can't name this dream...

[hnd]

It is 4.30 A.M here in Istanbul at the moment,and I am writing this to get rid of the dream I had just 10 minutes ago, maybe I won't post it,but I want to write because writing it here has already started to make me feel better. I don't remember how the dream started. It was as if it started before, but I started to remember from the middle of it. I was in a boat with some other people, they were probably my students, I don't remember consciously seeing them as students,but I was talking to them as I talk to my students in real life, kind of different than my friends. I was telling them certain things in the hope that they can appreciate the beauty of the nature we are in. We were rowing the boat in a river, it was challenging but exciting. The nature around was a little exotic, there were both trees and other plants that we know very well, and also some different ones that we saw for the first time in our lives. I remember being excited at the sight of the beauty and sharing this with my companions. Then-it was like a short time-we arrived at he mouth of the river where it was calming flowing into the sea and we went on rowing the boat till we arrive at a town. I don't remeber what kind of route we took, forward or to the right or left. We just found ourselves in a town and then in a building and then in an apartment on the third floor. I can tell it was the third floor because right after we entered this apartment with some other people in various rooms, the people with me went to different rooms. It was like two went to the kitchen to brew tea and the other went to the restroom and I remembered-in my dream- I should buy something from the grocer and looked for a person there to ask where I can find one. I saw a middle-aged woman with long grey hair in a wheelchair sitting in the dark of a cellar and when I asked her, she stood up to show me the way to the balcony because she said there is a grocery on the groung floor and they have a basket with a rope in the balcony and if I shout loud enough,the grocer would hear me and I can buy whatever I want. While she was telling me all this, I suddenly realized that she was in a wheelchair when I first saw her and now she was standing up next to me, I started to think I was in a dream and in the dream we were guests at a home in Israel. I remember telling to myself I was in a dream and even in a dream I don't want to be there and if I can think consciously of myself lying in my bed dreaming I can finish this dream and wake up. As I was telling all these to myself I started to hear a sound, it was a snake hissing, it was hissing right into my ear and was trying to make me afraid. I remember thinking that it was a dark entity and can't do anything to me as long as I'm not afraid,so I went on trying to return to my normal consciousness and wake up. Then, I was in my room in the bed, it was a relief but suddenly that terrible hiss started again. I raised from the bed with difficulty, I thought I was awake,saw my mother in the hall, I tried to say `mum,I had a bad dream` but I could hardly talk and make any sounds because I thought I was still trying to wake up. Then, I hugged my mum and thought I was safe,but the hiss didn't go away. Then,I realized that I was still dreaming. Right after that realization, probably because of the strong feeling of being wrong about the waking state, I suddenly woke up and there was only the birds singing outside. Still, I was feeling weird, sad and afraid. I didn't want to wake up my mum and I thought it would be good if I write it here to feel that I'm not alone and already shook that feeling off. It was probably just my subconcious putting together what I read and thought about in the last couple of days. I just wanted to share it. I feel better now, and I understand the feelings of people who were attacked or under the constant threat of an attack better now and I'm so sad for them.

 

[hnd]

As I wrote the above early in the morning,I was emotionally loaded and couldn't help myself but wrote. All through the day, I was under the influence of the dream. As a matter of fact, I don't dream often or remember much, but there are a few dreams like this which were exceptionally vivid. I still think that it was a kind of subconscious soup whose taste became intense by the feelings of fear and guilt. I can see that very clearly. Deep inside me there is the fear of what may happen or will happen as we get closer to the end of the cycle,and the fear of the fear itself even stronger than the former. The feeling must have appeared in the dream as the hiss. Also, as I read and thought about the recent events, and try to make sense of it with my poor background in such matters, I realized that I avoided empathizing in order not to be influenced by the possible overwhelming feeling because that may lead to fear or maybe it was just some kind of selfishness, I don't know. However, while I was reading a thread on olive oil, I saw a link to a website in which there were pictures of children in Palestine, and I couldn't help feeling that intense sadness and guilt at the same time because I only thought about the people suffering there right at the moment or in the past only in a superficial manner except for times I watch a scene. As long as I don't see, I don't get emotional about it and can focus on the events, probabilities and reasons. So, that hiss must have also served the purpose of feeling the danger or the threat that these people are/were faced with directly, right in my ear! So, I think on a subconscious level, I tried to dealt with these emotions and maybe I failed to use my thinking and emotional centers in a balanced or proper way.

During the day, I also regretted posting the dream because it was something like venting but I wasn't asking for advice,I just wrote for the sake of writing, maybe I did it as a kind of compensating for my ignoring emotions in addition to shaking off the emotions I had right after the dream, but it wouldn't help anybody in any way. After all, they were my emotional soup and being so subjective, it is no different than- excuse my language here,but I can't find a better word- saying `Look! This is what I vomitted.` So, I think it wasn't externally considerate when I wrote it, I can even see it in the number of spelling mistakes I did. Sorry for that.

I think it was a good idea to log in here, but I wish I had read the thread on lucid dreams instead of reporting the dream. Now, this second post may have a value in terms of learning, both for me and for other members maybe.

Again during the day, I thought I should give some thought to this dream because it was interesting for me in that it became lucid at one point and that waking up part. So, I searched the forum and read the related thread. I would like to share certain parts that I liked and helped me a lot to gain a better perspective on the things that occupied my mind today. Here they are:

(...)
Q: ... I'd like to know exactly what is lucid dreaming?

A: Partly conscious awareness while other systems are still switched off and subconscious bleeds through. Can be hypnogogic or hypnopompic or "other" states.

Q: (L) Well, is it a useful state for finding out what's going on in your subconscious, or changing your reality or anything like that?
A: It can be useful for entertainment mainly.

Q: (L) So there are no outstanding benefits to be obtained from practicing so-called lucid dreaming?

A: Not really.

Quote from Laura:

I think that a whole lot of energy is being wasted on thinking/planning/considering dreams. That energy would be better spent in a fully conscious state practicing "The Doctrine of the Present."
Dreams can be a complement to The Work, if you allow the subconscious to do what it does best. Otherwise, you're probably just wasting time and energy.

And something I found interesting ( source: wikipedia ) on false awakening and simulation hypothesis:

A false awakening may occur following an ordinary dream or following a lucid dream (one in which the dreamer has been aware of dreaming). Particularly if the false awakening follows a lucid dream, the false awakening may turn into a "pre-lucid dream",[1] that is, one in which the dreamer may start to wonder if they are really awake and may or may not come to the correct conclusion.

A false awakening has significance to the simulation hypothesis, which states that what we perceive as reality is an illusion, as made evident by our mind's inability to distinguish between reality and dreams. Therefore, advocates of the simulation hypothesis argue that the probability of our "true" reality being a simulated reality is affected by the prevalence of false awakenings.

It, the part in bold, when it happens when I'm not in a dream state ( supposedly ) just gives the same feeling I had in the dream, and realizing that you aren't awake but dreaming also gives the same feeling of frustation and it is just astonishing to me that how sleep, dream and being awake can be experienced on different states of mind and sometimes without knowing which is which.

In that context, this is also interesting, though it is something that I/we can only have an idea about.

Q: (L) Who dreamed me up?
A: Not important just yet. You literally are the "figments" of
someone's imagination, and nothing more!!!
Q: (L) You mean God dreams and brings us into existence?
A: Remember, "God" is really all existence in creation, in
other words, all consciousness. This is because all existence
in creation is consciousness, and vice versa.