An evil set up

[Skylynx]

I just joined because of my growing belief that there is an evil in this world that has designs to defeat and destroy each one of us. I went through a devastating emotional disorder that I eventually overcame; and since then realize that the "plan" used on me is a very common technique to make people vulnerable for developing the stalker mentality so scarey in our society today. I wrote a book on this and believe it has a lot to say to people interested in research on what makes people become psychopathically dependent on another person their subconscious has chosen. I'm not trying to sell this book, or push a religion, or anything like that, but have put my experience up on a website for anyone to read, with the aim of informing people on this serious issue. Anyone can read it at www.restin.7h.com and I welcome feedback on it.

 

[Laura]

I'm on chapter Four, and it's good. These paragraphs strike me as key:

"I don't want to hear what you Think! The adult in you thinks, the parent in you judges, and the child can't even squeeze out a whimper!"


I was stopped short, indignant at his rudeness, yet intrigued. So, I replied, not to seem naive,
"Oh, I know what you mean. You're referring to Transactional Analysis" I read all about that in my applied psychology course at UCF. It's interesting how..."


"I don't care one little hoot what you read in college," Dr. Pash sliced.

He leaned forward a hitch further, and harder into my face.

"You are in serious trouble here, Babe. It's your life we're talking about! And you have to learn how to cut out the hedging and start listening to yourself. I want you to go somewhere quiet, sit down, and listen for a NEED deep down inside. But I also want you to recognize that something you do shuts off that need."

"But", I protested, "I dont think that will...I already know what my needs are, but I just can't get... [...]

You're afraid that if you find out what's really bothering you, you won't be able to deal with it. But the fear comes from experiences that happened before you had the coping skills you now have as an adult, or now have the smarts to learn. Through the trick of repression, or selective amnesia, the directing center of your mind sold you on pretending important events never mattered -- with some good temporary success. As you say, you did okay until you were almost thirty. But you have learned many ways to solve problems in all those years and can use them on your old fears too, if you can only allow those into consciousness again. But you don't know what they are; so, all you have is the raw fear. But whatever you might dig up certainly can't be any worse than the hell you're in now."

That last one is a doozie: "whatever you might dig up certainly can't be any worse than the hell you're in now"

Okay, back to reading.

 

[anart]

Hi skylynx,

I'm on chapter 17 and just wanted to add that it is quite good. I find your courage and basic brilliance in delving into your own mind quite impressive ( I know that it is very far from easy).

But because I was in so much mental pain, I was obliged to go into my own unconscious and turn it inside out, to find the remedy. I came up later with so much more of myself added to my conscious knowledge and power.

This is quite applicable to the Work we do here - we call it 'cleaning the machine', among other things, and many of the observations and conclusions you've reached in your book are rather strikingly reminiscent - it's really quite fascinating.

Anyway - thank you for introducing us to your work.

a

 

[Zadius Sky]

Hi skylynx and welcome to the forum,

I am currently on Ch. 18, and wanted to add to others' inputs here that your work is very insightful. And, like anart has said, it is quite relevant to the Work that many of us here are engaging in. One may read the "Myth of Sanity" and get an introductory understanding of different parts in each of us, but your story ("Deep Therapy in the Fast Lane") shows very good depth, in some ways that we might not see in ourselves. It is indeed intriguing.

 

[Laura]

I just joined because of my growing belief that there is an evil in this world that has designs to defeat and destroy each one of us. I went through a devastating emotional disorder that I eventually overcame; and since then realize that the "plan" used on me is a very common technique to make people vulnerable for developing the stalker mentality so scarey in our society today. I wrote a book on this and believe it has a lot to say to people interested in research on what makes people become psychopathically dependent on another person their subconscious has chosen. I'm not trying to sell this book, or push a religion, or anything like that, but have put my experience up on a website for anyone to read, with the aim of informing people on this serious issue. Anyone can read it at www.restin.7h.com and I welcome feedback on it.

I've finished the book and now better understand where you are coming from. Your description of the emotional state underlying "stalking" is fascinating.

Some time ago I touched on this in an article entitled "Official Culture". I wrote:

...in a world of psychopaths, those who are not genetic psychopaths, are induced to behave like psychopaths simply to survive. When the rules are set up to make a society "adaptive" to psychopathy, it makes psychopaths of everyone.

Receiving so deep a psychological wound at such a vulnerable age as you did was devastating. What compounded the matter was the lack of available nurturing that could have ameliorated the situation had the adults around you been even slightly aware of the suffering an infant can experience under such circumstances.

Each of the adults around you were damaged themselves, in some way, or so it seems. Each of them was out to serve themselves in one way or another, and you were just baggage to be passed around with no real awareness on their part of the terrible damage they were doing.

The difference, of course, between a true psychopath and induced psychopathic behavior is that the true psychopath never acts under emotional pressure.

Psychopaths not only have higher rates of violent crime, they commit different types of violent crimes than non-psychopaths. Two thirds of the victims of psychopaths were male strangers while two thirds of the victims of non-psychopaths were female family members or acquaintances. Non-psychopaths commit acts of violence while in states of extreme emotional arousal, while psychopaths cold-bloodedly select their victims for revenge or retribution. That is to say that psychopathic violence is instrumental, a means to an end, predatory.

In any event, thank you very much for writing this account of your experience and struggle. It is very helpful - maybe in ways you don't even know!

 

[Renaissance]

What a wonderful book. I'm not through with it but your experience and lessons combined with your writing style makes it a very compelling read. Is it available as a paperback? It would make a wonderful gift (and it is a wonderful gift - thank you).

 

[j0da]

I've read ten chapters so far, Skylynx, and I can only agree with others here - it's quite a book you wrote! Your fortitude, dedication and bravery against all odds are very impressive and inspiring.

It is very helpful - maybe in ways you don't even know!

Indeed! Your writting sparked some understanding about myself and certainly gave much food for thought. THANK YOU

 

[Beau]

I just joined because of my growing belief that there is an evil in this world that has designs to defeat and destroy each one of us. I went through a devastating emotional disorder that I eventually overcame; and since then realize that the "plan" used on me is a very common technique to make people vulnerable for developing the stalker mentality so scarey in our society today.

Thanks for this! I do see some aspects of my own, unhealthy transference due to an upbringing quite like your own. While I never quite developed the stalker mentality (thankfully!), my experiences do at certain points mirror what you have written, especially childhood amnesia and transference. I've read a few books on dissociation, including Martha Stout's Myth of Sanity, but never did I really grasp what was going on in my head and what the reality of it all was until I read about your experiences and your lucid descriptions of your mental state during this whole process. A lot of what I went through really started to make sense reading your story. So thanks again, your last paragraph of the story really rings true in my case. :)

 

[Color]

Welcome Skylynx!!!

I want to say so much related to myexperience/related to/yourexperience- I've found and read today, but maybe this is not place for it, for all of those... I've joined a mssg board connected to it, so will write there in details :D This is more of a moment/place to say thank you for ur courage and determination to put it all down in written words... That was A WORK. Not anything like going through it all in RL, but it was quite a job I admire it, all about it ALL. And I'm grateful of being able to read it... So... Take care and enjoy this forum and site (and all connected Laura/Ark/sites), it has so so many things to offer, one's head spins from it :D

One more thing/issue I just have to reflect now, just have to ;-P is that... What U wrote about your state of mind struggling within all the stages through your path of recovery, I do believe, strongly, that this is one of the greatest way (I've ever found written in such a details of personal experience), that I can relate to, easily, about my own and about what it means : "predator gave us their mind"-the statement I've been struggling to understand to it's fullness (RIDING the wave- series) for some time now... It's those constant dreadful fears which can be triggered at anytime by anything at all... The feeling which can determinate one's future or even death, at breaking moments in life... expanding on it's own, through „the time“, as we know it, like having a life of it's own-we simply play a host for those we do not understand (but a host which has to deal with all the consequences), in a way U find urself nothing less but suddenly overwhelmed by it all... What happened?!? How to fight it?!? Where's the way out? Is there any?

What makes us go through it- U've described in ur story in a way U probably can't even recognize it- in the way others see it, feel it... Cause it was everyday life/struggle for U... As for so many of us... And still- It's so hard to define it... Even if U do, probably won't mean anything at all, as U'll understand it to it's fullest only after U've passed that stage already, somehow.... Only then U're able to deal with it in a description-word-happenings-emotions-society-definition-bases...

And ...of course, the predator's mind has to be pointed out, to relate to something significant of our life experiences (I could even go so far by saying they 're maneuvering those experiences, at some or even many levels, it depends), to combine the events of our lives with our basic "growing up" needs... To break us within what contains us, in this density... I believe, strongly, that U've conquered the beast, on many levels, important levels.... The very private one, with many heads, but also the very common one-used for tearing apart those souls which can do so much for the whole picture... U actually proved it, by writing this, if nothing else, cause: that touched a hunted child within me (the one which still doesn't trust me on so many levels), on the other part of the world, in such a tremendous way, not only the adult in me, but MY CHILD connected with it. I know it cause I CAN FEEL IT. That release... The kid in me got it in the way it can understand it the best, but still... It's that silly and sososo rare feeling of "Ur not alone"... Wow... U've made some impact


P.S:
I hope this all make some sense as I'm tired to say it again , but have to- that English is not my nature language and I can't be certain that my thoughts are expressed at the right manner/way, in order to understand it right, but if any silliness appears in my writings I would be more than grateful to point it out to me and ask for explanation. I hate being misunderstand as we all do, I guess

 

[highmystica]

I discovered this book last night and got kinda captivated, I am halfway through it - it isn't a book that I can simply devour like I do with most books in that I have to keep taking breaks so that I can think about it. Still, in many ways I can say it is the best book regarding psychology I've read lately in many ways. The most important is that it isn't turned into something cold and clinical like most of the psychology texts I've read. I can empathize with how you present yourself. Perhaps, not all of us have suffered so acutely as you have with un-namable shadow fears, but those of us that have; have all raged against fate as the pillars of our heavens burned. At least those of us with hearts. And at the same time we all have had to encapsulate our suffering and misery in one way or another to simply cope, and then only the lucky among us can confront those shadows and heal them. I commend you on your work, and your fearlessness in sharing this. Good form! Thank you for sharing!

 

[Miss Isness]

Hi Skylynx,

Welcome to the forum, and thank you for contributing your work. I read your book yesterday and it really helped me tie up some loose ends. I am still integrating my inner child. Although my experience hasn't been as drastic as yours, I could really relate to the emotional roller coaster of suppressed feelings uncontrollably gushing out. Much as you wrote, I found that there wasn't really much I could do other than let them happen in tolerable doses in a safe environment, and work on creating a dialogue with my inner child. I found it particularly interesting how you recognized the pre-verbal state of your inner child, and used visual ideas to communicate.

I am positively impressed with your strength, courage, and generosity. It's amazing that you were able to find the key to healing with so little assistance. I also find it interesting that integrating your inner child was simultaneous with taking on more responsibility in the outside world. I don't the think the healing comes so quickly, if at all, for people who resist acknowledging where their growth has been stunted, and they have remained childish. It's so hard to admit that by shutting out our feelings we are refusing to grow up, and relying on others to take care of us.

Ironically, many of us have been taught that shutting out our feelings is the strong, mature thing to do, especially in professional environments. So we are a basically an adult race that hasn't been potty trained, making messes that we expect mother earth to continue cleaning up for us.

I think on a planetary level, we are very much in the same dilemma as you were individually. It's time we look at the attachment that's been transferred from our true spiritual father/mother to our religions, governments, educators, etc. We have to grow up and engage in dialogue with our planet and our real 'I's' (perhaps what you call ISH) and learn to honor them to avoid catastrophe.

 

[Anders]

Thank you for sharing this! I just finished reading it and really enjoyed the way you described the process of climbing out from a very dark place. Not easy to do, but your insights are a strong encouragement for anyone to continue digging! I could certainly recognise myself in some of the things you described, though my situation wasn't as extreme as yours.

I hope you will find yourself at home here at the forum and join in with more insight in the many discussions here.