What programs have YOU discovered?

[TheManyShade sOfJo]

This forum truly is an excellent mirror, so what better way to advance in our own Work by learning about the programs others have detected and are working on overcoming.

For myself, a major one that has recently been brought to my full awareness is "good children are seen and not heard", first installed by my Irish Catholic, ex-RAF pilot, bitter ol' bully of a grandfather (who has mellowed nicely over the years, I must add). This was re-inforced by the fact that my parents really didn't get on, my dad was away most of the time anyway so there was no communication between them and hence no communication to my brother and I. There was very little talk, warmth or laughter in my home,  just strained civility and quiet frustration (which my poor brother was pretty oblivious to, they'd "make happy" for his "benefit"). My (older) brother was high-strung and attention-seeking, which meant I was just kind of left to get on with it most of the time. This did give me a chance to cultivate a rich inner life, and I started reading novels young so I had strong language skills and deep thoughts, but little skill or experience in verbalising them. This was further re-inforced by the fact that I'd always be asked to read to the class or read bible passages at assemblies - when I did get the chance to be heard, it was always other people's material.

Fortunately for me, I have always had an outlet in singing and writing. Singing to pour out my emotions and writing to express them. Still I used to be very shy, quiet, withdrawn; well, fine with 1 on 1 conversations with compatible people (perhaps because it resembled my inner dialogue) but when it came to a group setting, I just wanted to be invisible and observe. It's only in the last 5 or so years (i'm 23) that I have come out of my shell and have realised that I do have something to contribute. The old programming still kicks in from time to time; I clam up when I'm rattled, sometimes getting completely tongue-tied or sometimes word salad comes out, words tripping over each other; I don't stick up for myself nearly enough; and find it very, very hard to freestyle lyrics - my mind just goes blank. I'm getting there though, and I'm so glad I found this place - its just what I need to shed the program and hone my communication skills

I'm very interested in hearing about your experiences, for in each other we will surely see ourselves.

[Mrs. Tigersoap]

I remember reading Gurdjieff saying one should start with little things and so I try during the day to observe my habits. Whether it be the sequence I wash under the shower, the same spot on the sofa i always sit on, my (strange) habit of always caressing my lips with my finger (and sometimes 'writing' stuff on my lips with my finger - don't ask..), etc.

I try to see the reason behind these actions and if cannot find any, try to stop them altogether. Because when I first began to do this, I discovered that some things which seem mechanical are sometimes motivated by common sense. For example, you might always sit on the same spot, but maybe it allows you to see your daughter in her room AND the potatoes boiling on the stove.

I'm also aware of a little more complicated program called 'Fear of Not Being Able to Buy a Home'. I know it's ridiculous and know I'm running the program as soon as it shows up, but once it's running, I have great difficulty stopping it. I live in an area where the price of housing is beginning to be really worrying and where it is pushed in your face every day. "Buy NOW or else it may not be possible for you". It is of course just a marketing trick because they probably feel the bubble is gonna burst and they need to make the money now, but prices have trippled in 6 years, and so you tend to believe them. Why is it so important to buy a house or appartment to me? So that I'm sure to pay the same rent for the next 25 years or so (if you choose the fixed interest rates i mean) and because, contrary to my parents who were narcissists who only thought of their selfish, immediate pleasures, I want to be able to give something to my daughter. I know the situation in the States with the real estate for the moment, and I guess that even owning a house doesn't mean you're gonna be able to pass it to your children (and anyway, in 2012, we're all gonna ride the wave, right? but that's a program I've had the most difficulty with so far. It plays on fear and safety, the worst programs in my opinion.

So that's two of the many programs I trying to work on ...

[Ruth]

For myself, a major one that has recently been brought to my full awareness is "good children are seen and not heard"

Wow!!!  I remember that one, only it sounded like:  "Children should be seen and not heard".  Sounds like something straight out of the Victorian era which is probably where it came from.  Can't believe my parents actually said that.  Maybe they fell through a time warp or something.  Definately missed out on the sixties those two.  

And as a consequence, I find myself 'nicely' programed to be as anti-authoritarian as possible.  Its amazing some of the total garbage we grow up with.  And how resistant we are at getting rid of it - or even seeing it in the first place.

[Puck]

A big one for me is "Be Nice" or "Be Cool", it's a social program that prods me to do the "socially acceptable" thing in any given situation. IE, my cell phone rings after work, and even if i have stuff to do I'll pick it up and opt to hang out with the friend who called.  

I also have this "disperse knowledge" program, which is also kinda a pain because sometimes i disperse to people who just don't want to hear it. IE, my mom constantly complains about our family dogs' behavior, or about her weight, or about some computer process she doesn't understand - If i try to explain how she could resolve it on her own she brushes me off an offers a lame excuse as to why she couldn't possibly resolve the situation without help.

so those are two i've found, fwiw.

[Zadius Sky]

I have found quite a few programs and learned what they are, and I reckon that there will always be more to discover.  Once you found out the obvious programs, the 'tricky' or back-up programs will seep in.  

I think I've discovered couple of them through my interaction with my former friend 'Rachel' as I first discussed about her in this thread: A Warning Dream and summed it together in this post: http://www.cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?topic=6596&p=2 where I also discovered 'jumping before looking' program (kinda like 'acting before thinking').  I also learned whenever fear comes up, I'd need to step back and try to think what programs were being activated at that moment (which, btw, is not easy to do).

I think I have "I like rice, dang it" program, but it may be cravings.

Natural tendencies very much are programs as well, imo.

fwiw.

[Bo]

hmm lets see,


- ''be cool''                                       (active, but I'm aware of it while it's active.)

- Shyness                                        (this program is still sometimes active, but at least on a low scale then before)

- laziness                                        (this program is close to termination, I think it's impossible to terminate laziness completely )

- ''be nice''                                       (wise as serpents, gentle as doves)

- ''biting nails''                                 (darns hands are sneaky, but there is small progress!)

- self-pity                                       (this was one of my greatest enemies and the most dangerous because I was not aware if it being a program and a self-destruct mechanism, but I have overpowered it greatly when I became aware of it)

- Jealousy                                         (still active to some extend)  

- Predator(don't post this, delete it you are making a fool of yourself)      (these thought usually get me off guard while I forget to self-remember and later in the day I realize that I was fooled by a thought)




I have noticed to become aware of my actions and intentions faster then before, when I have a thought running, I immediately understand the intention and the reason of the thought, it's a weird feeling , but it has made me happier inside and also sadder, because I became aware of thoughts and feelings which were not me.            
it's amazing what you can see in yourself if you just observe yourself one whole day on work or school for example.

I also have this "disperse knowledge" program, which is also kinda a pain because sometimes i disperse to people who just don't want to hear it.

I also have the program ''disperse knowledge'' and it's indeed a pain, but I have managed to control my self better in this regard.



EDIT: I sometimes also suddenly have a feeling of being very strong inside and then I feel like empowered, like I could beat anything that stands in my way , could this be extreme wish full thinking? a feeling or thought produced by the predator to let you think you are ''strong'' so you will be off guard.

EDIT2: forgot to add that this feeling is triggered when I listen to music like , (enya, nature inspiring music)

[Zadius Sky]

- Shyness    (this program is still sometimes active, but at least on a low scale then before)

Ah! I forgot about shyness (which is part of 'being selfish' program).  I recently discovered that in this thread: Negative Introject

- laziness     (this program is close to termination, I think it's impossible to terminate laziness completely )

I don't think it's active in me as I keep noticing it unless my energy was drained sometime which will compel me to laziness (that’s why I watch either The Matrix or V movies or sleep during this time).  But, I usually spent all of my free time on reading, networking, writing. I don't currently watch tv, play games, or do any other energy-draining activities.  But, I think my laziness may be related to my shyness.

- ''be nice''    (wise as serpents, gentle as doves)

I am currently reading "Gift of Fear" which pointed out that niceness is an intent, not a trait (if I remember correctly).  So, I'm watching out for that one as to what's my motivation for being 'nice'.

- self-pity     (this was one of my greatest enemies and the most dangerous because I was not aware if it being a program and a self-destruct mechanism, but I have overpowered it greatly when I became aware of it)

Oh, that is the tricky program.  I usually recognized it (I hope).

- Jealousy   (still active to some extend)

I can easily know that program, so I refrain from giving in to it...always ask myself: "Why should I be jealous of such and such?"

Oh, yes, also the "'disperse knowledge'' program.

And, the list goes on...

[Miss Isness]

I'd say my biggie is 'I can only be free if I'm alone'.  I think it stems from being neglected in early childhood, and then discovering the advantage I had over all the people who had stronger family ties.  Fortunately, I've learned that there are also advantages to having strong ties, and if one really works at it there can be moments, and even hours of freedom shared with others.

[SAO]

Check out a similar thread for more programs:

http://www.cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?topic=4067

[Amanecer]

Hmmm....where should i start?    Here are the ones I am aware of......

self consciousness/people pleasing.....growing up, any opinion or emotions I had  were considered "wrong" if it didn't agree with my parents.  I learned to be very independent and now,  I have a hard time figuring out what is "me" and what is "everyone else".  

I also  have noticed fear/defensiveness when i try to say how i feel about something.  I think it is related to what i wrote above.....I am in "defense" mode because my fear program kicks in.  

I appreciate everyone's openess and honesty.....that is hard to find these days!  

[Tigersoap]

The fear of rejection is still a great program I try to overcome, it leads to self-pity and giving up things I started sometimes.
Although it is still there, I have won some battles which make me hope.

I just started trapped in the mirror after finishing Unholy hungers so it's obviously stirring old wounds and putting things into a proper context where I can finally understand how it all works.

[Keit]

Laziness is one of my major programs. But it is a "selective" laziness - I have trouble working on boring and "not fun" things (and delay it as much as possible) or maintaining the same drive while doing things which require constant pressure and effort, or doing things which are not part of my routine. And after reading the following post
http://www.cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?topic=5732.msg40337#msg40337

The work of the emotional part requires full attention but in this part of the centre attention does not require any effort. It is attracted and held by the subject itself, very often through identification, which usually is called 'interest,' or 'enthusiasm,' or' passion,' or 'devotion'

The intellectual part of the intellectual centre includes in itself a capacity for creation, construction, invention and discovery. It cannot work without attention, but the attention in this part of the centre must be controlled and kept there by will and effort.

I understood that the real problem is lack of sufficient will - something that must be done with attention and effort. And while I have no problem doing something that belongs to mechanical or emotional part of intellectual center, I need to do real effort to concentrate on intellectual part of intellectual center.  

Maybe that's why writing about something "from the heart" or while being externally considered and writing in the way others may benefit can be very exhausting. And that's why when you write about something that you like and it "burns" inside you just to spill it out, you feel like your fingers are "flying" while typing without any real effort. Not to mention instant messaging, which is probably completely mechanical
Apparently the key is conscious effort, be it intellectual or emotional (conscious suffering?) or of the moving center (necessary sport after sitting all day on the buttocks )

Unfortunately, in many cases (if not most) predator still "help" me to postpone the doing by inventing countless excuses and activating "I am useless anyway" programs. Well, something to work on

[Puck]

Woah Keit. Stop pullin thoughts outta my head, thats weird! ;-)

Seriously thou, i know exactly how that feels.

[TheManyShade sOfJo]

I have noticed to become aware of my actions and intentions faster then before, when I have a thought running, I immediately understand the intention and the reason of the thought

i noticed this strongly the other night, it was quite amazing, i can't remember thinking with such clarity! my fiance had been taught a rather hard lesson, i refrained from "pointing out his mistakes" as i normally would've done, and just gave my quiet support. this led onto a series of revelations, i was brushing my teeth and something happened, i felt so light and purely me, then.. bam. i could see it in my face in the mirror, it was like the light had gone out and the power shut off.. pretty creepy. activate program "forget important revelations as soon as they happen" .. thats a nasty one.  (why oh why do they always come when you don't have pen and paper handy?)

once we think such thoughts and forget, are they still in there somewhere? have they changed us in some way, or are the effects lost as soon as they slip from our consciousness?

[anart]

once we think such thoughts and forget, are they still in there somewhere? have they changed us in some way, or are the effects lost as soon as they slip from our consciousness?

Interestingly enough,

"But of what use is it to him if he also does not remember?" said one of us.

"Essence remembers," said G., "personality has forgotten. And this was necessary because otherwise personality would have perverted everything and would have ascribed all this to itself."

See this thread http://www.cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?topic=6989.msg49787#msg49787  for the full context.