A decision I made at work

[knowledge_of_self]

Hey Group

I experienced something interesting at work the other day that I’d like to share.

I was working with another person who is a senior manager at my work, let’s call him Brad.

During work, a man came in all distraught- claiming to have been in a car accident a block away and that he needed $18.50 for the tow truck guy and some other things. He also mentioned that he is the electrician that does the electric work for Blockbuster and asked Brad if he could borrow $18.50 from the till and bring it right back. Brad refused and said he can’t take out of the till- the guy started practically begging Brad and it was just really awkward to watch.

I felt and thought a few things. First I thought what if this guy is for real? I wouldn’t want what’s happening to him, to happen to me and no one help me. Then I thought, he’s probably- most likely coning us to give him money. And if I give him money there is a 50/50 chance he will not bring it back.

Considering all this within moments, I decided to lend him $15 of my own money. He was very happy and promised to bring me back $20. At that moment, I didn’t think I’d ever see that money again- but thought to myself that the universe sees all. If that person really did need help, than good thing I helped him, but if not- than he will gain some karma.

After he left, Brad mockingly told me that I was very naïve and that I’d probably never get the money back. I told him the same thing- that the universe sees all and if that guy wasn’t for real... big deal, I lost $15- but I did it consciously. He shrugged and went back to work. Later on, when I got home, I received a text from my assistant manager “hey, I’m an alien and my space ship crash landed here and I was wondering if I could borrow 29.50 for a tow truck.”

I humorously commented back “yes, let’s tease the Earthling for having a heart.” And he said “ I just heard about what happened and wanted to tell you this kind of thing happens all the time here- don’t fall for it again.”

At that point, I felt a little stupid but a part of me deep down said, why are you becoming upset? You KNEW that you may not see that money again, so why are you moping about it now? And I snapped myself out of it.

I thought about what happened a lot and one thing that came to me is that the next time something like this comes up I’ll approach it a little different. I’ll tell the person I’m giving the money to that I know I’m taking a chance in giving you this money, and that 50/50 I won’t see it again. If you bring it back- great! You show me and the universe that honesty does exist, if not- that’s ok too. Because I know life is hard and you have to do what you have to do to get some money, especially in this bad economy. But in the end, no matter what you end up doing- one day, do something nice for someone who needs it so you can give back in some way.

Anyway, this was my experience and I thought it would be an interesting lesson to share; and see what others would have done in that situation.

Thanks

 

[Beau]

I would have just walked outside and asked the man to show you where his car his, since it was supposed to be close to where you worked. If he can show proof that he needs what he's asking for, then you throw him a $20. Otherwise, tell him to get lost. You can have a heart in this world, but it needs to be tempered with a little street smarts. ;)

 

[RyanX]

I would have just walked outside and asked the man to show you where his car his, since it was supposed to be close to where you worked. If he can show proof that he needs what he's asking for, then you throw him a $20. Otherwise, tell him to get lost. You can have a heart in this world, but it needs to be tempered with a little street smarts. ;)

Yeah, I would want to check out the situation too. I don't know if that was possible in your situation though given you were working at the time.

It sounds like your emotional reaction to this is more a result of your manager's taunting or teasing than the actual loss of money. I wouldn't be too hard on yourself, I probably would have done the same thing in your shoes - assuming I could easily part with the $20.

 

[knowledge_of_self]

I would have just walked outside and asked the man to show you where his car his, since it was supposed to be close to where you worked. If he can show proof that he needs what he's asking for, then you throw him a $20. Otherwise, tell him to get lost. You can have a heart in this world, but it needs to be tempered with a little street smarts. ;)

Oh i would have really liked to do this, but the way the location of my job is, you can't really see the street. Because it's in a little complex and the building is not facing the street/intersection, so I would have to go out and walk a good five min to get to the street he would be talking about. So I couldn't really take off- nor did I feel comfortable walking with a strange man for him to show me this "accident."

It sounds like your emotional reaction to this is more a result of your manager's taunting or teasing than the actual loss of money. I wouldn't be too hard on yourself, I probably would have done the same thing in your shoes - assuming I could easily part with the $20.

I think this is very true.. I do hate being teased. :/

 

[Gimpy]

Anyway, this was my experience and I thought it would be an interesting lesson to share; and see what others would have done in that situation.

I've been nailed by grifters before.

These days, when someone just approaches me with an emotional appeal, I say no. Its different with people I know who have a long history with me.

When we lived in another city, a woman I knew socially called and said her apartment had a fire, and she needed some money to help clean and make repairs. What ended up happening is all of her friends (us included) piled into our cars and went to her place, and spent the next few days helping her sort through the damage, clean up, and find a new place to live. No one thought anything about it, that's what friends do. But its this willingness to help that can also make you a target.

Its different when a stranger hits you up with raw emotion. Unless I see a clear need: a wrecked car, clear evidence on the person of having been in an accident, smell fire, etc....I err on the side of caution.

 

[Beau]

Oh i would have really liked to do this, but the way the location of my job is, you can't really see the street. Because it's in a little complex and the building is not facing the street/intersection, so I would have to go out and walk a good five min to get to the street he would be talking about. So I couldn't really take off- nor did I feel comfortable walking with a strange man for him to show me this "accident."

There's also the fact that a tow is usually a lot more expensive than that. I had a tow a while back, for maybe a mile, at best, and the total was over $70. So, the guy's story certainly stinks. From time to time I'll have stuff like this happen where I work, and usually the first thing I think is, am I being taken for a ride? It's a cynical mindset, but then again, you can never be too careful.

 

[Guardian]

Anyway, this was my experience and I thought it would be an interesting lesson to share; and see what others would have done in that situation.

Thanks

Unless we're talking about the kind of money I need to recover for whatever reason, like a real estate sale, etc. ( in which case I use lawyers and contracts)...whenever I loan money to someone, friend or stranger, I look at it as a gift. If my heart tells me to help someone, I don't like to attach strings...even when they want to. Why bother, the pleasure is in the giving, not the getting back anyway.


PS: It sounds like you work with a real jerk!

 

[Turgon]

I've been nailed by grifters before. Bashing head

These days, when someone just approaches me with an emotional appeal, I say no. Its different with people I know who have a long history with me.

I'm the same way nowadays. I used to always give some spare change to people who were asking, but not these days. Several years back I went to my bank to withdraw some money and a guy with shabby clothes was there asking for money to pay for a GO bus to another city a ways away. He said he was desperate and just wanted to go home. I fell for it and gave him either $15 or $20 knowing I would never see the money again. The next day I was driving down a street that was maybe a 10 min walk from the bank, and to my surprise, there he was! I drove right past him. He looked in the same condition, wearing the same clothes.

What happened to wanting to go home??

 

[seek10]

Hey Group


I thought about what happened a lot and one thing that came to me is that the next time something like this comes up I’ll approach it a little different. I’ll tell the person I’m giving the money to that I know I’m taking a chance in giving you this money, and that 50/50 I won’t see it again. If you bring it back- great! You show me and the universe that honesty does exist, if not- that’s ok too. Because I know life is hard and you have to do what you have to do to get some money, especially in this bad economy. But in the end, no matter what you end up doing- one day, do something nice for someone who needs it so you can give back in some way.

Anyway, this was my experience and I thought it would be an interesting lesson to share; and see what others would have done in that situation.

Thanks

some times I end up in this situation at my office environment. people come to me to ask for technical help, which I do , but soon I found out that they are twisting and manipulating my words and backstabbing me. so I have a choice to make to give up or not. Often, the person who received the help is not manipulating, it is his boss or some opportunistic person takes advantage of it. It is confusing to decide what to do?. If I help the requester, It is giving, that is the message I want to send along with the inner satisfaction ( narcissistic or not ), If not given it is starving the abuser along with the requester.

For years, I watched with disinterest how some of my work gets hijacked and took credit for and hated people who put conditions before giving help. psychopaths likes people like us who feel to these emotional traps. I know that but I didn't care to stop the psychopaths misusing it. But when the water to came to my neck, I fought back to starve the abusers. Now I don't fell that bad. As you said, It is the EXPERIENCE that allows us to make a CHOICE. That is what matters from the lessons point of view.

 

[Gonzo]

I used to play guitar on the street for money (busking) and got to know a lot of street people and their methods over the years.

One thing I noticed is that they always had a specific dollar and cents value to their request, adding a greater level of credibility. I guess the thinking is that one would find it easier to believe a man needs $18.50 for a bus ticket then $20.

Another common element is the situation itself usually involves a degree of urgency and a sense of being stuck. "Hey man, can you help me out? I was on the way to doctor's appointment when I realized I didn't have my wallet and I need $4.75 for parking. Is there any way you could help me out?).

There were two reasons for this type of approach, IMO. One was that it was it generates an emotional response, often bypassing one's critical functioning.

The other reason was because some panhandlers (beggars) had such low self esteem, they feared judgment for being in their current situation - homeless, out of work, and often addicted to alcohol or drugs. It certainly sounds a lot better than, "Hey man, feel like shooting me some bucks so I can get high and buy a meal in a restaurant?"

If I can afford it, I tend to give without asking questions. If I don't have much money, I offer a few cigarettes.

I know that the money would go to alcohol and/or drugs, but who am I to dictate how they should spend their money. That's their choice according to their free will. My free will is expressed in whether or not I choose to give.

My $0.02, FWIW,
Gonzo

 

[Aiming]

I know that the money would go to alcohol and/or drugs, but who am I to dictate how they should spend their money. That's their choice according to their free will. My free will is expressed in whether or not I choose to give.

But if one gives money to someone who'd most likely spend the money on drugs and/or alcohol is this not an act of supporting their choice of self-destruction? As if you're sending them the message of "Yes, this way of living is quite okay, because you'll always find a person with empathy who'll support your needs. No need to work for what you need, a clever way of begging and you'll get it."

I'm pretty confused about this: Yes, it is the person's free will to do with their money what they wish to do. It is my free will to give them money or not, and the giving takes place consciously, as an act of Giving. But then, what about asking? What is the other person really asking for? Are they asking for money, for help, for what? If they are lying to you about what they need the money for, you could give them truth and do not give. But that's not easy to find out. And then judging enters the picture: 'I only give you money if I can be sure you really use it for food' for example.

If life is lessons, then my lesson would be not to be tricked by another via emotional hooks / manipulation, as Heimdallr wrote about street smarts. What is the person's lesson? That's really impossible for me to know.

So what really is true giving here? When does one give to people asking for money in subways or streets? Listening to one's heart, while making sure one is not being manipulated or doing it out of narcissistic motives? Giving Consciously, as Deedlet wrote?

What I think is less problematic is when there are musicians playing in the subway or when someone asks for food.