Disturbed characters

weasle

weasle

A Disturbance in the Force
I have just relised I'm married to a manupilator.9 years, manipulation started about 5-6 years ago in between the birth of our 2 kids. When I started to suspect a affair with a colleague. As far as im aware it was a emotional affair.
Having read a sheep in wolf's clothing, a bit of shock to see so much of what's been going on in black and white (every manipulative behavior ) my wife has done them all.
A bit of a relief to be aware that I don't have to try one more thing to save our marriage.
I did try the methods to combat manipulation only to be told she loves me but not in love with me, so there's no point in trying to change.
I just found my self reading a long thread about the second book character disturbance.
Once again how they think my wife seems to match over 90%.
The only question I have now is was this all done by my letting it. I'm sure she manipulates out of the relationship , but no where near like she has done with me.
Look forward to comments.
 
weasle said:
The only question I have now is was this all done by my letting it.
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How important is that question in terms of assigning blame? It sounds like you didn't know about manipulation techniques of this nature at the time you two began the relationship, so that's an important point, I think.

I'd say, in Gurdjieffan terms, things happened. Seems like things go the way they go because that's the only way they can go if we could consider all the factors involved: from what we knew, didn't know, controlled, didn't control...our entire life experience up to that point with the various goals, agendas, desires, value systems and everything absorbed from childhood via osmosis because we kinda learned it but didn't understand much about what we were learning and how a particular situation might have been made better, etc, and the same for the partner.

Does that make sense?
 
I only know what I've read tbh and that's only the last week or so.
I know I've had hope issues always hoping I could make her back into what I fell in love with again, if only I said did the right thing.I know that I put her on a pedestal, my fairy, my princess.
I know that the hope became like a addiction , surpassing almos t everything eles.
I know the wife's mom is also manipulative. This bit saddens me a lot to think my kids probably will never experience a real happy marriage.
Then back to what I've read it seams I w as being set up for manipulation from the start. (Find that hard to believe). Also that means I'm a person ripe for manipulative behavior.
Guess that's what you mean.
Thanks for replying.
 
I also know in between the birth of our 2 kids she came of her mild antidepressants she had been on since before I had met her.
 
Lol just when you think things couldn't get worse.
Sure can be sensertive.
Will look into it more when I feel a little stronger.
 
weasle said:
I only know what I've read tbh and that's only the last week or so.
Click to expand...

So, you're not familiar with the works of G. I. Gurdjieff? Or the The Wave Series written by the forum founder? If not, it's ok, it just means you might not understand some ideas, concepts and experiences that underlie what most of the members here are talking about until you choose to get caught up.

If you're goal right now is mainly to understand what's going on in your personal life from the perspective of modern psychology, then you've made a very good start, I'd say. Solie mentioned another good book and there's a few more on our recommended reading list to help new members get a solid foundation in this stuff.

Where do you aim to go from here?
 
Never heard of them.
Well 41 just about to loose the 3 things I care about most.
Will be leaving with nothing.
So guess I have to try and stay positive,try and get some self respect back . Maybe a life,laugh even relax.
Definitely need to learn a few things.
Not the type of person to miss much(sounds silly now). My guts been telling me for years stuff wasn't right.Everything I have read the last week I have said to her at some point.Love truly was blind,or stupid.
Will take a long time to get over, that everything you read about dc's fits your wife but only in how they treat you.
That must mean my love and my strong feelings about marriage ultimately wrecked what I cared most for.
Will keep checking in and learning . Thanks
 
Hi Weasle, I am so sorry to hear about the state of your marriage. It sounds like you are going through a lot of heartbreak right now, but I hope you will be able to find a way through all this. Just to be thorough, have you read the "Eight Ways to Spot an Emotional Manipulator"? https://cassiopaea.org/2011/02/23/eight-ways-to-spot-emotional-manipulation/

I have found that this list applied to many emotionally manipulative people I have had and met in my life. I hope this helps and things improve going forward.
 
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