DOing the work in a customer based enviroment.

[Paragon]

I didn't wish to 'hijack' the April 25th C's Transcript thread so to speak, so I thought I'd start here.

Q: (L) From him to whom much is given, much is required. When somebody has many gifts, they are expected to use them. You have many gifts. What are they for, if not first to be applied to organizing yourself?

A: One note to Guest: A key to observing the self is to turn the attention simultaneously towards others to notice their true reactions to what you think you are doing or how you think you are being perceived.

Q: (L) I guess that means you have to be ruthlessly honest. If you think that you are doing this or that, and that it should be being perceived that way, IS that really what's happening? And I guess that means getting feedback. Because you may think that what you're doing is being perceived a certain way, and it isn't. So, self-observing is walking between two worlds: the inner and the outer, simultaneously.

In the context of DOing the work in a retail environment whereby you serve the public, If say I were being all cheery and happy to every customer that I serve, and some appeared to 'like' this level of interaction and would respond in a similar manner, and then you have customers that appeared to be 'annoyed' at this cheerful manner ( Or am I 'demanding' either subconsciously or consciously that they respond in the same way as I have attempted to communicate with them?) , then how would I know if it was really me that was the problem or just their 'programmes'?

What is the right thing to do? Should I work on not 'expecting' that they respond positively?

I sometimes think that I think too much about the everyday interactions with customers! :D I can't seem to come to a 'consistent' way of respecting free will and being externally considerate in situations like this. Some days I don't seem to be affected by 'rude' customers, other days they really seem to push my buttons

Apologies in advance if my question is not clear enough :)

 

[truth seeker]

Well the old saying goes, "You can't please everyone." You really can't, so I'd suggest to just try and be as much of yourself as you can. Be pleasant, but not overly so as that can come across as fake.

When I worked in retail, I found the best thing that helped me was to treat others the way I'd want to be treated. I'd try to be aware of who wanted/needed help and who didn't. Does someone look lost, confused or like they want to be left alone?

You're correct in not expecting any particular response. Some people want to be left alone, some want help, some even just come in it seems just to mess with the staff. Whatever the situation, if you can, try and not take it personally. You never know what's going on in someone's life that has nothing to do with you (even when they're pleasant). Hope that helps a bit.

 

[Paragon]

Thank you for the response truth seeker :)

Whatever the situation, if you can, try and not take it personally.

This is something I find very hard to do. This also means that I must work on that aspect of myself. Sometimes I go into work almost 'expecting' a bad day....I have this feeling at the pit of my stomach, a nervous anxious feeling that at some point in the day, there will be some situation where my buttons will be pushed. I usually feel attacked or hurt by this when it happens. For what its worth, I think I'm overly sensitive to other peoples emotions? I remember reading about this somewhere on the forum so I should check that out. I should also point out that social anxiety and mental disorders run in my family...mainly the male side.

Another intresting aspect of this for me personally was at the weekend there, I was reading the adventure series and I felt like I had really expanded my knowledge of the objective reality of the cosmos and there were several syncronities during that weekend that made me :) The point I'm trying to make though, was that I just KNEW that when I started back to work on the Monday, that I would be tested. It is as if upon expanding my level of understanding of reality, the universe sought to test the 'waters' so to speak and threw a bunch of lessons at me to see if I cope with my many 'I' 's being tested. Or there was a possible STS influence from higher up... this could relate to that nervous 'anticipation' of something bad happening to me when I started back to work?

You never know what's going on in someones life that has nothing to do with you (even when they're pleasant). Hope that helps a bit.

Yeah I try to remind myself that one of the reasons people could be in a bad mood , is that they could have had a totally traumatic experience recently I.e Their pet just died. And that you really have no way of knowing this unless they mention this. Before I'd even of heard of the work, i remember a time whereby this customer was rude to me...and myself at that time being a 18 year old with lots of testoerone, 'blew up'. I later learned that this customer had learning difficulties that were not particularly apparent at the time. I felt very guilty and bad and I just put the rude customer down to ' being a snotty teenager. Nothing like self- importance to teach you a lesson eh! ;D

So I guess one of my biggest questions is this... how do I deal with customers that are regulars and are rude all the time? Do I still communicate with them enthusiastically and in a friendly manner? I feel that I'm being almost 'drained' of energy when dealing with these 'petty' tyrants. Whenever a bad situation occurs , a negative energy fills inside of me and it appears to affect the way I think, the way I move etc ( Clumsily and mechanically)

 

[Beau]

I think just a casual hello to greet customers is great, you don't need to come across as overly perky or too upbeat, as some people will grind against that kind of disposition. There's also a little bit of instinct with regards to dealing each individual. You can try to hone in on what kind of mood the person is in based on how they carry themselves, their facial expressions, etc. From that data, you can tailor yourself to whatever you think they need. If you can tell they are just browsing with no real purpose, best to leave them alone after greeting them. If it looks like someone may need help finding something you can offer your assistance. Some people know what they want and how much they want to spend but don't know exactly where those items are, so you can help those people find what they are looking for. You really have to try your hardest to figure out the best ways of interacting with each individual person that you encounter in retail. It's certainly a labor of love, although if you are REALLY good you can get rewarded by your company for this behavior, if they are able to identify it.

So I guess one of my biggest questions is this... how do I deal with customers that are regulars and are rude all the time? Do I still communicate with them enthusiastically and in a friendly manner? I feel that I'm being almost 'drained' of energy when dealing with these 'petty' tyrants. Whenever a bad situation occurs , a negative energy fills inside of me and it appears to affect the way I think, the way I move etc ( Clumsily and mechanically)

It's a tricky situation. Would management be receptive to you asking them for advice? If a customer is truly being rude, I would notify management and ask them what the best way to deal with that is. Perhaps they could step in and handle an especially difficult customer. Working in retail kinda demands one have thick skin. It certainly takes effort to be able to handle customers like that without "blowing up". My best advice would be to grin and bear it, and then later on find a way to disperse the built-up feelings in a healthy manner - like a human-shaped punching bag!

 

[Paragon]

I think just a casual hello to greet customers is great, you don't need to come across as overly perky or too upbeat, as some people will grind against that kind of disposition.

So would it be externally considerate to people that 'grind' against cheery types , for me to first gauge their general character , and then base my response and level of enthusiasm around their 'essence' so to speak? But to still maintain a polite manner no matter what? Let the universe 'do what it will do' ?

Perhaps it would help to actually explain what exactly that I do

I work in a coffee/ sandwhich shop and so I personally feel the dynamics of interaction are slightly different as in the morning coffee rush people are literally rushing to get a coffee and go to work and at lunch time people are rushing to get their lunch. Now in the morning coffee rush I've noticed that people are more mechanical; perhaps it being early they find it harder to think? I've noticed this in myself too if I am up early for work and observe this when travelling to work. So in the morning coffee rush there is an atmosphere of 'hurry up' among customers waiting and it can get very busy putting pressure on the coffee makers. Sometimes it gets to a stage where there is a backlog of coffees and there is lots of noise and just general holah! It is very hard to think at this stage without almost 'picking up' all that negative energy. Customers seem to be more easily angered at this time too. I find it very hard to remain calm as it seems my inner predator is saying " Look at all those people waiting! They think your rubbish! "

OK so my point is that in the morning coffee rush would it be externally considerate to remain calm and go at my own comfortable pace? That is, not slow but as fast as I can without becoming mechanical in my thinking centre and moving centre, if that makes any sense. Personally I feel this helps everyone around me when I do this though I again get this negative feeling in the pit of my stomach as if I know I have annoyed the customer. I don't make mistakes thus improving performance and I've noticed that if i rush around anyway that I will make mistakes and in the time it takes to rectify those mistakes , it is just about the same as going at my 'own' pace. Also sometimes I've observed customers getting agitated and 'annoyed' at this, so that is why I'm asking :P

 

[Paragon]

Apologies for the pacing and structure of my post , it is late and I'm tired!

I need to work on communicating better the thoughts in my head into written form :)

 

[Beau]

So would it be externally considerate to people that 'grind' against cheery types , for me to first gauge their general character , and then base my response and level of enthusiasm around their 'essence' so to speak? But to still maintain a polite manner no matter what? Let the universe 'do what it will do' ?

Yes, maintain a polite and friendly manner is exactly what I was thinking. I think you're on the right track.

Perhaps it would help to actually explain what exactly that I do

I work in a coffee/ sandwhich shop and so I personally feel the dynamics of interaction are slightly different as in the morning coffee rush people are literally rushing to get a coffee and go to work and at lunch time people are rushing to get their lunch. Now in the morning coffee rush I've noticed that people are more mechanical; perhaps it being early they find it harder to think? I've noticed this in myself too if I am up early for work and observe this when travelling to work. So in the morning coffee rush there is an atmosphere of 'hurry up' among customers waiting and it can get very busy putting pressure on the coffee makers. Sometimes it gets to a stage where there is a backlog of coffees and there is lots of noise and just general holah! It is very hard to think at this stage without almost 'picking up' all that negative energy. Customers seem to be more easily angered at this time too. I find it very hard to remain calm as it seems my inner predator is saying " Look at all those people waiting! They think your rubbish! "

Now, actually that's a rather narcissistic view to take! And you aren't alone either, but if you think about it, that's a pretty self-centered way of looking at things. Put yourself in the customer's shoes. They just want their coffee, and fast. Plus people tend to be a little cranky in the mornings, on their way to a empty, depressing job. Would you judge someone else as rubbish in the same situation? I would say most good people would not.

You're not going to be judged by God and all of humanity as worthless if they get a little agitated by having to wait for their coffee. That's the predator inside you, the negative introject, which conspires to take your confidence and self-esteem away from you by whispering these evil lies to you. Remember that those are not parts of the Real You. And through enough work and effort, you can get rid of them for good.

OK so my point is that in the morning coffee rush would it be externally considerate to remain calm and go at my own comfortable pace? That is, not slow but as fast as I can without becoming mechanical in my thinking centre and moving centre, if that makes any sense. Personally I feel this helps everyone around me when I do this though I again get this negative feeling in the pit of my stomach as if I know I have annoyed the customer. I don't make mistakes thus improving performance and I've noticed that if i rush around anyway that I will make mistakes and in the time it takes to rectify those mistakes , it is just about the same as going at my 'own' pace. Also sometimes I've observed customers getting agitated and 'annoyed' at this, so that is why I'm asking :P

Go as fast as you can without making mistakes and without rushing. If you are getting stressed about all this, I would suggest starting (unless you have already) on the breathing and meditation program we've started, Eiriu Eolas, to help calm you down. It really works wonders!

 

[mada85]

I think you've received some excellent advice on this thread, and fwiw I'd like to add a couple of things.

Sometimes I go into work almost 'expecting' a bad day....I have this feeling at the pit of my stomach, a nervous anxious feeling that at some point in the day, there will be some situation where my buttons will be pushed.

Does this feeling persist throughout the day? Is it an accurate premonition? If it does not persist through the day, can you observe when it changes? Can you observe its roots in yourself?

So I guess one of my biggest questions is this... how do I deal with customers that are regulars and are rude all the time? Do I still communicate with them enthusiastically and in a friendly manner? I feel that I'm being almost 'drained' of energy when dealing with these 'petty' tyrants. Whenever a bad situation occurs , a negative energy fills inside of me and it appears to affect the way I think, the way I move etc ( Clumsily and mechanically)

I would suggest that if you make the conscious choice to be externally considerate you will not feel so drained. Try to make your external consideration into an art. External consideration, imho, also involves realising that the other person is responsible for their own behaviour. I would suggest that with those regulars who are persistently rude, you don't communicate with them 'enthusiastically and in a friendly manner', but you do however remain polite. I think you could consider their rudeness as a kind of asking. What are they asking for? Are they asking for rudeness in return? That could lead to you being fired, so probably not a good response. I don't think they are asking for your enthusiasm and friendliness though. So, however you feel personally about their rudeness, you can act the part of a polite professional. And acting can be a great art!

 

[Paragon]

Thank you for the responses!

Perhaps it would help to actually explain what exactly that I do

I work in a coffee/ sandwhich shop and so I personally feel the dynamics of interaction are slightly different as in the morning coffee rush people are literally rushing to get a coffee and go to work and at lunch time people are rushing to get their lunch. Now in the morning coffee rush I've noticed that people are more mechanical; perhaps it being early they find it harder to think? I've noticed this in myself too if I am up early for work and observe this when travelling to work. So in the morning coffee rush there is an atmosphere of 'hurry up' among customers waiting and it can get very busy putting pressure on the coffee makers. Sometimes it gets to a stage where there is a backlog of coffees and there is lots of noise and just general holah! It is very hard to think at this stage without almost 'picking up' all that negative energy. Customers seem to be more easily angered at this time too. I find it very hard to remain calm as it seems my inner predator is saying " Look at all those people waiting! They think your rubbish! "

Now, actually that's a rather narcissistic view to take! And you aren't alone either, but if you think about it, that's a pretty self-centered way of looking at things. Put yourself in the customer's shoes. They just want their coffee, and fast. Plus people tend to be a little cranky in the mornings, on their way to a empty, depressing job. Would you judge someone else as rubbish in the same situation? I would say most good people would not.

You're not going to be judged by God and all of humanity as worthless if they get a little agitated by having to wait for their coffee. That's the predator inside you, the negative introject, which conspires to take your confidence and self-esteem away from you by whispering these evil lies to you. Remember that those are not parts of the Real You. And through enough work and effort, you can get rid of them for good.

Could it be that I'm focusing too much on how I feel? How I am coming across to the customers? How I feel offended if someone is rude if I have been nice to them? Maybe I'm just actually focusing too much on myself than the actual customers and what THEY are asking?

And I only practice the pipe breathing , and even that is not often enough. I shall look into this thank you :)

I think you've received some excellent advice on this thread, and fwiw I'd like to add a couple of things.

Sometimes I go into work almost 'expecting' a bad day....I have this feeling at the pit of my stomach, a nervous anxious feeling that at some point in the day, there will be some situation where my buttons will be pushed.

Does this feeling persist throughout the day? Is it an accurate premonition? If it does not persist through the day, can you observe when it changes? Can you observe its roots in yourself?

This morning it was before the shop opened and I had that anxious feeling again. When the shop opened it was worse, almost a fear of a customer coming in. Maybe I'm actually scared of them! But after a few customers this fearful feeling dissapeared. So it appears when there is a lack of trade...at the start of the morning and near the end of the day. It's like I get a fright when they come in and it radiates through my body and I can't concentrate on what I'm doing

So I guess one of my biggest questions is this... how do I deal with customers that are regulars and are rude all the time? Do I still communicate with them enthusiastically and in a friendly manner? I feel that I'm being almost 'drained' of energy when dealing with these 'petty' tyrants. Whenever a bad situation occurs , a negative energy fills inside of me and it appears to affect the way I think, the way I move etc ( Clumsily and mechanically)

I would suggest that if you make the conscious choice to be externally considerate you will not feel so drained. Try to make your external consideration into an art. External consideration, IMHO, also involves realising that the other person is responsible for their own behaviour. I would suggest that with those regulars who are persistently rude, you don't communicate with them 'enthusiastically and in a friendly manner', but you do however remain polite. I think you could consider their rudeness as a kind of asking. What are they asking for? Are they asking for rudeness in return? That could lead to you being fired, so probably not a good response. I don't think they are asking for your enthusiasm and friendliness though. So, however you feel personally about their rudeness, you can act the part of a polite professional. And acting can be a great art!

I guess they could be asking just to get their lunch as fast as possible without bothering with annoying things I have to say. This would be externally considerate would it not, to make sure they get their lunch as quickly as possible? I do have to follow a set of guidelines when it comes to customer service however. I have to ask if they would like to take away or sit in, if they would like a bag and if that was all they were wanting today. I have got in trouble with management for serving too fast and skipping certain guidelines , because it was obvious that they just wanted their lunch and to go as fast as possible. I can't force someone to go through all those questions nor would I want to, and I understand that, because is it not wrong to make someone do something against their free will?

 

[mada85]

Could it be that I'm focusing too much on how I feel? How I am coming across to the customers? How I feel offended if someone is rude if I have been nice to them? Maybe I'm just actually focusing too much on myself than the actual customers and what THEY are asking?

Do you feel offended if you pull a certain lever on an unfamiliar machine and something happens that was not according to your expectations? It is your own self-importance that is offended by the actions of the customers who are, after all, behaving mechanically. Since we don't know others' machines, we cannot predict how they will respond. It is certainly others' free will choice to respond to politeness with rudeness. All we can do is to observe our own reaction to their behaviour.

And I only practice the pipe breathing , and even that is not often enough. I shall look into this thank you

If you are getting stressed about all this, I would suggest starting (unless you have already) on the breathing and meditation program we've started, Eiriu Eolas, to help calm you down. It really works wonders!

H is correct. EE is almost miraculous. Doing pipe breathing daily is very effective in reducing stress levels, and adding the POTS or doing the full program can really help you to see more clearly your situation, both internally and externally.

I can't force someone to go through all those questions nor would I want to, and I understand that, because is it not wrong to make someone do something against their free will?

I understand your dilemma. Certain behaviours, which appear to you to infringe others' free will, are required of you as an employee. The customers know that staff in your shop are going to ask certain questions (or at least they should by now, if they are regulars) and so it is their free will choice to enter the shop knowing how you are required to behave. Perhaps you can find a way of asking the questions while you carry out some other aspect of serving the customer? So that they don't feel that their time has been wasted, and you can fulfil your obligation to your employer.