Best book on psychological projection?

[melatonin]

Hi there. I recently read “unholy hungers”... great recommendation btw. It got me wanting to understand projection more. I’m a survivor of extreme trauma, and I really want to understand “what’s mine” VS “what is outside”, to enable myself to protect myself as much as possible from feeding predators. Any recommendations? Thank you.

 

[T.C.]

I think there are different types of projection. One of the types that I try to watch out for is if someone here posts a situation and they're asking for advice. If it's a situation I've been in myself or if I'm currently going through, I think there can be potential for projection, so I'm always worried about that in my reply.

But now I think that the above example falls more under the label of identification, rather than what is meant by projection proper. And I don't think that such identification under such circumstances is necessarily a bad thing. I think the ability to empathise or sympathise is quite reliant on it.

This has become more apparent to me over recent months because the woman I work for tends to fall into projection in the way that is really meant by the term, and in observing it in her, it's helped me to separate it out from other relatable states.

I would best simplify it by saying that projection is a symptom of not being honest with yourself about how you are feeling about something. So projection can be mitigated by not lying to yourself about anything, no matter how uncomfortable certain thoughts and feelings might make you, or how they might clash with or undermine your ego.

Just one example: My boss and her husband were going on holiday. They're massively controlling and micro-managing of their successful little business that they've built from scratch. She is anxious that I, who will be running the shop while they're away, won't be able to cope.

She begins to project her anxiety onto me the day before they go: "Are you okay, T.C.? Everything will be fine, you know. Don't be worried. Don't worry, you'll manage."

I myself am not worried in the least. I'm looking forward to the experience of running my own shop, opening and closing, doing the ordering, etc. And to be honest, as much as I like the people I work for, I'm thoroughly looking forward to some time away from them, not least because it allows the rest of us to flourish in expressing ourselves through work on our own terms, without being constantly watched and corrected in ways that serve no purpose other than to allow the bosses to shore up their own I securities by maintaining control over everything.

So she was projecting her own worries onto me because she couldn't be honest with herself about the fact that she was worried about relinquishing control of her 'baby'. If she could have been honest with herself, she wouldn't have had to project her fears onto me.

 

[Maat]

maybe this one Projection and recollection in jungian psychology : reflections of the soul by Marie-Louise von Franz

https://books.google.fr/books/about/Projection_and_Re_collection_in_Jungian.html?id=j8kcGhUBTxEC&redir_esc=y

 

[obyvatel]

maybe this one Projection and recollection in jungian psychology : reflections of the soul by Marie-Louise von Franz

https://books.google.fr/books/about/Projection_and_Re_collection_in_Jungian.html?id=j8kcGhUBTxEC&redir_esc=y

I second that recommendation. It is dense reading material, but worth the effort for anyone who wishes to get a deeper understanding of a complex phenomenon.

 

[melatonin]

Thankyou for your replies, especially T.C.

I need to find a book on Kindle as i have limited vocabulary and the instant dictionary is a life-saver. I did look at that book recommendation, but they only have physical copies.

Im half way through this book currently.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B00B72CFQW/ref=oh_aui_d_detailpage_o05_?ie=UTF8&psc=1

Im finding it very readable and understandable for myself. Only problem is that (as so far), there are no explanations for how to actively own you "dark side". This seems to be a flaw of the book according to some reviews ive just read.

 

[Ant22]

Hi there. I recently read “unholy hungers”... great recommendation btw. It got me wanting to understand projection more. I’m a survivor of extreme trauma, and I really want to understand “what’s mine” VS “what is outside”, to enable myself to protect myself as much as possible from feeding predators. Any recommendations? Thank you.

Thankyou for your replies, especially T.C.

I need to find a book on Kindle as i have limited vocabulary and the instant dictionary is a life-saver. I did look at that book recommendation, but they only have physical copies.

Im half way through this book currently.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B00B72CFQW/ref=oh_aui_d_detailpage_o05_?ie=UTF8&psc=1

Im finding it very readable and understandable for myself. Only problem is that (as so far), there are no explanations for how to actively own you "dark side". This seems to be a flaw of the book according to some reviews ive just read.

Hi melatonin, You said you're a survivor of extreme trauma inflicted by feeding predators. First of all

I don't know about the book you quoted, I've never read it myself. My own search into myself also started with Unholy Hungers and the fragment that pointed me in the direction of further reading was when the author talks about the "vampire bite". That the people who feed on us infect us with what they are. I guess this is what you are referring to when you say "your own dark side"?

I'm not sure if the below will be helpful in terms of understanding projection but it may in fact be of help when it comes to understanding the impact of the "vampire bite" and the difference between “what’s mine” VS “what is outside” you mentioned.

You've been on the forum for much longer than me so please forgive me if I'm recommending books you've read already!

In my experience and based on what I've read on the forum feeding predators feed on us because there is something in us that makes us vulnerable to their tactics. Here's an example from one of the sessions about pity:

(...)

Q: One of the things I have learned is that these individuals seem to attach via some sort of psychic hook that enters through our reactions of pity. Can you comment on the nature of pity?

A: Pity those who pity.

Q: But, the ones who are being pitied, who generate sensations of pity, do not really pity anybody but themselves.

A: Yes...?

Q: Then, is it true as my son said, when you give pity, when you send love and light to those in darkness, or those who complain and want to be "saved" without effort on their own part, when you are kind in the face of abuse and manipulation, that you essentially are giving power to their further disintegration, or contraction into self-ishness? That you are powering their descent into STS?

A: You know the answer! (...)

To me personally, the "Big Five" psychology books below have been exceptionally useful in addressing the "vampire bite" issue as well as helped me to understand why am I what I am and why certain people managed to inflict so much pain on me.

We can't change the predators but with a lot of work and effort we can step by step make ourselves immune to their tactics, thus letting them be what they are - but somewhere else ;) If they can't feed on you they will move on to find easier prey somewhere else.

You'll also find frequent references on the forum to the "Big Five" psychology books, which are extremely helpful tools towards acquiring a basic understanding of your own "machine". Should you decide to explore those books at some point in the future, Laura suggests that they be read in the following order: The Myth of Sanity by Martha Stout; The Narcissistic Family by Stephanie Donaldson-Pressman & Robert M. Pressman; Trapped in the Mirror by Elan Golomb; Unholy Hungers by Barbara Hort; and Character Disturbance by George K. Simon.

On top of the above books, I would also suggest Strangers to Ourselves by Timothy D. Wilson. This is a really good read as it shows us that we know very little about the unconscious parts of our minds that influence our behaviours and effectively run the show. We then go on and create elaborate narratives in our heads to justify those behaviours and I found learning to understand that process to be exceptionally useful along the way.

So yeah, onwards and upwards melatonin!

 

[T.C.]

Im finding it very readable and understandable for myself. Only problem is that (as so far), there are no explanations for how to actively own you "dark side". This seems to be a flaw of the book according to some reviews ive just read.

It's interesting because the concepts that are capturing your interest at the moment all have something to do with not acknowledging our inner states, drives, thoughts, feelings etc. Is this something that you're personally having a problem with at the moment?

'Integrating' the 'dark side' is another thing that ties into it: acknowledgement, I mean.

Passive-aggressiveness is the easiest example to discuss. We might think of our 'dark-side' as our capacity or potential for force, for anger, for violence. It is something that is always there and always in us, but if we don't 'integrate it into our personality', it'll come out some way, at some time.

The problem of being passive aggressive is related to agreeableness. How much and for how long we are willing to accept an unfair situation or let someone encroach on our boundaries. If we feel like we do not have a voice, a say, a right to protest, then our anger, bitterness, resentment will grow and it will start to pervade and saturate our personality. Our aggression is palpable to others, but we're too afraid to just come out and say what is wrong and discuss the problem. Our anger owns us.

If we accept that we are angry, that we have the potential to be angry at someone, to resent them, to even wish harm on them for what they're doing or saying, we might call forth the courage to have it out with them and air our grievance. Each time we decide to push back and maintain our boundaries and call people out for behaving in ways toward us that we won't accept, we're getting in touch with our shadow side. If we do this for long enough and consistently enough, then our passive-aggressiveness will reduce over time, to the point where when we've integrated this kind of emotional energy into our personality, it won't rule us anymore, and our overall demeanour in general will reduce the number of instances when people act like that towards us, and when they do, we might even be able to nip it in the bud in a relaxed, even friendly or joking kind of way.

This is what I believe don Juan meant by the term 'impeccability', or what we might be talking about in esoteric Christianity when we're discussing the right use of energy. It's 'conservative' in that we don't waste as much time and energy on things.

So integration is a process of acknowledgement, and then action and application. It's a long process and when we're trying it out, we'll find pitfalls such as over-identifying with the state itself in a kind of righteous way - "I'm going to be more firm with people, and this person is doing something to annoy me and I have every right to feel hurt and angry and to tell them what I think of them!" Then we'll go about the whole situation in a careless way and get burned. And then we'll have learned something from that and we'll try it a bit differently next time. But if the end goal is to not allow our drives to rule our actions, then we need to go about integrating these aspects of ourselves through action.

 

[obyvatel]

Im half way through this book currently.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B00B72CFQW/ref=oh_aui_d_detailpage_o05_?ie=UTF8&psc=1

Im finding it very readable and understandable for myself. Only problem is that (as so far), there are no explanations for how to actively own you "dark side". This seems to be a flaw of the book according to some reviews ive just read.

I have read that book and found it useful. If you are interested in understanding more about the shadow rather than projection in general, Johnson's book is a more understandable read. I would suggest sticking with it to the end - it is a relatively short read. The topic is of a nature that it does not lend itself to an easy formulaic approach. TC gave an excellent example; you may find correlation between what he wrote and the general schema that Johnson describes in the book.

 

[melatonin]

Thankyou for your replies. Im struggling to overcome some internal messages in order to reply "Your attention seeking", "Who do you think you are?"
(But im in the right place to try and overcome this internal chatter) :)

 

[melatonin]

Hi there. I recently read “unholy hungers”... great recommendation btw. It got me wanting to understand projection more. I’m a survivor of extreme trauma, and I really want to understand “what’s mine” VS “what is outside”, to enable myself to protect myself as much as possible from feeding predators. Any recommendations? Thank you.

Thankyou for your replies, especially T.C.

I need to find a book on Kindle as i have limited vocabulary and the instant dictionary is a life-saver. I did look at that book recommendation, but they only have physical copies.

Im half way through this book currently.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B00B72CFQW/ref=oh_aui_d_detailpage_o05_?ie=UTF8&psc=1

Im finding it very readable and understandable for myself. Only problem is that (as so far), there are no explanations for how to actively own you "dark side". This seems to be a flaw of the book according to some reviews ive just read.

Hi melatonin, You said you're a survivor of extreme trauma inflicted by feeding predators. First of all

I don't know about the book you quoted, I've never read it myself. My own search into myself also started with Unholy Hungers and the fragment that pointed me in the direction of further reading was when the author talks about the "vampire bite". That the people who feed on us infect us with what they are. I guess this is what you are referring to when you say "your own dark side"?

I'm not sure if the below will be helpful in terms of understanding projection but it may in fact be of help when it comes to understanding the impact of the "vampire bite" and the difference between “what’s mine” VS “what is outside” you mentioned.

You've been on the forum for much longer than me so please forgive me if I'm recommending books you've read already!

In my experience and based on what I've read on the forum feeding predators feed on us because there is something in us that makes us vulnerable to their tactics. Here's an example from one of the sessions about pity:

(...)

Q: One of the things I have learned is that these individuals seem to attach via some sort of psychic hook that enters through our reactions of pity. Can you comment on the nature of pity?

A: Pity those who pity.

Q: But, the ones who are being pitied, who generate sensations of pity, do not really pity anybody but themselves.

A: Yes...?

Q: Then, is it true as my son said, when you give pity, when you send love and light to those in darkness, or those who complain and want to be "saved" without effort on their own part, when you are kind in the face of abuse and manipulation, that you essentially are giving power to their further disintegration, or contraction into self-ishness? That you are powering their descent into STS?

A: You know the answer! (...)

To me personally, the "Big Five" psychology books below have been exceptionally useful in addressing the "vampire bite" issue as well as helped me to understand why am I what I am and why certain people managed to inflict so much pain on me.

We can't change the predators but with a lot of work and effort we can step by step make ourselves immune to their tactics, thus letting them be what they are - but somewhere else ;) If they can't feed on you they will move on to find easier prey somewhere else.

You'll also find frequent references on the forum to the "Big Five" psychology books, which are extremely helpful tools towards acquiring a basic understanding of your own "machine". Should you decide to explore those books at some point in the future, Laura suggests that they be read in the following order: The Myth of Sanity by Martha Stout; The Narcissistic Family by Stephanie Donaldson-Pressman & Robert M. Pressman; Trapped in the Mirror by Elan Golomb; Unholy Hungers by Barbara Hort; and Character Disturbance by George K. Simon.

On top of the above books, I would also suggest Strangers to Ourselves by Timothy D. Wilson. This is a really good read as it shows us that we know very little about the unconscious parts of our minds that influence our behaviours and effectively run the show. We then go on and create elaborate narratives in our heads to justify those behaviours and I found learning to understand that process to be exceptionally useful along the way.

So yeah, onwards and upwards melatonin!

Thanks ANT22....i bought "Stranger to ourselves"..... i will get around to reading it soon. Thx also for the hug!

Yes, for clairty....when i say my "own dark side"..... i mean all those parts i supressed from my childhood trauma. My dad in particular "impressed" himself on me, and the parts he hated about himself. (He was neglected and abused too). Thankfully ive been self aware enough to not carry on this destructive cycle, and would never have children. I was the sacraficial lamb for all my family (My mopthers 3 siblings were also child abusers). A few of the books ive read on projection have helped clarify some of my understanding of abusers. They (My mothers family) are still labelling me as the crazy/mad/evil one now.....how convineant!
I have alot of healing to do.

 

[melatonin]

Im finding it very readable and understandable for myself. Only problem is that (as so far), there are no explanations for how to actively own you "dark side". This seems to be a flaw of the book according to some reviews ive just read.

It's interesting because the concepts that are capturing your interest at the moment all have something to do with not acknowledging our inner states, drives, thoughts, feelings etc. Is this something that you're personally having a problem with at the moment?

'Integrating' the 'dark side' is another thing that ties into it: acknowledgement, I mean.

Passive-aggressiveness is the easiest example to discuss. We might think of our 'dark-side' as our capacity or potential for force, for anger, for violence. It is something that is always there and always in us, but if we don't 'integrate it into our personality', it'll come out some way, at some time.

The problem of being passive aggressive is related to agreeableness. How much and for how long we are willing to accept an unfair situation or let someone encroach on our boundaries. If we feel like we do not have a voice, a say, a right to protest, then our anger, bitterness, resentment will grow and it will start to pervade and saturate our personality. Our aggression is palpable to others, but we're too afraid to just come out and say what is wrong and discuss the problem. Our anger owns us.

If we accept that we are angry, that we have the potential to be angry at someone, to resent them, to even wish harm on them for what they're doing or saying, we might call forth the courage to have it out with them and air our grievance. Each time we decide to push back and maintain our boundaries and call people out for behaving in ways toward us that we won't accept, we're getting in touch with our shadow side. If we do this for long enough and consistently enough, then our passive-aggressiveness will reduce over time, to the point where when we've integrated this kind of emotional energy into our personality, it won't rule us anymore, and our overall demeanour in general will reduce the number of instances when people act like that towards us, and when they do, we might even be able to nip it in the bud in a relaxed, even friendly or joking kind of way.

This is what I believe don Juan meant by the term 'impeccability', or what we might be talking about in esoteric Christianity when we're discussing the right use of energy. It's 'conservative' in that we don't waste as much time and energy on things.

So integration is a process of acknowledgement, and then action and application. It's a long process and when we're trying it out, we'll find pitfalls such as over-identifying with the state itself in a kind of righteous way - "I'm going to be more firm with people, and this person is doing something to annoy me and I have every right to feel hurt and angry and to tell them what I think of them!" Then we'll go about the whole situation in a careless way and get burned. And then we'll have learned something from that and we'll try it a bit differently next time. But if the end goal is to not allow our drives to rule our actions, then we need to go about integrating these aspects of ourselves through action.

Thanks T.C. for your reply and explanation.
Yes, without a doubt.....i struggle with self awareness, knowing myself and projecting myself on other people. Ive recently bought a couple of books and done some more reading (on "THE WORK"), and im looking at using the grounding techniques to try an enable me to try and objectively see myself (The first stage right?)....so that will help with my issues of projection.

 

[melatonin]

Im half way through this book currently.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B00B72CFQW/ref=oh_aui_d_detailpage_o05_?ie=UTF8&psc=1

Im finding it very readable and understandable for myself. Only problem is that (as so far), there are no explanations for how to actively own you "dark side". This seems to be a flaw of the book according to some reviews ive just read.

I have read that book and found it useful. If you are interested in understanding more about the shadow rather than projection in general, Johnson's book is a more understandable read. I would suggest sticking with it to the end - it is a relatively short read. The topic is of a nature that it does not lend itself to an easy formulaic approach. TC gave an excellent example; you may find correlation between what he wrote and the general schema that Johnson describes in the book.

It was an easy to read book, and i was tempted to buy another of his too. I ended up buying "the dark side of light chasers" by Debbie Ford for a different perspective. Thanks for the reply.