Can't turn the jukebox off

[Acaja]

Hi everyone,

I come to you today because I need some clues in order to deal with one of my dear programs. Allow me to place the historical context.
Seems like in this lifetime, i have to work with and against a silly "ability" which is the experience of music . To my knowledge , I've allways been VERY attracted by music, so much that a couple of months ago, in the middle of a talk, momma told me that I was so found of music that it scared her for awhile, especially one day she would pick me up to the nanny and this nanny would tell her I had spent my all time sitting on the floor listening to her hifi player, totally "hypnotized". Was I being programmed by the lizzies at that time ? This i do not know.
Then my memories are a bit foggy but i remember spending a lot of time literally "devouring' music , to me it felt like reading a book, could almost distinguish every "letter". Every birthday or Christmas present was dedicated (by ME) to this topic.Like a cult. Obviously i soon became a musician (piano school first for 2 years, then I got bored by solfeggio) and began to learn playing the guitar, audition being my unique tool. Like this music felt very natural.

But as I began to read this and that, learning little by little, I became a bit more Conscious about what was going on on this planet, and what was going on inside me. And this is when i realised there wasn't one hour in the day ( not while falling asleep though) where i wasn't earing a silly music in my head, every day, all the time. It freaked me out, but then there is more : every event, every image, sound, thought in my life would lead me to a certain music that would repeat again and again in my head. Maybe some of you are going to say "okay It's happened to me so what", the problem is the music wouldn't turn off, NEVER. Wake up in the morning,still in the bed, and CLICK music is on, music ends, CLICK next entry--reading now-- oh, here, someone said this word --- CLICK wordlike music play, on and on.
The more I was doing the Work, the more i realized it was even more frightening: I was, in fact , a TOTAL music slave since while walking, my footsteps would give me my music tempo, I would also breath , and chew observing the same mechanism..Okay I'm a Jukebox. Call me Loop button.

At the same time, when i do EE and meditation, I have noticed I can now experiment the music freely, totally detached from this program, and the experience is of a very profound aspect, as if during that precious time i can "get everything in its clear, pure, meaning". My body literally vibrates at a fast frequency and my tissues seem to raise like a dry sponge filled up with clear water.

I feel there should at least exist a way to recover some balance regarding this music program since saying "go away!" won't work. But during the day it's as if my energy's being DRAINED. So is my ability to THINK properly.

I wonder if instead of getting rid of it, I could trap it against itself ( the hypothesis being I've been programmed to be loop man so i won't grow easily) and use as a FORCE. But again, dunno how, why , when..

Any insights ?

Oh, and right now, my head ears Nirvana, MTV unplugged. CLICK. Wouldn't have thought Lizzies loved grunge.

 

[broken.english]

I had a milder form of this, but found it quite nasty to hear music in my head, that would not stop. The problem is solved. It took me six months of practising EE. Even if it should take longer for you, don't give up. There is hope.

By the way: did you realize that a large part of contemporary music is dangerously close to environmental pollution?

 

[Hildegarda]

I wonder if instead of getting rid of it, I could trap it against itself [..] and use as a FORCE

Fwiw, this sounds like magical wishful thinking. You seem to think it makes you special somehow, even as you are just discovering that you are being enslaved by this program.

I looked up and found evidence that being plagued with intrusive musical tunes is related to obsessive-compulsive disorder (_http://neuro.psychiatryonline.org/cgi/content/full/11/3/398). That would make sense especially if you have any other related symptoms, however mild.

OCD traits, when controlled and directed, may convey strengths, e.g., they help you to "get stuff done". Obviously, being so immersed in music helps you in being a better musician, too. But to make to your strength, first you'll have to really clean your machine up. Restoring serotonin balance is key (see http://www.cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?topic=17292.0 for an useful discussion).

In addition to EE, try going on a "music fast". I totally agree with the idea that noise pollution from contemporary music can be dangerous. Not listening to records or radio or TV/youtube at all for a while really clears one's mind. Perhaps your taste may change, too, during this time, and you may gravitate to music choices that are more beneficial for your mind.

Thank you for sharing, and please keep us posted!

 

[Acaja]

I wonder if instead of getting rid of it, I could trap it against itself [..] and use as a FORCE

Fwiw, this sounds like magical wishful thinking. You seem to think it makes you special somehow, even as you are just discovering that you are being enslaved by this program.

I looked up and found evidence that being plagued with intrusive musical tunes is related to obsessive-compulsive disorder (_http://neuro.psychiatryonline.org/cgi/content/full/11/3/398). That would make sense especially if you have any other related symptoms, however mild.

OCD traits, when controlled and directed, may convey strengths, e.g., they help you to "get stuff done". Obviously, being so immersed in music helps you in being a better musician, too. But to make to your strength, first you'll have to really clean your machine up. Restoring serotonin balance is key (see http://www.cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?topic=17292.0 for an useful discussion).

In addition to EE, try going on a "music fast". I totally agree with the idea that noise pollution from contemporary music can be dangerous. Not listening to records or radio or TV/youtube at all for a while really clears one's mind. Perhaps your taste may change, too, during this time, and you may gravitate to music choices that are more beneficial for your mind.

Thank you for sharing, and please keep us posted!

Yes I can see the wishful thinking here, well some kind of "holess thinking" too because this program is so strong that sometimes i tell myself " man i will never be able to get rid of it, should use it instead somehow". But I do not take the idea too seriously.
But no, i do not feel special at all, you probably have some programs and interests I don't , does that mean you're special too ? If yes, then we all are...and if we all are well, no one is . Everyone has to deal with what he has to deal with.
I also have to precise I don' t plan being a better musician. I don't plan anything. I use my guitar once a month so there is not such immersion. There is just a profound inspiration that led me here, at least that's for the "good" side of the problem. I don't find some other compulsive disorders like you've suggested (thanks by the way, interesting article), the program is very restricted in its function. And one last thing i listen to a very large range of music types, so that pollution you guys talk about doesn't make much sense, altough i see what you mean

thanks for the replies

 

[Keit]

Hi, Acaja. I think it could be worthwhile to consider a posibility that you use music to dissociate. Yes, it's true that music, especially classical one can help us to connect to our emotions, but if it is used in a compulsive manner, it can be an indicator that it acts as a buffer. Perhaps you constantly expose yourself to an outside noise, pleasant as it is, to shield your mind from getting a moment of peace and introspection.

I had a similar tendency in the past (to have music in the background at all times), and also observed another interesting thing, that I was starting to hum everytime my mind was thinking about unpleasant or scary to self scenarios.

 

[Acaja]

Exactly. Dissociation has been the impression i've had about myself since i've started the Work. To be honest i don't really know what this word truly means ( gotta do some research on the forum) but it is as if i'm living at the border of two separate worlds. Well it's a metaphor, but in the first world, say day to day life, i'm this loop button and i have to deal with all the noises in my head. The other world is the one where i can focus while reading, thinking ( notbat work, in a calm place) and practicing meditation . In the latter, i can be in the appropriate state to gain knowledge and the repeat music function is often off. Then, and only then, i listen to music and believe me or not, i learn a lot about my body or the world that surrounds me.
I'm actually reading Wave book III and although i have to read some chapters over and over in order to get them right, Laura's done a great work when she suggests there is a link between the origin of the Fall and the overusing of the left cerebral hemisphere. The sensory perception is under the influence of the right cerebral hemisphere, there you can also find intuition and other things i cannot remember right now. But like you say I kind of use this world as a refuge because i seem to like the physical aspect of the experience and with time, it could become an addiction. And addiction to physicality is SDS.

Hildegarda, what's a "music fast " ?

 

[Tigersoap]

But like you say I kind of use this world as a refuge because i seem to like the physical aspect of the experience and with time, it could become an addiction. And addiction to physicality is SDS.

Hi Acaja,
There is nothing wrong in being in an STS world per se because that's where we belong, for the moment.
We are all, with each our own differences, addicted to ourselves, our programs, sufferings, tastes and so on.
It's better to try observing yourself as you are because that's your starting point to get into discovering yourself.

Hildegarda, what's a "music fast " ?

She meant to stop listening to any kind of music for a while as to try to get rid of the compulsive need to drown everything going on inside and around you.
She'll correct me if I misunderstood ;)

 

[Hildegarda]

But no, i do not feel special at all, you probably have some programs and interests I don't , does that mean you're special too?

You are right that we all have our programs to deal with.

Yet, in my statement I am going strictly by what you wrote. You start by saying that this program makes you into a "TOTAL music slave", that your "energy's being DRAINED", that you can't "THINK properly". And then, in the next breath, you talk about how it would be nice to "use it as a Force", which only confirms that you hold this program as a "dear" and a special "ability", as you yourself write. You seem still very much attached to it. Please do not take it as a criticism, rather than an observation from a different vantage point that is meant to help.

If yes, then we all are...and if we all are well, no one is .

I don't think it works that way. We all have programs, but we deal with them differently even if we have the same goal. You have a hypothesis that you have been "programmed" by Lizzies "to be loop man so [you] won't grow easily", literally since you were a little kid. Whereas, someone else would more readily explain this habit through a gift for music, plus an innate tendency to dissociate, coupled with life experiences that promote dissociation.

Feeling that you have received personal attention from 4D creatures may tickle you, but does it actually explain anything, and does it help you figure out a way to beat the habit? Or would it be more helpful to think of this as a machine-like aspect of yourself, that has definite causes that can be uncovered and fixed with well-tried methods? YOu might want to think of it in these terms.

what's a "music fast"?

Like Tigersoap said, I mean not listening to any music in a while. Put away your MP3 player, don't turn the radio on in the car, don't turn CDs or watch TV music programs or YouTube music videos. Just avoid it. Since you are not currently playing as a professional or amateur musician, that should be easy enough.

BTW, I am wondering, with all your affinity to music and ability to be immersed in it, why have you abandoned the music studies and career?

 

[Acaja]

But no, i do not feel special at all, you probably have some programs and interests I don't , does that mean you're special too?

You are right that we all have our programs to deal with.

Yet, in my statement I am going strictly by what you wrote. You start by saying that this program makes you into a "TOTAL music slave", that your "energy's being DRAINED", that you can't "THINK properly". And then, in the next breath, you talk about how it would be nice to "use it as a Force", which only confirms that you hold this program as a "dear" and a special "ability", as you yourself write. You seem still very much attached to it. Please do not take it as a criticism, rather than an observation from a different vantage point that is meant to help.

Fair enough Hildegarda, i had the whole day to think about it and obviously this is what i wrote so i see what you mean . I was being defensive but it's another program we are not going to discuss today. Now it's happened to me a few times on this forum : i ask what to me is an open question and i get a feedback like " you said..." so maybe it's because i'm not speaking in my own language, but i feel there's a great difference between when i ask " I wonder if [...] i could use it as a force" and when you interpret it as " it would be nice to use it as a force ". Although you answered the question by suggesting this was a wishful thinking process and I hadn't thought about it when this question crossed my mind, so thanks anyway you made me go deeper in this questioning ! Another thing, i think you didn't get that by saying "dear program" i was being ironic and that there was also irony when i wrote "ability" using quotation marks. But again sorry for lacking some of the subtleties of the English language.

If yes, then we all are...and if we all are well, no one is .


I don't think it works that way. We all have programs, but we deal with them differently even if we have the same goal. You have a hypothesis that you have been "programmed" by Lizzies "to be loop man so [you] won't grow easily", literally since you were a little kid. Whereas, someone else would more readily explain this habit through a gift for music, plus an innate tendency to dissociate, coupled with life experiences that promote dissociation.

Indeed today you got me wondering why i did insist on this hypothesis. And I've found two main reasons. Number one : it's the easiest hypothesis for my predator mind. I act like a victim, so this is not my fault in basic terms. Fine, poor little me. Number two : because of how my mum looked like when she reckoned this episode (maman is a psychiatrist), she seemed a little troubled. For that i spontaneously thought "danger, uncommon mother reaction ---> uncommon child behaviour---> what could most likely disturb an easy target like a child ----> response : Lizzies----> hypothethis : was programmed by lizzies. Notice that when i really think of it, your hypothesis is at least equally valuable and i kinf of disagree with my own theory. But yet : this is what i thought at that time, this i what i wrote yesterday and this is what i'm telling you now. So my guess is that i should go digging in these two directions : the one you smartly suggest which will demand serious introspection, the second based on instinctive thought process. who knows what will be found ? :P

Feeling that you have received personal attention from 4D creatures may tickle you, but does it actually explain anything, and does it help you figure out a way to beat the habit? Or would it be more helpful to think of this as a machine-like aspect of yourself, that has definite causes that can be uncovered and fixed with well-tried methods? YOu might want to think of it in these terms.

what's a "music fast"?

Like Tigersoap said, I mean not listening to any music in a while. Put away your MP3 player, don't turn the radio on in the car, don't turn CDs or watch TV music programs or YouTube music videos. Just avoid it. Since you are not currently playing as a professional or amateur musician, that should be easy enough.

thanks for the explanation. Let's do that. I've tried a few times though, meditating without music. At the begginning it almost scared me. But a day without music at all, never done that, "sounds" a good idea. But not sure it will be that easy, my program works like a vacuum cleaner : everything that's kept in its field will be sucked up, and my head playing music for a couple hours.

BTW, I am wondering, with all your affinity to music and ability to be immersed in it, why have you abandoned the music studies and career?

Good question. The thing is i can't "study" music for i find solfeggio so boring, and learning music by myself freely way more stimulating, that's why the major part of my musical sessions are dedicated to composition. I like creation, inspiration without boundaries. But that's all. I have no gift or talent, suck at many guitar technics , cannot say if this sound is an E or an A but have me ear a sound and i will play it to you rather easily but again : i just do what i do. As for the studies, i'm a recent graduated osteopath and that may explain why music and physicality are so interrelated in my case. That raises one of the most important thing i've realised when i answered to the "What's your goal ?" forum thread, and will answer your question at the same time : I now know that in order to help people, my job will consist on the interrelation between the vibrational mode of sound waves and the perception of the physical and ethereal body. i just totally do not know how yet , but still to me it feels rather exciting and fun. Learning indeed is fun.

 

[luke wilson]

Acaja, can you please clarify something for me.

When you say, you can't turn the jukebox off, do you mean, you have music playing to you from an external device, say an mp3 player all the time or do you mean, you literally have music playing in your ears/mind without the help of external devices?

 

[Hildegarda]

Hi Acaja,

Now it's happened to me a few times on this forum : i ask what to me is an open question and i get a feedback like " you said..." so maybe it's because i'm not speaking in my own language, but i feel there's a great difference between when i ask " I wonder if [...] i could use it as a force" and when you interpret it as " it would be nice to use it as a force ". [..] i was being ironic and that there was also irony when i wrote "ability" using quotation marks. But again sorry for lacking some of the subtleties of the English language.

Many, if not all, forumites can related to your experiences, but there is another important reason for it to play out this way. When you look around the forum, you may notice discussions when one of the participants makes a great emphasis on how he or she is being misunderstood. S/he wrote this or that but really didn't mean it, it's not the whole story, and why did everyone pick on that particular detail, etc. Over time, we learned that this is a sure sign of the "predator" being threatened by observation.

If you have a need to keep explaining yourself or correcting other's perception of you, it would be in the interest of Work to slow down instead and really consider the issue people are bringing up, because something in what they are saying is hitting uncomfortably close to home.

Your command of English is obviously very good. Fyi, English is not my native language either, and same applies to quite a few others as well. Sometimes it matters in such subtleties as a metaphor or a slang used by somebody, or a sentence structure in the Cass transmissions. In such cases, you would see people asking, "what does it mean". To lose irony or some other fine point of meaning in translation happens much more rarely in a forum conversation.

Some say that written communication on the internet is one-dimensional due to lack of non-verbal aspects (eye contact, mimics, and other accompanying behaviors), and therefore not as accurate. I have come to think the exact opposite. IMO, written communication is some of the most accurate possible. One writes exactly what one wants to say at the moment, and it stays on the record. There is no way to quickly backpedal, or smile & talk your way out of things. If you chose these exact words and this exact thing to say, that means that, of all complexity of a problem in front of you, this is what's on your mind right now. Because of that, it can be telling even if you don't consciously realize it. If you are choosing to be sarcastic or ironic about a particular thing, that is also telling.

Basically, most often people wouldn't understand you if you omitted a crucial chunk of information (actual raw data), but assume that everyone knows it and carry on the conversation accordingly. Otherwise, you most likely have been correctly understood, and it's up to you to take the feedback and use it to your advantage, as it has been intended.

That raises one of the most important thing i've realised when i answered to the "What's your goal ?" forum thread, and will answer your question at the same time : I now know that in order to help people, my job will consist on the interrelation between the vibrational mode of sound waves and the perception of the physical and ethereal body. i just totally do not know how yet , but still to me it feels rather exciting and fun.

This does sound really interesting. All the more important then to clean your machine up and get rid of the program. Good luck, and please keep us posted!

 

[Acaja]

Acaja, can you please clarify something for me.

When you say, you can't turn the jukebox off, do you mean, you have music playing to you from an external device, say an mp3 player all the time or do you mean, you literally have music playing in your ears/mind without the help of external devices?

Option number 2. Although yes , i'm used to listening a lot of music. Not today because i 've started hildegarda's music fast program.

 

[Acaja]

Many, if not all, forumites can related to your experiences, but there is another important reason for it to play out this way. When you look around the forum, you may notice discussions when one of the participants makes a great emphasis on how he or she is being misunderstood. S/he wrote this or that but really didn't mean it, it's not the whole story, and why did everyone pick on that particular detail, etc. Over time, we learned that this is a sure sign of the "predator" being threatened by observation.

If you have a need to keep explaining yourself or correcting other's perception of you, it would be in the interest of Work to slow down instead and really consider the issue people are bringing up, because something in what they are saying is hitting uncomfortably close to home.

If you chose these exact words and this exact thing to say, that means that, of all complexity of a problem in front of you, this is what's on your mind right now. Because of that, it can be telling even if you don't consciously realize it. If you are choosing to be sarcastic or ironic about a particular thing, that is also telling.

Otherwise, you most likely have been correctly understood, and it's up to you to take the feedback and use it to your advantage, as it has been intended.

What always amazes me with this forum, is that if you say something without expecting any direction in the answers, you may receive sugestions by the forumites you would never had thought of. It took me time to learn this point, but I think here lies one of the most important advantage of sharing within a group. See, you guys help me to go deeper on some concerns I hadn't noticed before.
And for this, thanks a lot for giving me more perspective.

 

[monotonic]

I have an inner jukebox too. It used to get annoying sometimes. If it doesn't involve thought it seems to become a habitual program.

At some point I learned to assert myself, and "claim the throne", as it was described by the new-age material I was reading at the time. I think it amounts to a sort of mindfulness. I discovered that if I was preoccupied by the sensations, sounds, and general ambience of my environment, the inner jukebox would lose it's power. After practicing this enough, I became able to do it more or less at will. After this it requires vigilance not to fall into confluence again and feed the jukebox. This is where it takes dedication and perseverance. By undermining the jukebox you eliminate it's power over you. After all, you have power over all your programs. The rub is that it has to be voluntary and it may take a strong effort. A king who has let his kingdom spin out of control cannot simply say "stop!" and restore everything to order. He must get out of his throne and assert his power in order to restore it; you use it or you lose it. It may take some strategy as well.

FWIW, I think only listening to music is usually a waste. The energy can be spent on other things like mindfulness, thinking about things I have read, etc. I find that music is a distraction if I try to do these things while it is playing. I used to listen to music because it increased the emotional response to what I was reading, and helped to stimulate more neurons I guess, and this helped me to relate to what I was reading. But there are two sides of this coin I see. If music acts as a constant liability for triggering programs (I see lyrics as a liability in this way, though I generally avoid anything with lyrics) then it can cause a stunted comprehension of what is being read. If the music hinders deep thought, it may distract you from the finer implications of the material. And of course, the emotional tone of the music may well skew what is being read. Now I prefer

I have always been intrigued by music, and my habit of splicing different pieces together in my head has evolved into an ability to compose freeform in my head. I see this as positive because it is a process which requires thought and vigilance, yet it is relaxing and seems to open my mind up. The music I am able to compose is often indicative of my health on that day. On days when I am not feeling bad, or are shocked, am not tense or anxious, or maybe I have gotten a strong inspiration from somewhere, the music becomes very creative and inspiring. Whenever the inspiration wears off the creativity goes too, and the sensation is much like a car decelerating after it has been moving fast.

So I think, the mental jukebox can evolve with effort into a positive thing. Personally, repeating songs I've already heard in my head or on the stereo seems to drain my creativity and increase my stress and anxiety, even though the distraction from deep thoughts and my own emotional state, combined with the hypnotic repetition of familiar unchanging songs, seem to create the illusion of being relaxed. But when the music stops, the same reality assets itself to me again, and it's demands have not changed. This is when I question what I have been doing for the last several minutes. Not relaxing. Not thinking.

Maybe I am being overcritical. I do remember many times I thought the music was helping me think.

I am sure I am not entirely helpful or accurate in this post (not much time for E and R), so feel free to give me feedback. I hope my perspective gives you some useful things to think about.

 

[Acaja]

Okay monotonic, everyone, time to give you a little update .

First of all, I've been reading a lot of threads since I've posted on this topic, and I'd like to express my profound respect for all the data all of you have provided with this forum. Thank you .

Now only one month has passed, but I've discovered so much things about my inner self that if someone had told me about this before I'm pretty sure I'd never had trusted him. I'll try to be as clear as possible:

- The jukebox problem I was referring to is called an Earworm or Auditory Memory Loops (AMLs). After some researches I found that Hildegarda was totally right : it is an OCD in response to a low serotonin level . I thought i had not such compulsive disorders since at that time i couldn't find any. But the truth is neither did I wanted to nor was I ready to accept it. Simple as that.
So basically, an earworm is " a musical compulsive thought" (http:_counsellingresource.com/ask-the-psychologist/2008/04/08/earworms/). How does is work, well apparently very few studies have been made but I found this :
“When we listen to a song, it triggers a part of the brain called the auditory cortex. Researchers at Dartmouth University found that when they played part of a familiar song to research subjects, the participants' auditory cortex automatically filled in the rest -- in other words, their brains kept "singing" long after the song had ended [source: Prokhorov]. The only way to "scratch" brain itch is to repeat the song over and over in your mind. Unfortunately, like with mosquito bites, the more you scratch the more you itch, and so on until you're stuck in an unending song cycle.”
(http:_health.howstuffworks.com/mental-health/human-nature/perception/songs-stuck-in-head.htm)

"There are many other theories about why songs get stuck in our heads. Some researchers say stuck songs are like thoughts we're trying to suppress. The harder we try not to think about them, the more we can't help it. Other experts claim that earworms are simply a way to keep the brain busy when it's idling [source: University of Cincinnati]. "

And if i have OCD, that means my brain's playing music to prevent from damages I've had in my past. Then there had been a trauma which has lead me to unconsciously use this method to hide what i could not take at that time. Thing is i cannot put a name on the trauma yet,but my gut says it has to do with my parents.
So I'm having earworm because of a past trauma i cannot recover from, and when my mind is stressed or anxious, here goes the sweet music so i don't have to bother anymore.
That got me thinking : then the way I use music (may it be for relaxing or creation) is just another escaping process. Make me happy music, because my heart's bleeding. Dissociation indeed Keit !
When I think about it, it's pretty much just a happy chemicals story. Music was giving me the chemical boost i needed when i was unconsciously sad. There started a music addiction. I mean, following this addiction is very much like following the way of not doing the Work.
I've read somewhere that many musicians have got an earworm...

- Now as for the introspection part, my personal view on my inner self has evolved : used to see myself as someone who had surpassed my past troubles since I could not find any, I now see me as injured adult and child who obviously has used a machine like program to prevent for suffering. By now I accept all of it, that I'm anxious, so anxious that it's eating my mind. And when I'm like that, my entire mental and body feeds with music. At least, I think that's what the earworm is referring to.


But as i walked on this pass something even harder to accept happened. A week after, I had my Reiki attunement, and right after the initiation the music stopped completely for an hour. I was in peace. It had been a while, like a year.
Maybe it doesn't fit in this topic, but I have to say that I've been struggling with porn addiction for so much time i don't exactly know. The problem is I was denying this fact so easily that I almost did not consider this as an issue. But like I say, as I was lurking on the forum I came across the "Dealing with Porn and Sexual Energy". And the weird thing is that i only had to read the subject, not even its content at the time, and I stopped watching porn permanently.
Like a clap in my hand. But I figured that it was time to deal with that program too.
An important thing is that OCD AND porn addiction are related to abnormal hormonal levels. That is to say "boy, I'm so messed up". And found that this addiction was also linked to a troubled childhood which I'll finally have to work on.
Fortunately, and thanks to the bravery of some forumers and the help of you guys, I feel I've got all the energy needed to investigate my problems. I even accepted to be helped by professionals.
So, long story short, i wanted to say that "I'm ready to go to the ring" because the warmups are over.

I'll keep you posted