Confused with empty feeling.

[James Henry]

While driving home from picking up my girlfriend after work around 2:45am, I noticed a small light on the oncoming lane of the cloverleaf ramp I was exiting. As we approached I said, "That's a bicycle!" laying on its side. She saw it also and we both began to ask if either of us saw someone. Neither of us did. But as we got a little further down the road I could not stop thinking someone may have been hurt and needed help.

So I turned the car around and told her I had to check and she agreed. Once we made it back to the scene and stopped, we saw a man lying in the middle of the road. Adrenaline pumping I started yelling at the guy, "Sir are you alright!" repeatedly. While turning on my hazard blinkers I shouted "Call 911!" and jumped out to go to the guy. He was non responsive and then I noticed a pool of blood on the road by his head. "Call 911!" I turn, she hands me her phone and I call 911.

While I'm talking to the 911 operator, the guy looks up at me and I can see he has gashes on both sides of his forehead. Blood is running down all over his face. "Sir are you OK!" (Obviously he was not OK, but I was trying to get a response and that's what came out.) He smiles at me with a big grin and gives me the thumbs up sign.

To operator: "He's conscious!"
To guy: "Sir an ambulance is on its way. You're bleeding."

He then rolls on to his feet, stands up staggering and swaying.

To guy: "Sir please stay down, your bleeding, you need medical help, an ambulance is on its way."
To operator: "He's standing! Send an ambulance immediately!" (Trying to stress the urgency.)

While I'm saying this to the operator, he stumbles to his bike and picks it up.

To guy: "Please stay down. You're hurt."
To operator: "He's getting on his bike! What do I do?"
To guy: "Stop! You're hurt!"

Mind racing: Should I tackle him. Should I run and grab the bike. He doesn't want an ambulance. He doesn't want to go to the hospital. He doesn't want the police involved. He doesn't want my help. Would stopping him infringe his will? What to do?

To operator: "He's pedaling away! Should I follow him or wait here to direct the ambulance? What should I do?"
Operator asking more questions...watching him hastily swerving away.
Out loud: "Oh my god! He's wrecked! Get in the car."
To operator: "I'm following him."

By the time we got up to where we saw him swerve into and hit the guard rail--he was gone, he disappeared.

We got out of the car and were looking around when the ambulance showed up. They asked if we were OK ("yes") and if we were involved ("no"). I told them a guy on a bike was bleeding from his head and then took off. The ambulance driver cut me off, said he saw a guy on a bike across the bridge and immediately drove off. It struck me a little odd they didn't want anymore details, but I did understand the urgency of the situation.

The operator said since the ambulance arrived he had to go.

The police showed up then some additional emergency personnel. The ambulance returned and they said they could not find him. The police wanted my name, address and phone number. Asked very little about the incident and the guy. I said there was blood all over down the road and offered to show them, but the officer said he was not going to walk down. (Less than 100 yards away) He said since the guy was not around--there is nothing they could do. He said, "Even if we found him, we can't force medical attention on him." They never asked which way the guy was headed and did not appear to have any intention of searching the area on foot. They said we could go.


Was I wrong in trying to help? Where my actions proper? If you find someone unconscious and bleeding is it against the person's free will to determine their medical needs? Was it all in vain?


Confused and feeling empty,
JH

 

[Johnno]

I don't think you're wrong trying to help. You've chosen the best course of action when someone is injured and unconscious.....safety. When he was conscious you can ask him if he wants help. He can either say yes or no.

He chose a fairly firm no.

I've done some first aid courses and this from memory was pretty well standard procedure.

I know how this feels though, I had a similar experience this week with a close friend who I later found out caught a bus to go to a medical specialist rather than "bothering me" with getting a lift. It was his choice though.

 

[RedFox]

Hi James

I think you may be in shock, so rather than focus on "if's" you should probably focus on dealing with the shock. This may be easier said than done.
fwiw however I would have done exactly the same thing (stopped to check/help).....

As to the guy getting up and riding away.....I am reminded of one of the psychology books I read ages ago (either Games People Play, or Born to Win....osit), in which it described coming across a women being violently beaten by a man in a side street. The guy interveins to stop this, to which the woman angrily shouts (probably through a blood covered face) mind your own goddam business.
She didn't want help. Neither did this guy by the sounds of things.

It can be hard to do so (especially whilst still dealing with shock) but try to realise that this wasn't anything personal to you, or a reflection on your choice to act the way you did.

 

[Laura]

You acted properly in every respect. In fact, I know exactly how you feel because that is often how we feel about this work we are doing. It's hard to take when you see the danger, are giving your all, and people just get up, bleeding and in a daze, and pedal off on their bicycles...

Try the breathing exercise:
http://www.cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?topic=12837.0

 

[Beau]

Just wanted to add that their was a likely possibility that he did not want to come to the attention of the authorities. I don't think their is anything else you could have done to help in this case.

 

[James Henry]

Thank you all for your thoughtfull responses.

He chose a fairly firm no.

Part of me agrees now. At the time I was unsure if he had the capacity to understand his situation. He appeared to have severe head trauma.

I think you may be in shock, so rather than focus on "if's" you should probably focus on dealing with the shock. This may be easier said than done.

I agree. I am still a little unsettled and the "if's" are still running. I hope he made it home and ultimately will be alright. He loss a lot of blood and may have cracked or broken some bones.

I will take your advise and try to focus on the shock of the situation to get a clearer understanding. I believe Laura's breathing exercise will be a good start.

It's hard to take when you see the danger, are giving your all, and people just get up, bleeding and in a daze, and pedal off on their bicycles...

It certainly is. Your heart just drops.

Try the breathing exercise:
http://www.cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?topic=12837.0

Thank you. I deeply appreciate you making this material available. I will be listening to the introduction tonight.

Just wanted to add that their was a likely possibility that he did not want to come to the attention of the authorities.

This ran through my mind at the scene and was one of the initial triggers of my conflicting emotions on if I was 'helping' or not.

Thank you all again.
JH

 

[Bar Kochba]

I think you reacted in the best possible way. The "authorities" are reticent enough to help those who want/need it, let alone those who don't. Very surreal experience though!