Article - Laura Knight-Jadczyk

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Contributing Editors
Laura Knight-Jadczyk
Sam Montgomery
Joe Quinn
Henry See
Susan Jesson-Ward

Signs of the Times


Esoteric Christianity

To Be or Not To Be

Splitting Realities


Something Wicked This Way Comes

OPs: The Other Race

The Bogdanov Singularity

Quantum Future School

The Quantum Future School

Splitting Reality

As the reader might guess, as I was transcribing the stages of the ascent from the Eastern Gnostic Christianity, I was facing, in a sense, my own responsibility.

I should explain to the reader that for me, finding and reading Mouravieff in the late spring of 2002 was an amazing experience. I had been looking for the link between Christianity, the Grail stories and the Northern Siberian Shamanism for several years. It was easy to see that the ensembles must have originated from an even more ancient form, and in Mouravieff, the elements were together in one place. In addition, it provided the links to Sufism, and finally, the puzzle of the C's was becoming clear. All of them were from the same Tradition, and its presence as the true underground stream of Gnosis across time and space was now confirmed. Untangling the threads, connecting the dots, all of the work of many, many years that I had thought would never lead to the answer, was now bearing fruit. What was more, I was able to see the "matches" in the descriptions Mouravieff gave to what we had experienced ourselves, and what we were continuing to experience. As the C's had pointed out, the true STO way is to discern and choose, and only AFTER one has chosen - with only the feather weight of the heat's incination - does one receive the confirmation that locks in the knowledge which leads to faith that is not blind. If one chooses based on "proof," one is not choosing freely, the proof has denied Free Will. One of the significant confirmations was that Mouravieff came to my eyes immediately following the "test" of Fire in which we had been burning for the previous nine months. Whether or not that period of time is significant in terms of the "birth" process, I have no idea. But it was certainly interesting.

But, back to the narrative. There I was, transcribing the description of the very initiation I had experienced in the spring of 1996 - again, after a nine month struggle.

Faced with the Second Threshold, everything that has been learned mechanically loses its force; all the buffers, all the auto-tranquillizers, must be broken and thrown away. All the debts must be paid in the proper coin. At the same time, the faithful has to rid himself of those illusory and imaginary duties which sometimes acquire a hypnotic force, and to which a human being attaches real value. This confrontation with oneself generally takes a dramatic course because of the karmic debt which each one of us carries. But this is inevitable.

I had described this very process in the Wave Series as the Shamanic Initiation where one is "Stripped to the Bone." And Mouravieff's next words pierced into my heart with the realization of great truth. I had described this process of "taking stock" as falling in endless space. All I had been able to do was describe the process as I had experienced it. I had no idea at the time that I experienced that it was a "standard" by which to measure one's progress. It was only later that I read Gurdjieff's description of the "First Initiation," that one must be willing to pay all and everything, and here was what Mouravieff was calling "the second threshold" exactly as I had passed through it:

Man must now take stock of all his mental possessions, since until this time the greatest part of these possessions were outside his field of observation, somewhere in the archives of his subconsciousness. He will be surprised when constating the contents of that subconsciousness, just what he may discover in there; traces of heroic acts, and perhaps of the most ignoble crimes as well. [This is the truth of the commonly touted New Age idea of "integration" which, unfortunately, has taken on the context of "mixing" the dark and light of the self.]

If he runs away from this monster - in which he must recognize himself - this will be the fall, full of the worst dangers. His attitude must be one of ATTACK. Then the personality monster will give way. At that moment, man will become master of himself.

This moment is decisive. From now on, strengthened by the victory won, the man's task will be to transfigure his Personality. He should convey to it an image of Radiant Beauty. In the language of the Tradition, we can say that at this time the Betrothed is adorned with her bridal gown.

This done, the Betrothed will be ready to meet the Bridegroom.

Even though the process is very much like dying - and there we see the alchemical symbology - I felt nothing but joy upon reading what Mouravieff had to say. By passing the test of fire, I had been given a token that all our suffering was certainly worthwhile. And I also realized that this metaphor that Mouravieff used: the Betrothed is adorned with her bridal gown - was highly significant. Because, it was in September of 1995 that I dreamed I was a Bride, and which was recorded in the sessions, and it was almost exactly nine months later that Ark - the Bridegroom - came.

With the crossing of the Second Threshold, the developed and harmonized personality will be born. This is the second Birth, analogous to physical birth from every point of view. Having crossed the Second Threshold, the Personality unites itself with the real "I." Man then becomes man # 5. After the Second Threshold, the True Way begins.

And so it was. For several years after this event, I was as helpless as a baby. When I later read in Mouravieff the ancient Tradition about Polar beings, after the C's had referred to Ark and me as "colinear," and in consideration of all our experiences, that again I knew I was now holding in my hands a big piece of the puzzle of the Ancient Tradition from before the Fall of mankind into 3rd density. I had been searching all my life, and I knew we were on the staircase of Ascension well and truly. As the C's had said:

Q: (L) At this point, it is not accomplishing a whole lot except drawing down fire on our heads! (A) Right!
A: You should rejoice! From the fire comes light. Patience pays. You are on the right track.

Which brought me to consider the present situation. Mouravieff wrote that "the interior man enters the higher level of esoteric teaching" and he is now obliged to start teaching others." Well, we had done even that. Of course, we were climbing the staircase under the guidance of the C's, but again, there was a remarkable correspondence. And what struck me at that moment was the deep truth of what this teaching, the school, and all the other activities we had undertaken, were about. Because, "it is while teaching others that he acquires new faculties corresponding to particular elements of his Individuality. In the terminology of St. Paul, these are the gifts of the Holy Spirit. At this stage man becomes a master seen from below, but seen from above he has the title of assistant. The first new basic faculty - common to ALL individualities, and developed all along the stages of this level - is an aptitude for spontaneously distinguishing the true from the false. This aptitude will be the distinguishing sign of the New Man in the Cycle of the Holy Spirit."

It was certainly staring me in the face. I knew what I was seeing, and I knew that the C's had told me years in advance that "seeing the unseen" was one of my gifts. I didn't always like what I saw, and I most definitely didn't like to act on it because when other people cannot see what I see, they don't always understand why I do what I do. Nevertheless, there it was. Ark could see it and I could see it, and I decided that it was time to ACT. How could I continue to climb the staircase if I didn't do what was before me to do, as difficult as it might be? And so I wrote the following post to the group in response to B**'s post:

BT wrote: I repeat, there are no personal attacks here.

Hi, You have raised several good points. Going back over the posts on the subject, nowhere do I find anything to suggest that anyone suggested anything to GG other than: "been there, done that... don't want to waste time on that one... not worth it... if you are still there, go have a look at the archives and catch up so we can go forward."

None of this was an attack on GG directly or indirectly.

However, at this point, in the interests of learning - and I do not for a moment think that GG is interested in my views here, so this is not for her. Her cup is already full - I would like to point out that GG seems to have been so identified with what she was doing - either consciously or unconsciously - that the dismissal of the subject as being not worth serious consideration was perceived by her as comparable to an incident that has bugged her for 20 years.

The first thing that comes to my mind about the incident she described was "why did it bug her for 20 years?" It was so trivial as to be almost not worth mentioning except as a joke.

Why was GG so invested in being "right" then?

And why is GG so invested in being "right" now?

Let's recapitulate here:

In her post, GG compared the responses to her Anna Hayes' posts to an incident 20 years ago where she was, apparently, "not forgiven" for "breaking the rules." She then said that this event "upset the members for months (some members *never* forgave me)."

She then goes on with her story, suggesting in an indirect way that there are parallels. This is manipulation and not being honest.

After this, she mentions running into one of the members of that group who told her:

"you're quite the iconoclast" with a weird look on his face. I was speechless still feeling beat up over the "incident."

This is designed to suggest indirectly that a similar event took place in this group, and that GG is an iconoclast and a brave soul, no doubt. This is manipulation and not being honest.

She next tells us - in this story that is cleverly designed to manipulate the reader into drawing comparisons - "Twenty years have passed and the challenges I encountered in the male- dominated computer business in New York tested my metal (sic) far beyond anything I ever imagined (in contrast, the "incident" at ULT and the "incident" on this list -- were nothing more than tame little disagreements in a first grade classroom)."

This, of course, is designed to suggest not so indirectly that the group is a "first grade classroom." This is manipulation and is not being honest.

She continues with a standard example of "ycyor" stories that are trotted out at numerous New Age 101 seminars, twists and distorts recent discussions with vague generalizations, and finishes with "If we believe we will be eaten, we probably will."

This, of course, is designed to suggest that everyone in this group believes that they will be eaten, and that this belief is what makes it so. Aside from the fact that we here meet one of the great lies of the Matrix - designed to conceal its activities - the Evil Magician convincing a person that they are a great magician - it is also manipulation and not being honest.


From FJ:

Feedback to Laura:

Only that your statments of "manipulation and not being honest" may not have been consciously planned by the author, but are subconscious thinking patterns of hers. Other than that, your analysis seems correct.

By the way, I am a little sad that I did not have the time to post to GG early regarding my experiences with the group concerning my claim of a Anna Hayes and Wingmaker connection and the personal fluff I had about the Darkness over Tibet article. It might have helped make things a wee bit more concrete. The response postings to GG began to slide off into vague generalization so quickly, I kinda lost the thread except for the tit-for-tat postings.

The same individual, FJ, had some questions of his own along the lines of the same subject and we had the following exchange at this same point in time:

Laura, You said in your post,

"Those two options are what make creation possible. The STS option promotes the "let's get beyond dualities" theme because it serves the agenda of incorporating all to itself regardless of Free Will. The STO option says: "I'm o.k. and you're o.k. even if you are STS. I just don't choose your option.""

I think I need some clarification/comeuppance here--my impression was that the STO view fully respected the dualistic nature of our existence (which your statment supports).

L: Yes.

FJ: Even at the 6th density, but there the duality manifests more as longwave/short wave or balance of light/dark without value judgements about either side of that duality.

L: Yes.

FJ: Nevertheless, there is WORK that we choose to do on ourselves that is APPAPRENTLY (from a relative point of view of where we are now) moving us toward a more non-dual expression of being (or at least non- judgemental).

L: Of course. Union with the One at 7th density - but only after 6th density - before which we have to make it to 5th, 4th, etc.

What seems to me to be apparent is that many "truths" are propagated as a means of diversion... it's like giving the car keys to a three year old and telling him to make a run to the store and buy beer.

Yeah, that's a sick analogy, but as K** has pointed out - and I have seen what he is talking about - the manipulations are sick and deep. As Ra pointed out, we, with our limited 3rd density perspective, cannot "plumb the depths of STS manipulations." That appears, on first glance, as a rather neutral statement. But when considered in all its ramifications, from the 3rd density perspective, it is horrifying.

And this tendency to be horrified is one of the things we seek to overcome. And that leads us to the idea of accepting the reality AS IT IS - objectively. That leads to realizing that the universe is NOT broken AS IT IS.

But then, when the understanding widens, we realize that the universe exists because of Free Will. And we understand that half of the Universe has chosen the Free Will option of refusing to accept the Free Will option. And that the only way the Free Will option to reject Free Will exists is because the other half Accepts the Free Will option. A paradox.

And so, the result is that TRUE service to others - including STS - is refusing to accept the rejection of Free Will. And that condition - that "duality" - exists all the way "up the line" right to the instant of Reunion with the One.

FJ: So, I guess what I may be disagreeing with (depending on your meaning) is "I'm ok; you're ok". In 3D, the part of the balance that is shortwave and dark is reflected into behaviours that harm ourselves and others and when we realize this, we acknowledge that we are bankrupt (picking up a theme of yours from another thread) .

L: Yes. But we don't have the right to declare that they are "wrong" in their reality. Those who come to this realization are like the Prodigal Son who "traveled to a foreign country." When he realized his condition, he did not decide to bomb the foreign country with love and light, he went home. He is the one who went there - of course with a certain idea in mind which didn't turn out the way he planned. And only when he realized certain things did he decide that it wasn't the place for him and made the choice and took the action to "go home."

FJ: So, it is NOT QUITE "I'm ok, your're ok" from the point of view of expansion and fundamental well being. It's the idea of manifesting consciously and actively and in lived experience that we are not broken, regardless of X, Y and Z.

L: Sure. We are the Prodigal Son. But the foreign country is still what it is, and it is still "okay" in the sense that it is not broken and it is not our job to fix it, change it, convert all its residents, or whatever. It IS okay AS a "foreign country." But it isn't okay in the sense of being "home."

It's just a choice. If you are a resident of the foreign country, it's home to you!

FJ: You said: "They have assumed that the "battle" is between matter and spirit and that matter has to be "spiritualized" to end the "duality."" I would add, that ending the duality is arriving at a being/process manifestation where form ("matter" at 3D density) and being ("spirit" at 3D density) are merged with potential for flashing out as one or the other as situations arise.

L: Ending the duality is Union with the One. It only comes after you pass through several densities, and you can only do that after you have learned the lessons of the density you are in and either figure out how to bootstrap yourself, or it happens at the ending/beginning of a cycle, in which case you are automatically "graduated" to where you "fit."

Another member responded with feedback:

TJ wrote: Is it a fair assessment, to say that GG's cup is already full. I havent yet had to opportunity to get a good glimse of hers, maybe you're seeing something Im not?

L: I am.

TJ: Strategies of teaching is what this boils down to, I guess. If the 'cold bucket' approach is the one on this board, allright! I'll take it. Hey, It may well work for all I know. But it is in contradiction to how this post started out. I (and this is my very personal approach to helping people along their path) would have directed her to an old post where this had been discussed, or recommended a few books that shed light on or critiques the philosophies expressed in GG's posts.

L: All of that was done in the initial exchanges. But those suggestions were perceived as personal attack as you now see because that is how GG has described it. And instead of discussing the issues, GG stood back and refused to participate.

The same thing has occurred numerous times, most notably in the case of VB who also refused to participate in any discussions or answer any questions about his "enochian magic" presentation.

He then followed this with a manipulative and insulting post to the group very similar in nature to what GG has just written, though much longer and more rambling with a lot more emotional triggers and NLP worked into it.

TJ: That was the only point I would object to in your reply, the rest is in my opinion, fair and if taken correctly should start a cascade of self-reflection.

Not likely. Remember this from Illion:

"Are you never attacked by animals?"

"Seldom, " I answered. "The animals which are on the rising branch of life are very kind to me. I do not think even a lion would attack me, although I never met one. I have had very pleasant experiences, though, with bears and some other so-called wild animals."

"I heard a story about a bear," said Dolma. "I will tell it to you. Perhaps you will be able to tell me whether such a thing can happen... A man who often broke the law which prohibits hunting had obtained a white man's death stick in the Lhasa district, and when he returned to his province he went out bear- hunting. He had shot several bears, but one day, just while he followed the track of an animal, a strong bear suddenly appeared just behind his back... [...] The hunter was so afraid when he saw the big bear just behind his back that he dropped his gun and stared aghast at the animal, who could have crushed him in a couple of seconds. [...] The bear looked at the frail creature who stood tremblingly before him, his gun lying at his feet, and calmly walked away."

"I can believe that, " I said, "for bears have a soul, although they are only at times individualized. By the way, it is easy to say whether the hunter in the story had a soul or not."


"If the hunter had a soul, it was impossible for him to take up the gun to shoot after the bear. If he was soulless, he would have done so at once."

At this point, I realized that one of the most important things for all people who are "seekers" to grasp is the frailty and unreliability of our perceptions and judgment. I don't think I have ever met a "seeker" who was living a satisfactory life. In fact, most people turn to religion or metaphysics because they have "life issues," they are in pain, the feel a lack of some sort, and they are looking for answers. One of the earliest lessons I had learned was that part of the reason that the "seeker" type of person has "life issues" of one sort or another is because they are having some sort of issue with life itself. I had observed and asked questions of people for many years, and I understood that there were basically two kinds of people: predators and prey. Predators are almost never unhappy. Prey types are almost always unhappy. But clearly, the answer was not to become a predator.

So this had been something on my mind for many years: how to resolve this problem in a way that conserves the "good qualities" in the human being. Because certainly, if you are prey, you will never "grow" in this reality. But, at the same time, how could a person say that they had learned all the lessons of this reality if they had not come to some resolution of this problem? To not be a predator on others, and to still be able to successfully manage one's life in at least the ordinary ways?

I have written a number of times that I had heard so many people who claimed to be spiritual seekers complain that they were just "not meant for this world." They would go on and on about how sensitive they were, how dreadful it was to be born in a body of flesh and be subjected to its degrading appetites or repellant activities. And when they had endless problems of one sort or another, I would get an earful of those problems, all of which were blamed on the fact that they were just so spiritual, and weren't they suffering nobly?

It wouldn't have been so nauseating if I hadn't heard it a thousand times in a Christian context while I was growing up. Of course, the reason given for it was "original sin." And of course, AFTER one was "saved," and the same problems prevailed, it was because one had to "suffer" to get to heaven, give until it hurts, turn the other cheek, and so on. I realized with a shock one day that there was something wrong with this picture.

Here was this potentially wonderful and beautiful natural world - even beautiful when it was angry and shaking and spewing smoke and fire and lava - and it was supposed to be a curse? And then there were babies, and flowers, and sunsets and dragonflies and puppies - and this was "revolting?" And what about love? What about this feeling of transcendance that seizes the heart at the sight of the nape of a child's neck, the laughter of a grandmother with turquoise eyes, the color and scent of the air before a storm? How could anybody condemn this world and curse it? What kind of sick mind would make up a God who would create a child, only to crush it with a burden of sin?

Well, we won't go there now because the point is that I knew that the options we were offered in terms of beliefs or understanding or operation in our reality were no choices at all. And this struck me as surpassingly strange.

After a number of "experiments," I came to realize that the main problem of the human being is how they perceive things. Part of this was due to the revelations of many subjects under hypnosis. When a person had a problem, when it was investigated by using hypnosis to go back to the event and deconstruct it, analyze it, resolve it, and then understand it, it became clear over and over and over again that there is something seriously wrong with human perceptions and understanding. It seemed that nobody EVER really perceived things as they really were, with any depth. Everything was subjective. This bothered me a lot. Well, sure, a lot of psychologists and psychiatrists and other therapists have said this, or something similar, but I noticed that many of them never applied it to themselves, and most people would read about this idea and never, ever think it was active in their own life. And the ones who denied it the most, were the ones who had the most "life issues." So, I realized that there was a connection between pain and suffering and perception on which one's actions are based.

Gurdjieff, of course, went after this problem in a big way, but I wasn't exactly sure that his way was the best one because, of course, it took a long time in most cases, and he apparently didn't have very good results overall. The C's had talked extensively about objectivity and subjectivity, identifying the former as the essential condition for serving others, while subjectivity was the inward turning, contractile mode of perception of STS. Based on my own experiences as a hypnotherapist, I can certainly verify that this is true. As I continued to read Mouravieff, I found that his ideas about the root of the problem were very similar to my own. And, just as I had understood it, Mouravieff stressed the importance of developing objectivity. I knew that if the group could really, deeply, understand this problem and work on it as a group, as I had done in a less intense and more protracted way on my own for so many years, the potential for exponential development was unlimited. I wrote as follows:

On the subject of objectivity Mouravieff has written:

We cannot reach the objective except through the medium of the subjective. This is the underlying reason for esoteric studies: they allow the exterior man to give objective validity to his subjective mentality. He can achieve this by a technique analogous to one we apply to precision instruments: before putting them to work, we determine the reading error of each. By taking the subjectivity of instruments into account in this way, we obtain correct readings from them, in spite of their flaws.

To observe the phenomena of our internal world and those of the external world with precision, we must have recognized and determined the reading error of our mental instrument for observation, one of the main tools of the Personality.

All esoteric teaching is oriented towards this goal which is reached with the Second Birth - when man attains a new form of consciousness and existence which is quite different, objective - and which exterior man can only represent to himself in a vague and obscure way.

What we are doing here, in the Quantum Future School, reproduces this process in a remarkable way.

Years ago I was thinking about a certain lesson I was experiencing - "yet again" - and I was raking the yard while doing this pondering. For me, gardening, or any kind of rhythmic work where the breathing is more or less automatically "paced" is a good time to do this kind of thinking.

Anyway, the lesson had to do with the fact that I was always helping people and those I had helped were always turning around and stabbing me in the back rather viciously. Usually it had to do with me giving or lending money or my things. We have talked about this type of situation here in the group at several points, with some real horror stories, so we know that this is a common experience and that it almost never relates to any kind of "mirroring" of reality. We know that it is the predator/prey relationship. We have also examined many examples and have realized that it is SORT of a "you create your own reality" thing ONLY in the sense that these things happen to us until we learn how not to be prey. When the cat eats the mouse, it is not because the cat represents some unresolved unworthiness issues in the mouse's psyche - it's because the cat is a predator, and the mouse is its natural prey. The same is the case with human beings. When the mouse learns about cats, cats don't enter its reality any more. When human beings learn about predatory people who take advantage of them, they don't have those experiences any more.

At this particular point in my life, I had already come to the understanding that the Universe interacts with us in a direct way and when we ask a completely "open" question, it will answer - though the answer will come in the form of a dynamic. I knew from this that the Universe was a school type of situation and that things would happen over and over again unless and until we "got it."

So, there I was - emotionally crushed again by the cruel treatment of someone I had tried to help - who had made it so CLEAR to me how much they needed help, and I had "stepped into the gap" and gave all.


And I was going over and over in my mind all of the OTHER times this had happened, trying to identify the common elements of each situation so as to extract what it was I was supposed to learn. Was it wrong to help? what kind of lesson would that be? I didn't think that was the answer. Was I supposed to learn how to give and be hurt over and over again just to wear off the "being hurt" part of it? Was I supposed to be insensitive?

That didn't seem to be the answer because in a number of cases, the person hurting me also hurt my children and I didn't see how that could be right. By helping one person, you end up causing pain or suffering for a whole group of other people. Nope. That can't be it.

I would like to report that I came to the answer there and then just from my own efforts at thinking, but that isn't the case. It wasn't until several years later, after learning about the ideas of STS and STO and the difference between manipulating - which is violation of Free Will - and true asking - which is open and sincere - that I finally understood that when I allowed myself to be manipulated by people who are talented manipulators, and when I "made a connection" to their reality by giving in response to manipulation, that I effectively invited negativity into my life. They were cats, I was a mouse. I had to learn about cats and stop being a mouse.

So, what is the point here?

The point is that we have a method of obtaining objectivity that doesn't just follow this model, it improves on it.

What I was doing at that moment was becoming aware that something wasn't quite right. And by becoming aware of it - through repeating experiences - I was beginning to realize that there WERE what Mouravieff calls "A" influences and "B" influences.

Becoming aware of it was the first step.

I then began to "experiment."

What I want to say is that we have a life, a history, a series of experiences that we can REMEMBER - and when we remember them as they really happened, we can begin to think about our "track record." That is: do we make choices and decisions that seem to be good, but later turn out to be disasters?

If so, then we HAVE to realize that somehow, our mental instrument has some serious "reading errors."

Well, once I knew that I obviously could not make good decisions because I was so easily manipulated, I sought outside help. I decided that before I made a decision to do something, I would explain the whole situation to several people and get some feedback of their views. I also decided that the ones I would listen to the most attentively were the ones who had demonstrated in their life example, an ability to make better decisions than I was making.

Admittedly, finding somebody who wasn't always in the soup was a little tough.

And it was really a surprise to me to hear how different their views were of the different scenarios I would propose to them.

I would even tell them about past scenarios... to get feedback about what they would have done. And it was a surprise to hear how differently they would have acted.

But, little by little, I sharpened my perceptions by "networking" in this way. And little by little, the way I saw things changed. I widened my view of the world. I learned to be more "objective."

And this didn't consist of me "looking at all sides of a thing" - Heck, I thought I had been doing that for years. Because the fact is, even when we think we are looking at all sides of an issue, because of the "reading error" of our mental machinery, we still make the same mistakes.

So, for those of you who are not happy with the events in your lives, who have made many decisions based on what you thought was careful analysis, only to have the whole thing blow up in your face - the problem may be lack of objectivity. Look at your track record. All aspects of your life. All levels. You may be good at business decisions and lousy at personal or relationship decisions. Maybe you need to apply your business acumen to relationships. Something like that.

The reading errors in our machines have to be measured and those tolerances accomodated in order to be objective.

And then, once we are better prepared to be objective, we can then begin to discern between "A" influences and "B" influences.

As some of the readers know, we have several clinical psychologists in the School. One of them had the following feedback on the GG issue to offer:

AP: Hi all, I would like to make some comments on the GG situation.

First, I feel Laura raised some good questions regarding the underlying emotional dynamics of what happened and why. IMO this exchange and GG's reaction is a good example of something we all must figure out about ourselves. Why do we react the way we do with certain triggering words, people or events? What is the orgin of the response? What should we do about it now?

What happened with GG is a good example of the human machine in operation due to a lack of awareness. What was the cause of her reaction in New York with the Theosophisical Society? Because of that experience she was traumatized. She continues to carry this orginal trauma into every life situation and it most likely influences future perceptions and the cycle continues on autopilot.

What should be done about it now? A careful examination of the original traumatic event and a willingness to see it from each person's perspective could shed some light. One could ask why were the people in the Theosop. Soc. so upset. IMO it is very easy to "goof up" politically when you don't understand the emotional lay of the land. Is this what happened? GG has had a repeat of this mechanically patterned response which has provided her and us a wonderful opportunity for self-examination.

Not everybody in the group "gets it" immediately. And we understand that thinking completely out of the box, in a way that hasn't been done truly for thousands of years, is not easy - especially with the programs and manipulations of our world having been in place for so long. The following is an exchange between one member and Ark:

ZH: So basically what this is saying, do not do anything.

Ark: Just the converse, do all you can

Z: Do not think about things one way or another, because it is all going to be correct and as it should be regardless of what you do or stop doing and thinking..just live and let live.

Ark: Just the converse, do and think - all you can.

Z: Stop trying to fix the world

A: True only in part. Fixing a broken pipe is an example; and myself. Stopping lying to ourselves is a "fix".

Z: stop trying to figure it all out

A: Never stop trying!

Z: because it has long ago been figured out

A: If so, then it was not me. I have still long way to go.

Z: and nothing is going to change it..

A: When I fix the pipe - its stops leaking and my water bill mirrors it, and my mind is free to concentrate on research - which can make a difference.

Z: just live.

A: AND live - here we agree. But only here. All the rest above is a terrible twist. Think about it!

Z: Free will provides me with the choice now to do nothing. Free will provides the predator to do whatever he wants, but I have the free will that says to the predator," that is your right, but I do not have to conform or agree with it."

A: In fact, free will is not given to us as a gift. It takes a great effort and understanding to cease to be a machine. Machines do not have free will. They obey mechanical laws. Often we have an illusion of exercising free will. To stop this illusion impartial, objective (see Laura's posts earlier today) self observation is needed - to correct for reading errors of our instruments.

Z: We are all already perfect, we just need to realize we are perfect.

A: No. We need to observe ourselves. Machines are also perfect. Dogs are perfect too. But do we want to be machines or dogs? Or do we want to LEARN some lessons during the time we are given in 3D?

Z: We cannot cast judgement because of free will

A: But we can LEARN. And we can CHANGE due to our learning experience.

Z: Having nothing to say is a good thing.

A: Sometimes - not always. Your bitterness shows up again. Or so I think.

The posts from the group that are presented here are just a tiny fraction of what goes on every, single day. As an online school, we basically operate 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and it is available all over the world with global membership. One of our members from Central America wrote the following:


Laura wrote"A change in world view can change the world viewed." What a concept! And, most important, "Our looking enters as one of the determinants in the reality event that we see. ...The asking of an ultimately serious question, which means to be seized in turn by an ultimately serious quest, reshapes our concepts in favor of the kinds of perceptions needed to "see " the answer ." These remarks take us, again, to the idea of "Grail Consciousness," which is the "asking of the question." And, of course, to ask a question with NO assumptions about the answer is the key to being able to more fully SEE the universe as it is.

G here: These are indeed powerful ideas by Pearce and Laura. I now recall that they uprooted some deeply ingrained inner processes within myself, and from the moment I first read them they actually effected a radical change in what had up to that point been "wishful thinking" masquerading as "praying".

I realised the delusion of praying for what you want, and the inner process I referred to morphed into more STO dynamics. Ever since I've found myself addressing a specific question at my higher self, which more or less goes along the lines of: "Can you help me see the nature of the reality that has been veiled from my eyes?". This, I think, presupposes an acceptance of whatever comes, having shed the former itch to have the universe confirm my own take on reality.

I presume, though, that I have been astute enough to realise that such revelation of the true nature of reality would hardly come as a complete holographic download, like a vision of the "whole truth" unfolding before my eyes in wonderful Technicolor complete with background narration, and would come instead as a progression, one realisation after another, by a process of constantly heating the crucible to the point of melt-down. The former would be a kind of STS revelation, like being offered a "free lunch" (and I wonder if many so-called saints and visionaries were not just too eager to be handed down a free lunch-box complete with plastic toy), whereas the latter is the actual STO, slow reshaping of the perceptions.

I won't shy away from admitting that I think the whole process of learning to think with a hammer, which I have endeavoured to fully grasp as a result of being on this group, is one of the most valuable revelations, and coming across this revelation is nothing short of true magic: my higher self probably bringing me to the here and now of this list, as the unfolding of the answering my question, step by step.

As a result of this, no small reshaping of my concepts has been underway (a MAJOR overhaul is more likely the term) and, yes, I think my perceptions have been slowly morphing into those more likely to allow me to see the answer.

Ark responded to GA:

G wrote: "Can you help me see the nature of the reality that has been veiled from my eyes?". This, I think, presupposes an acceptance of whatever comes, having shed the former itch to have the universe confirm my own take on reality.

The wording is also important. You asked "Can you help me...", and there is good chance that you will be helped. Other people (like VB) use the command "Show me .." It is clear that IF they will be shown anything - it will be a lie, because we are not able to SEE the true nature of reality, it would kill us. But asking for "help" is all different, because this way you will not expose yourself to the danger, and you can be helped to see the truth, even if a little at a time, proportional to your actual knowledge and your actual strength. Or so I think.

As our "normal" school interactions continued, there was a rumble in the background, there was a clamor from about three of the members who kept aggressively and repeatedly attempting to draw the group into an argument about the "you create your own reality" idea, supporting it with endless quotations from channeled sources or contactees - new age COINTELPRO all of it. But we didn't know that then. We only knew that we had examined the idea carefully, and we knew that there was a scientific basis for the "observer created reality" in a certain sense, but we also could clearly see that the way it was being taught and promoted was disinfo at best, outright fraud at worst. Dozens of members were drawn into the fray, patiently, over and over explaining to those who - for reasons we could not fathom - kept insisting on forcing the discussion in those lines. It got so bad that finally one member wrote:

CJ: It seems to me that there are major transitions trying to unfold in many of us here and suddenly there is this diversion of energies. I am not in the camp that it is purposeful on any one's part but perhaps some of us have been used to divert energy from the dynamic that was taking place with Mouravieff's material. I do not doubt that there is also a lesson in all of it for me and others but it is almost making me mad to see the excitement I had with this material become so diluted with what seems to me to be obvious matrix tinkering. But then I am new at identifying these things and I may have it all wrong.

I responded: No, CJ, you are SEEing.

Since most of the group was quite excited to discuss Mouravieff, the C's, esoteric Christianity, and getting copies of the books was difficult, I undertook to transcribe and condense important passages. One of the most important, after dealing with our "machine," was the issue of lying. I hoped that this subject would interest the distractors and argumentative types who, I should add, based on their previous participation, seemed to be acting extremely out of character. I didn't realize, of course, that they were only now revealing their concealed intentions to enter the group under false pretenses, and "fix us" by forcing on everyone THEIR reality.

Laura here:

 Reading over the posts from yesterday and this morning, I thought that now was  a very good time to give additional focus to the major problem of our world -  lying.  Mouravieff writes about it:

We live in a world ruled by lies  Lying and stealing are the dominant elements  of human character whatever the race, creed or caste.  Whoever says that this  is not true simply tells another lie.  Man lies because in a world ruled by  lies it is not possible for him to do otherwise. 

Jesus said to the pharisees:  "Your father is the devil and it is your will to  doe the lusts of your father... He stands not in the truth because there is no  truth in him.  when he utters a lie, he speaks of his own: for he is a liar and  the father of lies."

We have talked extensively about psychopaths as major "vectors" of the Matrix-of-lies in which we live - lies that pervade all the sciences and history and  religion and politics which dominate our world.  Lies that have been told for  millennia, getting deeper and darker with each passing century.

Many members of the group have been doing research into these matters,  uncovering one lie after the other.  So many lies that it is nearly impossible  to believe that we can live in such a structure and not go mad.

Continuing with Mouravieff:

Yet man feels that he should not lie.  In his inmost heart lives a vague memory  of the pure, unperverted consciousness he had before the "fall."  Every normal  and sane human being experiences, more than once, nostalgia for an uncorrupted  life, and bitter regret that they are snared in the meshes of cheating, both  moral and material.

Man, however, lets himself be bound more and more in life: his faculty for  lying gives him the marvellous impression of being able to arrange things for  the best in difficult situations, but he forgets that lies, once uttered, put  him under obligation. 

Imaginary facts created in these acts demand a context, if not completely  identical, must at leas support the circumstances within which we live and act.

 As long as we deal with insignificant facts, lying does not often result in  serious consequences; conversely, in the absence of an adequate context, a  serious lie unfailingly leads to catastrophe commensurate with the importance  of the problem.  We remain unaware of this link between statement and context,  which is the underlying reason why this law applies with the harsh rigidity to  which Jesus drew our attention by saying:  "There is nothing covered that shall  not be revealed; nor hid that shall not be known and exposed to the light of  day."  In talking about this to his disciples, Jesus added: "Before anything  else, beware the leaven of the Pharisees which is hypocrisy, the form of the  lie which is so pernicious.


When a man goes in search of the Way, it generally signifies that something  within him has collapsed.  Apart from exceptional cases, this collapse is  preceded by a re-assessment of moral values, which in the searcher's eyes lose  the value he had previously given to them.  This reassessment has been provoked  by the accumulation of more or less violent shocks which have given birth to  negative emotions.

The humility demanded by the Tradition is necessary as a screen against the  noxious influences to which the least exterior or interior success exposes man.

Interior collapse leads to certain consequences.  Man starts to see things in a  different light.  Two diametrically opposed effects can result.  If man is  sufficiently strong and impartial, he will not lower his eyes before implacable  reality.  He will have the courage to face things directly, and to accept the  constations that are imposed on him, no matter how disagreeable they are.

This signifies that he has firmly started on the track which leads to the Path  of Access of the Way.

On the other hand, if the man is weak, this experience will weaken him even  more.

The law is explicit:  "To whosoever hath, to him shall be given.  But whosoever  hath not, from him shall be taken away even that which he hath."

If man does not accept his situation and, in particular in inner state as it  appears to him, thanks to brief illuminations from the consciousness of the  real "I," - if he is obstinate against all evidence, justifying his personality  by protecting himself behind logic, legitimacy and justice, he will then turn  his back on the Path of Access, and thrust himself further into the Wilderness.

We repeat:  unless he is one of the just or righteous (not very likely), NOBODY  can reach the Path of Access to the Way without first passing through an  INTERIOR bankruptcy; a Moral Collapse. 

We now look at what should be his attitude toward the milieu in which he lives,  as well as its attitude towards him.

An incorrect attitude at the start will create added difficulties and  obstacles, which can be avoided.

Economy of energies is a must, as the walk to and on the Way demands their  total mobilization.  Any unjustified expenditure can lead in the end to  failure.

We must always keep this in mind.

In general, the reaction of those around the person who begins to search for  the Way is negative.

This negative attitude is the result of the action of the General Law, which,  as we know, tends to keep a man in his place.  Not being able to do this  directly by the action of Illusion, the General Law, when it loses its dominion  over the man who "moves," acts indirectly by the mediation of those around him.

It is a classic situation. 

From his side, after having passed through moral bankruptcy, he who seeks the  Way becomes different from men who continue to live within the limits permitted  by the General Law, and thus take the mirage for reality. 

Due to this, he will feel himself more and more isolated.   The center of  gravity of his interest will progressively turn to esoteric work, which will  end by absorbing him completely.

The "World" will be hostile to him, because its own purposes are different.

The day will come - if he remains in the same milieu - where, apart from  exceptions, he will be openly or secretly hated.

If we ponder this in depth, we shall understand that psychologically this  hostile attitude of the "World" towards someone who carries on esoteric work is  not only a normal phenomenon but is so to speak, a necessary one.

If he who lives in the wilderness - and is satisfied to be there, were to  approve of the attitude of one who walks on the track, it would be equivalent  to recognizing his own bankruptcy.

That is why the "World" considers the latter as a failure.  The more he  progresses on his work, the more he becomes an object of hate.  That is why it  is said that "A prophet is not without honor, save in his own country, among  his own kind and in his own house."


In taking to the track, man places himself under the aegis of the Law of  Exception; for this, it is evident that he must escape the hold of the General  Law.

This escape ALWAYS takes on the character of a fight - sometimes a fight to the  death: a fight, as we have already said, against the "World"; against the  ENSEMBLE of INFLUENCES (the Matrix) of those around him, which in principle,  will be NEGATIVE and HOSTILE.

To defeat the "World," this is the watchword for everyone who aspires to Real  Life.


As gradually the center of gravity of the interest we take in life is displaced  towards the magnetic center, [toward TRUTH] finally installing itself inside in a permanent  manner, the pressure of the General Law (Matrix) is increasingly intensified.

Also, the spirit of the ensemble of "A" influences, who watches over the  application of this Law from the outside, seeks to act on man by its agents; by  the "A" influences of his interior world.

[Laura's note: Here we have an almost direct reference to 4 D STS beings.]

We can easily understand that by mastering the inner world, one can close the  door to exterior "A" influences.

[Keep in mind that this "mastering of the inner world" consists in: being sufficiently strong and impartial, so that we do not lower our eyes before implacable  reality.  Mastering the "inner world" consists in having the courage to face things directly, and to accept the constations that are imposed on us, no matter how disagreeable they are.]

In the picturesque language of the Tradition, it is said that the beast must be  tamed, and the wolf transformed into a trustworthy guard dog.  The General Law  will then have no more power over the individual.

That is the theory.

Its application poses a multitude of problems.

To master the "A" influences in his inner world, man must modify his attitude  towards them. 

[Again, Keep in mind that this "mastering of the A influences" consists in: being sufficiently strong and impartial, so that we do not lower our eyes before implacable  reality.  Mastering the "inner world" consists in having the courage to face things directly, and to accept the constations that are imposed on us, no matter how disagreeable they are.]

Man has no power over facts even though he often thinks he has.  But even  though the facts are outside of his control, the attitude he takes towards them  depends entirely upon him.

Man can make conscious efforts to examine the facts.  The absolute necessity  recurs here that someone who searches for the Way must move on to re-assess the  moral values of his life; to a re-evaluation of his situation within his  surroundings; a deeper examination of his ties and relations with those around  him.

This reassessment demands time, since man's judgment has not, and cannot,  suddenly acquire the necessary objectivity

He must return time and time again to his problems, which he will view each  time under new and more objective illumination, and in consequence in a more  disinterested manner. 

We note that this is entirely the opposite of the YCYOR by what you give attention which teaches that you must "turn within" for the "place of safety."

The day will come when, having ceased to dramatize the facts and justify  himself, each problem will appear to him as it really is: unhidden and  unembellished. Truth.

It is at this moment that the objective and just solution will appear possible  and desirable to him, even though it involves some painful process.  Because,  in this solution he will have found the road to the Truth which sets him free.

The precept of NOT LYING TO ONESELF, when applied to actual situations, demands  a repeated and unceasing revision of the moral values of our life which, most  often, born of our arbitrary nature, are soiled with all the errors which this  carries with it.


As much as possible, he must work silently so as not to draw increased  attention and pressure upon himself.  Otherwise he will be lost, as the  reaction of the "World" against him will be extreme. 

The magnetic center, the new center of consciousness which gradually grows,  takes the three lower centers under its control.  That clearly demands time,  work, a great deal of patience, and perseverance. 

He who takes up esoteric work, says the Tradition, will greatly ease his task  if he proves capable of thinking about it non-stop, like a lover who thinks of  his loved one.

Having reached this point, man must watch carefully that the "A" influences do  not penetrate into his "cage" (his magnetic center).

However, in his inner world the "A" influences will for a long time rage  outside his cage, in obedience to external influence.

Yet, man will henceforth have a refuge within himself, and he will do the  impossible to consolidate it, to make of it a true command post.

This will only be possible at the express condition of not admitting any "A"  influences into his "cage" right from the start.

It is evident that to reach this stage man has to know how to discern these  influences.

And this is what our Quantum Future School is about, and WHY our School is closed and moderated. Ark and I, and now teachers who have also achieved a level of development of the Magnetic Center, are vigilant about "A" influences being quickly identifed and excluded. In order to accumulate the necessary energy, to "heat the alchemical crucible," TRUTH must be amplified. And in order to have some certainty of truth, one must have that 10% inspiration, and the 90% perspiration of hard work and research.

This is easy in certain cases.  It is altogether different when the action of  the General Law manifests itself in the form of temptations, of charm,  attraction.

In this form, "A" influences offer a whole gamut of variations starting with  seduction in its classical manifestations:  money, women, ambition.

If we resist these successfully, then the temptations take more and more  refined forms, parallel to the "B" influences.  These forms vary infinitely,  because they are related to individual cases.  Among the most refined nuances  on the emotional plane we find considerations full of nobility, charity and  compassion.  On the intellectual plane, they come in the form of considerations  relating to the "well understood" benefit of esoteric work.

These influences, which are parallel to the "B" influences, but of an "A"  nature, and MUST BE UNCOVERED BY SUBTLE ATTENTIVENESS, and a FIRM UNAMBIGUOUS  ATTITUDE must be taken toward them.

[We note that this was Ark's approach to Mr. IL, but Mr. IL was so lost in the "refined nuances" of the lies that play on considerations "full of nobility, charity and  compassion and the "well understood" benefit of esoteric work."]

Once we are lodged in our "cage," (with a firm magnetic center of "B"  influences), our attitude toward "A" influences takes a new aspect: from now on  we act as agents for the "B" influences, working on their account.

BIG WARNING: Passing from one state to another cannot be done without conscious effort,  without work, and struggle.

The man who decides to enter the Track in search of the Way has, in principle,  become another man: but at first he remains weak, drowsy and pitiful. 

He must first accumulate strength.  That is why he must work silently at first  so as not to provoke greater pressure from the General Law.  The (Matrix) would  quickly drain the new reserves of strength, which had been accumulated.  One  must therefore gain time and as much as possible delay the reaction of the  General Law. [Compare this to the remarks of Clarissa Pinkola Estes about "buying time" while the "brothers" or "soul warriors" are on the way.]

This is easier in a monastery.  There the action of the "A" influences is  practically reduced to zero.  There is no struggle for existence; we can  benefit from the help of the superior. 

Esoteric work carried out in life in the world does not offer these advantages.   The presence of a guide, without whom this work is not possible, does not  exclude the influences of life, to which we remain fully exposed.  Neither is  the construction of a cage nor the discovery of a guide enough.

For the seeker will infallibly have tribulations in the world. 

He must live in a state freed from confluence and freed from inner considering,  while frequently using outer considering.

Outer considering must take the form of a game.  - he must acquire prudence and  circumspection if he does not want to be crushed by the blind forces of "A"  influences, forces which can be unleashed by conscious movements too weak to  master them, but which move too far beyond the range of habitual mechanicalness to pass unnoticed. 

He must play his role in life.  Each man is born to play a predetermined role,  but rare are those who play it correctly. 

We now better understand the attitude of the Tradition to lying.  If man wants  to reach the Way, it is imperative that he stops lying to himself from the  first steps on the track.

He must no longer try to justify himself.  He must know when the reasons he  gives for his failures are not valid.  Hypocrisy towards oneself is the leaven  of the pharisees.

An analysis of lying permits us to distinguish the following modes:

1) lying to others 2) Lying to oneself 3)  Useful lies 4)  Useless lies

To these classic cases of lying, one must add two particular cases:

Hypocrisy - the pretence of virtue, or praiseworthy sentiments, with the intent  to deceive persons of good faith.

The Integral Lie - this characterizes that person who, from a habit of lying  and cheating on every occasion, ends by believing his own lies and thus loses  all sense of truth.  The roots of illusion within us: the mother of lies to  ourselves.

These two last cases are the hardest to cure.  Hypocrisy must be deeply rooted  in the Personality of the human being to become an element of his behavior. 

And here we find the essence of those individuals who will attempt to interact with us in their belief that they must "set us straight," or "fix us," or inform us of the REAL truth, according to the gospel of COINTELPRO. They intend to deceive, and pretend to be "in agreement" with us, or in "partial agreement," all the while, as Mr. IL revealed, they do not agree with us at all! And here, the issue is not whether, in an absolute sense, we are right and they are wrong, or they are right and we are wrong. We freely admit that we can be wrong, but we work very hard to limit that possibility. And the real issue here is that Mr. IL and his friends, are certain that they are RIGHT, and they are willing to lie and decieve others in order to "save them." What kind of philosophy must be propagated by deception and hypocrisy? We are going to see this hypocrisy brought to light in these exchanges, so hang on.

No fruitful esoteric work can be undertaken by anyone who has not first rid  himself of this vice.  It is dangerous for a hypocrite to even start searching  for the Way, as he is condemned to fall in advance.

It is the same for him who has become a prey to integral lying. 

It can be said that all men lie in the four ways listed above.  It is only the  intensity which differs from one person to another.

Setting aside cases who lie for the sake of lying, at the root of lying we can  distinguish a whole series of motives; they can spring from the baseness of our  natures or be inspired by the noblest sentiments. 

Lies gravely affect our mind; they distort the undeveloped organs of the  Personality... lying makes the man who aspires to evolution go backwards.  It  bars his path to esoteric growth...

To live in the True, with all lies excluded, is the prerogative of the Cycle of  the Holy Spirit; Light without Shadow.

While we wait for the coming of this era, an interdiction against lying  nevertheless applies to certain Individualities: those who have attained or are  about to attain the second Birth, that is, interior men.  The text of Paul  leaves no room for any ambiguity:

"Lie not to one another: seeing that ye have put off the old man with his  doings and have put on the new man, that is being renewed unto the knowledge  after the image of Him that created him: where there cannot be Greek and Jew,  circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave and freeman: but  Christ is all and in all."

This is only addressed to a small minority of interior men in their relations  between themselves, yet such a restriction applies fully as soon as a given  degree of evolution is reached, since this governs our capability for Truth. 

Useless lies to others are far less harmful than lying to oneself - and easier  to master and heal.  Lying to oneself sometimes takes on extremely finely  shaded forms that necessitate total and sustained attention.

To eliminate useless lying to others does not demand continual effort: one must  simply watch to see that it does not slip into conversation.  At the moment  when the lie is on our lips, a simple effort of attention is sufficient to stop  it.

As for efforts at suppressing lies to oneself, they entail quite different and  important consequences.  Such lies grow deep roots.  In this domain,  paradoxical situations sometimes arise, some of them of such psychological  subtlety that it is difficult to draw them out of the shade. 

The man who starts to struggle against lying to himself must be forewarned of  the fact of the collapse of some or all of his greatest values.  All should  know that true esoteric work only begins after the novice has passed through a  general bankruptcy, and has had his gods helplessly thrown to the ground.

Now, having some ideas to consder, let me just say that, from the beginning,  learning how to make a network truly an instrument of rapid growth is  problematical. 

Perhaps some of you can recognize the fact that our position in respect to the  group is that of not only companion/guides, based on our own initiatory  experiences, but also that we carry the responsibility for ensuring that the  group environment itself is a sort of "cage" or "magnetic center" in a group  sense as opposed to the personal sense. 

If you re-read the remarks above about being absolutely careful about  preventing the entry of "A" influences into the interior, and the need for  protection and a "monastic" environment, perhaps you will recognize this as  part of what Ark and I do in regards to the group. 

As I have written several times before, we both understood from the outset  that, in a world of STS domination, creating an environment where STO could  grow and develop was problematical.  Somebody has had to stand as a shield  between the group and the "A" influences as Mouravieff calls them, and we have  taken that role, and borne the brunt of the fury.

Within the group itself, we have observed, taken care, and even experimented a  bit with ways and means of both discerning and handling these "agents of the  Matrix."  We have even been applying some effort to discovering the "signs" of  such attempts to "infiltrate" so to say, and we have to tell you that  Mouravieff is right: they get more and more subtle.

He is also right when he says: "These influences, which are parallel to the "B"  influences, but of an "A" nature, MUST BE UNCOVERED BY SUBTLE ATTENTIVENESS,  and a FIRM UNAMBIGUOUS ATTITUDE must be taken toward them."

It is only because we do this, because we are willing to take the heat of  misunderstanding our role and responsibility, (even among group members), that  this group is able to do what it does, has done, and possibly will do.  As many  of you have noted, there is no other group like it. 

We hope that this role - with all its attendant difficulties - will be better  understood in future.

Splitting Realities Continued...