finding partners...

I've been married for 10 years but have been seeking for as long as I can remember. My husband is spiritual and accepting but we are not colinear and honestly, that is ok for me. When you say "we eat a crazy diet".... My whole fam eats my diet because it's just healthier.

Maybe it's that I believe that spiritual journeys are solitary. For me, it works. I don't expect him to fall into "me and my story". And I don't share some of the things that he believes. And my reason is that most people are at different levels and experiencing different parts of the overall journey. I don't need my partner to believe what I do because in the end, it all leads to one truth. When and how we reach it is as personal as a thumb print.

I'm not saying that you should ever have to hide or downplay who you are. But every person does not have to be tuned to your station. And I don't feel bad not talking to him about things that won't resonate because it will only make me feel like I'm not understood.

I guess I'm saying he won't validate my journey so I don't talk to him about it. Neither will my parents or brother and sister. But I still love them and am able to share big parts of who I am.

This is why I am so happy and excited to be here. I have been given the opportunity to share my experience with like minded people. And that's all I need.

My relationship works because I don't put an expectation on him to understand and be where I am. ?

I hope seeing another point if view helps others. I am not claiming that my answer is better. Just that it works for me to release my partner from a part of me that he doesn't fully understand while still sharing a very close committed and accepting relationship. :)
 
I would like to chime in and say that being in a relationship IMO is not the only way one can develop their emotional centre. So I think it's perfectly valid for someone to post year after year about relationship theory with no experience. They may have a positively flowering emotional side, able to maintain nurturing and loving relationships with good friends and family, all the while having never had a girl/boyfriend.
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No one said relationships were only way to develop emotional center. If someone has developed emotional center and has positive friendships that great however in the lacking experience in a physical/intimate type relationship regardless of developed emotional center or not they will not objectively know how their being acts/reacts in said relationship.

In some ways, being in a relationship can actually stunt the emotional centre too as jealousy and possessiveness over another person can easily step in and cloud judgements in a way that it never would in a friendship.
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Not sure it's stunting the emotional center maybe exposing programs and negative emotions in you. A great opportunity to see yourself and work. Again this subject is on a forum where people want to work on themselves so IMO we are talking about relationships that people engage In that want to work on themselves not see negative programs/emotions and dismiss them.
(Relationship abuse aside)

So my point is it's never black and white, I don't think I need experience to post about why I won't ever go bungee jumping, or about how I think the nerves beforehand would feel or how the rush would feel afterwards.
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I bet you can tell us why you wouldn't want to do something but when I'm looking for objective advice to be honest I would rather get information from someone who knows not thinks how it feels during and after not what it might be.
 
Hi Menna,

I'm not sure if it's me who is too dense to get what you are trying to say, or if it is not so clear.

What I hear you say is that you think someone is posting theoretical stuff about partnership instead of finding a partner, and that you think that is wrong, since your opinion is that someone who haven't experienced it wouldn't know what it is like, so you don't want this person/persons to talk more about relationships, as you don't find it useful.
But that we should read between the lines to understand who. Or perhaps each question ourselves if we are the one.

But I'm not sure that is what you say. And I don't like to assume, as I might be wrong. I don't really want to spend a long time searching for clues to who you are talking about, especially as I might be misunderstanding the message between the lines, so I might think it is one, when you really mean another, and so it will be difficult for me to get what you mean.

So I was wondering if you could maybe give an example, as it is really not clear to me what is said between the lines, or who some people who post about it for years without doing anything about it is, and I think it would be clearer, avoid misunderstandings, and be more considerate to peoples time, if you say what you want to say directly?
 
Correct me if I am wrong regarding these assumptions as I am getting confused by the term experience:

There is a right way and a wrong way to start a 'romantic' relationship. This is based on the information I have absorbed from 'elders' essentially.

Boy/girl meet, they get to know each other through essentially what is a friendship stage, once the relationship has reached a certain threshold and survived this stage, e.g. they realize they are collinear, they are compatible, they care for each other etc, they then become physical which is essentially closing of the circle where everything else came before the being physical part... From the article on SOTT, through building of emotional, spiritual and intellectual bonds, the flow between them becomes natural and essentially love for them becomes easy at which point the relationship becomes physically consummated. The relationship is essentially romantic before the physical consummation. The bond between them is multi-layered. This represents the text book approach as far as I am aware. Those with experience, please feel free to correct me if this is gibberish!

This on the other hand is how it's done mostly, boy/girl meet, they get all physical from the get-go, without knowing each other, the relationship is fuelled primarily by sexual energy to begin with, rather not by a desire to develop understanding of each other through a period of getting to know each other without the sex hormones clouding the brain. They then start to know each other objectively once the sex hormones start to die down. At this stage they either find out they are compatible or not. This represents the how not to do it guide. Again, please feel free to correct me!!

The term experience is just confusing and misplaced in this context in my view... there are a few stages to go through before the stage a relationship becomes 'romantic', at least from what I've heard from the wise men... by the time it gets to that stage, the 2 people pretty much know each other and know what they want having minimized their subjective views of each other as they spent time to build an objective view and see where they stand in relation to each other. Experience in this sense is not an aim let alone something that you can just say 'you need experience' as if it were a job the more time you do it, the better you become... The more time you do what the better you become at what? What, you meet someone, spend time together, realize you like each other and commit to each other... how many times can you do this surely before you realize you are cheating yourself and probably the other person if your aim is to form a bond of mutual commitment? If your aim is to just have sex and pretend to be in a committed relationship, then I suppose you might as well be honest about it from the get-go. To me, just applying what appears to be logic.
 
I think he's saying that you don't really know how you will feel or act in a relationship if you've never been in one. You don't even know how you will feel with a particular person if you've never been in a romantic relationship with them. I agree. There's the element of free will. There are different goals than with a friendship. Different types of love are part of the human condition and even though we strive to love every one unconditionally, romantic interaction is subjective for us. Whether that's right or wrong, it simply just is.

I think another element is that love is not the only part of a relationship. Just so many variables from person to person. I do not believe you can explain relationships theoretically. We can't reduce ourselves or the other into an equation. So experience is our only guide- which can be a pitfall- but it is what it is.

That's what I got out of the post.
 
What I hear you say is that you think someone is posting theoretical stuff about partnership instead of finding a partner, and that you think that is wrong, since your opinion is that someone who haven't experienced it wouldn't know what it is like, so you don't want this person/persons to talk more about relationships, as you don't find it useful.
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There are nearly 20 thousand views of this topic. I post for all. When we communicate we communicate at our level I am sharing my level with the 20 thousand however as they say if the shoe fits. People can have a inkling of what a relationship is like with just theory and outside view but there is different knowing different quality of knowing what its like when experienced with all three centers not just one IMO

I don't think anything is "wrong" or "right" however as I reflect on my life the things I only had theory about once I experienced them I came out on the other end thinking differently. The theories were right in some aspect but the experience gave me a more well rounded view of life, myself and the thing I experienced its something that is tough to communicate for me through words.

You brought up a great point in this thread what if we can only have theory about a topic like densities or being fully STO? I agree 100% theory all the way however take diet for example there are all these books about the diet suggested here however if one hasn't experienced it for themselves how can they know how they will react based on just intellectual knowledge of the diet? I am taking about heavy theory about things that can be experienced here in 3D. If someone is into theory about a topic IMO that means they are interested in it if 3D allows them a chance to experience it or at least try to experience it why don't they?

I am going to try and get across what I am trying to say in one sentence - Growth/knowledge is gained "better" more wholesome/well rounded when it comes from all centers than if only one center is used.
 
Menna said:
What I hear you say is that you think someone is posting theoretical stuff about partnership instead of finding a partner, and that you think that is wrong, since your opinion is that someone who haven't experienced it wouldn't know what it is like, so you don't want this person/persons to talk more about relationships, as you don't find it useful.
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There are nearly 20 thousand views of this topic. I post for all. When we communicate we communicate at our level I am sharing my level with the 20 thousand however as they say if the shoe fits. People can have a inkling of what a relationship is like with just theory and outside view but there is different knowing different quality of knowing what its like when experienced with all three centers not just one IMO
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What I get from this is that, it is a yes to this:
Miss.K said:
But that we should read between the lines to understand who. Or perhaps each question ourselves if we are the one.
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The thing is that it seems like you had someone specific in mind:
Menna said:
In the finding partners thread there are quotes and theoretical talk from people that through other threads say they don't have partner/relationship experience. I don't think it's wise to overload theoretically about a topic without experience because the advice given and ones growth will have part(s) missing. It's not good for ones being to overload the intellect without experiences that touch the emotional center. Not only does your intellect become smarter your emotional center does as well is what I am saying and this will not be achieved through theory/intellect alone.
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I think that when having someone specific in mind that it is more helpful, in case one wants to help that person see what one sees about them, to be specific. That way the person/persons can see if they agree to your observation, or they might provide you with information that changes your view, and it will be easier to determine for everyone, what it was that made you say:
Menna said:
Agreed. Or by posting theories on the internet typing away about the issue they are avoiding.
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Saying something general, while having someone specific in mind, and asking everyone to question themselves if the shoe fits, can be OK if one asks "I'd like you all to ask yourselves if the shoe fits, and see if you are the specific person I'm talking about" Then people can participate if they think it is a useful exercise, and not participate if they don't think it is a funny game.

I think that it is very possible that your observation is a valid one, and one that could be fruitful to explore, but for me, the message is not getting through this way, as I feel I'm being covertly asked way to play a game I don't think is funny.

Menna said:
I am going to try and get across what I am trying to say in one sentence - Growth/knowledge is gained "better" more wholesome/well rounded when it comes from all centers than if only one center is used.
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I think we can all agree on this, but it don't help me to determine, who/what example you have in mind, and without knowing that, I have no way of determining if I see what you see, if I think your observation is valid, or if I think you had an emotional reaction to something you read, and thus the conversation ends.

Which I think is a shame in case I, someone else, or you, could have learned something important from your observation...
 
luke wilson said:
Correct me if I am wrong regarding these assumptions as I am getting confused by the term experience:

There is a right way and a wrong way to start a 'romantic' relationship. This is based on the information I have absorbed from 'elders' essentially.

Boy/girl meet, they get to know each other through essentially what is a friendship stage, once the relationship has reached a certain threshold and survived this stage, e.g. they realize they are collinear, they are compatible, they care for each other etc, they then become physical which is essentially closing of the circle where everything else came before the being physical part... From the article on SOTT, through building of emotional, spiritual and intellectual bonds, the flow between them becomes natural and essentially love for them becomes easy at which point the relationship becomes physically consummated. The relationship is essentially romantic before the physical consummation. The bond between them is multi-layered. This represents the text book approach as far as I am aware. Those with experience, please feel free to correct me if this is gibberish!
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I think you're right here, but maybe, as in everything else, "there is good, there is evil, and there is the specific situation that determines which is which"... Each situation might be different, but I would agree that it is absolutely important to hold on before "going physical" with someone because our neurochemistry just runs amok and we can end up believing that we found our polar opposite only because we are feeling "butterflies" all over and "floating around" because we are "in love".

I also think that it will not necessarily be easy for friends to become partners. For me, even if you go through that first stage of friendship, whenever you "go physical" you risk to be taken over by your mating program, even if there is true caring and all that. Just because that programming is quite strong for most people and once it gets triggered it can be hard to manage it.

Now, I'm not saying that one should repress the will to share in that way with a partner, but one should be aware of the dangers so to say and find strategies to do it in a bonding and caring way, and not allowing the programming to take control. Reading theoretical stuff, such as the book Cupid's Poisoned Arrow, can help in this, OSIT, by helping us to be aware of what happens in our minds and giving us useful approaches to interact with a partner in a healthier way.

I do think that if go through that first stage and there is true caring and will to build a true romantic relationship based on love, that will create an aim for both, so to say, and having this aim will be what encourages both to make an effort in order to not fall in the mating wagon, which can feel really good at first, and build that other way of interacting.

fwiw...
 
Yas said:
Now, I'm not saying that one should repress the will to share in that way with a partner, but one should be aware of the dangers so to say and find strategies to do it in a bonding and caring way, and not allowing the programming to take control. Reading theoretical stuff, such as the book Cupid's Poisoned Arrow, can help in this, OSIT, by helping us to be aware of what happens in our minds and giving us useful approaches to interact with a partner in a healthier way.

I do think that if go through that first stage and there is true caring and will to build a true romantic relationship based on love, that will create an aim for both, so to say, and having this aim will be what encourages both to make an effort in order to not fall in the mating wagon, which can feel really good at first, and build that other way of interacting.
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It seems really easy in relationships to fall into believing the whole physical side of things IS the love itself. Cupid's Poisoned Arrow REALLY does help you open your eyes, and makes the relationship between partners ALOT stronger. Although, when you've come to realize the falseness of the relationship in the first place, i.e. the attraction came down to feeding each other's predator, it's a hard hit of realization.

With what RedFox said about how important it is to find a relationship with oneself without even considering an external source, I now really think this is vital -- If you don't work on yourself, soothe yourself when you're insecure, stop expecting others to comfort you etcetc.. then you'll continually project your inner fears/wounds etc onto the external person you're in a relationship with. It's really hard not to fall in a "black and white" thinking pattern about this "to be or not to be with this person because of these programs... etc" or "to be single or to be in a relationship" - I do think that being in a relationship brings out all those dark programs that you don't like - for me personally anyway. Maybe some people suit better being in a relationship to see things... As long as you fight and stay awake and start observing those dynamics and patterns rather than letting entropy take over and you fall asleep, becoming a feeding machine or feeding the other..

Personally, since realizing all these feeding mechanisms and going through some transformation, the whole observation of how I feel or react, or act in certain situations with my partner is pretty amazing to watch and learn from. Taking the whole "watch as an outside observer" stance and truly believing that you don't know what/who you think/are, makes the observing much more interesting. Also, with my partner "being in on this" with me, then it's kind of like we're working together (on ourselves) but alongside each other. But the importance is no longer on "the relationship" or whatever, it's on working ON OURSELVES and talking about the things we start seeing etc. I'm not saying this is easy, it's emotionally painful and wrecks the mind - but then, instead of projecting this, I'd simply go away for a while and soothe (attempt) myself...
 
Menna said:
I bet you can tell us why you wouldn't want to do something but when I'm looking for objective advice to be honest I would rather get information from someone who knows not thinks how it feels during and after not what it might be.
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Can you see how this statement could be perceived as invalidating the thoughts and opinions of those of us who have never had the experience.
I understand the point you are putting across and agree with many of the things you have said. However the way you are coming across feels a little dismissive.
 
I thought that the initial post was about the difficulty in finding and maintaining a solid romantic relationship. And that is truth for most people. If it weren't, we would all be our first, one and only relationships.

How a relationship "should start" is not always how a relationship starts. I agree with the sentiment that I personally would find it hard to be in a relationship that started as a friendship unless there were romantic feelings unconsciously about that person.

There are some things in life that I choose to believe still contain some sort of magical element- just the joy of meeting someone and knowing from the first that you will, maybe always have, loved this person whom you just met. I believe that we are connected to some of the same people from life to life and feel that we can meet them in this life and know they are part of our eternity- even if the relationship does not last for ever.

All past experience and theory melt away for a brief time and you ARE a butterfly.... I know that it is a chemical reaction and that I'll come to my senses but what an awesome feeling.

Maybe some things are best experienced when you let go and allow yourself to be in the moment.

So there is another variable to add- being in love with being in love. :)


Whimsy aside, it really is hard to find and maintain a relationship. Especially when you are working on your own "awakening". My advice to that is that the other person doesn't have to be exactly where you are. They don't have to be your outlet for discussing esoterica. I feel that if they understand and are on a path of their own, and they satisfy the many other components of what you need in a partner, it can work. I personally believe a big mistake we make is expecting anther person to fulfill every aspect of being. Isnt the point that we learn to fulfill ourselves anyway?

Just Another opinion from another soul along the way. :)
 
Saying something general, while having someone specific in mind, and asking everyone to question themselves if the shoe fits, can be OK if one asks "I'd like you all to ask yourselves if the shoe fits, and see if you are the specific person I'm talking about" Then people can participate if they think it is a useful exercise, and not participate if they don't think it is a funny game.

I think that it is very possible that your observation is a valid one, and one that could be fruitful to explore, but for me, the message is not getting through this way, as I feel I'm being covertly asked way to play a game I don't think is funny.
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What game? how did the word game come into this and funny whats funny? Like I said I have used too many words to get across the point I was trying to make. No one has asked for a mirror. I don't have anyone specific I am saying this to - as a theme a feeling I get as I read through various topics. If two people only have theory talk about a topic jump to conclusions and agree this is the way it is without experiencing what they are talking about 9 out of 10 times IMO this does more harm than good in terms of knowledge and growth this is all. Again I have the nearly 20 thousand viewers in mind not a specific person. I am expressing this theme on this thread because this is something that can be experienced in 3D and if you havent then maybe just maybe its important to take a look why? Is the knowledge I have complete? Should I be coming to conclusions is my advice/conclusions realistic?

Quote from: Menna on Today at 03:09:33 AM
I am going to try and get across what I am trying to say in one sentence - Growth/knowledge is gained "better" more wholesome/well rounded when it comes from all centers than if only one center is used.

I think we can all agree on this, but it don't help me to determine, who/what example you have in mind, and without knowing that, I have no way of determining if I see what you see, if I think your observation is valid, or if I think you had an emotional reaction to something you read, and thus the conversation ends.

Which I think is a shame in case I, someone else, or you, could have learned something important from your observation...
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You do see what I see you agreed with what I am saying. The other stuff is just words trying to get across what you agree with. IMO some of the advice or talk about partners lacks a practical element is idealistic and not realistic. "You don't need to learn the lessons of 4th grade to graduate 3rd" - C's . If this was a casual talk forum I wouldn't be posting this however with so many viewers and the facts that this forum is based on truth of reality I believe this is an important theme for all not just to be directed at one person. By saying if the shoe fits im saying you can reflect on what I am saying in your own life who am I to tell you this is what you are doing this is directed at you. Its a theme that through the work and my experience so far I believe is a truth this why I post.


I bet you can tell us why you wouldn't want to do something but when I'm looking for objective advice to be honest I would rather get information from someone who knows not thinks how it feels during and after not what it might be.

Can you see how this statement could be perceived as invalidating the thoughts and opinions of those of us who have never had the experience.
I understand the point you are putting across and agree with many of the things you have said. However the way you are coming across feels a little dismissive.
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I can see that however I would rather get information from someone who has theory and experience than just theory alone - knowing nothing else about these people just that one has the experience to go along with theory. I am sorry if it feels dismissive I use to have alot more time to talk and delve into things here TBH I have recently moved across the country and started two new jobs so if my brevity feels dismissive thats not what I am trying to do and will try to find "Time" so I can "elaborate" more.

Again like I said I wrote alot to get across a few points people have said they somewhat agree...ok IMO its important to keep this is the back of your mind when your posting its dangerous to think you know and come to a conclusion about something when knowledge is one sided its limiting. Me saying "read between the lines" or "if the shoe fits" those words or sentences like that didn't need to be said when trying to get my point across sorry if that rubbed anyone the wrong way or confused them.

Jodi - I like what you say. This is kinda what I am getting at. Is this the best relationship for two people to grow in terms of "The Work" probably not because one isn't involved however are their lessons to learn and can you care and support each other and learn from each other - yes. Jodi's example might not be an idealistic example in terms of the work or in terms of a relationship from this forums standpoint and what is practiced here however it is a very realistic example in terms of life. Again to label "right" or "wrong" is futile I think what works or what is "right" or "wrong" for the specific person/situation is important and its very hard to get to that objectively with just theory.
 
Jodi said:
There are some things in life that I choose to believe still contain some sort of magical element- just the joy of meeting someone and knowing from the first that you will, maybe always have, loved this person whom you just met. I believe that we are connected to some of the same people from life to life and feel that we can meet them in this life and know they are part of our eternity- even if the relationship does not last for ever.

All past experience and theory melt away for a brief time and you ARE a butterfly.... I know that it is a chemical reaction and that I'll come to my senses but what an awesome feeling.

Maybe some things are best experienced when you let go and allow yourself to be in the moment.

So there is another variable to add- being in love with being in love. :)
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And how is this different from a drug experience? 3D life is full of traps and relationships can be one of the biggest.

Jodi said:
Whimsy aside, it really is hard to find and maintain a relationship. Especially when you are working on your own "awakening". My advice to that is that the other person doesn't have to be exactly where you are. They don't have to be your outlet for discussing esoterica. I feel that if they understand and are on a path of their own, and they satisfy the many other components of what you need in a partner, it can work. I personally believe a big mistake we make is expecting anther person to fulfill every aspect of being. Isnt the point that we learn to fulfill ourselves anyway?

Just Another opinion from another soul along the way. :)
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Jodi, have you read The Wave? Laura goes into great detail on how the people closest to us can be vectors to drain our energy and divert us from our paths. There are good reasons why relationships with people who are not colinear should be avoided. In addition to the vector thing, it's also easy to pick up spirit attachments from another person you have sex with. Also, many here were already in long-term relationships with people who were not colinear when they found the material and have encountered problems as a result. It's much easier to avoid those relationships before they start then deal with these issues after many years. So I wouldn't be too quick to advise people to go ahead and start relationships with non-colinear people.
 
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