T
Torpid
Guest
We'll, I am posting here about this simply because my explanation should trigger recognition in 'defined' religions, beliefs, expieriances, and/or descriptions of personal/common views and feelings. I'm also posting having not researched this subject, and for a reason-- I believe that once I start to research the subject, I may corrupt my true view by seeing somthing that resembles my perceptions and end up losing my orignal thoughts. So, since im so curious, I figure hey--i'll write about it, and I would apreciate if you guys shared your expieriances with what triggers in your mind as relating to what I describe in the 'defined' , or personal 'undefined.'
For as long as I can remember , the way I think, act, or feel, has been entirley diffrent from those around me, and it wasn't a attitude that was ever taught to me. Not diffrent as in individuality, I dont even feel human. I have the gift of understanding many things more so than people who have actually expierianced them, which enables me to help talk people through their hardships as if I knew what they had been through. The way I picture it in my head, when thinking, is as if I have a council of dark figures - all of opposing ideas, who present information and perceptions to me as I recieve information to process, I weigh everything they present, and pick a view, it keeps me largley critical, observant, and unbaised. Most people grow wise due to pain, expierance, but I feel as if I felt more pain than anyone could comprehend- to the point where I feel as if I reside in somthing beyond it, and this 'understanding' has led to love. I am extremley selfless, I have had a discussions about it with a great spirtual mind, and he wisley warned me of the dangers of living vicariously through helping other people, however, I am confident it is a side-affect of a sense of purpose. Above all, I feel driven to help the world, not because of anyone or anything aflicting my mind media-wise, or peer, but simply because I know I must.
I don't feel alone, somthing inside my very core tells me theres people out there very close to this. But theres also the feeling of a guardian presence, somthing I feel is listening in when I talk to myself ( in my head, thinking, somtimes literal talking but only joking to myself really) , somthing that as, extreme as it may sound, has influnced my actions nearing the point of control. Recounting some incidents in my head, some are simple warnings that tell me things I could not have known, and cause me to act in (mostly) prevention. The most extreme incident however for example:
As I walked past the sliding glass door that looks out onto my porch I got very angry all at once. Looking directly at somthing I couldnt see just past the screening closure, I quickly openened my sliding glass door, walked briskly out to the spot I was staring at, where a black snake was sitting on a rock. Upon my arival he darted under the rock, and after staring at it for a minute or so, I walked back inside, the quick burst of anger seemingly disapted. The wierdest part about it though, was the fact that it seemed normal to me, not paranormal at all. I titled this demons because I read a result to a "who is your soul guardian" quiz and it fit near perfectly to my personality, well, it fit nearly too much. but thats how quiz results work I suppose, they generally give you what you want to see.
Quiz : http://www.quizilla.com/users/waterytart/quizzes/Who%20is%20your%20soul%20guardian%3F/
My Result:
A demon watches over you. You may find yourself at times wishing those you dislike dead (I dislike evil people , and don't wish them dead, consider killing them myself, though I do bind myself to the rules of society) . Sometimes, you may find yourself being jealous. Anger can often get the best of you. You are a unique individual. Overall though, you are a kind person with a big heart. Your demon is always watching over you. Though a demon may seem like evil is watching you, it is not true. Your demon is on neither side; good nor evil. Your demon is on your side. Your demon is constantly protecting and guiding you down the right path for you in life. ( I believe my demon is leading me to what I feel is my purpose, to help the world. )
And finally the part which really indicates a possible instability in my mind ( :) ) , I believe im fighting evil...constantly. I believe theres a parallel dimesion , or how ever you'd like to define it, in which evil roams free, attacks people, and for some reason is drawn to me. I see this evil now as ghosts, demons, angels, beings, and the like. and my whole life since, also as far back as I can remember it, i've been doing somthing that I can't explain. Whenever I feel as if evil is breaking through to me, I tense a part of my body with all its muscles, how you normally force yourself to shake similar to shivering, and I release it as if I was releasing a shockwave of will aimed to push back all those in range who have evil intent. Somtimes I amplify this 'shockwave' when I feel more threatened by adding a little pain , such as pushing my nail into my thumb, not to break the skin or anything extreme, just enough to leave a mark for a few minutes.
Well. Im not sure what matches up with what articles, definitions, or etc. However this has been on my mind and I felt the need to share this with this forum, im not sure why no other outlet. Im sure I missed allot, but I could write books, and I wanted to keep this in one essay, excuse the ramblings that assist in its longevity, this was , after all, on my mind. /sigh. thank you regardless, this has already helped me allot.
Edit: I forgot somthing, its why I chose this forum as an outlet...the wave, to me it felt not as you seem to consider it...but an invasion of evil, a very strong feeling this way. Despite my attempts to stay open minded. Everything logical inside me points to the very apparent ignorance I have, but I can't control it. So for now my thoughts are in two, logical, and instinctual, which is a first for me.
For as long as I can remember , the way I think, act, or feel, has been entirley diffrent from those around me, and it wasn't a attitude that was ever taught to me. Not diffrent as in individuality, I dont even feel human. I have the gift of understanding many things more so than people who have actually expierianced them, which enables me to help talk people through their hardships as if I knew what they had been through. The way I picture it in my head, when thinking, is as if I have a council of dark figures - all of opposing ideas, who present information and perceptions to me as I recieve information to process, I weigh everything they present, and pick a view, it keeps me largley critical, observant, and unbaised. Most people grow wise due to pain, expierance, but I feel as if I felt more pain than anyone could comprehend- to the point where I feel as if I reside in somthing beyond it, and this 'understanding' has led to love. I am extremley selfless, I have had a discussions about it with a great spirtual mind, and he wisley warned me of the dangers of living vicariously through helping other people, however, I am confident it is a side-affect of a sense of purpose. Above all, I feel driven to help the world, not because of anyone or anything aflicting my mind media-wise, or peer, but simply because I know I must.
I don't feel alone, somthing inside my very core tells me theres people out there very close to this. But theres also the feeling of a guardian presence, somthing I feel is listening in when I talk to myself ( in my head, thinking, somtimes literal talking but only joking to myself really) , somthing that as, extreme as it may sound, has influnced my actions nearing the point of control. Recounting some incidents in my head, some are simple warnings that tell me things I could not have known, and cause me to act in (mostly) prevention. The most extreme incident however for example:
As I walked past the sliding glass door that looks out onto my porch I got very angry all at once. Looking directly at somthing I couldnt see just past the screening closure, I quickly openened my sliding glass door, walked briskly out to the spot I was staring at, where a black snake was sitting on a rock. Upon my arival he darted under the rock, and after staring at it for a minute or so, I walked back inside, the quick burst of anger seemingly disapted. The wierdest part about it though, was the fact that it seemed normal to me, not paranormal at all. I titled this demons because I read a result to a "who is your soul guardian" quiz and it fit near perfectly to my personality, well, it fit nearly too much. but thats how quiz results work I suppose, they generally give you what you want to see.
Quiz : http://www.quizilla.com/users/waterytart/quizzes/Who%20is%20your%20soul%20guardian%3F/
My Result:
A demon watches over you. You may find yourself at times wishing those you dislike dead (I dislike evil people , and don't wish them dead, consider killing them myself, though I do bind myself to the rules of society) . Sometimes, you may find yourself being jealous. Anger can often get the best of you. You are a unique individual. Overall though, you are a kind person with a big heart. Your demon is always watching over you. Though a demon may seem like evil is watching you, it is not true. Your demon is on neither side; good nor evil. Your demon is on your side. Your demon is constantly protecting and guiding you down the right path for you in life. ( I believe my demon is leading me to what I feel is my purpose, to help the world. )
And finally the part which really indicates a possible instability in my mind ( :) ) , I believe im fighting evil...constantly. I believe theres a parallel dimesion , or how ever you'd like to define it, in which evil roams free, attacks people, and for some reason is drawn to me. I see this evil now as ghosts, demons, angels, beings, and the like. and my whole life since, also as far back as I can remember it, i've been doing somthing that I can't explain. Whenever I feel as if evil is breaking through to me, I tense a part of my body with all its muscles, how you normally force yourself to shake similar to shivering, and I release it as if I was releasing a shockwave of will aimed to push back all those in range who have evil intent. Somtimes I amplify this 'shockwave' when I feel more threatened by adding a little pain , such as pushing my nail into my thumb, not to break the skin or anything extreme, just enough to leave a mark for a few minutes.
Well. Im not sure what matches up with what articles, definitions, or etc. However this has been on my mind and I felt the need to share this with this forum, im not sure why no other outlet. Im sure I missed allot, but I could write books, and I wanted to keep this in one essay, excuse the ramblings that assist in its longevity, this was , after all, on my mind. /sigh. thank you regardless, this has already helped me allot.
Edit: I forgot somthing, its why I chose this forum as an outlet...the wave, to me it felt not as you seem to consider it...but an invasion of evil, a very strong feeling this way. Despite my attempts to stay open minded. Everything logical inside me points to the very apparent ignorance I have, but I can't control it. So for now my thoughts are in two, logical, and instinctual, which is a first for me.
