wondering2
The Force is Strong With This One
Hello everyone,
I am writing here because I believe that there are psychopathic people in my family, something which has been evident for years, and I would like your comments and opinions on this matter. This is one of the few forums where I believe I can discuss this matter openly and hopefully receive some good insights.
My family has been rather weird acting for ever since I can remember. I could really start from anyone since my home has pretty much always been a madhouse. I am referring to my father, mother and sister. I understand that it is not possible to make medical diagnosis via an internet forum, but particularly my father refuses to go to a doctor and has always claimed he is fine and healthy and everyone else is crazy. All the odd behaviour I have had to put up with over the years has built up, and I need some kind of answer for this. Perhaps some member has similar experiences or may see something in the below behaviour. I lived with them continuously since I was young until the age of 20, and then I have been away for many years until meeting them recently.
I believe that my father has narcissistic personality disorder, or at least something like paranoid personality disorder. It is very likely that he is a psychopath but I cannot confirm this.
- The first weird characteristic he has is secrecy. Everything in the family is secret. He would never speak about what happened yesterday, the day before, who did something... everything is all secret. Secrecy about something that other family members did, secrecy about what he did, secrecy about family matters, and particularly about anything that anyone else did. He would claim that he never spoke about things "because he did not want to hurt us."
- He has always been completely emotionally detached from me. He would, for example, ask about something that happened yesterday. Say if we spoke about an event, he would not come the next day and say "How did that go?".
- He also appears completely emotionally dead. Something very shocking may happen and he will be like "ok". I remember for example one time I had the first car crash. I returned home and I told the story of what happened. He said "ok" and then the next day he just bought a new car. He never spoke about it, never asked for reasons, was not upset. Unbelievably untouched.
- He constantly makes pity plays. He plays the poor person to others, as if we should feel sorry for him.
- If for any reason someon defies what he says, he makes out that they are crazy. He feels he is never wrong, he never has done anything wrong, and he has absolutely no responsibility for anything, particularly his behaviour. If he says things which are simply wrong, illogical, nonsense, lies, irrelevant, and someone calls this out, he will get angry with them and insist that this is how it is and that they are wrong, and try to then crazymake them and create a personal battle, in which he is convinced he is right.
- Since at least 20 years row we would be living in the same house like strangers. He just won't initiate any conversation with me. He would not ask for an opinion on anything, no help with anything, no favours for anything, nothing at all. It is as if no one else is there.
- While I was younger and we happened to speak more sometimes - I would initiate the conversation - it would be impossible to make any kind of conversation following logic. He simply wants to say his opinion and if rejected on anything at all, he will say "No" and then refuse to speak to me.
- If asked about his behaviour, he will swear that he loves our family SOOOO much, that he thinks about us 24/7, that he has nothing else in his head, to such an extreme where it is worse than a theatre act. His claims are so ridiculous, given of course that he tells them to me in person.
- In front of other people he will put on a show to pretend how great he is. He will interrupt a conversation if I speak, just to say that he has done the same thing I am about so speak about but better and perfect, the best in the world.
- He has no hobbies other than spending all his time manically solving crossword puzzles for years and years and years. He has never been into sport. He is apparently sexually bad. He never had girlfriends or any success with women. He has no close friends who visit him.
- He never spoke about his past, his life story, where he went to school, where he went to University, why he got this paritcular job, his friends, memories of anything at all, where he met my mother, how they met etc. All the family story is just missing because it was never spoken about. It is as if it all never happened.
- For the last 15 years he doesn't go on holiday and hardly leaves the house. Pretty much since he retired 20 years ago he would constantly stay in one place 24/7 and solve crossword puzzles.
- Next is paranoia with everyone and aggression. Apparently everyone he has spoken to is a bastard, a criminal and a thief. His next favourite hobby is swearing at the TV news. He will also keep grudges for things for years and years and years.
- There would be no celebrations, no parties in this house. No happy moments. No smiling. He does not say jokes, he has no sense of humour. He never says happy stories.
- He seems to have different agendas for each family members. Behind my back he would speak about me with my sister. To me he will say that she is a failure, but he would speak with her separately against me. It is as if he is constantly starting one family member against the other. He will speak about me to my mother, but to me he will say that "you know that she is not well" and put her down etc. All his communication with family seems to be with triangulation.
- In front of other people he plays a completely different person. He is an absolute actor.
- In the few times when we would make a conversation, his answers would be so off or so grandiose. Particularly in the last few years he seems to have lost it completely. Once I asked him on the phone "What do you want from me?" when he was doing his usual behaviour where he would stop talking in the middle of the conversation, and he replied "I am trying to win the lottery". Fairly recently I tried to have a conversation with him. I had to take him outside the house because typically an argument will start on any conversation, which usually my sister will start. I asked him what has been going on in the last 3 years, since I was away. He started saying that the Americans are taking over the world, and that the Ancient Greek aristocrats were not the rich ones but the excellent ones, and that I am really intellegent and I am Socrates. He then said that he knew some Iraqis and they told him that Gadaffi was a great leader. It was all so surreal and off topic - this was the first time we got to chat after 3 years while I was away. The last time we had basically said goodbe, and it had been another 2-3 years of not speaking again while in the same house.
- In terms of behaviour, he has always used emotional violence, threats and controlling behaviour towards others. Every person has a way to resolve issues and everyday situations. Typically when I would be at home, my sister would randomly start some argument against me. He would be sitting solving his crossword puzzles in another room and waiting for the chance to come in and start attacking me verbally and threatening me. If you go against him in an argument, he will insist all the way, then claim that he has done everything for you, then threaten to kick me out of the house, then threaten that he will call the police. All this could be, for example, if I said that I can't take any more attacks from my sister.... This is what happened last time, and this triangle of me and my sister arguing is my father's favourite. He gets the chance to feel like he is really in control.
- In the last years he has also developed Alzheimer's. He claims however that he is fine. As he onece (and only) spoke about it: "I just have Alzheimer's, I am fine".
My mother has schizophrenia and perhaps also narcissistic personality disorder. Schizophrenia started when she became 35. While working, she started making up stories that the people at her work were stealing, and later on that there was a group of organized killers there. When this happened, no one told neither me or my sister. My father first took her to a church for exorcism (!) - we all went on a family trip.... Then, as far as I found out from the few relatives who were in contact with him, he would put drops of antipsychotics in my mother's drink. Eventually she went to the doctor and they told her she needed to stop working and she lives of a benefit for schizophrenia. Again, my father never discussed this matter. It is as if it never happened. It is all "secret".
My mother has been a control freak in anything around the housework. Not only that but she would look for opportunities to constantly demean anyone she spoke to. Comments such as "You have all these problems", "You cannot do this", "You've put on weight", or somehow try to load you at the most unexpected time with some problem which usually she is responsible for, just to knock the smile off your face. She makes up stories about the people she knows to make them look bad - "She failed to do this", "He is not good enough in that" etc. She is extremely stubborn and insists on illogical things, making up excuses and lies all the time.
My sister is a heroine user who has been on drugs fo about 18 years now. She still hasn't stopped. She has been living in the same house with these people constantly until last year. She lives off a benefit for drug use. She has spent the majority of her life arguing with my family, running away, doing drugs, and starting arguments against me when I would be around. I believe that my sister has more potential to be an actual psychopath. She wants to be the center of attention in all conversations, or she starts attacking others. She has a history of stealing and drugs since the age of 15. She was a bully while she was at school. She has grown up with punk music and the hardet metal and associated "against the system" attitude. She feels no remorse for her actions. For example, once she was caught because she had been living with a drug dealer, and when she was asked about it she said "But I did not become a prostitute.", almost feeling proud about it. She also triangulates - in many occasions she would try to tell me things about my mother or my father so as to get us to argue. Typically she would start an argument against me, because my father will then jump in - not because of the argument but to pretend that he is in charge. He is not really interested in either of us as I have understood.
The father and mother used to attend a rehab center support group but they gave up years ago. They never listened to the advice they gave and never spoke about it to me. For the last years they basically enable my sister to keep taking drugs and my mother says that "they are helping her".
Anyway, this is a long story that has ran over about 20 years now, most of which I have been away. It is simply extremely difficult to have any conversation with either of those people: either they are not itnerested, or they will start an argument, or they will start blaming me about something, or there will be a totally illogical conversation. All of them are in denial of their stubborn, aggressive, illogical, lying behaviour. For years I would try to tell friends and family about their weird behaviour but it seems that the close circle in the family are in denial about what is going on.
As of the last few months, I am currently attending a group for family members of people with mental disorders, where I have met more relatives of people with schizophrenia and other mental illnesses and it feels like life finally makes a little sense. We can finally speak about mental ilness openly and about how people like my family behave, and feel like I am not the crazy one (as my father also tries to make out).
Does my father's behaviour sound psychopathic? Or what else could it be? Is it just malignant narcissism? I would appreciate our answers.
I am writing here because I believe that there are psychopathic people in my family, something which has been evident for years, and I would like your comments and opinions on this matter. This is one of the few forums where I believe I can discuss this matter openly and hopefully receive some good insights.
My family has been rather weird acting for ever since I can remember. I could really start from anyone since my home has pretty much always been a madhouse. I am referring to my father, mother and sister. I understand that it is not possible to make medical diagnosis via an internet forum, but particularly my father refuses to go to a doctor and has always claimed he is fine and healthy and everyone else is crazy. All the odd behaviour I have had to put up with over the years has built up, and I need some kind of answer for this. Perhaps some member has similar experiences or may see something in the below behaviour. I lived with them continuously since I was young until the age of 20, and then I have been away for many years until meeting them recently.
I believe that my father has narcissistic personality disorder, or at least something like paranoid personality disorder. It is very likely that he is a psychopath but I cannot confirm this.
- The first weird characteristic he has is secrecy. Everything in the family is secret. He would never speak about what happened yesterday, the day before, who did something... everything is all secret. Secrecy about something that other family members did, secrecy about what he did, secrecy about family matters, and particularly about anything that anyone else did. He would claim that he never spoke about things "because he did not want to hurt us."
- He has always been completely emotionally detached from me. He would, for example, ask about something that happened yesterday. Say if we spoke about an event, he would not come the next day and say "How did that go?".
- He also appears completely emotionally dead. Something very shocking may happen and he will be like "ok". I remember for example one time I had the first car crash. I returned home and I told the story of what happened. He said "ok" and then the next day he just bought a new car. He never spoke about it, never asked for reasons, was not upset. Unbelievably untouched.
- He constantly makes pity plays. He plays the poor person to others, as if we should feel sorry for him.
- If for any reason someon defies what he says, he makes out that they are crazy. He feels he is never wrong, he never has done anything wrong, and he has absolutely no responsibility for anything, particularly his behaviour. If he says things which are simply wrong, illogical, nonsense, lies, irrelevant, and someone calls this out, he will get angry with them and insist that this is how it is and that they are wrong, and try to then crazymake them and create a personal battle, in which he is convinced he is right.
- Since at least 20 years row we would be living in the same house like strangers. He just won't initiate any conversation with me. He would not ask for an opinion on anything, no help with anything, no favours for anything, nothing at all. It is as if no one else is there.
- While I was younger and we happened to speak more sometimes - I would initiate the conversation - it would be impossible to make any kind of conversation following logic. He simply wants to say his opinion and if rejected on anything at all, he will say "No" and then refuse to speak to me.
- If asked about his behaviour, he will swear that he loves our family SOOOO much, that he thinks about us 24/7, that he has nothing else in his head, to such an extreme where it is worse than a theatre act. His claims are so ridiculous, given of course that he tells them to me in person.
- In front of other people he will put on a show to pretend how great he is. He will interrupt a conversation if I speak, just to say that he has done the same thing I am about so speak about but better and perfect, the best in the world.
- He has no hobbies other than spending all his time manically solving crossword puzzles for years and years and years. He has never been into sport. He is apparently sexually bad. He never had girlfriends or any success with women. He has no close friends who visit him.
- He never spoke about his past, his life story, where he went to school, where he went to University, why he got this paritcular job, his friends, memories of anything at all, where he met my mother, how they met etc. All the family story is just missing because it was never spoken about. It is as if it all never happened.
- For the last 15 years he doesn't go on holiday and hardly leaves the house. Pretty much since he retired 20 years ago he would constantly stay in one place 24/7 and solve crossword puzzles.
- Next is paranoia with everyone and aggression. Apparently everyone he has spoken to is a bastard, a criminal and a thief. His next favourite hobby is swearing at the TV news. He will also keep grudges for things for years and years and years.
- There would be no celebrations, no parties in this house. No happy moments. No smiling. He does not say jokes, he has no sense of humour. He never says happy stories.
- He seems to have different agendas for each family members. Behind my back he would speak about me with my sister. To me he will say that she is a failure, but he would speak with her separately against me. It is as if he is constantly starting one family member against the other. He will speak about me to my mother, but to me he will say that "you know that she is not well" and put her down etc. All his communication with family seems to be with triangulation.
- In front of other people he plays a completely different person. He is an absolute actor.
- In the few times when we would make a conversation, his answers would be so off or so grandiose. Particularly in the last few years he seems to have lost it completely. Once I asked him on the phone "What do you want from me?" when he was doing his usual behaviour where he would stop talking in the middle of the conversation, and he replied "I am trying to win the lottery". Fairly recently I tried to have a conversation with him. I had to take him outside the house because typically an argument will start on any conversation, which usually my sister will start. I asked him what has been going on in the last 3 years, since I was away. He started saying that the Americans are taking over the world, and that the Ancient Greek aristocrats were not the rich ones but the excellent ones, and that I am really intellegent and I am Socrates. He then said that he knew some Iraqis and they told him that Gadaffi was a great leader. It was all so surreal and off topic - this was the first time we got to chat after 3 years while I was away. The last time we had basically said goodbe, and it had been another 2-3 years of not speaking again while in the same house.
- In terms of behaviour, he has always used emotional violence, threats and controlling behaviour towards others. Every person has a way to resolve issues and everyday situations. Typically when I would be at home, my sister would randomly start some argument against me. He would be sitting solving his crossword puzzles in another room and waiting for the chance to come in and start attacking me verbally and threatening me. If you go against him in an argument, he will insist all the way, then claim that he has done everything for you, then threaten to kick me out of the house, then threaten that he will call the police. All this could be, for example, if I said that I can't take any more attacks from my sister.... This is what happened last time, and this triangle of me and my sister arguing is my father's favourite. He gets the chance to feel like he is really in control.
- In the last years he has also developed Alzheimer's. He claims however that he is fine. As he onece (and only) spoke about it: "I just have Alzheimer's, I am fine".
My mother has schizophrenia and perhaps also narcissistic personality disorder. Schizophrenia started when she became 35. While working, she started making up stories that the people at her work were stealing, and later on that there was a group of organized killers there. When this happened, no one told neither me or my sister. My father first took her to a church for exorcism (!) - we all went on a family trip.... Then, as far as I found out from the few relatives who were in contact with him, he would put drops of antipsychotics in my mother's drink. Eventually she went to the doctor and they told her she needed to stop working and she lives of a benefit for schizophrenia. Again, my father never discussed this matter. It is as if it never happened. It is all "secret".
My mother has been a control freak in anything around the housework. Not only that but she would look for opportunities to constantly demean anyone she spoke to. Comments such as "You have all these problems", "You cannot do this", "You've put on weight", or somehow try to load you at the most unexpected time with some problem which usually she is responsible for, just to knock the smile off your face. She makes up stories about the people she knows to make them look bad - "She failed to do this", "He is not good enough in that" etc. She is extremely stubborn and insists on illogical things, making up excuses and lies all the time.
My sister is a heroine user who has been on drugs fo about 18 years now. She still hasn't stopped. She has been living in the same house with these people constantly until last year. She lives off a benefit for drug use. She has spent the majority of her life arguing with my family, running away, doing drugs, and starting arguments against me when I would be around. I believe that my sister has more potential to be an actual psychopath. She wants to be the center of attention in all conversations, or she starts attacking others. She has a history of stealing and drugs since the age of 15. She was a bully while she was at school. She has grown up with punk music and the hardet metal and associated "against the system" attitude. She feels no remorse for her actions. For example, once she was caught because she had been living with a drug dealer, and when she was asked about it she said "But I did not become a prostitute.", almost feeling proud about it. She also triangulates - in many occasions she would try to tell me things about my mother or my father so as to get us to argue. Typically she would start an argument against me, because my father will then jump in - not because of the argument but to pretend that he is in charge. He is not really interested in either of us as I have understood.
The father and mother used to attend a rehab center support group but they gave up years ago. They never listened to the advice they gave and never spoke about it to me. For the last years they basically enable my sister to keep taking drugs and my mother says that "they are helping her".
Anyway, this is a long story that has ran over about 20 years now, most of which I have been away. It is simply extremely difficult to have any conversation with either of those people: either they are not itnerested, or they will start an argument, or they will start blaming me about something, or there will be a totally illogical conversation. All of them are in denial of their stubborn, aggressive, illogical, lying behaviour. For years I would try to tell friends and family about their weird behaviour but it seems that the close circle in the family are in denial about what is going on.
As of the last few months, I am currently attending a group for family members of people with mental disorders, where I have met more relatives of people with schizophrenia and other mental illnesses and it feels like life finally makes a little sense. We can finally speak about mental ilness openly and about how people like my family behave, and feel like I am not the crazy one (as my father also tries to make out).
Does my father's behaviour sound psychopathic? Or what else could it be? Is it just malignant narcissism? I would appreciate our answers.