I have been thinking about this lately ever since I moved back home closer to my parents. Since being away and moving back I have noticed their tendencies. I knew them before but having independent life experiences with contemplation makes them stand out more.
Father unnecessarily aggressive or has a temper/frustration toward everyday (not big deal) situations and Mother a worrier/nervous tendencies.
I have been able to break away from the male unnessary tantrums in reaction to everyday things as I have reflected on my life experiences and with knowledge gained can gauge what to get upset/frustrated about and what not to. However I find myself clinging toward an event to worry about. Mothers side. I catch myself and snap out of it BUT almost everyday/every other day this worry/Nervousness creeps into my being. At the time I notice this I realize I can handle what I am worried about BUT this Mother tendency is harder than getting past the fathers passed down tendencies.
After reading books like mean genes and understanding traits, cells, DNA and what have you are passed down to the offspring my question is... Do you ever really leave your mothers womb? The tendency connection is very strong on the female side meaning it’s relentless almost like a nagging child you want to tell to leave you alone.
I feel like I am ready to graduate from this multiple times a week subject nervousness/worrying but I almost feel like it is in me. (I need an oil change or something)
Is there information on this? Or is it just a fact of life? I’m not sure if doing/perfecting the work is enough to stop this as it feels like this worrying/nervousness is imbedded in my DNA Helix how can you separate out the blue from blue paint, green from grass, the red from a red rose? You get my point.
I let my parents be my parents and in a situation with them I may say wel that’s not a big deal or I wouldn’t worry so much about that. I’m not trying to fix or change them just trying to gain knowledge on this topic to better understand this dynamic. Hopefully the answer is not that’s the way it is notice the feeling and let it pass through because even 20 seconds of that feeling isn’t good for our organism...It’s annoying.
Your parents need some tender loving. Some pointer on psychic interaction of negativity:
You need to be aware of and admit quite a lot of negativity. It makes a lot of difference whether you are aware of your negative intentionality, or whether you blindly grope, act out, and consequently suffer a confusion that hurts. When you are only vaguely aware of your negativity, only dimly sensing the hurt that it inflicts on others, you are caught in a battle of blame, self-justification, helplessness, self-rejection and self-doubt. You cannot help but hook others with their own unconscious conflicts into your negativity.
Denying your negativity incur a double guilt. There is the guilt for the negative attitude in question then you are involved in the guilt for denying this negativity, Your denial always implies inner or outer harmful acts toward others because you punish others for your own failings, for your own negative intentions, lovelessness, untruthfulness, spite, and unfair demands.
This process is most common and yet so subtle that only people who possess a considerable amount of self-awareness can begin to recognize it in themselves and therefore also in others. The refusal to love, when not admitted, often manifests in the following attitude: “I do not want to give you anything but I demand that you give me everything. If you do not, I will punish you.” This attitude is very typical. The more concealed and the less consciously expressed, the more insidious its effect will be on the self and others. It is always relatively easy to deny, rationalize, distort, conceal, or use half-truths to justify this attitude.
The more you expose every detail of the disparity between your demands, your own ungiving intentions and the punishment you mete out when your demands are not being met, the more you clear yourself of guilt. The clearer you can see the preposterous unfairness of what you demand compared to what you give, how differently you insist on being treated from how you treat others, and exactly how you choose to punish the quicker you will free yourself of a burden that causes depression, anxiety, worry, hopelessness, and often physical illness and material frustration as well.
One of the most popular ways for punishing others for not responding with love to your ungivingness is to render them guilty by building the case in such a way that they seem to be the cause for your misery. You convince yourself quite successfully of this because you choose to see only the result of your withholding and spiteful non-giving. You choose to ignore that others cannot respond the way you would like them to when your own psyche is still steeped in this negative, non-giving attitude toward life.
I will deny the truth and will blame you for not giving me all and for not letting me get away with my one-sided demands. And if you dare to react to this I will punish you by hating you and by blaming you even more. Those who are at the beginning of their "work", or those who have a very strong investment in their idealized self-image, which makes no room for this truth, will first think it is quite impossible that they can harbor such an attitude. If you feel comfortable with others, without anxiety, if you expand your life in a joyous way and if you regard occasional difficulties as meaningful stepping stones, then you have already vastly overcome this poisonous attitude. But you must have had it and must have dealt with it in a truthful way. No one is entirely free from it to begin with. If you have not found this attitude, you must work your way through your pride, your investment in your pretense. When you admit your negative intentionality you perform the most fundamental act of love. If you do not admit your negative intent, you may give a lot, but never the real thing that counts most. You may give things, money, good deeds, even tenderness and concern, but they are hollow gifts without setting the other free by the honest admission of your negativity.
Psyche to psyche, the following interaction takes place. Suppose you inwardly say, “I will punish you for not fulfilling my insatiable demands. I will not love you or give you anything. I will punish you by making you guilty, and if you want something from me, I will not give it to you. I punish you most effectively by making myself the victim, so you cannot blame or catch me.” Suppose the other person is inwardly struggling with giving up a similar defense. Their resistance says: “You must not give it up. Others are out to hurt, to victimize, to exploit you. If you open your heart to love, you will get nothing but rejection, unfairness, and hate in return. It does not pay. You had better remain closed up.” Just imagine how your self-victimizing attitude will reinforce the irrational resistance of the other person to being open, vulnerable, and loving. The frightened part of the self, which is geared to “protective” negativity and withholding, will be set back considerably in this struggle whenever it encounters such a negative intentionality. This punishment often takes the form of severe accusations that malign the other’s character.
The unconscious interaction in this area thus fortifies and justifies the conviction that negativity is a necessary defense. Viewed from this narrow vantage point, the position seems right. Thus when you pursue your negative intentionality, you are also responsible for the other. One of the apparently paradoxical truths of spiritual reality is that you are responsible for yourself and you are also responsible for the other, each in a different way. By the same token, others’ negative intentionality hurts and hinders you and they are responsible for doing this to you. Yet they could not succeed if you would not tenaciously hold on to your own. In that sense, the responsibility is yours. Everyone has the choice of either using the other’s bad intentions as an excuse to stay in their own or looking for a new way of responding to life. It is therefore equally true that you are exclusively responsible for yourself and others are exclusively responsible for themselves and that, everyone is responsible for the other person.
There are particular phases in human development where an entity finds it almost impossible to come out of his or her negative defense system, and of the conviction that this defense is necessary, unless one of those people with whom the person is entangled lets them off the hook by admitting his or her own negative intentionality, destructive attitude, dishonesty, and meanness. Just imagine how you would feel when someone close to you, who has given you pain by pointing out your real and your false guilts, but who has also confused you by the denial of his or her guilt, suddenly said to you: “I realize that I do not want to give you love. I want to demand from you and then blame you, accuse you, and punish you when you do not comply with my demands. But I do not allow you to feel hurt, because although I want to hurt you, I do not want to be made to feel guilty by your hurt.” It is not very likely that you would respond to this act of love by being self-righteous and acting the all-innocent one who has always known this and is now established as the innocent victim.
Negative intentionality is a defense. It stems from the innate belief that the world cannot be trusted and the only way the self can protect itself is by being as mean as the world is supposed to be or meaner. When you admit your ill will, you help others to begin to trust in the decency of the world and of people. You can then begin to ponder, “Maybe it is not so dangerous, after all. Maybe I am not all alone in my hidden shame and guilt. Maybe I can let go. Maybe I, too, can admit these feelings without being held solely responsible.” What a difference this would be in your attitude toward life, in your spiritual position as a human entity.
Your energy system must begin to change. Honesty is the most needed and most rare form of love among human beings. Without honesty, the illusion will always remain that you are separate from others, that your interests are contradictory, that in order to protect your interests you must defeat others, and vice versa.
Only when you know your own negativity truly own up to it, assume responsibility for it, and no longer project it onto others while distorting reality in order to be able to do so, will you suddenly gain new insight into other people’s doings, so that even when they do not admit it, you will know what is happening. That, too, takes you out of the confusion and the guilt of “Where am I at fault in my misery? How have I caused it? How have others caused it?”—thus fluctuating between blame and self-blame. Neither leads to any solution. But the moment you assume responsibility for your negative, destructive attitudes toward others, even if others are not willing to do likewise, you see the picture clearly. You unhook yourself, not only by your admission and self-knowledge, but also by comprehending the negative intentions, the acting out, the dishonest projections of the other person. This is why everyone who admits the worst in themselves inevitably feels elation, liberation, energy, hope, and light as the immediate result.
Spiritual growth brings you the gift of knowing the inside of other people: their thoughts, their intentions, their feelings. This is not magic; it occurs naturally because in reality you and others are one. As you read your own mind accurately, you cannot help reading those of others since in reality it is all one mind. Other people’s minds are closed books only as long as you hide from your own mind. To be able to read others’ minds would amount to dangerous magic but whenever this ability grows organically as a byproduct of knowing your own inner makeup, it is natural and cannot be abused in the service of power drives and negativity.
As you grow and learn about yourself, and therefore about others and the world, you experience life in deeper and more varied ways which is your reason for being incarnated. As you gain understanding and learn to experience feelings which you have previously avoided, you are setting the stage for expansion. In practical terms this means that attitudes which were once useful now become destructive and limiting. It happens so often on the path of evolution that entities grow in various ways and prepare the ground for necessary new attitudes toward life. Yet they can impede this expansion by their refusal to give up certain attitudes. So you must adapt yourself to new ways of responding to the world, responding differently to other people’s reactions toward you, to what happens around you and also to what happens within you. This will come about, first, by knowing that your old response is a conditioned reflex created to fit a smaller way of functioning in life; second, by questioning that reflex and the beliefs behind it. Last but not least by choosing love, rather than separateness, as your way of being in the world.
Again, this must not be a mere word or a sentimentalized emoting that covers up many things you do not wish to admit. It must be put in action depending on where you are inwardly. Admitting your negativity is always an act of love, whether it is done directly to the person in question, where this is possible, or to a helper who is not personally involved with your negativity. Wherever you find your negativity even while you still choose to stay with it contemplate that one day you will want to give it up.
Love is the key. If you do not open your heart you must wither away. You have all seen that no matter how true some diagnosis may be, how many insights you have gained into the background, history and dynamics of a condition that gives trouble, unless you commit yourself to opening your heart, no real change can ever occur. You cannot be fulfilled unless you let yourself feel from the heart. And it is no use pretending that you want to love, that you even do love, as long as you are frightened of feeling your feelings. To the degree that it is so, you hold back from loving. You cannot be strong and courageous, you cannot love yourself, unless you love. It is equally true that only as you love others can you love yourself. The first step must be to be willing to love. You do not start loving simply because you so choose. You have to call the divine nature of your innermost to give you the grace of loving to manifest through you in making you open your heart and lose your fear of feelings, of being vulnerable. If you love, you have everything. But if you love falsely, as a pretense, it is much, much less loving and much more deceptive and harmful than when you admit your hate. Admitting your hate is more loving than an apparently loving act that denies the hate.
