How are you feeling?

[Ina]

I do not find the STO vs. STS theory wrong, I am not proposing a new category. I meant that existence on an universe like this does not make any sense. Why are we inferior? Why are we not like 5th beings? One might answer "because of our past choices". Okay. So why did we make these choices? I have a gut feeling we are on a trap in which the only way out is becoming Service to None (if that is an option).

There is another answer. My adaptation of Murphy’s Law: Anything that can happen, it will happen. If you thought about Service to None, maybe it will start to surface in your reality. (By the way, did you think of rather Service to Nothing, or to None?) I would assume God is in service to nothing and everything. If you think 3D is unfair and being inferior and it is just a malicious setup of repetitions, think about freedom and how overated it is when one is stuck within a hierarchical, boundary contained structure. 5 D also has limitations and hierarchies. So is 6D.... and maybe 7... who knows, because I surely don’t.
Anyway, I sugest this discussionto be moved to a better / more suited location.

 

[Anamarija]

I am going to be honest: I just do not like pain!

When you feel pain? In which situation? Do you mean physical or emotional pain, or all together?

For me, life is like yoga position that's called Standing Forward Bend.
To do Standing Forward Bend stretch hands above the head and inhale than exhale when you fold over your legs. If the hamstrings feel a little tight at first, bend the knees so that you can release your spine. Let the head hang heavy. Stay in position as long as your body needs.

1. First, you need theory, how to properly doing position. How to breath, when to breath. Learning to focusing your mind on your body and breathing. On this forum and in the recommended books you can find plenty of theory how life works. What are the rules and etc.

2. In order to learn rules and doing life you have to invest your energy to implement rules and experimenting since one of the rules is: There's no free lunch in Universe. So, you have to practice. If you don't the pain will increase.

3. When you do standing forward bend position for the first time or after some time you will feel the pain. One of the main thing in yoga, at least that was my understanding, to go deep into the position as long as you feel comfortable but you will feel that your body 'needs' more. The border between pleasure and pain it's very relaxing. And these two opposite feelings are rules. The same goes with life, you need to go into new situations (work, relationships, interaction, hobbies...). First time, you won't be able to bend down much and it will be painful (like every new life situation), but with implementing information that you gather with time there will be more peace and less pain. And that realization is really fun! Each time!

4. With more practicing and focused and correct breathing (implementing verified strategies in life) you will be able to bend down more over time and the feeling of relaxation will be greater (you will realize that it depends on you how much less pain you will feel, or how much knowledge you will have about living on this planet).

I hope I managed to explain analogy.

 

[Andrew]

So this a universe that does not let us to check out

Unfortunately not. Unless you want to come back and keep repeating this over and over again? I understand exactly where you're coming from Viktor. I struggle with this same issue on a daily basis.

But that is not my case, quitting maybe is a good decision for me.

Again, you may think you're quitting. But I think you'll have a rude awakening once you realize you just have to do it again until you learn whatever it is you're here to learn. In other words, you quit now only to reincarnate to experience the SAME struggle you're having now but only increased and intensified. Take the easy way out and the lesson just gets harder. Is that what you want to keep having to deal with?

I wonder the best is to just erase one's soul for no longer wanting something valuable.

How would you plan on doing that? From my understanding here, that's not possible. Total non-being isn't possible. You will just recycle from the beginning again and have to spend another million/billion years trying to regain the consciousness that's you've already attained now. That thought alone terrifies me. But it makes having to see this life through to it's natural end, seem far less of a risk then checking out early thinking you can duck your lessons.

I hope you really take a moment to think deeply about the ramifications of what you're talking about here.

Best wishes and Be well Viktor.

 

[Fluffy]

Viktor, I find your comments most interesting and I can relate to much of what you say, I too have felt this conflict between sts and sto, and still struggle against some intrinsic pull to self annihilate.
I’ve led a very sts life this far and even at times my desires to be sto are far from my vision.

A book that really helps me sort through inner conundrum is ‘A Wanderer’s Handbook’ written by Carla L. Rueckert, the medium for the Ra channelings. It’s a free PDF online if you’re interested to have a look.

Something I remind myself constantly is that we are all ‘God’ wanting to know God. I’m simply just the experiencer for the infinite ways in which the universe learns about itself. There is no right or wrong. What you feel is valid and acceptable

 

[Tuulikki]

So this a universe that does not let us to check out

As others have said before Viktor, checking out early is not an option for those of us who have the knowledge of where it leads, including you. There is not "cease to exist" option on the table. I, like many others, have struggled from time to time with life. Indeed the struggle is increasingly difficult month to month and the world wide bad news is like a psychological battering ram. If we could pop off to 5th density with no ongoing consequences I am sure most of us would be up for it at some time or other in our lives. I would dearly love to see my parents again and friends who have passed. This is not my soul contract however. I have to be in it for the long haul and deal with things as best I can. My best way of dealing with my life is to remind myself everytime I have a little moan about increasing bills, food prices etc is to think of all those people who literally have nothing except the clothes they stand up in, and all those victims of war and conflict who have lost beloved members of their families and whose grief is beyond measure. If they can continue with their lives then there is no excuse for me not to. I certainly don't want to revisit 3D again because I haven't learned what I needed to in this life, and I hope you will not have to either.

 

[Ysus]

Indeed I fell in the Nihilistic hole long ago. I even question if I still have a soul. I am afraid I become a psychopath.

From my understanding, or rather, what I have gleaned from this forum and other sources: you don’t become a psychopath, you are either a psychopath or not. However, you may become almost indistinguishable from an actual psychopath, if you keep hurting and rehurting others’ and your own soul. What you write seems to stem from someone whose soul has been hurting like mad for a long time. A person, who has almost given up and can’t even see much merit in an STO over an STS direction.

However, the fact that you have come to this forum and are expressing your thoughts/feelings here must - on some level - mean that you have not given up your fight towards more consciousness. I also know these phases and I often can’t see the point of continuing either. Particularly the thought that we finally end up in 7D if we learn our lessons, only to start all over again once more. That has been bothering me a lot. It feels so “sisiphosy”. Why not give up here and now? But when I play with the idea of taking “time” (at least our linear understanding of it) out of the equation, I occasionally feel extremely whole and encouraged again. I then manage to feel connected and not so endlessly fragmented and nearly cut off from source.

It’s up to you, but why not stay tuned? You made it that far.

 

[Nienna]

I do not find the STO vs. STS theory wrong, I am not proposing a new category. I meant that existence on an universe like this does not make any sense. Why are we inferior? Why are we not like 5th beings? One might answer "because of our past choices". Okay. So why did we make these choices? I have a gut feeling we are on a trap in which the only way out is becoming Service to None (if that is an option).

Viktor, by what you have been posting, it seems to me that you have no idea what the information on this forum is about.

The way things are explained by the Cassiopaeans, Ra and The Law of One, along with other esoteric information is that there are 7 Densities. You graduate to a higher Density once you have learned the lessons in the current Density and your awareness and being has grown enough to be able to be in that Density. Those in higher Densities than we are have more awareness and being.

When you ask why we have to be inferior; my question to you is inferior to whom? We are all inferior to someone in something. Do you think that everybody should be equal in there knowledge and abilities without putting effort and time to gain that knowledge and abilities?

If you are interested in the material on this forum, it would be good for you to read all of the sessions PLUS read The Wave series written by Laura. This series of books explain a lot about the sessions and things interconnected with them. You can read them for free here .

 

[Pat]

Hello everyone. I have been feeling off for the last 3 weeks approximately thinking it had to do with going to France and being affected by the luminosity there. Coming from an almost always sunny country (even now in winter) to raining and greyish light did make me think that the weather was the cause. BUT maybe not if a lot of you felt the same!!

It´s hard to explain... It´s first of all, not understanding what I am reading ie the forum. Then thinking that it would be best to take some time off from the forum. And then, not finding the mental strength to do anything worth doing.
It lasted until two days ago when I had a blast at my patient, and understanding son who put me back on the right track. I have slept better for the last two nights and even if still worried, I know there is light at the end of the tunnel. I also understand that some of the negative thoughts are not mine...

I still find it extremely hard to write proper sentences and express ideas, somehting I always wondered about but the effects have doubled, tripled!!??

 

[T.C.]

@Viktor It sounds like you are looking at things from the same sentiment as the A.I. computer in the film WarGames (1983). At the end of the film, after running 1000s of computations of game scenarios, the computer says “Strange game. The only way to win is not to play”.

But in your current incarnation, you are only able to base your idea on experience of STS existence. Maybe you would not feel like ‘the only way to win is not to play’ if you had experience of an STO existence?

I don’t think we should assume that an STO existence would be ‘easy’, but perhaps it would be preferable. Perhaps it would be more fulfilling, or something like that.

My point is, that really, the reality that we here all share is basically designed from the bottom up - including how our genetic code is set up, which determines how we interface with this reality - to crush our spirits and to make us want to give up. But it is only a very narrow and limited experiential mode of existence, and there are possibly infinite other modes of existence.

Try to broaden your view of existence beyond human 3D experience. I know it’s not really possible, but just try to entertain the idea that other modes exist, so that you can turn your observation back on yourself, humans in general and our shared reality, and derive from that exercise a sense of limitation. With that, you might come to the view point that it is not logical to reject all of creation and existence based on a very narrow experiential mode of being.

Search online for the story of ‘Plato’s Cave’ for more about this.

 

[Ina]

Hello everyone. I have been feeling off for the last 3 weeks approximately thinking it had to do with going to France and being affected by the luminosity there. Coming from an almost always sunny country (even now in winter) to raining and greyish light did make me think that the weather was the cause. BUT maybe not if a lot of you felt the same!!

It´s hard to explain... It´s first of all, not understanding what I am reading ie the forum. Then thinking that it would be best to take some time off from the forum. And then, not finding the mental strength to do anything worth doing.
It lasted until two days ago when I had a blast at my patient, and understanding son who put me back on the right track. I have slept better for the last two nights and even if still worried, I know there is light at the end of the tunnel. I also understand that some of the negative thoughts are not mine...

I still find it extremely hard to write proper sentences and express ideas, somehting I always wondered about but the effects have doubled, tripled!!??

Rest, Dear One, and be comforted by the certainty that we'll be here when you return. And if it helps hold the glimpse of a warm and loving thought of you getting better and better...hug.
Xoxo

 

[Liliea]

It´s hard to explain... It´s first of all, not understanding what I am reading ie the forum. Then thinking that it would be best to take some time off from the forum. And then, not finding the mental strength to do anything worth doing.

I recommend the text of St. Paul's letter, it will help you to clarify and give you confidence. Yes, there are gray clouds all over Europe but it is not raining yet, if you know what I mean.

 

[ImaPrototype]

Hello everyone. I have been feeling off for the last 3 weeks approximately thinking it had to do with going to France and being affected by the luminosity there. Coming from an almost always sunny country (even now in winter) to raining and greyish light did make me think that the weather was the cause. BUT maybe not if a lot of you felt the same!!

It´s hard to explain... It´s first of all, not understanding what I am reading ie the forum. Then thinking that it would be best to take some time off from the forum. And then, not finding the mental strength to do anything worth doing.
It lasted until two days ago when I had a blast at my patient, and understanding son who put me back on the right track. I have slept better for the last two nights and even if still worried, I know there is light at the end of the tunnel. I also understand that some of the negative thoughts are not mine...

I still find it extremely hard to write proper sentences and express ideas, somehting I always wondered about but the effects have doubled, tripled!!??

does it get worse when you stand up or change positions as in POTS?
do you keep an eye on insulin response?

 

[christx11]

Injured myself and recent electrical anomalies

Thursday Feb 22

I went to the hardware store and purchased a 24 inch LED replacement light bulb for an under cabinet light that had recently burned out. The original was a very old fluorescent bulb.

I replaced the old fluorescent bulb with the new LED and tested it and it worked great.

That evening I turned the light on for an indirect ambient light in our family room and after about 2 hours it went blink (quit working). A 50,000 hour rated LED fried in under 2 hours.


Saturday Feb 24

I went grocery shopping at a local market and at the self checkout I was trying to scan avocados and limes. If produce does not have scan stickers you have to search by image or name. I searched by name which brings up an on-screen keyboard and you can type in the name until the image of the item comes up and you can select the item and continue.

Well first I tried to type in avocado and the on-screen input field delays and shows avggghrx. Typing backspace does nothing or types more random characters. I have to hit a screen back button and go back in and try again. The screen back button takes me into a protected admin process to remove item transactions and starts scrolling through all the items I had already purchased. The machines is going bonkers. I finally got out of that and back in to the search by name screen and typing on the on-screen keyboard once again behaves all weird. I went through this about three times and was finally able to select avocados and purchase the avocados.

Then came the limes. 69 cents each and I have 4 of them. I experience the same nonsense, the on-screen keyboard is typing whatever it wants, sometimes without me even touching the screen. About the third time trying to enter 'limes' on the keyboard, the apparatus just exits and says 57 cents, please put your bananas in the bagging area. I just put the limes in my bag and said to myself, whatever!

Later in the afternoon while trying to login to my old laptop the username/password fields do not type the letters I enter, similar to the Uscan self checkout debacle at the grocery store. After rebooting a couple of times everything works ok and I login fine.

Sunday Feb 25

I went back to the hardware store and picked up another 24 inch LED replacement bulb for the under cabinet lighting. I replaced the LED that was not working and all seems fine now. The new one works and still works. That evening around 7:30 to 8:00 pm the house power flickers and comes back and flickers and comes back and then finally goes out entirely. We are without power until around 6:00am Monday morning. Apparently about 1/2 mile from our house on a lightly travelled street an automobile accident took out some utility poles.

Monday Feb 26

We got our power back in the morning around 6:00am. Our Internet provider was down for a couple more hours. That evening when trying to login to my laptop I was able to login but within seconds I am getting a blue screen of death. The laptop is old and it was probably due to give up the ghost, but it is not plugged in to power when not in use and the power interruptions should not have affected it.

Out of all of this, the original fluorescent under cabinet light was seemingly a natural occurrence due to age and my old laptop dying was perhaps an expected event due to age (it is about 15 years old), but all taken together it seems just rather weird.

Also during this period I do want to mention I injured myself in a bit of an embarrassing way. I periodically have night terrors, not often but a few times per year and I often yell and or flail. I think it was right before all of these electrical anomalies occurred that I had a night terror and flailed and kicked the wall and injured my right leg and it still has not entirely healed.

So, how do I feel? Well pissed that I injured myself and a little astonished at the seeming chain of electrical anomalies. It is just weird when chains of events happen like this. How does one determine if such events are significant in some way or if a cigar is sometimes just a cigar?

 

[3DStudent]

How does one determine if such events are significant in some way or if a cigar is sometimes just a cigar?

Stress can play a factor, and who knows what's going on electrically extra and terrestrially. And of course there is just plain incompetence and things aren't built like they used to be. Definitely a time to be more aware so as to potentially head off anything further.

 

[BHelmet]

The conundrum of nihilism is at the crux of the crossroads of real choosing to be or not to be, as Shakespeare put it.

But What it seems you have really said is that you don’t like your feelings. And you have laid the blame for how you feel on the world you inhabit and how it looks to you from your current perspective. Ok.

That doesn’t sound like nihilism to me except for the notion that nihilism can be a means to avoid confronting the catalysts for the feelings. So I think, throw this idea that you are a real nihilist out the window. You sound more like an entity that doesn’t like being poked at by a probe that causes uncomfortable feelings.

So what do we have? The FEELING that life is fundamentally negative and you might as well just lay down and let the opponent suck your soul, if you have one, out of your eye sockets and call it a day; see ya; F this, I’m done, ain’t worth it. Don’t like it.

Ultimately it’s all about you and your feelings.

I do thank you for honestly sharing. It’s good to be reminded of these places on the path to the Way. I certainly can relate. Late teens and early 20’s for me.

Do I have the magic catchphrase to fix things? LOL!! Of course not! It’s up to you. I would suggest reading Laura’s To Be Or Not To Be.

You are at a great crossroads in life where a true metanoia can manifest. Praise be. But, no, it isn’t easy. And I think you do need to accept that the way things look to you right now may not be objective. Sounds like you are thinking with the emotional center. I would also do the self-remembering thing. Review your childhood impressions and the decisions you made about life when your personality was in formation. That’s it. Thanks again for your contribution.