Bizarre childhood dreams - a few fragments

[Psalehesost]

Throughout much of my childhood, I had quite a few nightmares - I remember at one point staying up throughout an entire night because I didn't want to fall asleep and risk experiencing something horrible in a dream.

Apart from being chased by this or that, or being subject to painful sensations at the hands of adversaries in dreams, there was also a strange theme going on, including - and largely - in other dreams: I was being affected in some intangible way by someone, often using some kind of equipment, and knew that this made a permanent "change" of some sort. In one dream, after I had experienced some sort of weird sensation marking being changed in this way by a person in the dream (the exact strange sensation and how it was "done" to me varied from dream to dream), that person said something to the effect of: "But, now you can do it to [other person in dream]!" This apparently being meant as a consoling remark.

There were also a couple of dreams here and there that weren't strictly speaking nightmares - they weren't painful, and at worst I was threatened or chased by something in them, which comparatively was no big deal - nor strictly concerned with this theme - yet, were quite memorable and unusual, as well as somewhat bizarre.

I only remember a few fragments. Here is the bulk of it:

I was one of the children at a daycare center, standing in a queue being dealt with, one by one, by the personnel. Everything is as expected, with no fear or worry, as the person working on the children uses a knife.

I arrive and the knife is put to the palm of my hand; then, for some reason, I am taken aside, meant to temporarily go somewhere. The person working on the children therefore picks the next child to work on for now. I look at my hand, at its palm where, painlessly, the knife touched: There is a large, black crust stretching in thick lines over it, as if blood has been instantly clotted.

At some later point in the dream I am spectating without my body. I "move around" and see things in different places. I see in one large room a large, prepared dish on a huge platter; I know that it was made of me.

I might add that from the mental context of the end, all the other children were meeting the same kind of fate.

And now for something completely different:

In the dream, my father and I had a peculiar feature: There was black, empty space - like very, very thick lines - between our limbs, separating them.

It had been decided that we were to drive to a man who were to make our limbs come fully together; he was to do this by, which in the dream apparently was not a harmful thing, shooting us.

While in the dream not something dangerous, I didn't want to go through it, and so I tried to convince the man to skip me. However, it had already been decided; at last, however, I managed to buy him off by making and gicing him a drawing.

And so I went away, thick black space still between my limbs.

Finally, a short fragment - a brief, bizarre part of some dream the rest of which is forgotten:

I was in a dungeon, held in a room, and an executioner in black put a sledgehammer to my head; the world blinked for a moment, and I felt no pain. My field of vision had gone red. I no longer had a head (though everything else was normal), and looking about the room I could see that it was stained red.

I am simply curious as to what the heck those things could have been about. (and the larger issue of my childhood dreams as described, as well)

 

[Turgon]

Hey Psalesehost,

Apart from being chased by this or that, or being subject to painful sensations at the hands of adversaries in dreams, there was also a strange theme going on, including - and largely - in other dreams: I was being affected in some intangible way by someone, often using some kind of equipment, and knew that this made a permanent "change" of some sort. In one dream, after I had experienced some sort of weird sensation marking being changed in this way by a person in the dream (the exact strange sensation and how it was "done" to me varied from dream to dream), that person said something to the effect of: "But, now you can do it to [other person in dream]!" This apparently being meant as a consoling remark.

It seems to me that the overall impression I'm getting from your post and the fragments of dreams you've provided that in some way, either gradually over the course of years or at specific times, you've been tampered with in some way and that the change is somehow permanent and unchangeable. Which, considering what we know about 4D STS, being tampered with shouldn't really come as a surprise. Also, the possibility of childhood trauma's that you can't remember might play a role (I would think most definitely) as well.

But four symbolisms stuck out for me in particular. The dream about cutting your hand, your head with regards to the sledgehammer, and the colour red afterwards.

Now using _www.dreammoods.com as a guide for the interpretation for those (which could be off) it kind of led me to some interesting insights.

To dream of your hands, represents your relationship to those around you and how you connect with the world. Hands serve as a form of communication. Perhaps you need to lend out a helping hand to someone...To dream that you hands are injured, denotes an attack on your ego...To see blood on your hands, signifies that you are experiencing some sort of guilt.

To see a head in your dream, signifies wisdom, intellect, understanding and rationality. It may also represent your accomplishments, self-image, and perception of the world. The dream may also be metaphor to indicate that you are "ahead" in some situation or that you need to get ahead.

To see or use a sledgehammer in your dream, suggests that you need to break down the walls that you have created around you.

Red is an indication of raw energy, force, vigor, intense passion, aggression, power, courage and passion. The color red has deep emotional and spiritual connotations. Consider the phrase "seeing red" to denote anger.

Red is also the color of danger, shame, sexual impulses and urges. Perhaps you need to stop and think about your actions.

Now, being aware of your issues concerning your ability to express emotions which you've commented on in the past, I can't help but see a bit of a connection involved. Far be it from me to impose what I THINK you need to be doing and working on, but each of us have our own individual lessons which are of greatest importance to us. Even though we are all working together on the forum to gain objectivity, we are all coming from different places and each of us have particular lessons that stand out as need to be learned to move on.

I got mine around the time of the later posts on the first page of this thread, but hadn't yet posted about it, as I thought I'd just distract from that fine appreciation thing you've all got going.

My first reaction was something along the lines of "Heh, that's nice, but I hope they don't waste too much of their limited resources on this kind of thing". The "fruits" as seen in this thread however makes it clear that this simple sending of a card did quite a lot, so I've changed my estimation and appreciation of its usefulness.

So, another thanks, now that I feel I can join in in writing one!

Hi Csayeursost. Although you clearly expressed what you felt in the very last sentence of your post the rest of what you said seems to be complicating a very simple feeling of gratitude by thinking too much about it instead of allowing yourself to feel it and then simply expressing it.

In other words as soon as you feel this simple honest feeling you immediately hop into your head and stay there and then your head tries to feel it. Then your head complicates it unnecessarily with a lot of inner talk and then you loose touch with the feeling because you’re in your head.

There's really no need to complicate things. I do hope your keeping up with the EE breathing program and the diet/detoxing. Both are very important imo. It’ll help you to spend less time in your head and help you to just let go and feel things more.

It's not so much the childhood dreams that are of great importance right now, but what you are DOing, and, in a lot of regards, feeling. Because I believe those emotions are there. I can attest because I've buried my emotions a lot, and at one point thought they were useless and looked at everything from an analytical point of view and would observe and breakdown my emotions in my head, analyzing everything and anything that occurred, including the inner sensations. This, in the past prevented me from fully expressing myself. I think there is some type of block that's affecting you, and if you can break it down and open yourself up more, I think it will go a long way towards completely disrupting whatever tampering has happened to you.

Phew.. I hope this helps, heck I don't even know whether this answers your questions fully or if I'm being fully considerate in writing this. But, umm yeah ... fwiw

 

[Psalehesost]

It seems to me that the overall impression I'm getting from your post and the fragments of dreams you've provided that in some way, either gradually over the course of years or at specific times, you've been tampered with in some way and that the change is somehow permanent and unchangeable. Which, considering what we know about 4D STS, being tampered with shouldn't really come as a surprise. Also, the possibility of childhood trauma's that you can't remember might play a role (I would think most definitely) as well.

Those are possible. I have also thought that it could be, at least in part, a symbolic representation of the psychological wounding inflicted on people, from one to the other, in society.

But four symbolisms stuck out for me in particular. The dream about cutting your hand, your head with regards to the sledgehammer, and the colour red afterwards.

Now using _www.dreammoods.com as a guide for the interpretation for those (which could be off) it kind of led me to some interesting insights.

To dream of your hands, represents your relationship to those around you and how you connect with the world. Hands serve as a form of communication. Perhaps you need to lend out a helping hand to someone...To dream that you hands are injured, denotes an attack on your ego...To see blood on your hands, signifies that you are experiencing some sort of guilt.

Unfortunately, I do not remember enough of my childhood to know of possible relevance of the guilt part at that point in time, and don't remember ever having much a a problem with guilt. An interesting thing in this dream, I think, is that I was lulled, along with everyone else, into just passively expecting and accepting what was done (without knowing the true significance), to the point of thinking it a disruption when I was to go away for a while at that point in the dream. Passively walking up to be butchered and turned into a meal. I think this is significant too - becoming food, in one or another sense, by being hurt, and "how I connect with the world" being damaged.

To see a head in your dream, signifies wisdom, intellect, understanding and rationality. It may also represent your accomplishments, self-image, and perception of the world. The dream may also be metaphor to indicate that you are "ahead" in some situation or that you need to get ahead.

To see or use a sledgehammer in your dream, suggests that you need to break down the walls that you have created around you.

Red is an indication of raw energy, force, vigor, intense passion, aggression, power, courage and passion. The color red has deep emotional and spiritual connotations. Consider the phrase "seeing red" to denote anger.

Red is also the color of danger, shame, sexual impulses and urges. Perhaps you need to stop and think about your actions.

Perhaps that dream could be seen as representing a solution, then? Something needing to be broken down to release the trapped, bottled-up energy inside... That's all I can think of, anyway.

Now, being aware of your issues concerning your ability to express emotions which you've commented on in the past, I can't help but see a bit of a connection involved. Far be it from me to impose what I THINK you need to be doing and working on, but each of us have our own individual lessons which are of greatest importance to us. Even though we are all working together on the forum to gain objectivity, we are all coming from different places and each of us have particular lessons that stand out as need to be learned to move on.

[...]

It's not so much the childhood dreams that are of great importance right now, but what you are DOing, and, in a lot of regards, feeling. Because I believe those emotions are there. I can attest because I've buried my emotions a lot, and at one point thought they were useless and looked at everything from an analytical point of view and would observe and breakdown my emotions in my head, analyzing everything and anything that occurred, including the inner sensations. This, in the past prevented me from fully expressing myself. I think there is some type of block that's affecting you, and if you can break it down and open yourself up more, I think it will go a long way towards completely disrupting whatever tampering has happened to you.

Phew.. I hope this helps, heck I don't even know whether this answers your questions fully or if I'm being fully considerate in writing this. But, umm yeah ... fwiw

The dreams are just something I've thought of once in a while, being a curiosity remaining in my memory, and not a main concern.

Yes, I'm analyzing just about everything within; I guess I could try for a number of days to limit thinking to external topics and try to just observe and see what happens. I have more blocks beyond the emotional, too, including intellectual (when it comes to some things), and when it comes to directing effort towards the external world in general (with the exception of some things that go easily).

And as for the last bit, no problem. And thanks!