Anger management questions.

[shadowsaround]

I've searched this forum and haven't came up with anything that fits my question, so I hope that one of you could help me out with this. If this could go in another section please let me know. My biggest issue is, yup you guessed it anger management. I've been to "anger management sessions", therapy, punching bags you name it. For me this is one of my bigger setbacks/challenges. I have a Huge problem with controlling my anger. Lately about half the time i can see it coming and i can stop it, the other half i cannot. This could be contributed to PSTD, but i think it's something else. When I get angry i tend go off like an atomic bomb, sometimes literally. This is also one of my biggest fears coupled with the fact I'm retired army, it can lead to a no win situation for myself. When it happens it happens so quick I usually don't even have a chance to react. Sometimes it could be something so simple such as dropping my cigarette or a pencil, (yes i realize how stupid this is) or something like somebody cutting me off driving. Sometimes I'm merely content with yelling, other times it's punching things. The bad part of it is when i do go off i get into a state of mind that drives me to destroy things. Sadly when I'm past the threshold I don't stop until i do destroy something. Usually I do my best (or worst) and try to minimize my damage to physical objects. I will say ahead of time that i have never beat my animals nor any other living thing. Sometimes I'm merely content to break a mirror, or a picture hanging on the wall. Other times I have been known to destroy my vehicles. In reading and researching the EE program I have noticed through all the articles and posts that it tends to bring up emotions including anger. I am trying to find a non destructive way to deal with my anger outburst's before hand before i try to bring up my past. I have read articles about punching pillows and bags and various other things. This doesn't work for me as i have found out the hard way, oddly it infuriates me even more. I think this could be a variety of factors, but regardless I've come to the conclusion I need someone else's opinion on this matter as I have no one else to turn to nor will i bring this up to the VA nor my shrink. Usually after i have a huge blowup i feel really drained of energy and have to go lay down for a nap. If i manage to prevent this, I only delay it for awhile and usually within one or two weeks i have to go through it all over again. Lately I have been doing a good job at preventing this by breathing techniques or yelling at the occasional person on the road. I haven't had a major blowout in 6 months + but i still realize that the problem merely keeps getting pushed down inside me and I have not come to terms with it. I hate going off as i do and I'm tired of this cycle. As my mother always told me, "You will change when your sick and tired of being sick and tired." I'm at that point and i think i have enough knowledge to somewhat deal with this issue as i should have, but I still can't seem to grasp this simple concept. My shrink once told me to be on the lookout for "triggers" that set me off but I'm wondering at this point is there are triggers that i cannot or have not seen at this time. Any thoughts or advice? I know this may seem jumbled, but I'm trying to get this out of my head.

P.S. No I have not hugged any tree's lately

 

[abstract]

I have a Huge problem with controlling my anger.

I used to have big issues with this. Fortunately, it was fixable, and now i'm not angry very much at all.
It's fixable for you too.

The bad part of it is when i do go off i get into a state of mind that drives me to destroy things.

I as well, that was exactly the feeling: "I'm so pissed off, give me something to break!!" and on and on.
You punch things, throw things, yell, scream, yet sadly, that state of mind gets you nowhere.
Acting out of stress is one of the worst things you can do, and i know that because i've done it numerous times.

Sometimes it could be something so simple such as dropping my cigarette or a pencil, (yes i realize how stupid this is) or something like somebody cutting me off driving.

Ask yourself why. why do you get angry when you drop a pencil? Are you angry at yourself? If you think about it,
there's really no reason to be angry at something so arbitrary, again because i've done this myself a lot.
It was hard for to understand at first, but eventually i realized that things like that are ultimately insignificant and to be upset
about them was a complete waste of energy.

I am trying to find a non destructive way to deal with my anger outburst's before hand before i try to bring up my past. I have read articles about punching pillows and bags and various other things. This doesn't work for me as i have found out the hard way, oddly it infuriates me even more.

In terms of helping you keep calm, there are some supplements for this. GABA (gamma amino butryric acid) is a supplement that you can
find at any health food store. It helps to keep your neurons from over-firing, which in turn helps you stay relaxed. My guess is that you could really benefit from it, and maybe some 5-htp, although you could try taking the ultramind quizzes and test yourself.

The EE program is a good idea, definately.

Usually after i have a huge blowup i feel really drained of energy and have to go lay down for a nap.

I used to get that too. It takes lots of energy to have a huge blowup, so naturally you feel that way. What a waste, huh?


I only have one question, shadowsaround. Do you ever wake up feeling angry, for seemingly no reason?

 

[shadowsaround]

I only have one question, shadowsaround. Do you ever wake up feeling angry, for seemingly no reason?

Well that brings me to another huge issue related to my dreams. Yes at times I do wake up angry. Sometimes I am merely annoyed sometimes i wake up furious. Back in the middle of 2006 I was still living with my dad and i would wake up, it seemed like every day with bruises or black eyes or swollen knuckles. I still have not figured out the reason but i knew i was constantly fighting in my dreams, and I mean i would wake up feeling like I had been in one heck of a bar fight. Usually by midday the bruises, swelling and cuts would go away completely. Last time that happened was in my house back in 2009? Allthough that time I woke myself literally punching my wall. I woke up to my hands and knuckles bleeding. The only thought i had at that time was what was i doing.

 

[Laura]

Start with correcting your diet and maybe following what Abstract has suggested trying: GABA and 5-HTP. You can start with low doses and work to what may work. Do read the threads on the forum about these amino acids first, though.

 

[RyanX]

shadowsaround,

Abstract and Laura have some good advise here. First step is to clean up your diet and get your brain chemistry balanced.

My experience with anger management is that I've found it necessary at times to let out my anger in some of the ways you describe. I've found that screaming generally works the best. Pillow punching is okay, but it doesn't have the same effect as vocalizing the anger, IMO. None of these methods are ideal though and ultimately these lead to a drain of vital energy (although sometimes this is necessary at the time).

One thing I think is important to do when one gets into this state of anger spilling over is to try to observe oneself as much as possible. What thoughts are coming up? What does the feeling remind you of? What was your earliest memory of feeling this way? In other words, turn your attention inward instead of focusing on the external events that led up to the anger. I've found that my anger might spill over for some reason related to recent events in my life, but that when I focus on feeling the anger, a whole lot of memories come to the surface that seem totally unrelated.

Also, give the EE breathing time. What you're experiencing now as a temporary lull, might turn into more of a lasting change the longer you continue with the program.

Check out the recommended Psychology books. These might help you understand some of the mechanisms behind these powerful feelings.

Another online book I've found helpful is Deep Therapy by Restin Wells. It's not about anger management specifically, but deals with inner-child work which is related in a roundabout way.

 

[vinny]

Abstract and Laura have some good advise here. First step is to clean up your diet and get your brain chemistry balanced.

and I'd say the same goes for beating depression, mood swings, fatigue, brain fog. Start with getting the physical machine in order - it can make a huge difference.

 

[Be Like Water]

Hey, shadowsaround.

I too have had similar issues, though not to the same extent. Do you suffer from allergies? I understand myself that when allergen levels are higher, my resistance to anger is lowered. Hystamine imbalances can cause anger and frustration, and are implicated in schizophrenia. First step is assessing your diet, as mentioned. Also, remember to breathe!

 

[HiThere]

like your shrink said, it can be useful to try to identify the triggers. they are usually connected with the emotions that brings on the anger, and those emotions are the key to why you get so angry. the best place to spot those emotions are in the situations that makes you lose your temper. So try and observe yourself when the situation arises, and try to get a snapshot of your feelings at the time - inadequacy, panic/fear/anxiety, superiority, sorrow, you name it. these emotions will lead you further on when you go trough them at a later point in time, where it's also important to release those emotions in a controlled fashion, where you are in control of the situation, i.e. not while you're having the anger attack.
if there's sorrow, cry, if there's anger, yell and try to put words on your anger, if there's anxiety try to go to its source, and so on. good luck. :)