rs
Dagobah Resident
I have been going through a complete upheaval in my life recently and was recommended to read:
Transitions: Making Sense of Life's Changes
by William Bridges
It is a "self help" book but takes what I think is a novel approach to the subject. There are lots of self-help books but very few that specifically address the issue of the change process itself. I found it thought provoking and particularly helpful for my current situation.
I am not going to quote large sections of the book, mostly because I don't have Laura's photographic auto-indexing memory, but instead I would like to describe the overall thrust of the book and also share how I thought the ideas presented relate to what happens in SOTT, Cassiopaea and this forum.
Bridges describes transitions as any event in your life where there is a significant change between phases. It could be a new job, retirement, divorce, marriage, graduation, promotion, pretty much any significant change in your life. Many people do not recognise a transition as being such and this failure can itself cause problems. Others recognise the transition but don't know how to manage it. Still others wish to rush through the process of transition to avoid the pain, and create more problems along the way.
While it seems obvious once you read it, it was not obvious to me until I read this book. A transition is made up of three distinct phases, an ending, a transition or in-between phase and a beginning.
The biggest problem with endings is most often the failure to recognise them. If you get married, what has ended is your "singleness", that ability to make decisions on your own without having to take another specific individual's needs and wants into context. If you have a child, what has ended is your ability to seemingly control your immediate future because of the constant demands being placed by the newborn. If you get a job promotion, what has ended is your being "one of the guys" in your old group; you used to be "us" and now you are "them". If you graduate school what has ended is the life structure the class schedule has imposed on you. Regardless of exactly what it is, there is something that has stopped, something that is no longer, and it can be vitally important that you understand all of the things that have ended.
I'll focus on the promotion as an example. One does not normally consider that a job promotion implies an ending, but the failure to recognise this can cause distinct problems. With a promotion, gone can be the sense of comraderie you had with your peers. Now you are their boss, not their peer and this relationship changes. Not recognising the ending of the old relationship and clinging onto your existing relationships will cause stress and friction. Suppose business changes and you are forced to reduce staff 10%? Which one of "your buddies" do you fire? With a promotion, also gone can be the care-free attitude. Instead of "I just want a paycheck", you lose that day-to-day monotony and instead have the pressure and stress of having to be the one who takes responsibility for decisions and outcomes.
The transition can be a most uncomfortable phase of the process. You are not where you were and you are not where you are going to be. You are groundless and uncertain, insecure, full of questions for which you do not have answers. Again, I'll use the promotion as an example. You are not sure what has changed, but when "the guys" you used to hang out with at the water cooler are standing around talking, and you walk up, they suddenly become subdued. The invitations to go have a beer after work become fewer and seem more formalized. Your wife wants to spend the new-found wealth on a kitchen remodel but you feel like it is premature to become indebted - after all, suppose it doesn't work out and you have to go back to your old job? During the transition, one can feel like the two-headed Roman god, Janus, one face looking back, another looking forward. You are everywhere and nowhere. Depending on the situation, this phase can be most uncomfortable, particularly if it is not recognised as being a distinct phase. Many people tend to rush from the ending to the beginning and try and bypass this transition discomfort to avoid the pain. This is a mistake because it can take some time to fully absorb the ending so that you can let it go and embrace the beginning so you can effect the necessary changes in yourself.
As with most things, the beginning is best approached with a conscious attempt at addressing the change. In your new job as boss, you need to accept the responsibilities that come with the position. These responsibilities bring stress and you should take conscious steps to manage this stress or it might take a toll on your mental or physical state or both. Perhaps it is finally time to sign up for that long delayed Gym membership, you could stand to lose a few pounds. Perhaps you should start taking Sunday mornings to set aside for some quiet time for yourself. Just a cup of coffee, the morning air and some reflection while sitting over by the rose bushes. Instead of just leaving the promotion change unexplored, you meet with your "old crew" one on one and discuss your new role openly. You say that you value their friendship but recognise that the relationship is moving onto a different level and you hope to maintain your friendship through this transition.
I focused on the promotion example for two reasons. First I don't have enough imagination to create a better example. Second, that a promotion should be a "problem" came as somewhat of a surprise to me and Bridges' book gives several examples of how unmanaged promotion transitions caused tremendous personal turmoil regarding what would otherwise be seen as a positive thing.
OK, by now, if you have read this far, perhaps you are thinking "yeah, but you stated how this relates to this forum?" What I realized is that each of us are also undergoing our own "transition" between our old understanding of how the world is organized and our new understanding. As mentioned above, there are the three phases to the process and in many of the threads in this forum, different people approach this transition in vastly different ways.
First there is the ending of the old way of thinking. All of history as you understand it has been, if not outright faked, highly manipulated for unobvious purposes. The simple idea that you are *not* at the top of the proverbial food chain can be shocking. The idea that life is simply what you see in front of you, no more, no less, has been part of your world view since birth. The idea that UFOs might be more than advanced ships from advanced civilizations who are doing anthropological studies is a surprise. That there are levels to existence and that the spiritual world might be vastly different than the old idea of souls sitting around on clouds strumming on harps all day. That there might be more to being one of these advanced beings than just being smarter and having more advanced technological toys is not something you thought about.
Regardless of how you came to be here, I suspect that most of the ideas you have found on the cassiopaea site came as a shock. If you presented the ideas of a hyperdimensional universe with different "density" beings who influence and meddle with our everyday lives and that there are whole levels of different existence on a "60 Minutes" segment, CBS would be a laughing stock.
A zen saying is that when the studen is ready, the teacher appears. This is true of the ideas here in cassiopaea. One does not find this site "by accident" (and by "find" I do not mean click on a google link once but to click on a google link and then linger and read and digest). One has to be ready, one has to have some unsettled sense that something is wrong. You don't know what it is, you can't describe it. Like Neo in The Matrix, you have to see it to understand, no one can explain it to you.
Once you see this information, your old world view ends, perhaps crashing down around you. This moves you into the transition phase. I know for me, it was a prolonged phase (that I am arguably still in) of questioning. Can this possibly be even remotely true? What happened to the relative security of my old world view? What does it possibly mean that "God" is not that white haired father figure in "heaven" but that God is the universe? What is the purpose of life, and suppose that it really is true that the purpose of life is to find and make your own purpose?
And then there is the beginning. It is tempting to retain the old world view that somehow in light of this new knowledge, that you simply move to a different *place* and reach you goal. Your old religion is simply replaced with a new one, you have seen the light, become a true believer, "saved" by the new understanding. I have come to think of this differently. Instead of thinking about the future (in the spiritual sense) as an endpoint, I am beginning to think about things as a path. The goal *is* the path, the path *is* the goal. As the C's have stated, "all is lessons" and "learning is fun".
Muddling through the transition phase, particularly with ideas that so completely transform your worldview, it is very tempting to wish to rush it. The confusion is uncomfortable and painful. I want the uncertainty to stop, I want to see the pain in the world stop, the terror, the wars, the tyrany of the pathocrats. Lets all embrace these new ideas, sing "Kum Ba Yah" and be at peace. Unfortunately this ignores "the terror of the situation" and the realization of exactly where we are in this process. One cannot drop the old Judeo-Christian ethic and replace it with New-Age mumbo-jumbo, it just replaces one mindless "religion" with another. I now realize that this awakening transition is to be savored, to be lingered over. Learning is fun. Finding the path is not something to rush into or you will just stumble down the wrong path.
Now how can be reading about all of the horrible things in our modern world be "fun"? Well, the plight of the Palestinians is not "fun" nor is the manipulations leading up to this latest Georgian skirmish or the build-up to Armageddon as played out in nuclear fire over Iran. But to comprehend it all you cannot pick and choose where your lessons come from. You cannot choose the positive, warm and fuzzy lessons and avoid the ugly "evil" messy lessons. They are all part of the path, and if you discard the uncomfortable lessons, you will be lead down the wrong pathway, usually to someone else's benefit.
Based on my current situation and on what I took away from reading "Transitions", I see what happens to people in this forum in a different light, and am a bit more sympathetic to those whose struggles play out in these postings. (I am not referring to those obvious disinformation artists or those with a clear disruptive agenda). Many people start postings with references to "belief". These are individuals who are not allowing themselves to fully comprehend and embrace their own internal transition, but instead are rushing from one end to another beginning without the pause that is required to reflect on things. This is why when you die, and one life ends, you transition to 5th density, the reflection zone, to contemplate where you were and where you need to go. As above, so below. Here in the microcosm of our own lives we need to manage our own transitions, and perhaps the most important transition is to wake up from slumber and begin to see the world for what it really is.
You need to end your sleep, transition through the fog of wakefulness, and begin to see the true "terror of the situation" all the while remembering that "learning is fun".
Transitions: Making Sense of Life's Changes
by William Bridges
It is a "self help" book but takes what I think is a novel approach to the subject. There are lots of self-help books but very few that specifically address the issue of the change process itself. I found it thought provoking and particularly helpful for my current situation.
I am not going to quote large sections of the book, mostly because I don't have Laura's photographic auto-indexing memory, but instead I would like to describe the overall thrust of the book and also share how I thought the ideas presented relate to what happens in SOTT, Cassiopaea and this forum.
Bridges describes transitions as any event in your life where there is a significant change between phases. It could be a new job, retirement, divorce, marriage, graduation, promotion, pretty much any significant change in your life. Many people do not recognise a transition as being such and this failure can itself cause problems. Others recognise the transition but don't know how to manage it. Still others wish to rush through the process of transition to avoid the pain, and create more problems along the way.
While it seems obvious once you read it, it was not obvious to me until I read this book. A transition is made up of three distinct phases, an ending, a transition or in-between phase and a beginning.
The biggest problem with endings is most often the failure to recognise them. If you get married, what has ended is your "singleness", that ability to make decisions on your own without having to take another specific individual's needs and wants into context. If you have a child, what has ended is your ability to seemingly control your immediate future because of the constant demands being placed by the newborn. If you get a job promotion, what has ended is your being "one of the guys" in your old group; you used to be "us" and now you are "them". If you graduate school what has ended is the life structure the class schedule has imposed on you. Regardless of exactly what it is, there is something that has stopped, something that is no longer, and it can be vitally important that you understand all of the things that have ended.
I'll focus on the promotion as an example. One does not normally consider that a job promotion implies an ending, but the failure to recognise this can cause distinct problems. With a promotion, gone can be the sense of comraderie you had with your peers. Now you are their boss, not their peer and this relationship changes. Not recognising the ending of the old relationship and clinging onto your existing relationships will cause stress and friction. Suppose business changes and you are forced to reduce staff 10%? Which one of "your buddies" do you fire? With a promotion, also gone can be the care-free attitude. Instead of "I just want a paycheck", you lose that day-to-day monotony and instead have the pressure and stress of having to be the one who takes responsibility for decisions and outcomes.
The transition can be a most uncomfortable phase of the process. You are not where you were and you are not where you are going to be. You are groundless and uncertain, insecure, full of questions for which you do not have answers. Again, I'll use the promotion as an example. You are not sure what has changed, but when "the guys" you used to hang out with at the water cooler are standing around talking, and you walk up, they suddenly become subdued. The invitations to go have a beer after work become fewer and seem more formalized. Your wife wants to spend the new-found wealth on a kitchen remodel but you feel like it is premature to become indebted - after all, suppose it doesn't work out and you have to go back to your old job? During the transition, one can feel like the two-headed Roman god, Janus, one face looking back, another looking forward. You are everywhere and nowhere. Depending on the situation, this phase can be most uncomfortable, particularly if it is not recognised as being a distinct phase. Many people tend to rush from the ending to the beginning and try and bypass this transition discomfort to avoid the pain. This is a mistake because it can take some time to fully absorb the ending so that you can let it go and embrace the beginning so you can effect the necessary changes in yourself.
As with most things, the beginning is best approached with a conscious attempt at addressing the change. In your new job as boss, you need to accept the responsibilities that come with the position. These responsibilities bring stress and you should take conscious steps to manage this stress or it might take a toll on your mental or physical state or both. Perhaps it is finally time to sign up for that long delayed Gym membership, you could stand to lose a few pounds. Perhaps you should start taking Sunday mornings to set aside for some quiet time for yourself. Just a cup of coffee, the morning air and some reflection while sitting over by the rose bushes. Instead of just leaving the promotion change unexplored, you meet with your "old crew" one on one and discuss your new role openly. You say that you value their friendship but recognise that the relationship is moving onto a different level and you hope to maintain your friendship through this transition.
I focused on the promotion example for two reasons. First I don't have enough imagination to create a better example. Second, that a promotion should be a "problem" came as somewhat of a surprise to me and Bridges' book gives several examples of how unmanaged promotion transitions caused tremendous personal turmoil regarding what would otherwise be seen as a positive thing.
OK, by now, if you have read this far, perhaps you are thinking "yeah, but you stated how this relates to this forum?" What I realized is that each of us are also undergoing our own "transition" between our old understanding of how the world is organized and our new understanding. As mentioned above, there are the three phases to the process and in many of the threads in this forum, different people approach this transition in vastly different ways.
First there is the ending of the old way of thinking. All of history as you understand it has been, if not outright faked, highly manipulated for unobvious purposes. The simple idea that you are *not* at the top of the proverbial food chain can be shocking. The idea that life is simply what you see in front of you, no more, no less, has been part of your world view since birth. The idea that UFOs might be more than advanced ships from advanced civilizations who are doing anthropological studies is a surprise. That there are levels to existence and that the spiritual world might be vastly different than the old idea of souls sitting around on clouds strumming on harps all day. That there might be more to being one of these advanced beings than just being smarter and having more advanced technological toys is not something you thought about.
Regardless of how you came to be here, I suspect that most of the ideas you have found on the cassiopaea site came as a shock. If you presented the ideas of a hyperdimensional universe with different "density" beings who influence and meddle with our everyday lives and that there are whole levels of different existence on a "60 Minutes" segment, CBS would be a laughing stock.
A zen saying is that when the studen is ready, the teacher appears. This is true of the ideas here in cassiopaea. One does not find this site "by accident" (and by "find" I do not mean click on a google link once but to click on a google link and then linger and read and digest). One has to be ready, one has to have some unsettled sense that something is wrong. You don't know what it is, you can't describe it. Like Neo in The Matrix, you have to see it to understand, no one can explain it to you.
Once you see this information, your old world view ends, perhaps crashing down around you. This moves you into the transition phase. I know for me, it was a prolonged phase (that I am arguably still in) of questioning. Can this possibly be even remotely true? What happened to the relative security of my old world view? What does it possibly mean that "God" is not that white haired father figure in "heaven" but that God is the universe? What is the purpose of life, and suppose that it really is true that the purpose of life is to find and make your own purpose?
And then there is the beginning. It is tempting to retain the old world view that somehow in light of this new knowledge, that you simply move to a different *place* and reach you goal. Your old religion is simply replaced with a new one, you have seen the light, become a true believer, "saved" by the new understanding. I have come to think of this differently. Instead of thinking about the future (in the spiritual sense) as an endpoint, I am beginning to think about things as a path. The goal *is* the path, the path *is* the goal. As the C's have stated, "all is lessons" and "learning is fun".
Muddling through the transition phase, particularly with ideas that so completely transform your worldview, it is very tempting to wish to rush it. The confusion is uncomfortable and painful. I want the uncertainty to stop, I want to see the pain in the world stop, the terror, the wars, the tyrany of the pathocrats. Lets all embrace these new ideas, sing "Kum Ba Yah" and be at peace. Unfortunately this ignores "the terror of the situation" and the realization of exactly where we are in this process. One cannot drop the old Judeo-Christian ethic and replace it with New-Age mumbo-jumbo, it just replaces one mindless "religion" with another. I now realize that this awakening transition is to be savored, to be lingered over. Learning is fun. Finding the path is not something to rush into or you will just stumble down the wrong path.
Now how can be reading about all of the horrible things in our modern world be "fun"? Well, the plight of the Palestinians is not "fun" nor is the manipulations leading up to this latest Georgian skirmish or the build-up to Armageddon as played out in nuclear fire over Iran. But to comprehend it all you cannot pick and choose where your lessons come from. You cannot choose the positive, warm and fuzzy lessons and avoid the ugly "evil" messy lessons. They are all part of the path, and if you discard the uncomfortable lessons, you will be lead down the wrong pathway, usually to someone else's benefit.
Based on my current situation and on what I took away from reading "Transitions", I see what happens to people in this forum in a different light, and am a bit more sympathetic to those whose struggles play out in these postings. (I am not referring to those obvious disinformation artists or those with a clear disruptive agenda). Many people start postings with references to "belief". These are individuals who are not allowing themselves to fully comprehend and embrace their own internal transition, but instead are rushing from one end to another beginning without the pause that is required to reflect on things. This is why when you die, and one life ends, you transition to 5th density, the reflection zone, to contemplate where you were and where you need to go. As above, so below. Here in the microcosm of our own lives we need to manage our own transitions, and perhaps the most important transition is to wake up from slumber and begin to see the world for what it really is.
You need to end your sleep, transition through the fog of wakefulness, and begin to see the true "terror of the situation" all the while remembering that "learning is fun".