Dream.. "Master Yourself"

[Steve M.]

Hi All,

Last night I had a weird dream, at least it was to me. I'm really not able to fathom where it came from. I haven't seen anything, read anything or watched anything recently that had any sort of Asian theme. I'm a (spotted) white man, or, well, boy attaining to be a man. :)

Last night was the first attempt at doing 5-htp before bed. I've been using it at meal time, but not before bed. I had been an abuser of Melatonin for a few months near daily before that and wondered what was happening to me sexual appetite/performance. One of the side affects of (near) daily Melatonin use is that it affects males sexual appetite/performance. I chocked it up to growing old (not knowing I shouldn't be using it daily DOH!). Sorry that was off subject, sort of, but 5-htp does seem like a better/safer alternative. Melatonin is good for travel/jetlag sleeplessness, or occasional use from my understanding, but not for daily usage. Anyhow IMO my virility has returned. Apologies, just sharing from experience.

ANYWAY

I was traveling through some clouds, or the dream was changing focus. Everything was bright. Pieces of armor, or a gown started coming together to form a samurai or a person who ruled over China.. (thinking of the word) ..the head of a Dynasty.. Yeah, Emperor. A kind of Warrior Emperor it seemed to me. He held up his hand as if he was implying that he knew what I was about to say, but wanted to have the floor (speak) first. It wasn't rude or offensive, or like "shut up and listen" but more, "wait, I understand why you think as you do, but give me pause for a moment and let me speak." So I waited. He said "The key for You to master yourself is to give yourself time. Feel for a moment. Don't take things personal, at least.. until you have a full(er) understanding of what is being said. In this way you will not let your emotions control you. You must master your emotions, or you will never master yourself."

Then I said something like, "yes master" or sensei, or boss, commander.. Not specifically clear. He raised his hand again, almost as if there was no need to be formal, and then he said the same thing again. This time he did not lower his hand as he spoke. Toward the end he started waving and I started to pull back and away and clouds started forming between us. I tried to fight it, flexing my mind, trying to reach for him. As I was coming back out of sleep I became aware I was saying the same thing over and over to myself. Not to say 'it was' as I interpret it, just that to me it was a sort of first contact, why some Asian guy in a samurai suit or Emperors clothes is beyond me, but a first contact that was direct, from my self yet a repeat of things often told to me by others (likely) more evolved spiritually than myself. At least that is my take on it.

In my experiences, when I am diplomatic and put emotion on the side there never seems to be much friction between myself and others, but when I use the energy the emotions bring on to reflect my emotion (usually confusing confusion/fear with frustration/anger) there is never a good ending. The dream seemed to have sage advice, but I'm not sure what to make of it cause it was just so foreign. I have nothing to draw from as to what triggered my un/subconscious to bring in this person. No recent movie, not even a visit to an Asian restaurant, nothing.

So, I wanted to share it, or make a note of it, or maybe get some feedback to see if perhaps someone had a perspective or can see what, if anything I am/might be overlooking.

 

[truth seeker]

My guess would be that perhaps your higher self was speaking to you. How did you feel towards the person in the dream?

Also, you said:

I'm a (spotted) white man, or, well, boy attaining to be a man.

I'm not familiar with this, what does it mean? :)

 

[Steve M.]

My guess would be that perhaps your higher self was speaking to you. How did you feel towards the person in the dream?

Sort of like a servant. Attentive, yet sort of at awe. After he said what he said I felt grateful, understood and accepted yet at the same time kind of sad for being in my state. Not in terms of less than him, more like for having been given so much to reap with, yet so little has been sewn. But un-judged. He didn't seem at all concerned with my wishing to have (produced, tried, focused..) more.

I think the sort of guilt I was putting on myself is from having huge expectations of myself. Metaphorically, I can lift 5 lbs. and at times everyone around me seems to be lifting tons. And I beat myself up when I bend over to grab 10lbs. and can't budge it. Then when a situation, not one that I have any grasp on, comes along, and no one seems to be around doing any lifting, I do as much lifting as I can knowing it is what is needed to be done, it often turns out that I sabotage myself -strain a muscle so to speak, or knock over something in the weight room. Then I think others are going to think I hate working with the weights (tasks) cause that is how my mind concludes how they will respond.

Maybe not a great metaphor, but a basic outline of my how my gears work. Of course it usually turns out I blew everything out of proportion, most are beyond lifting 5 lbs. and if something gets knocked over it can usually be picked up.

I'm not familiar with this, what does it mean?

I have freckles. It's meant as humor. :) Spotted/Freckles

 

[truth seeker]

I think the sort of guilt I was putting on myself is from having huge expectations of myself. Metaphorically, I can lift 5 lbs. and at times everyone around me seems to be lifting tons. And I beat myself up when I bend over to grab 10lbs. and can't budge it. Then when a situation, not one that I have any grasp on, comes along, and no one seems to be around doing any lifting, I do as much lifting as I can knowing it is what is needed to be done, it often turns out that I sabotage myself -strain a muscle so to speak, or knock over something in the weight room. Then I think others are going to think I hate working with the weights (tasks) cause that is how my mind concludes how they will respond.

Maybe not a great metaphor, but a basic outline of my how my gears work. Of course it usually turns out I blew everything out of proportion, most are beyond lifting 5 lbs. and if something gets knocked over it can usually be picked up.

This may not apply to you but self sabotage can also come in the form of not trying out of fear that one will either not do it "correctly" or be criticized. This can come from narcissistic wounding. The unrealistic expectations of others and oneself as you mentioned.

In addition to the supplements, have you started doing the ee more frequently recently? The reason I ask is because others have posted accounts of dreams or zone out periods where there has been a similar flavor to what you've described. I'm not sure what these experiences would be called but they have a feel of a first contact with the higher self if that makes sense (or at least that's how I interpreted it). The one I had was I was in a dark room(?) and what seemed like a door opening towards me with blue sky and clouds outside.

I have freckles. It's meant as humor. :) Spotted/Freckles

Thanks for the clarification! :) I recognized it as a joke but somehow thought that you might be referring to vitilego.

 

[Steve M.]

In addition to the supplements, have you started doing the ee more frequently recently?

Absolutely! I went up north of here and went to a couple classes is August, it was a great experience and the EE teachers were great!

The amount that I'm doing it has decreased to about once a week but I am working to get the full program done more than that. A lot of schedule changes are happening right now (work, store, kids, school, my wife's job, physical issue she has going on..,) but as the chaos passes I intend to get to twice a week which shouldn't be at all difficult. I do practice the stomach (round breathing? 6in, hold3, 9out, hold3) almost daily for 5-15 minutes. It seems to be helping me immensely with my emotional issues.

As well it seems to do good to stew on things. Even if I jump to conclusions, as time passes and I sit with the situation (I've created by jumping to conclusions) and allow myself to actually feel through the guilt trip I beat myself up over, by the time the energy begins to wane I'm almost ready to laugh at myself.

I think part of the issue (the low self-esteem or what have you) is certainly narcissistic wounding. There are times when the memories of how it came to be flood in, as well as realizations of how I've caused it to others (particularly to my wife and kids). Slowly though I've grown more calm, receptive and patient. The culture connections (disposable this and that, instant gratification.. ) of the world of A influences sure makes the uphill battle seem like cliff climbing.

The cool part though, as I imagine it, is that my desire to be whole is unquenchable, so far as I know, and no matter what I'll keep moving and trying different things to propel me forward. Things seem slow going at this point but each meditation I do feels like forward motion, to what end I've no clue, but I'm gonna keep steppin'.

I have seen vitilego before but never knew what it was. I always thought the person suffered burns or something. Strange that science doesn't seem to have a good idea of its cause.

Thanks for the feedback truth seeker! /me curtsies :)