Laurelayn
Jedi
Hello,
I dreamt of walking through a mall and down a sidewalk with my ex-husband we were talking and I tried to put my arm around him but he was very aloof to my attempts at affection, much like when we were married. In the windows as we walked I kept seeing what looked like the back side of a fashion show from the 1800's, the backs of very well dressed women with big skirts with cinched up waists and very large fancy featherd hats on coiffed hairdos walking out an elaboretely decorated doorway carrying parasols. I was distracted and when I turned to talk to ex he had turned the attention and affection I was looking to him for to someone else, I was upset because I knew he had passed away and I was trying to connect with him on a meaningful level. I then heard a very deep otherworldly voice saying "you need to forgive him"
Now a little history. My ex was a carreer marine, 22 years. We have 2 grown sons. He passed away from a very aggressive cancer 11 years ago. he died 60 days after diagnosis and had very few symptoms until he collapsed in the doorway of the VA hospital as they had sent him away because they didnt have time for him. He was in desert storm and slept on a tank every day for 13 months next to the turret with the main gun loaded with DU rounds.
I left him because of his complete lack of emotional attatchment to me or the boys, I always felt guilty for that, but I was dying inside and I knew it.
2 years before he died he started a relationship with a woman that was horribly abusive to our sons, she made no qualms about voicing that her daughter was to have a father that she wouldn't have to share with anyone. he allowed this to go on for almost a year and when I finally figured out what was going on I advised him that if she couldnt control herself and treat the boys well he needed to not have the boys around her. He quit coming or calling for them.
When he got sick that was the first time we had heard from him for about 6 months and I was dealing with 2 angry young men by that time,
I had, perhaps naievely, believed that Rick would come to his senses eventually because I was convinced that he loved his sons. There was a lot of angry ugly drama in the last 60 days of his life, it fell between thanksgiving and new years eve, he never left the VA hospital and the woman convinced him that they should be married, now, so she and her daughter could get medical benefits and she thought her daughter would also get SSI survivor benefits. The hospital chaplain refused to perform the ceremony because he thought it was wrong so the found a street preacher and arranged the ceremony for a time when they knew our oldest son would be visiting, they told him about it upon his arrival at the hospital to visit his dying father, Rick asked his son to stand up for him. it tore him up but he couldnt refuse his dads dying request. After he had passed she decided to wait and have his memorial at the end of march, so the boys had no closure at the end of all this. she also managed to disinherit them of anything of his, there wasnt any money but medals, honors and mementos that sons sons of a military man would want.
I have a feeling that this dream came about from me saying the P.O.T.S. frequently, daily and other work I have been doing to figure myself out. I havent had a chance to read a lot of the suggested literature on dysfunctional family, I would like to but between farming and working and daily chores, the eiru eolas exercises and reading on the website is all I can make time for so far. participation on the forum takes a lot of time too. I don't know how Laura does it, it takes me forever to write things out.
I could use some advice on how to forgive and let go of anger at someone who is dead, I've spoke it out loud and felt a change but I am still angry, mostly over what this has done to our sons. they are fine young men, they work and care deeply for their friends and family but they both are living difficult lives. I guess maybe I should be thankful for this lesson for them, I say that because I don't think I would be the thinking intelligent person I am if my life had been easier, but, one always wants their childrens lives to be better...
Blessings,
Laurelayn
I dreamt of walking through a mall and down a sidewalk with my ex-husband we were talking and I tried to put my arm around him but he was very aloof to my attempts at affection, much like when we were married. In the windows as we walked I kept seeing what looked like the back side of a fashion show from the 1800's, the backs of very well dressed women with big skirts with cinched up waists and very large fancy featherd hats on coiffed hairdos walking out an elaboretely decorated doorway carrying parasols. I was distracted and when I turned to talk to ex he had turned the attention and affection I was looking to him for to someone else, I was upset because I knew he had passed away and I was trying to connect with him on a meaningful level. I then heard a very deep otherworldly voice saying "you need to forgive him"
Now a little history. My ex was a carreer marine, 22 years. We have 2 grown sons. He passed away from a very aggressive cancer 11 years ago. he died 60 days after diagnosis and had very few symptoms until he collapsed in the doorway of the VA hospital as they had sent him away because they didnt have time for him. He was in desert storm and slept on a tank every day for 13 months next to the turret with the main gun loaded with DU rounds.
I left him because of his complete lack of emotional attatchment to me or the boys, I always felt guilty for that, but I was dying inside and I knew it.
2 years before he died he started a relationship with a woman that was horribly abusive to our sons, she made no qualms about voicing that her daughter was to have a father that she wouldn't have to share with anyone. he allowed this to go on for almost a year and when I finally figured out what was going on I advised him that if she couldnt control herself and treat the boys well he needed to not have the boys around her. He quit coming or calling for them.
When he got sick that was the first time we had heard from him for about 6 months and I was dealing with 2 angry young men by that time,
I had, perhaps naievely, believed that Rick would come to his senses eventually because I was convinced that he loved his sons. There was a lot of angry ugly drama in the last 60 days of his life, it fell between thanksgiving and new years eve, he never left the VA hospital and the woman convinced him that they should be married, now, so she and her daughter could get medical benefits and she thought her daughter would also get SSI survivor benefits. The hospital chaplain refused to perform the ceremony because he thought it was wrong so the found a street preacher and arranged the ceremony for a time when they knew our oldest son would be visiting, they told him about it upon his arrival at the hospital to visit his dying father, Rick asked his son to stand up for him. it tore him up but he couldnt refuse his dads dying request. After he had passed she decided to wait and have his memorial at the end of march, so the boys had no closure at the end of all this. she also managed to disinherit them of anything of his, there wasnt any money but medals, honors and mementos that sons sons of a military man would want.
I have a feeling that this dream came about from me saying the P.O.T.S. frequently, daily and other work I have been doing to figure myself out. I havent had a chance to read a lot of the suggested literature on dysfunctional family, I would like to but between farming and working and daily chores, the eiru eolas exercises and reading on the website is all I can make time for so far. participation on the forum takes a lot of time too. I don't know how Laura does it, it takes me forever to write things out.
I could use some advice on how to forgive and let go of anger at someone who is dead, I've spoke it out loud and felt a change but I am still angry, mostly over what this has done to our sons. they are fine young men, they work and care deeply for their friends and family but they both are living difficult lives. I guess maybe I should be thankful for this lesson for them, I say that because I don't think I would be the thinking intelligent person I am if my life had been easier, but, one always wants their childrens lives to be better...
Blessings,
Laurelayn
