Dialogue between confidence and fear

[Lys]

Hi !

I wanted to share with you my experience with a writing exercise I made this morning.
40 days ago I started to fill a notebook called "Le défi des 100 jours" conceived by Lilou Mace and some co-creators, therapists...

Today I had to make a dialogue between two parts of myself.
The goal of this exercise is to appease the internal conflict between those two parts, the one which wants to dare and the one which prevents the first one to do anything.

First step: You need to identify and name the part which wants to dare something.
I named it confidence.

Second step: What does this part need, want?
My answer: This part would like to learn more and contribute, it wants to dare to post on the forum in order to get the mirror it needs for improving and getting stronger.

Third step: Identify and name the part that prevents the confidence to dare to post on the forum.
I named it Fear, it always paralyzes me to do something which could expose my ego to be hurt.

Fourth step: Make those two parts dialogue together so they can try to find common ground.
So here is this dialogue, it may look a bit silly but as I made this exercise, I no longer fear to look ridiculous!

Confidence: I want to learn more, even the things I think I'm not smart enough to understand. I want to contribute to the forum in my own way, take responsibility for my opinions, weaknesses, and bits of knowledge I have.

Fear: What if you don't have anything to bring to the forum, to the other members who look so smart and cultivated?

Confidence: Well, at least they could bring me something in order to grow up, to improve.

Fear: You expose yourself to criticism. Your ego is going to be hurt.

Confidence: I certainly need it! This one prevents me too to improve.

Fear: Well, ego protects me.

Confidence: What if we use ego in a healthy way? It could turn into pride for the small steps we achieve.

Fear: Ok, you take the risks. I'll step back from this area, I'm keeping an eye on you for greater dangers.

I wanted to share it with you, as this small exercise made things clear and I realized how I was ridiculous. But! This is so much easier to understand it when you take a step back and observe two parts of yourself trying to find common ground, like if they were 5 years old.
This made me understand that I am the only one who suffers from it.
Even saying thank you for this last amazing session was too hard for me as I didn't feel legit to do it.
Well, after this exercise I made it and I even shared what I feel about it.
This could look like nothing to do for a lot of you guys but I wanted to share it with you as my ego turned into pride for this small step I took today.
And I really want it to happen again.

Thank you to all of you

 

[Anamarija]

Lys, thank you for sharing your dialogue.

Although we are all STS, I think that this forum is the best platform for learning how potentialy become a potential candidate for STO.
For years I wanted to share something so smart&inspirational and progress to private board and get sign that shows me I belong 'inside'. Through time, I realize that I don't cherish things in life that I get without any particular efforts. Only when I invest so much effort and energy that I lose sight of the goal I become aware that it is the way that is important as much as a goal. And when I reach that goal I'm satisfied not with reaching goal per se but because journey&learning which I've been through.

I don't know did you notice this thread but it's really makes you wonder how few people are here even this is the best place (IMO) for learning. Like one big free library! But still, some people find this place, discover what is offering and still, in one moment of time, go away. One could ask why? Can one resonate in one moment of life with this knowledge and for some something happen to them and they convince themselves that this knowledge is not good enough or is false?

Most people (including me) came here with the assumptions, wishful thinking and convictions what this place is about. Which is good and is quite normal. You always have to break something so you can build something else.

Most of the people (if you check the numbers) go away because they wanted to cling with that false picture. And they didn't want learn something, they just need validation from others how great they are. Off course, that's not always the case. But to stay here one need years and decades of true work and still no one can validate what you really did in your life instead yourself. But someone who has much more knowledge than you can validate your effort and your contribution to this community. That should be come naturally and only when you validate your journey more than your goal.

I will (never) reach level of knowledge that some people here have, but they are great examples where I want to come. We can only work on the level we are. And one should peace with that, because there is nothing constructive about it, and it's also indication of narcissistic trait. Something that is great part most of us, and the forum is the best place to work on that trait.

So, Lys, can you imagine in which direction your life would go if you didn't find this place?

I think that you should relax, write when you think that you can contribute with your thought, advices or recommendation, be aware that you can easily mistake and know that is the best way to learn and change false beliefs. No one will think that you are not smart enough. But when you ask advice from forum you have to use this tips, not just because that is polite or nice, but also because there's no free lunch in the universe.

We all, especially the ones that afraid to write on forum, have to fight with that program because even you read all the recommended books that doesn't mean that you understood the material. You have to interact with others because that's only way that your knowledge become wisdom (and not only for you).

Therefore Lys, relax and have a little bit of faith:

A: Learning how to think has been a big part of the destiny. Now, it must be combined with belief of a particular kind. Belief that is based on subjective wishful thinking is entropic. Belief that is based on firm knowledge of nature is empowering. This is what your grouping has lacked. You now have the opportunity and tools to change that.

 

[Lys]

I don't know did you notice this thread but it's really makes you wonder how few people are here even this is the best place (IMO) for learning. Like one big free library! But still, some people find this place, discover what is offering and still, in one moment of time, go away. One could ask why? Can one resonate in one moment of life with this knowledge and for some something happen to them and they convince themselves that this knowledge is not good enough or is false?

I didn't actually, but thank you for sharing it, I came across it and I have to say that I am really lucky as I didn't know anything about this forum until I met my boyfriend who shared so much with me.
I didn't speak English at this time so this forum was one of the reasons I decided to learn to do so.
I am a lurker most of the time, and still, I don't even try to read some threads that look too complicated.
Most of the time I rely on my boyfriend to share with me what he learned every day on the forum. At least we have many interesting topics we can talk about and this is really enlightening.
So, I think I understood your point on your comment below:

I wonder is it possible to do The Work if you don't participate in form that you expose your current convictions and understanding so you can get feedback from others? If you just lurking and gathering knowledge and afraid to shake foundations of your 'knowledge'.

And to answer your interrogation, I think it is possible to do the Work without exposing your convictions and understanding, but much more slowly than if You would do it. Regarding my experience.

Most of the people (if you check the numbers) go away because they wanted to cling with that false picture. And they didn't want learn something, they just need validation from others how great they are. Off course, that's not always the case. But to stay here one need years and decades of true work and still no one can validate what you really did in your life instead yourself.

Obviously, I am one of those people who need validation from others how great I am as you well said it. Except that I am not gone yet.
Otherwise, I wouldn't be so afraid of shame.
And I am grateful for the thoughts you took the time to share with me.

So, Lys, can you imagine in which direction your life would go if you didn't find this place?

I can barely imagine now, this place had already had too much impact on my life, through what I've readen and what my boyfriend brought to me the last 5 years.

I think that you should relax, write when you think that you can contribute with your thought, advices or recommendation, be aware that you can easily mistake and know that is the best way to learn and change false beliefs. No one will think that you are not smart enough. But when you ask advice from forum you have to use this tips, not just because that is polite or nice, but also because there's no free lunch in the universe.

I'll use your tips, and not because it is polite.
Thank you Dakota, really, this is a big thank you.

 

[Wandering Star]

Ra (Law of one) said:

INTERROGATOR: Can you expand the concept according to which is
necessary
that an entity is polarized or interacts adequately with other
entities during incarnation on the physical plane such as
we know, and why this is not possible in the period between
Incarnations, when the entity is aware of what it wants to do?
Why should you embody and lose the conscious memory of what you want
do, to act later in the way you expect to do it?
143




Session 50
RA: I'm Ra. Let's take the example of the player who observes all the
poker hands and therefore knows the game. For him it will not be more than a
Children's game, since it does not entail risk. The others are known
hands. He
they know the possibilities, and the hand will play correctly, but without
interest.
In time / space and in the density of the true green color,
Everyone's hands are in sight. The thoughts, the feelings, the
problems, all that can be seen. There is no deception, no desire for such. Of
that way, great things can be achieved in harmony, but the
mind / body / spirit does not obtain great polarity of such interaction.
Let's reexamine this metaphor and multiply it in the biggest game of
poker you can imagine: a life. The letters are "love", "aversion",
«Limitation», «unhappiness», «pleasure», etc. They are distributed
continually.
During this incarnation you can begin - and we emphasize that
It is a beginning - to know your own letters. You can start
find the love that exists in you and balance your pleasure,
your limitations, etc .; however, your only indication of the
You get the letters of others when you look them in the eyes.
You can not remember your hand of cards, your hands of cards, maybe even
even the rules of the game. This game can only win it
those who lose their cards in the fusion influence of love,
those who leave their pleasures and limitations on the table,
they discover their cards and they say to themselves :
«All of you, the
players, each neighbor, no matter what your hand, I love you ». That
It is the game: knowing, accepting, forgiving, balancing, and opening the self in love.
This can not be achieved without the process of forgetting, because without it nothing would be
of weight in the totality of the life of the mind / body / spirit being.


Thanks Lys, for daring to discover your cards.

 

[Anamarija]

And to answer your interrogation, I think it is possible to do the Work without exposing your convictions and understanding, but much more slowly than if You would do it. Regarding my experience.

Even I respect your opinion and obviously your free will, I must say that I'm disagree. Sometime you need a 'hammer to pitch a nail'. Most of us need guidance, how will someone point you if he cannot see where are you going?
On another hand, would you prefer to learn your lessons (the ones you can) with others that have similar values like yours (and have any values) or with people that don't have any values and just don't care about anything but themselves?

Most of the people (if you check the numbers) go away because they wanted to cling with that false picture. And they didn't want learn something, they just need validation from others how great they are. Off course, that's not always the case. But to stay here one need years and decades of true work and still no one can validate what you really did in your life instead yourself. But someone who has much more knowledge than you can validate your effort and your contribution to this community. That should be come naturally and only when you validate your journey more than your goal.

Obviously, I am one of those people who need validation from others how great I am as you well said it. Except that I am not gone yet.
Otherwise, I wouldn't be so afraid of shame.
And I am grateful for the thoughts you took the time to share with me.

That's just my opinion that that could be one of the reason why people choose to go away. It wasn't meant to say that you ask validation from others. But, considering that most of us had rough childhood I think that asking validation and encouragement is just 'normal' way that one need to understand and realize that this is safe place where you could learn without fear that someone will judge you.

If you can accept that fear, shame and expectations are just a part of this process I think that you would be much better.
Also, watching yourself where are you today and where were you couple years ago could help you to see that you're making progress.

I'll use your tips, and not because it is polite.

I said that because, the way I see it, being open and sincere when you exposing yourself is one thing but another thing is really do something with the feedback you get.

 

[Lys]

Thanks to you Wandering Star

During this incarnation you can begin - and we emphasize that
It is a beginning - to know your own letters. You can start
find the love that exists in you and balance your pleasure,
your limitations, etc .; however, your only indication of the
You get the letters of others when you look them in the eyes.
You can not remember your hand of cards, your hands of cards, maybe even
even the rules of the game. This game can only win it
those who lose their cards in the fusion influence of love,
those who leave their pleasures and limitations on the table,
they discover their cards and they say to themselves :
«All of you, the
players, each neighbor, no matter what your hand, I love you ». That
It is the game: knowing, accepting, forgiving, balancing, and opening the self in love.

This is really appropriate, I haven't yet got to know every of "my own letters" but I am going to concentrate on the journey, and if I get to know, I'll try to accept them one by one.

 

[Chu]

Thanks for sharing Lys. I think that's a nice little exercise. And don't worry, many of us felt like that about posting, and many still do. It gets better with time. Sometimes you may feel you are saying something silly, or that someone else said it better than you. But you never know how your words may help someone who just happens to read your post, or how it may help you in your growth.

Castaneda said (paraphrasing): The warrior is not a person without fear, but one who acts in spite of it.

 

[Lys]

Even I respect your opinion and obviously your free will, I must say that I'm disagree. Sometime you need a 'hammer to pitch a nail'. Most of us need guidance, how will someone point you if he cannot see where are you going?
On another hand, would you prefer to learn your lessons (the ones you can) with others that have similar values like yours (and have any values) or with people that don't have any values and just don't care about anything but themselves?

I meant that I think it is possible to do the Work without exposing your convictions and understanding on the forum, sorry I forgot this important detail.
I mean, if you are well surrounded in your private everyday life, with people who share the same values than yours, they can give you their feedback.
But I think that doing the Work must be more efficient if you share your understanding on the forum as the more people there are to watch you, the more you get feedbacks.

That's just my opinion that that could be one of the reason why people choose to go away. It wasn't meant to say that you ask validation from others. But, considering that most of us had rough childhood I think that asking validation and encouragement is just 'normal' way that one need to understand and realize that this is safe place where you could learn without fear that someone will judge you.

I didn't take it that way, I hope that I didn't make you think that I was offended, as it is not the case, your words helped me to put this part of myself in the light and I think that it is a good thing.
Knowing that it is just "normal" is also reassuring.

I said that because, the way I see it, being open and sincere when you exposing yourself is one thing but another thing is really do something with the feedback you get.

Indeed, and I'll try to keep that in mind.