can put right beside your monitor or wherever. What I do is I set the clock to either 20min or 40min and do a "sprint" during that time: full-speed work on a specific task. No distraction. It's really amazing how this simple trick can "set your brain straight" if you are a procrastinator or easily distracted. After you do that a few times, you will notice how much more focused you are even without the clock! But don't use an app or software, get the real thing. The clock acts like a strict father, sitting there and judging you!
Lastly, and I think this is very important: In my experience, when you don't "feel" like doing something you think you should be doing, there are 2 distinct cases. In one case, you need to use all your willpower to go against this feeling ("super-effort"). It's just laziness, avoidance of something important etc. that distracts you. But in the other case, the universe seems to tell me that "it's off", it's not what you are supposed to do right now. Focus on something else. These distinct cases have a somewhat different "taste" which can be recognized, but it can be veeery subtle and easy to screw up. Don't know if others have had the same experience. But sometimes I think recognizing theses "tastes" really, really helps with "dancing gracefully".
 

Anthony

The Living Force
FOTCM Member
I've been doing this for years, but I have a dedicated daily planner for it. I list everything and then take satisfaction from checking things off from my day. Some days are more chaotic than others, but still. With time, you also get more realistic about how much you can accomplish and/or if paying rent of life really takes all of a specific time in your life. Still, if I can't get around something for some reason or another, it's easier to track the resistance of the predator mind towards it, so I prioritize that little thing that somehow I don't get done. It gives me food for thought. Sometimes the resistance is so big, that I can only dedicate 5 minutes to it, but even that helps up to build up some will. Other times the daily planner can go to an extreme and then you get stuck in "must do" gear and then the results are not of good quality. Then, you realize that you have neglected other areas as the chart that Chu posted above shows. Overall, I think it helps you to do some fine-tuning.

I would usually sit down the night before, thinking on the various areas that need energy, and then plan my day. It's like a statement to the Universe.
I hadn't thought about it like that, thanks!

M. Scott Peck wrote in The Road Less Traveled that ignoring problems is usually a manifestation of an unwilligness to delay gratification, I think that makes sense.

A bit more from the book:

Delaying gratification is a process of scheduling the pain and pleasure of life in such a way as to enhance the pleasure by meeting and experiencing the pain first and getting it over with. It is the only decent way to live.

On any given day she would devote the first hour to the more gratifying half of her work and the remaining six hours getting around to the objectionable remainder. I suggested that if she were to force herself to accomplish the unpleasant part of her job during the first hour, she would then be free to enjoy the other six. It seemed to me, that one hour of pain followed by six of pleasure was preferable to one hour of pleasure followed by six of pain. She agreed and being basically a person of strong will, she no longer procrastinates.

This tool of scheduling is learned by most children quite early in life. But while many have a well-developed capacity to delay gratification, some seem to have hardly developed this capacity at all. They are impulsive.
 

genero81

The Living Force
FOTCM Member
For example, very rigid schedules have never worked for me. It's not that I haven't tried or put effort into it, but my mind just doesn't seem to work like that. I don't even enjoy ticking off to-do lists! And I don't mean that as an excuse, but at some point if something doesn't work - why bother? Perhaps, ironically, rigid schedules work best for those who are very organized to begin with? I remember Chu mentioning something about putting "recreation time" into a schedule! Definitely not something I, personally, would need lol.
You and I are a lot alike in that regard. The only thing I would like to implement is reading first thing in the morning. I can usually concentrate and absorb well in the morning right after I'm fully awake. But this is something I tend to drift away from and I have to consciously re-implement it. Everything about what Starshine wrote above sounds rigid and unappealing to me personally. That's not a criticism BTW. It's probably a great way to get loads of stuff done. It's just my personal style of interacting with the Universe seems to require flexibility. It's like I need to be able to respond to subtle clues in my personal environment in order to make adjustments so I can sort of be in the right place at the right time. Hear something I need to hear, see something I need to see, pick up the right book and continue reading at the place that has the information I need in that moment for what's on my mind or some lesson I'm pondering. etc.

But in the other case, the universe seems to tell me that "it's off", it's not what you are supposed to do right now. Focus on something else. These distinct cases have a somewhat different "taste" which can be recognized, but it can be veeery subtle and easy to screw up. Don't know if others have had the same experience. But sometimes I think recognizing theses "tastes" really, really helps with "dancing gracefully".
Yes! Most definitely. I do know what your saying.
 
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