Received the following email this morning -
Church Ladies With Typewriters
They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for the church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced at church services:
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The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other
items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.
‘The sermon tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus.'
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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
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Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,’ giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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For those of you who have children and don't know it,
we have a nursery downstairs.
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Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir.
They need all the help they can get.
--------------------------
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24
in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
--------------------------
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in
the church hall. Music will follow..
--------------------------
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will
be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
--------------------------
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the
addition of several new members and to the deterioration
of some older ones.
--------------------------
The church will host an evening of fine dining,
super entertainment and gracious hostility.
--------------------------
Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
--------------------------
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of
every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
--------------------------
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in
the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and
come prepared to sin.
--------------------------
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the
Congregation would lend him their electric girdles
for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
--------------------------
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM .
Please use the back door.
--------------------------
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet
in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM .. The congregation
is invited to attend this tragedy.
--------------------------
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
--------------------------
And this one just about sums them all up
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.'
Church Ladies With Typewriters
They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for the church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced at church services:
--------------------------
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
--------------------------
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other
items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
--------------------------
The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.
‘The sermon tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus.'
--------------------------
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
--------------------------
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
--------------------------
Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,’ giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
--------------------------
For those of you who have children and don't know it,
we have a nursery downstairs.
--------------------------
Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir.
They need all the help they can get.
--------------------------
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24
in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
--------------------------
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in
the church hall. Music will follow..
--------------------------
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will
be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
--------------------------
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the
addition of several new members and to the deterioration
of some older ones.
--------------------------
The church will host an evening of fine dining,
super entertainment and gracious hostility.
--------------------------
Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
--------------------------
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of
every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
--------------------------
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in
the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and
come prepared to sin.
--------------------------
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the
Congregation would lend him their electric girdles
for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
--------------------------
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM .
Please use the back door.
--------------------------
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet
in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM .. The congregation
is invited to attend this tragedy.
--------------------------
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
--------------------------
And this one just about sums them all up
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.'
