Cointelpro, Ridicule and my son

[tridean]

Hi All,
Th is my first post here other than in the introduction.

Just thought I'd share what's on my mind.

Although I went into more detail in my introduction post, my son was arrested and charged with lighting a fire that got out of control.

He did it because he was 'showing off'.

The incident of course caused a lot of talk among us and our immediate family, and the sort of counseling he will need.

My take on it is that almost all the incidents that occur with my son that get him in to trouble, are due to this need to impress his peers.

I just found it very uncanny that as I am reading the introduction to the Cassiopaean Experiment that a link went to this article
http://www.cassiopaea.org/cass/timeline.htm on the use of ridicule as a weapon.

Although the counseling my son receives is more than likely going to be around the destruction of fire, and why he feels compelled to start fires, I do hope that it looks at the fundamental drive of wanting to impress others.

I have a wife and three daughters and I am amazed at how much energy and time they spend in trying to look nicer, better and although I am constantly reminded it is a *girl* thing, it is surely still based on the concern of what others think.

I don't know if I am on the right path, but I think the issue for my son is that he wants approval and is therefore seeking it with acts of showing off.

I also feel that I am to blame for I have not placed enough thought into whether I am empowering him enough or letting him know that he is a great kid and that he should have more faith in himself

Cheers
Dean

 

[cv]

Hi All,
Th is my first post here other than in the introduction.

Just thought I'd share what's on my mind.

Although I went into more detail in my introduction post, my son was arrested and charged with lighting a fire that got out of control.

He did it because he was 'showing off'.

The incident of course caused a lot of talk among us and our immediate family, and the sort of counseling he will need.

My take on it is that almost all the incidents that occur with my son that get him in to trouble, are due to this need to impress his peers.

I just found it very uncanny that as I am reading the introduction to the Cassiopaean Experiment that a link went to this article
http://www.cassiopaea.org/cass/timeline.htm on the use of ridicule as a weapon.

Although the counseling my son receives is more than likely going to be around the destruction of fire, and why he feels compelled to start fires, I do hope that it looks at the fundamental drive of wanting to impress others.

I have a wife and three daughters and I am amazed at how much energy and time they spend in trying to look nicer, better and although I am constantly reminded it is a *girl* thing, it is surely still based on the concern of what others think.

I don't know if I am on the right path, but I think the issue for my son is that he wants approval and is therefore seeking it with acts of showing off.

I also feel that I am to blame for I have not placed enough thought into whether I am empowering him enough or letting him know that he is a great kid and that he should have more faith in himself

Cheers
Dean

Hi Dean, theres more at play then most are aware. Research the war on boys in our schools (youtube etc) to get a first hand lesson in why male vs female suicide rates are up from about 1:1 fifty years ago to almost 5:1 today. (Attempts to pound the masculinity out of boys whilst promoting dominance in girls to better compete with them in the workforce.) There's boatloads of mentally frustrated young men walking around (and they don't have a clue why.)

The media doesn't help either (part of the consortium divide / conquer tactics between sexes / ethnic groups.)

Tough love has always been a solution in my own situation - if you think he needs more attention, spend more time with him. I've never studied why some people get excited over starting fires, or watching car crashes, but hopefully this was a 1 time event for your son.

 

[tridean]

Hi cv,
That is interesting, I will check that out.

Certainly agree with tough love.

Dean

 

[anart]

Hi cv,
That is interesting, I will check that out.

Certainly agree with tough love.

Dean

Just a note that you might want to check out 'cv's other input on this forum before taking his advice to heart.

 

[anart]

Hi Dean, theres more at play then most are aware.   Research the war on boys in our schools (youtube etc) to get a first hand lesson in why male vs female suicide rates are up from about 1:1 fifty years ago to almost 5:1 today.   (Attempts to pound the masculinity out of boys whilst promoting dominance in girls to better compete with them in the workforce.)   There's boatloads of mentally frustrated young men walking around (and they don't have a clue why.) 

Cv, judging from this post and this prior post (  http://www.cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?topic=11854.msg86141#msg86141   )   you appear to have an issue with women.  Why might that be?

The media doesn't help either (part of the consortium divide / conquer tactics between sexes / ethnic groups.)

The media does promote the Consortium's divide and conquer methods, no question - however, when normal citizens buy into with rigid, biased and angry thinking, that certainly doesn't help.

Tough love has always been a solution in my own situation - if you think he needs more attention, spend more time with him.  I've never studied why some people get excited over starting fires, or watching car crashes, but hopefully this was a 1 time event for your son.

This would be an example of ponerized thinking  'never understood why some people get excited over starting fires or watching car crashes'?  So, destruction and taking pleasure in destruction doesn't seem the least bit 'off' to you?

Perhaps, before offering other people advice on their own situations, you might want to get to the bottom of your suggested anger at women and why you would think destruction is normal.  Considering the fact that women embody the creative principle on this planet, the two are probably quite closely linked.

 

[PepperFritz]

Tridean:

Glad to hear that your son will be getting some personal therapy, which hopefully will help him get the root of his destructive behaviour. You might also want to consider some "family therapy", in that often family dynamics can play a role in the "acting out" of one family member, especially an adolescent. Such problems rarely exist in isolation from the family environment.

 

[Buddy]

Hi cv,
That is interesting, I will check that out.

Certainly agree with tough love.

Dean

Just a note that you might want to check out 'cv's other input on this forum before taking his advice to heart.

Hi tridean;

I'm with anart on this, as from my experience, tough love means different things to different people.
At this stage, I'm with PepperFritz regarding family counseling, if possible. If there are family dynamics that play a role in your son's behavior, it might be more productive to 'out' them and deal with them before implementing too severe disciplinary actions.
Although I'm a father, I never attained "expert" status, so I could be wrong about this. :)


In the same link that you point out, there is also something that points out the possible role of "others" in your son's (and everyone's) behavior:

[quote author=http://www.cassiopaea.org/cass/timeline.htm]
...his perceptions were modified according to his beliefs. Certain "censors" in his brain were activated in a manner that was acceptable to his ego survival instincts.

The ways and means that we ensure survival of the ego are established pretty early in life by our parental and societal programming. This conditioning determines what IS or is NOT possible; what we are "allowed" to believe in order to be accepted. We learn this first by learning what pleases our parents and then later we modify our belief based on what pleases our society - our peers - to believe.[/quote]


This is why I feel the 'family thing' may help.

 

[tridean]

Hi Guys,
Thanks for the input. I have yet to work out how to do this "quote" thing, but I have to fully agree with you PepperFritz and Buddy in that I am taking a lot of responsibility for this.

I was sitting there with my wife and I said, this whole need to show off, to get the approval of others, I can't help but think I am to blame. We are a witty family, we rib each other a lot, we are also always looking to encourage laughter. It may be that there is not enough encouragement in the form he is seeking, I just need to find out what that is. It's also possible our desire to be witty is a lesson in itself.

Thanks
Dean

 

[PepperFritz]

I have to fully agree with you PepperFritz and Buddy in that I am taking a lot of responsibility for this.

I don't think it's a matter of "blaming" any one person, but rather seeing Family Therapy as an opportunity to see how you all operate as a group, the ways in which it "works" and the ways in which it might be detrimental to one or all members.

We are a witty family, we rib each other a lot, we are also always looking to encourage laughter. It may be that there is not enough encouragement in the form he is seeking, I just need to find out what that is. It's also possible our desire to be witty is a lesson in itself.

Often humour is a "buffer" that keeps people from having to experience and/or talk about things they are uncomfortable with, so you may be onto something there.

I spend a great deal of time in high school at the house of my best friend's family, who were a very bright and talented group of academics and theatre people. At first I experienced meals at their house as incredibly entertaining, as the jokes and witticisms flew by at breakneck speed; no slouch in that department myself, I delighted in the opportunity to show off my own skills. Later, I lived with the family while attending university, and over time started to find meal times "exhausting". My friend once asked why I had become so quiet at the table now, and I told her that I just didn't have the energy to "compete" with them all anymore. Later she came to recognize that she had suffered a lot of psychological consequences as a result of this intense pressure from her family for her to "compete" and "measure up" to the standards that had been set. She had to go through some intense psychotherapy to get past the well-established "persona" she had developed as a consequence, and discover the real person underneath, the one that had actually felt quite emotionally neglected by her family all those years.

Just a personal experience I wanted to relate, which your post reminded me of....