What programs have YOU discovered?

Here are a few I've noticed:

Laziness - Manifests as procrastination or avoidance of anything which interferes with my "daily routine." Or if I have no choice but to do something, it manifests as annoyance.

Shyness - The typical stuff - social anxiety that comes from a fear of being judged or disliked.

The Judge - Internally criticizes and looks down on strangers I see in daily life. The Judge nitpicks on every petty flaw, but most often ones related to what I view as "stupidity." The Judge also becomes irritated when it sees people following patterns or trends which make them act/talk/dress/etc just like "everyone else" in a particular social/cultural group. To the Judge this indicates mindless conformism. This program seems to be the flip-side to the Shyness program - i.e. I fear that others judge me, therefore I "retaliate" by judging them.

The Hero - A drive to "save" people, especially by sharing knowledge to help those I feel are in error. This often gets me into debates which drag on and on, since I'll keep pushing and clarifying in hopes that it will "click" and the person will finally get it. This program was recently brought to my attention as a serious Free Will violation, and now I'm always watching out for it.

Mediator - Probably related to The Hero, this program triggers when I see people arguing. I feel driven to step in and "make peace" by scolding the arguers in some way, or by trying to help each see the other's point of view.

Anti-Rudeness - This is an angry feeling when someone acts rude or inconsiderate. This can be rudeness towards me or another, and it doesn't have to be intentional. It can range from someone always being late, to someone making a sarcastic, snide remark. Anything which can be viewed as "rude" seems to trigger this program.

Recognition - This program loves to be noticed, and it especially wants to be seen as clever or smart. It often equates success or failure with the degree of response I get to something. I've noticed this program manifesting a lot when I post on this forum. When I post something that gets a lot of replies this program becomes happy, almost ecstatic; if I receive no replies it feels "ignored" and like a failure. It can also feel envy when someone else seems more intelligent than I do, as this is seen as a "threat" to me being noticed.

I notice several more programs, but these are the big ones I see right now.

[EDIT - Added the last sentence to the "Recognition" entry]
 
Controling - wanted that people do my way since I know better
Judging- explained very good by Alderpax ,like i am watching myself
Fear of existence - something bad will happened to me, death , ilness ,accident tha will make me disable to work and to provide me and my beloved food etc... I know that cause is my mother " teaching ", she was always telling me when I buy something new that its not good , that I have to safe since I dont know how much I can work etc... so no double pair of shoes , no doube jackets only what is necessary
..and many more :(
 
Teacher/The Hero - A common result if I get far into theorizing with my emotional energy. I feel that I am qualified to be a teacher of esoterica... of course nothing could be further from the truth. It does activate often though and sometimes it is very strong. I think it is very close to "The Hero"-program Alderpax mentioned. Feelings of self-loathing often follow after running this program, as it tends to culminate in a free-will violation. It is always during running this program that I feel estranged from this forum... not a good sign. But... it's the predator, is it not?

Game Designer - I guess this could go by different names for different people and their corresponding "creativity". It is a potent program, often lasting several hours on end, before I realize that I've become totally immersed in theorizing about game balancing, rules, storyline and so forth. It is just as bad as actually playing a video game (not going to arguments whether there can be a "good" video game, which I'd love to, but that just shows the strength of the program), even worse because it can be rationalized as being creative. Often sparked by conversations with friends who praise some new game.

Crank - I'm not really sure whether to call this a program... but it is a feeling that I have a hard time controlling. Could be the emotional feeding that is often talked about here. Usually comes because of something rude someone has said to me, which I either pass on or submit to and become depressed.

Poet - I notice this often when writing to this forum... I become very self-conscious about using some phrases more than a few times, and this often leads to abandoning whatever I was going to say. Tied to the "Look at me"-program no doubt. A very sad thing actually because it contributes so much to not interacting here.

Psychopath/OP - "Would psychopath know himself that he is one?". Follows often when I feel I am a failure at Work or at interacting with people in a normal way. It is very much connected to my feelings about this forum. I often fear that everything I say will be seen in a very bad light. Even now as I write this I feel some fear about being banned, I think the fear is there because of my quite sensational postings that I've done here previously, which were written in grips of other programs no doubt. It is a difficult program to deal with, because I know that I am not of normal psychological health either. But to see everyday the compassion, real psychological understanding and others' personal growth in this forum gives me hope and some clear sightedness.

Fear of lack of time - Caused by the recent events, the conspiratory prophecies come true. Can build up to depression if I don't look out for it.

Negativity - Tendency to see everything in the worst light imaginable. Probably at the root of many of my psychological problems. I hope the therapy I go to will offer some help.
 
Alderpax said:
The Hero - A drive to "save" people, especially by sharing knowledge to help those I feel are in error. This often gets me into debates which drag on and on, since I'll keep pushing and clarifying in hopes that it will "click" and the person will finally get it. This program was recently brought to my attention as a serious Free Will violation, and now I'm always watching out for it.

Recognition - This program loves to be noticed, and it especially wants to be seen as clever or smart. It often equates success or failure with the degree of response I get to something. I've noticed this program manifesting a lot when I post on this forum. When I post something that gets a lot of replies this program becomes happy, almost ecstatic; if I receive no replies it feels "ignored" and like a failure. It can also feel envy when someone else seems more intelligent than I do, as this is seen as a "threat" to me being noticed.
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These two are big ones for me as well, and I probably couldn't have said it much better than Alderpax already has. I also agree with what Smallwood adds about the Hero program:

Smallwood said:
Feelings of self-loathing often follow after running this program, as it tends to culminate in a free-will violation.
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Moreover, there is a flipside -- if I am in a debate with someone and I feel like I 'win', then I will feel an after-the-fact, insecure sense of self-loathing like Smallwood describes above. On the other hand, if I 'lose', then I feel inadequate and deflated, and that I am not good enough, smart enough, or diligent enough to have all my facts together so that I can make the case that would allow me to 'win' and save the day by shedding light on the truth (as I see it) of the topic under discussion. As I mentioned on the David Icke thread, this is connected at least partly to the evangelical Christian background I grew up with -- I left the Christianity behind, but wasn't able to leave the evangelism behind! This part of my personality has always made me uncomfortable, but I never understood why (because I always thought I was doing the 'right thing') until joining this forum.
 
shijing said:
Moreover, there is a flipside -- if I am in a debate with someone and I feel like I 'win', then I will feel an after-the-fact, insecure sense of self-loathing like Smallwood describes above. On the other hand, if I 'lose', then I feel inadequate and deflated, and that I am not good enough, smart enough, or diligent enough to have all my facts together so that I can make the case that would allow me to 'win' and save the day by shedding light on the truth (as I see it) of the topic under discussion. As I mentioned on the David Icke thread, this is connected at least partly to the evangelical Christian background I grew up with -- I left the Christianity behind, but wasn't able to leave the evangelism behind! This part of my personality has always made me uncomfortable, but I never understood why (because I always thought I was doing the 'right thing') until joining this forum.
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I've never experienced the self-loathing... Probably because I've rarely (if ever) "won" :lol:. But I feel exactly what you described when I "lose." There's always that nagging voice that wants me to keep trying, that says maybe I didn't "explain it right" and can do better. I also came from a fundamentalist Christian past, so that could easily be part of it.
 
Alderpax said:
I've never experienced the self-loathing...
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That's a good thing maybe! I don't experience it in all cases -- reflecting upon it, it is the times when I feel that my need to win the argument or make a point takes precedence over considering the other person's feelings (more or less external consideration) that I feel bad about myself afterwards. Again, this goes back to the idea that it is necessary to change people's minds in order to change the world -- I started carrying that cross in the realm of religion, it became politics when I left religion behind, and then it became paranormal/conspiracy theory when I left politics behind. The progression itself was a good one for me thematically, but I kept beating people over the heads with my opinions all throughout, which was not a good thing. As I said, it is still a program that I struggle with because it is so deeply entrenched, but it is nice to finally (with some self-observation) be able to sometimes consider other people's feelings (taking account of what they are actually asking for, instead of automatically giving all I have to give whether they want it or not), and not feel that it is my duty to save (or fix) the world no matter what the cost!
 
Alderpax said:
Laziness - Manifests as procrastination or avoidance of anything which interferes with my "daily routine." Or if I have no choice but to do something, it manifests as annoyance.

Recognition - This program loves to be noticed, and it especially wants to be seen as clever or smart. It often equates success or failure with the degree of response I get to something. I've noticed this program manifesting a lot when I post on this forum. When I post something that gets a lot of replies this program becomes happy, almost ecstatic; if I receive no replies it feels "ignored" and like a failure. It can also feel envy when someone else seems more intelligent than I do, as this is seen as a "threat" to me being noticed.
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Finding myself swimming in the muck of these two programs myself. Laziness has always been an issue. Believe it runs in the family. Sometimes the thought of a task at hand drives me to a point of running away. "I'll do it later. Just not in the mood" Procrastination flows in my blood. Making the excuse that I work better under pressure, but in the end the job is not as well done as it could have been.


Recognition is big time for me. I am working on this though and notice when it creeps up. Especially here on the forum, I wonder if I am posting just noise and lots of times have deleted what I was going to post because of fear.


My biggest program has to do with my diet. Since I was 19 years old I have been dealing with health issues. Have learned so much about health. Can give great advice. Thing is I do not follow it myself. I have been struggling the last few months since starting the EE program because I know that I have to cleanse this ole body of mine. Yet, that little "i" that lives on my tongue just gives in and I eat what I know is unhealthy. Everyday, I wake up and say "today is the day. Gonna stick to the detox diet" Yet I don't and I feel terrible mentally and physically. It definately goes along the lines of a self-destructive program. I take vitamins, drink my greens, do most of what I believe I am supposed to do. Yet that tongue loves good food. Half of me rides the fence and half is there doing some work towards a healthy life sytle. Don't drink or do drugs, except an occassional pain med. I do smoke cigs ( natural kind) and they hurt my lungs, yet I use excuses not to quit. Not much sugar, but I adore bread & cheese.

Another program is "everybody has to like me" And will bend over backwards at times to make sure that no ill is thought of about me. Been catching this one as well. Bighting my tongue at times when it does come up and catching myself before I say something really absurd.

Ah and list can go on...

On chapter 8 of ISOTM and the next book to order from the library is Unholy Hungers. I am a work in progress :cry:
 
I think I'm at the beginning of my work... But, I guess the biggest success is finding the right thing to do after all this years...

My biggest program is definitely Laziness, no doubt about that. My motto was don't do it now if you can do it tomorrow :cry:
Except of things being done latter sometimes happens that I don't do them at all. But that started to change in last few month...

Uncertainty in my self is also very big program. I'm always very surprised when somebody likes the thing I do (and I have to mention that I do graphic design so it's not really nice to feel this way and it's stressful). Evan deciding to join this forum took me few month...
I have to work on this one!!

I definitely noticed "self-destruct" program connected with my depression... I would shout out of the world and I had suicidal thoughts but happily something in me always know that I would never do something like that.. It certainly has something with my believing that I would have to do all over again... and I didn't want to do that!! And I think this program is gone!!

I was always a different child, with that feeling not belonging in this world.. With no many friends, I had some phase's in life when I had none friends.. So you can imagine it was quite depressed for teenager... Evan now I can really say I have few true friends, including my sister.. But that is OK now when I see world with different eyes..
In one moment I realized that this is a crazy world.... All my childrenhood I wanted to be like everyone else but I wasn't... and now finding Cassiopea experiment and all you guys.. it is relief to find out I'm not only one....
and this fact made me stronger... no more depression and self-pity for me.. I choose to do something about my life!!

Like I sad I'm at the beginning of my work... so many books to read and I have to say I never like to read so I'm very slow reader....
It's a little frightening for me..
 
Well, as I see it, I have a mix of programs that you guys discussed. :scared:

And this one: Make Believe / Lie to myself...mostly. :/ That program was difficult to spot. It's like bitting my nails. I realized I was bitting my nails when my elbow was in my mouth. :P See, I'm the type of person that once in deep s**t, would swim so far down, when I looked up, there was no air or light in sight, I was looking at the underside of that big pile of doo-doo. And I was making all king of excuses / reasons as to why I was in there. It's because of my job, my boss, my friends, my girlfriend, the economic situation, my neighboord, my neighboord's cat etc. You name it, I used it.

I found that eradicating / spotting that program is tough. Whatever the event that is happening, that program kicks in. I have to pause and on top of that not let the Change the Subject program takeover. It's getting a little easier to spot and to keep my focus, but still, I have to be alert to it 24h a day. I'm glad that It's not as draining as it used to be, for that one anyway.

Let me Change the Subject ... sorry, I almost got sidetrack there for a moment. :lol: Joke aside, I would like to thank you all for putting it in writing. It's like I know I'm running programs instead of BEING but seeing it in writing helped me trumendously to spot them.
 
So far what I've found are:

The "you can't do anything right/I am worthless" program. Then what seems like the opposite but is really the same thing - self importance program. The "you can help/fix people" program. The "be nice" program has been replaced sometimes with another seemingly opposite but not program - "over assertive/agressive" program. The "I know best/I feel stupid" program which I guess is the same as the first one I mentioned. I'm currently working to break out of these loops and find some balance...
 
Laziness is one of the biggest programs in my life. One thing i discovered when i started my reading is when I had completed one or more books I really had found educating, i often drifted in to a false comfort zone and thought that I had come a long way. That is when the laziness program kicks in by, taking a "break" from books which ends in routine . The Hero program mentioned by Argonaut is also activated during this comfort zone, when trying to convince others to start reading what I have read, or convince them to believe something i believe in wich for the most ends with failure, and long conversations which gives nothing to both parts.

I have managed to at least become aware of the programs, often to late i might add but it`s getting better.
Quite scary to see how one can be so easily led astray by these programs :shock:
 
Shyness as described by Argonaut and others: trying everytime to be invisible.
Judging: this one appears often when I listen other people praying, singing Yaweh's glory, etc or just in their daily life. It often asks the question: "how can they be so happy, so quiet while there is so much pains, so much suffering in this world? How is it possible to be like them living in the realitty we are in?". But seems like undertsanding is growing up, causing it to progressively leave the place.
The biggest one I am currently struggling with, and I even don't know if it is a program or something deifferent altogether is the constant wandering of my intellectual center: it's so strong, so unpredictable and frustrating! And it's always end with "You have no will, your will is too weak" and the good news is that it constantly remind me that I have still a lot to do to resist these influences which always pull my thinking into the dreamland.
 
After reading this, and it was plainly obvious, I have seen all of these issues at one point or another. I think self pity leads the list. I can't even talk about what happened at puberty here or with anyone, to program me thusly. It is a tough one though, which I have recognised but been unable to do much about it.

One year ago I was at a bar, singing karaoke. I noticed this single woman to whom I was deeply attracted and aparently she was attracted to me as well. As the evening went along, I noticed she bought her self a rose. I bought 6 for $20 and proceded to give them out to other singers, but made a point to give her one as it was Feb 14th. She ditched the guy she was talking to and turned towards me, but got mad because I was talking to one of her friends who had also been given a flower. They argued for a bit and during that argument I turned and walked away. It was almost like I was paralyzed and could do nothing. I felt stupid after two blocks of walking, but the bottom line is that she was too good for me? It seemed like that and I felt like I was going mad, two beautiful women arguing over me...impossible, so I walked away...btw- have been single for 10 years - no wonder!
 
Shame- I work as a waiter, don't mind it too much because I do a pretty good job, but feel ashamed that I don't have the courage/ambition to do something with my life that is more productive. When I have to wait on people that I knew in high school (I'm 23) it gets rough! I assume they must be judging me as a good-for-nothing.

"Workaholic" I come from a family that stressed the uniqueness and beauty of my little sister while relegating my worth to the accomplishment of menial chores. I bend over backwards for anyone and everyone, do their job for them and say "if you want it done right you've got to do it yourself". And then I feel that, since I've worked SO hard, I must be getting "stronger". :rolleyes: I've spent plenty of time feeling like I've made progress because I worked 15 hours a day for a week. I don't know, but the sign recently stolen from Auschwitz that says "Work Sets You Free" has opened my eyes in that regard and made me focus more on my education.

Be Nice -For me my "nice" program seems to come down to a begging for mercy.


WIN 52 said:
After reading this, and it was plainly obvious, I have seen all of these issues at one point or another. I think self pity leads the list. I can't even talk about what happened at puberty here or with anyone, to program me thusly. It is a tough one though, which I have recognised but been unable to do much about it.
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I'm sorry to hear that WIN 52, I hope that somehow you're able to come to grips with what happened and ease your burden. If you're not utilizing the Eiriu Eolas program that would definitely help. Don't be hard on yourself! :)
 
It's really good to see that other people go through the same experiences...

I think many have the same problem, to write something down because there is the thought, everything is already said and you don't have to contribute anything except there is something really brilliant to say...
I fear to appear silly or repetative to others because I sence on this forum are so many people who are more aware of themselves than me, so I could be shown how unconcious I am.

I also recognized I want to show off with my intellect or body, pretty often trying to get positiv attention.

Then there is a mindstructure that tries to be harmonic, pleasant, gentlemanlike, in short: To appear perfect in order to get love from women through an intimate relationship with deep emotions, not just sex. But it can't be satisfied by that and if it doesn't get what it wants, it starts lament about what I have done for that person and she still doesn't honour my efforts, what shall I do more, bla bla bla.
It seems to feed itself from emotional energie. Either trough recognition and "love" or through self-pity. It's like raking with torching fingers in one others soul. And if the other soul is out of reach it creates pain to feel at least anything.
Well I think that is pure predator mind...

lol having written down my thoughts... once again the fear occurs to appear silly...
 
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