Demon-choking Dreams

[Hesper]

Hey everyone!

In the past 24 hours I've had two very intense demon-choking dreams. I had a similar one about 6 months ago as well. But these were very different, as the last one was much more vivid and I could "feel" the neck snap, while these two seem more like the typical feverish nightmares. These were very cathartic dreams, and followed my doing the writing exercises on feeling angry at/afraid of others.

In the first one I was in my high school and saw my close friend (who I will spend Labor Day with) walking with what seemed like a broken arm and leg, acting extremely sick. He looked at me and said "don't you know that you are associating with snakes???" Then my professor from the university came into the room before I could ask him any more questions. She seemed to be there to obstruct the message. Then I found myself surrounded by screaming children in the gym, and felt like I was going to have a nervous breakdown. After that I found myself in a similar state to his, and, prior to waking up, found a little invisible monster was hurting me and just started choking the heck out of it and tried to break its neck like I did the other one. After I started doing that I woke up feeling slightly refreshed and bewildered.

I thought the symbolism was pretty clear to me in this dream. When I woke up I understood that I was afraid of the power people held over me, and that that angered me. The combination of fear and anger over having one's choices/opportunities decided by a mob of insanity while the voice of reason was maimed and "watched" was too much for me at that age so I retreated. I also felt, rather than thought, that I was really angry at the unseen dynamics that hurt me, not the people themselves. I thought the professor was just symbolic of the university system as a whole with its emphasis on prolonging childhood etc. But then the next dream sort of threw a wrench in that and seemed to stress a more important connection between associating with her and "associating with snakes."

I had another dream with the same professor. She and an apprentice wanted me to come along with them and initiate me into their world. So I went with them into a stone tower, and followed them down to the bottom. The whole way it was pitch black, and as I was going down there I felt more and more depleted of energy, but trusted my professor's guidance. Then, when I got to the bottom, there was a girl who was waiting to be fed. She was something like the girl from the Ring, but pretty. I was the food! Well a sort of spiritual brawl ensued, and afterwards, as I was coming back up, I noticed that the pathway was brighter. The girl did feed off of the other two (my teacher and the apprentice), sucking their souls out in some sort of ritual, but I ran back up the stairs to get out. When I got to the top my professor told me to watch out for the little demon girl (as though she wanted me to be free to choose one way or the other), while the girl was closing the door on me to keep me in the tower and devour my soul. Another fight ensued, this one more physical, and I just threw her into the wall and ran out of the door. Then I was on stage and another professor was looking over the honor students list. She said "Hesper, do you really think you should be on here, you don't have high enough grades!" And I responded "oh, 100% isn't high enough?" and was extremely happy.

This last dream just really boggled my mind. I only slept for about 4 hours prior to this dream and I just couldn't sleep (I usually sleep 8 hours easily). I was just really really feverish. Looking back on it it looks it symbolizes the learning process I've been through since going to college. This is my last year and I'm on my way out. Before, I was obsessed with getting good grades and fitting in, being a good boy etc. I let my Aim fall to the back burner during the school year because so many programs were triggered and I couldn't rest until all of my assignments were perfect. Me, a country bumpkin boy, was being told by a research professor that I needed to go onto graduate school, while she referred my research to an area agency and initiated presentations for me. I never even thought I deserved to be in college in the first place! So I had stars in my eyes and my ego was building. Then there was a fellow student who started to really mirror what I was going through. I could see myself in her, and I was soon interacting with several other girls with the same name (in fact one of them was the demon in the dream). She became distant, seemed like she was using people to advance in a career, and was becoming more and more robotic. So I took this summer off to reboot my brain by memorization, reading, and hard thinking, and I can see that I was really becoming a lot like her. This was my way back up, I think. I started thinking more and more about the illusions placed in me by college and now, though I still struggle with the programs, the Forum and the Aim are top priority every day. I truly was associating with snakes by letting those programs run away with me. I don't care as much about being the "good boy" (like telling my teacher oh, 100% isn't good enough?) but I think I am finally getting out of that pit of ignorance.

Well I just wanted to share those two dreams and my interpretations. Thanks everyone :)

 

[EmeraldHope]

Thank you for sharing that, Hesper. I had a dream of being choked by a demonic black mist about a year or so ago, so my theme is a little opposite of yours but still in the same "ballpark".


I was at my Nana's (grandmother's) house and I was raised up off of the ground and my head was hitting the ceiling, and I was held up there by a thick black mist. I had no "voice". I could not scream or speak. My Nana was doing her chores and seemed not to notice. Then it happened two more times and everyone kept going around as if everythig was perfectly normal, even though I was pinned to the ceiling.


This dream ended up being a huge catalyst for me in that I ended up facing and killing a lot of "sacred cows" I had around my Nana, and how my real "voice" got choked.

 

[Hesper]

Thank you for sharing that, Hesper. I had a dream of being choked by a demonic black mist about a year or so ago, so my theme is a little opposite of yours but still in the same "ballpark".


I was at my Nana's (grandmother's) house and I was raised up off of the ground and my head was hitting the ceiling, and I was held up there by a thick black mist. I had no "voice". I could not scream or speak. My Nana was doing her chores and seemed not to notice. Then it happened two more times and everyone kept going around as if everythig was perfectly normal, even though I was pinned to the ceiling.


This dream ended up being a huge catalyst for me in that I ended up facing and killing a lot of "sacred cows" I had around my Nana, and how my real "voice" got choked.

Thank you for sharing. By using the term "Nana," which for me is a term of endearment, it sounds (of course this is only my impression) like you still cherish a memory of her even though your dream was telling you that she was too preoccupied to know and listen to you. Have you looked any further into this area besides what you deciphered through your dream?

As for the choking theme, yes there is definitely a commonality between both dreams. They both relate to the need to have a voice, and I never thought of it like that. For me it was in trying to shut out the voice of the "demon" so that I would not be influenced by it. And I'm sure you have your own personal understanding of the deeper meaning of your voice based on many other details. But I'm wondering why there is so much violence in my demon-choking dreams; perhaps it's a way of fighting the fear of the unknown? They are rather brutal. Anyways, I'm not sure.

 

[echo]

As for the choking theme, yes there is definitely a commonality between both dreams. They both relate to the need to have a voice, and I never thought of it like that. For me it was in trying to shut out the voice of the "demon" so that I would not be influenced by it. And I'm sure you have your own personal understanding of the deeper meaning of your voice based on many other details. But I'm wondering why there is so much violence in my demon-choking dreams; perhaps it's a way of fighting the fear of the unknown? They are rather brutal. Anyways, I'm not sure.

I had a dream where I was choked by a black mist about a month ago. In the dream my phone rang and it woke me up, I was confused and thought it was my boyfriend's phone (I thought "who's calling him in the middle of the night?" and felt a sting of suspicion/ jealousy.) I realized that no phone had rung, it was just a dream (and my boyfriend is not even in the same country at the moment). Right after, when I was half awake, came the black mist and it was very real, I felt it moving around me and getting "inside" my throat. Anger, fear or some survival instinct woke me up completely and made "it" go away as well.

In many ways I can relate it to "having a voice" and speaking for myself, in fact I have been dealing a lot with that since I had the dream. Thank you both for sharing your experiences. I've never had a "black mist" in my dream before, it's very strange that it's a common theme!

 

[EmeraldHope]

Thank you for sharing. By using the term "Nana," which for me is a term of endearment, it sounds (of course this is only my impression) like you still cherish a memory of her even though your dream was telling you that she was too preoccupied to know and listen to you. Have you looked any further into this area besides what you deciphered through your dream?

I still love my Nana dearly. She was not really too preoccupied to listen to me, but there were some things that were very wrong that she never acknowledged, and I had a ton of high strangeness as a kid that she listened very attentively to but due to heavy "Christian" beliefs on her part silenced me on- for my on good of course. :)


Due to the trauma I had as an eighteen month old, I was also very sensitive and honestly often hysterical, which she was able to calm a lot, so we were very close. But a lot of the way she calmed me down laid down some very deep programming and believing in lies that really messed me up in a lot of ways, as I could not see it clearly because I love her so much. Many things I ignored my on voice on because I really believed Nana would never lie to me. Well, she did - some on purpose and some due to ignorance. I know she never tried to hurt me though. Hope that makes sense.


There is a lot more to it of course, but that is the gist.

 

[Hesper]

Thank you for sharing. By using the term "Nana," which for me is a term of endearment, it sounds (of course this is only my impression) like you still cherish a memory of her even though your dream was telling you that she was too preoccupied to know and listen to you. Have you looked any further into this area besides what you deciphered through your dream?

I still love my Nana dearly. She was not really too preoccupied to listen to me, but there were some things that were very wrong that she never acknowledged, and I had a ton of high strangeness as a kid that she listened very attentively to but due to heavy "Christian" beliefs on her part silenced me on- for my on good of course. :)


Due to the trauma I had as an eighteen month old, I was also very sensitive and honestly often hysterical, which she was able to calm a lot, so we were very close. But a lot of the way she calmed me down laid down some very deep programming and believing in lies that really messed me up in a lot of ways, as I could not see it clearly because I love her so much. Many things I ignored my on voice on because I really believed Nana would never lie to me. Well, she did - some on purpose and some due to ignorance. I know she never tried to hurt me though. Hope that makes sense.


There is a lot more to it of course, but that is the gist.

That does make a lot of sense. Didn't mean to pry, I was just curious if it was something you would like to explore in depth. Sounds like she did the best she could :)

 

[Hesper]

Time to add another demon choking dream. These are getting weirder and weirder. Last night's involved me getting choked this time by another rotten demon bird. I was eating eggs and this one hatched and said "let me show you my knowledge" before it started singing a really perverted, creepy song and began forcing itself down my throat. I woke up instantly, feeling like there were hands around my neck, and could see for a second these strange faces floating above me, laughing derisively and mocking me. The best way to describe them would be to say they had an archetypal "teenage dropout" flavor, but far, far darker, with twisted smiles. Anyways I swung up out of bed instinctively to grab and throttle them, and told them in a not-so-polite way to get out.

This was preceded by a major burnout phase in college, and the overwhelming emotions of loneliness, fatigue, trying to work too hard, and then collapse. I've been in and out of the hospital for the past month due to a massive kidney stone, and went through hydrocodone withdrawal (which is what really kicked me into burnout). I've been dissociating a lot in a vain attempt to regain energy, and it's been really hard to do what "it" doesn't want to do. I can still get my work done and do little things but I'm starting to make mistakes and my horrible "ladies man" program is running hard when I'm at work, where I'm the most stressed. So yeah, time to knuckle up. Thanks for reading.

 

[anart]

I've been in and out of the hospital for the past month due to a massive kidney stone, and went through hydrocodone withdrawal (which is what really kicked me into burnout). I've been dissociating a lot in a vain attempt to regain energy, and it's been really hard to do what "it" doesn't want to do. I can still get my work done and do little things but I'm starting to make mistakes and my horrible "ladies man" program is running hard when I'm at work, where I'm the most stressed. So yeah, time to knuckle up. Thanks for reading.

Sounds like some detox protocols are in order. Are you taking ALA and NAC and have you taken a FAR infrared sauna lately?

 

[Hesper]

I've been in and out of the hospital for the past month due to a massive kidney stone, and went through hydrocodone withdrawal (which is what really kicked me into burnout). I've been dissociating a lot in a vain attempt to regain energy, and it's been really hard to do what "it" doesn't want to do. I can still get my work done and do little things but I'm starting to make mistakes and my horrible "ladies man" program is running hard when I'm at work, where I'm the most stressed. So yeah, time to knuckle up. Thanks for reading.

Sounds like some detox protocols are in order. Are you taking ALA and NAC and have you taken a FAR infrared sauna lately?

Not consistently. Thank you for the advice Anart; the obvious just totally escaped me. I haven't been able to afford a FAR infrared sauna but might be able to find one at a local massage parlor and will make a call now. Right now I'm taking ALA, Chlorella, and Vitamin C. I will buy some NAC in a bit. Thanks again, we're lucky to have you :)

 

[Gawan]

Time to add another demon choking dream. These are getting weirder and weirder. Last night's involved me getting choked this time by another rotten demon bird. I was eating eggs and this one hatched and said "let me show you my knowledge" before it started singing a really perverted, creepy song and began forcing itself down my throat. I woke up instantly, feeling like there were hands around my neck, and could see for a second these strange faces floating above me, laughing derisively and mocking me. The best way to describe them would be to say they had an archetypal "teenage dropout" flavor, but far, far darker, with twisted smiles. Anyways I swung up out of bed instinctively to grab and throttle them, and told them in a not-so-polite way to get out.

This was preceded by a major burnout phase in college, and the overwhelming emotions of loneliness, fatigue, trying to work too hard, and then collapse. I've been in and out of the hospital for the past month due to a massive kidney stone, and went through hydrocodone withdrawal (which is what really kicked me into burnout). I've been dissociating a lot in a vain attempt to regain energy, and it's been really hard to do what "it" doesn't want to do. I can still get my work done and do little things but I'm starting to make mistakes and my horrible "ladies man" program is running hard when I'm at work, where I'm the most stressed. So yeah, time to knuckle up. Thanks for reading.

Hi Hesper, I'm sorry to hear that! Maybe it would be helpful to network about it, cause it sounds to me like there are other issues going on you have to cope with and the dreams are a reflection/output of/for it?

 

[Hesper]

I picked up the NAC last night, am waiting for a return call from the massage parlor, and I'm taking the other supplements. Hopefully this will help clean things up!

Time to add another demon choking dream. These are getting weirder and weirder. Last night's involved me getting choked this time by another rotten demon bird. I was eating eggs and this one hatched and said "let me show you my knowledge" before it started singing a really perverted, creepy song and began forcing itself down my throat. I woke up instantly, feeling like there were hands around my neck, and could see for a second these strange faces floating above me, laughing derisively and mocking me. The best way to describe them would be to say they had an archetypal "teenage dropout" flavor, but far, far darker, with twisted smiles. Anyways I swung up out of bed instinctively to grab and throttle them, and told them in a not-so-polite way to get out.

This was preceded by a major burnout phase in college, and the overwhelming emotions of loneliness, fatigue, trying to work too hard, and then collapse. I've been in and out of the hospital for the past month due to a massive kidney stone, and went through hydrocodone withdrawal (which is what really kicked me into burnout). I've been dissociating a lot in a vain attempt to regain energy, and it's been really hard to do what "it" doesn't want to do. I can still get my work done and do little things but I'm starting to make mistakes and my horrible "ladies man" program is running hard when I'm at work, where I'm the most stressed. So yeah, time to knuckle up. Thanks for reading.

Hi Hesper, I'm sorry to hear that! Maybe it would be helpful to network about it, cause it sounds to me like there are other issues going on you have to cope with and the dreams are a reflection/output of/for it?

Thank you Gawan :)

From what I understand, through recent redirect exercises, I am really in the thick of moving from cold to warm, and I've been crying a lot. It's the first time in a while that I've cried real tears, though. In school we do group therapy classes and, in one, I ending up releasing a ton of pent-up trauma energy with the assistance of my professor. I shook and cried, and let my arms go where they wanted, which was out and away like I was being smothered. Obviously no one was prepared for that, but wow things really changed in our class after that. We bonded in a major way. But I really feel like I am being smothered and I'm doing my best to fight back. That probably explains the demon choking dreams.

Because it seems that every jerk in my environment that would do something to hurt me is doing that right now. Work's gotten so bad that we aren't even allowed to eat, take a break, or anything at all, and I feel like my every move is watched there. Talking to a lawyer hasn't helped things much at all. My teachers at school are doing the whole "hurt them for their own good" since we're seniors and they're trying to weed us out Darwin style. So the heat is way up there. And of course there are all of the other voluntary things that I try to keep up with, and they're the only things I enjoy doing, and yet they're being tarnished for me emotionally because of all of the other garbage going on. And I feel so guilty for that that it's hard to face my true emotions towards the things I love. It's like I'm being forced to hate them!

I'm using the focusing method that Buddy recently posted about to really "clean" these activities of emotional garbage, and so far that seems to be working. Oh, and a couple days ago some random teenage drop-outs were screaming obscenities at me from their car as they drove down the road. Probably explains the other aspect of the most recent dream. I'm sick of it all, everything that I do, all of the old ways of thinking, everything. It's absolute chaos!!! And the hardest part has been figuring out how the heck to change in a real, permanent, meaningful way! No more cosmetic changes, or changes through sheer willpower without the accompanying growth inside. Gosh.

I've been offered the easy way out by people who love me, who have offered to pay for my expenses so I can quit the "job" and focus on school, but something tells me quitting is not the right thing to do. After getting extremely angry and fuming for a while now I'm taking my blows and plan to ride things out until either A) I get my (usually pretty big) tax return and get my full time internship and can choose to quit or not in a safe way financially for myself and family, or B) the world ends. All of it, plus the every-day work of trying to observe the self, keep myself in line, and get over these health issues, really makes it hard not to be touched by the reality that I am a slave. And right now there's nothing I can do about it except Work slowly. And that kills me too!

Thank you for your support anart and Gawan. I hope this wasn't too out of place.