"Best. State. Ever.: A Florida man Defends His Homeland"

[JEEP]

This book's review appeared in today's Columbus Dispatch. I'm thinking Laura might enjoy this book even if it doesn't document any ufo sightings - only mermaids:

Book review | "Best. State. Ever.": Dave Barry captures Florida's nuttiness, quirks

"Best. State. Ever.: A Florida Man Defends his Homeland" (G.P. Putnam's Sons, 240 pages, $27) by Dave Barry

Humorist Dave Barry has made a career of writing about the wackier aspects of life, and especially many offbeat aspects of living in Florida. His latest book, "Best. State. Ever.: A Florida Man Defends his Homeland," is a step toward repaying that debt after a career of feasting off the absurdities of life in the Sunshine State. As Barry puts it: "If states were characters on 'Seinfeld,' Florida would be Kramer: Every time it appears, the audience automatically laughs, knowing it's going to do some idiot thing."

Barry's theory on when Florida became a national laughingstock (developed with no research whatsoever, according to Barry) is the 2000 presidential election between George W. Bush and Al Gore, which remained in limbo for weeks during a recount under a relentless media spotlight.

As Barry describes it: "This gruesomely unflattering coverage ran nonstop, day after hellish day. It finally ended when the U.S. Supreme Court ruled, in a 7-2 decision, that Florida should be given back to Spain."

Chances are certain that a more thorough examination of Florida's history of zany behavior would show it goes back much further.

But the popularity of nonstop cable news and now social media has made it much easier to keep track of Florida's nutty antics. Barry notes the popular Twitter account Florida Man, "which consists entirely of links to news items about Florida men doing stupid things."

He offers the theory on why there are "so many stupid people in Florida" a state with watear on three sides. "People come down here all the time. Most of them, sooner or later, decide to leave, but the stupid ones can't figure out how to do this. So they remain, and in time are issued ballots," he writes.

He recounts some of the weirder Florida stories, including the case of the woman who crashed her car on the Overseas Highway to Key West a few years ago when driving while she was shaving her privates. She had her ex-husband steering while she shaved her "bikini area."

Barry chronicles a series of laugh-out-loud examples of Florida insanity, then shifts to a distinctly different mood, sentimental and almost melancholy, as he takes a longer look at locations that offer a glimpse of the unique flavors of Florida. This section of the book feels more like a leisurely drive on Florida backroads with Barry as tour guide to see attractions dating from an earlier time a reminder of Florida's charm.

Those stops include classic Florida roadside tourist attractions such as Weeki Wachee, the City of Mermaids; Spongeorama; and the ghost town of Cassadaga, nicknamed the "Psychic Capital of the World." Barry provides history and introduces colorful characters from each. He includes a section on Key West, "the most flamboyant, decadent, debauched and pungent place in Florida."

Perhaps the most memorable side trip is his trek into the Everglades in search of "the skunk ape," Florida's version of Bigfoot.

"It is said to walk erect, like a man, but its body is covered with hair, like an ape, or the cast of Duck Dynasty," he writes of the elusive skunk ape. His search takes him to the "Skunk-Ape Research Headquarters," which looks suspiciously like a palm-fronded tiki bar in a campground in the town of Ochopee, which also has a restaurant and a post office. As Barry was driving back along the spectacular Overseas Highway from his "research" trip to Key West, he reflected on how he feels about the state that helped feed a steady stream of material for his successful career as a humorist: "I love this crazy state," he writes.

His book seemed like an attempt to capture distinctive parts of Florida that are gradually disappearing.

I can definitely relate to "like a leisurely drive on Florida backroads - to see attractions dating from an earlier time - a reminder of Florida's charm."
My family took three Florida vacations - two while I was in grade school and the last junior high - destination Sarasota except for the year we went on an extended mother's relatives that live in Florida tour. Please note that we left West Virginia in a new '59 Rambler that had seat belts as a selling point - ironic as it had no radio to let us know a hurricane was heading right for Florida - while we were there traveling around! No wonder the weather was particularly bad that day! No AC either other than rolled down windows. It was a very long trip to Florida from West Virginia - pre-interstate - & the many billboards advertising motels along the road kept my brother and me entertained: ooh, color TV! Wow - a pool! We counted down the diminishing miles until the roadside wonder was passed & we zeroed in on the next set of billboards highlighting a 'deluxe' accommodation that we could only dream about staying in. Our disappointment was tempered by welcome stops at Stuckies - a gift shop & eatery that was something of a paradise for road weary kids. Fast food didn't exist then.

So yes, got to see the 'live' mermaids at Weeki Wachee, and the thrill of riding in a glass-bottom boat at Silver Springs. Porpoises performing at Marine World, Tom Thumb's carriage & Jenni Lynd's sleigh at the Ringling Bros and Barnum & Bailey Circus Museum. Interestingly enough, two of my mother's relatives who had retired to Hollywood, FL, were ex-circus performers. We went from there to Miami - visited the zoo w/ the 2nd cousins - and stopped at Cape Canaveral - a bad weather day as a storm was blowing in (or was it the hurricane?). Did I mention Daytona Beach - you can drive your car on it - and St. Augustine w/ it's Spanish old world influence. Coral Gables and the Peter Pan restaurant in Tampa. Exotic parrots at the Sarasota Jungle Gardens and alligators in the Everglades. Your choice of baby live ones to take home or the dried variety available in any number of gift shops. Sea shells, coral, sand dollars, sea horses - and flip flops! White sand beaches, pilings, warm wonderful waves for rafts. Suntan lotion (no SPFs) - sunburn - Solarcaine sunburn lotion! The absolutely best two weeks of summer! Definitely a trip down memory lane - or actually the Sunshine Skyway Bridge!

Kinda doubt Dave's book will feature Lutz, Florida. My family had a picture taken w/ us all standing in front of the post office because that was our family name! Hope Dave mentions the palm trees, the weird grass, and the Spanish moss - so very different from rainy, hilly West Virginia! My parents made a trip back to Sarasota a number of years ago - Siesta Key. The mom and pop place we stayed in there was long gone and the area was vastly changed - lots of development. I still remember the sound of the waves hitting the beach just across the road in the morning when I woke up . . .

 

[Laura]

I don't think I would very much enjoy reading it. Keep in mind that I'm a 6th generation Floridian and most of what people think of when they think of Florida has mostly to do with the yankees who came down and destroyed nature.

 

[Joe]

I can imagine it wouldn't be pleasant reading or funny for someone who knows and has lived the real values of a Floridian community/local culture that are now long gone. If his "sentimental and almost melancholy" look at Florida's history involves "Spongeorama" and a bunch of other obvious tourist attractions, then you can't help but feel he knows little about anything real or valuable about Florida culture. I mean, who wants to live in a tourist attraction? As Laura said, all of that stuff is just for blow-in tourists who ended up staying.

 

[Yupo]

I don't think I would very much enjoy reading it. Keep in mind that I'm a 6th generation Floridian and most of what people think of when they think of Florida has mostly to do with the yankees who came down and destroyed nature.

I hear you on that.

 

[JEEP]

I don't think I would very much enjoy reading it. Keep in mind that I'm a 6th generation Floridian and most of what people think of when they think of Florida has mostly to do with the yankees who came down and destroyed nature.

You're so right about that. Florida is having severe problems w/ toxic algae in its waters and slimey green beaches so much so that the Governor declared a state of emergency this summer.

What is the algae and where did it come from?
The algae is a cyanobacteria found in Lake Okeechobee, which holds not only freshwater but runoff from nearby farms and ordinary neighborhoods. When runoff contains too many nutrients, mainly nitrogen and phosphorus, the pollution can act like fertilizer.

How did the algae find its way to Florida beaches?
In January, to keep Lake Okeechobee from overflowing after record rains, the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers started releasing the polluted water into rivers and estuaries that lead to the coast.

The enormous algae outbreak that has coated swaths of Florida's St. Lucie River with guacamole-like sludge is a man-made affliction, arising from political and economic decisions made over the past 140 years.

Chasing dollars, Florida land developers and their government allies broke up nature's flow that used rivers, Lake Okeechobee and the Everglades to move water south from central Florida to the Florida Bay at the peninsula's tip. That spurred Florida's economic growth, but it came with a price: Rivers and lagoons have periodically become so toxic with green and brown slime that fish die off, residents are sickened and tourists stay away.

Of course, not a problem unique to Florida - the toxic algae problem is rife here in Ohio. And otherwise, other methods of destroying nature for profit have been ongoing pretty much everywhere, from mountain top removal in West Virginia to the widespread fracking in numerous states.

It's true re the saying that you can't go home again - the Florida I visited in 1960, '61', & '63, only exists in my memories now. Although the impetus of Barry's book was to highlight the comic fodder of the imported residents that fueled his career, the reference to the backroads, the earlier attractions and Florida's charms caused me to think he would bring out the wonder that was evident in the not so distant past. Have to say, when I visit WV now, it too, seems like an entirely different world from the one I grew up in.

The oligarchs will have their way as is so painfully clear w/ the Federal ruling against the native Americans over the Dakota Access Pipeline. They respect nothing and honor nothing other than their personal agendas of wealth, power, and control. Yeah, I don't envision Dave Barry ever writing about that.

This may not be the book, but in the face of ongoing global destruction, it's nice to find something to chuckle over at least once in a while. Even the Cs have a rich sense of humor that I most definitely appreciate.