Dreaming of Psychopaths

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doormouse

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Has anyone had a recurrent dream that drove them batty?

I'm having one lately that is really becoming a problem for me. This may be an inappropriate topic for the forum, but any insights would be very much appreciated.

1. The Dream
a. My normal sleep pattern:
i. Sleep
ii. Dream
iii. Wake up
iv. Get up
v. Repeat
b. The Dream occurs almost nightly and sometime 2 - 3 times per night
c. The Dream characters
i. Me
ii. Various support players (usually coworkers).
iii. Recurring principals (all coworkers):
1) Silly Little Girl (SLG) Almost young enough to be my child, drama queen, comes from planet "Lookatmelookatme".
2) Evil Man (EM) 7 years older than me, clearly a psychopath. In real life, tried to get me fired just to prove he could. Sabotaged me in front of the customer; took me 3 weeks to recover.
3) The Guy (TG) (sigh). Everything I am physically attracted to. Which means - almost by definition - psychopath. (Yes, I am physically attracted to psychopaths but that is a story for another day.) TG and EM are "friends".
d. The Dream Content
Varies in details, but the overall concept is consistent: Doormouse (me) and TG are on the potential brink of romantic involvement. Sparks are flying; lots of "accidental" touching. Whatever is going on in the story line will determine: do we connect and get together or do we walk away. (In reality this has happened twice - we walked away.) The dream always ends with the plot conflict unresolved and the question of "will Doormouse get The Guy" is unanswered. Whenever EM is present, there is some political intrigue going on that is likely going to end with someone (probably me) getting hurt and an unstated understanding that if TG has to take sides, it will be EM's side. SLG just bounces in and out causing distractions for all and providing EM with opportunities to ply his lascivious stare.

2. The Problem
The dream leaves me ... horny. Even worse, it leaves me feeling like I'm in love with TG. I catch myself putting extra effort into my appearance in case I run into him. If I see him in the halls at work, I melt. God forbid we should have to attend the same meeting - I can't keep my eyes off of him!

And every now and then, usually just as I'm about to break down and make a move, SLG says something that reminds me that TG is NOT a nice person. SLG does not understand the concept (seemingly), but I'm certain that TG IS a psychopath.

So I'm "bothered", frustrated, distracted, and wandering around thinking I'm in love with someone I do not even like!

The fact that I've had these dreams regularly for over a month, and that they are beginning to affect my life, tells me there is something important here. The whole situation is really beginning to bug me.

Now I can analyze this dream from a half dozen directions. It could be telling me that:
A. My life is overrun with psychopaths.
B. My insistence that I do not want to be in a relationship is just "sour grapes" because I've given up on ever finding the real "The Guy" and I'm still suffering from a deeply repressed Cinderella syndrome (in the past there was no repression - I've spent most of my life in Cinderella syndrome).
C. I perceive some trait in TG that I would like to cultivate in myself.
D. I perceive some trait in TG that I am horrified I might actually posses.
E. I need to quit my job, leave town and get the heck away from these people.
F. It's just a post-menopausal phase. The remnants of dying reproductive hormones bouncing around my sleepy little mind.

OK. A is a no brainer. I'm sorry. I don't need a sleep disturbance to figure this one out. My office is at least 25% psychopaths, 25% OPs (seriously) with a hearty helping of narcissists just for entertainment. More on that another day. There are about 2,000 people in the building and anyone who is not a psychopath or an OP has learned to keep way low.

B is a possibility, I guess. Until the dream started I was perfectly content with my chosen solitude. Also, if there is a "Real TG", finding him in this little burg appears to be highly improbable; moving away probably won't happen for several years. So, assuming I have some subconscious longing for love, sex, companionship, I have tried satisfying it with doing the things that I love. I ride my motorcycle, take my child to the theater, hike, camp, garden, found a kitschy little jazz club, studying Ponerology/psychopathy ... the dreams continue.

C and D are also both possible. In consideration of these possibilities, I have been trying to observe TG objectively for a couple of weeks. If it is one of these options, I'm missing it...

E - short of winning a lottery, just not going to happen any time soon. (Yes I have options; I could drop everything, skip town and start over fresh somewhere else. I could cash out and make a planned relocation. For brevity sake, suffice to say that I really do not want to do that at this time. Personal time line for moving out of this town is 10 years. But - and I think this is important - I understand that I am not trapped. Staying is my choice.

F - Any post menopausal women out there care to comment?

So there you have it. I suppose this dream is an improvement over night terrors which I've experienced over the years, but it really is a bother. Any feedback will be greatly appreciated. :)


Doormouse - Cassiopaea/Signs reader since 1999.
 
It sound to me like 4D sts interference and abduction. You may be being repeatedly abducted (in order for programing to take place) and not know what is really going on. There is often a feeling of everything in the dream being 'off' and attempting to manipulate you and being negative - that is the feeling I get in some of my dreams.

I'd be interested to know how your dreams change (or if they do) if you put the dream in the context of 4D sts abduction. If this is the case, you might see a 'shift' in they type of dream or the message.

It took me the longest time to see that the period when I slept at night was just a very convenient 'door' for them to come through and manipulate.
 
Ruth - thank you for your thoughtful response. In rereading my post, I can easily see how that conclusion could be drawn.

In the rereading I also see that I gave myself a great many clues in the way I presented the story.

1. The fact that I chose to post under "Psychopaths at Home, at Work, and in the Garden" rather than "Memories, Dreams, Reflections". Considering that I thought I was looking for help interpreting a dream, MDR would have been more appropriate.

2. The glib manner in which I discuss EM's attempt to get me fired and the way he maneuvers in the background of the dreams.

3. Stating that my work environment is approximately 25% psychopaths, and then casually tossing aside the possibility of quitting.

4. The overriding dream theme of me falling in love with a psychopath.

Consider:
If you knew - KNEW - that 25% of the people you worked with were pederasts, rapists, and murders, could you sit back and say "yes but I'm just a secretary - what the bosses do outside the office is none of my business"? What if they were actually committing their heinous crimes in the office? Behind closed doors to be sure, but leaving no doubt as to what was actually happening. Could you say "yes but I'm just a network analyst - I just keep the computer network running - I'm not a part of what the bosses are doing"?

Yet these are the same people you joke with around the water cooler, eat lunch with, join for Happy Hour, buy cosmetics from. But you are not one of them?

To add fuel to the dilemma, suppose that in your off hours you began volunteering with support groups that deal with the victims of rape and molestation and the relatives of murder victims. Your mind becomes deluged with the pain, anguish, suffering caused by your bosses and people like them. You study the psychological horrors caused by such abuses and the long term affects on victims, families and communities. You correspond with people who are daily being raped and murdered by your bosses and "feel their pain" and cry for their dead babies. And each day you go to work, you type their reports, patch their servers and say to yourself "I'm not a part of this".

And one day it becomes all too clear: I am a part of it.

Panic sets in. It's such a "good" job. The pay is great. I've built a life style around the money I earn. I have responsibilities that depend on this job. Who in their right mind walks away from such a job in this economy? What now?

What now, it that you can't sleep at night. What now is that you are too depressed to clean your house. What now is you can't prepare a decent mean for your child. You have anxiety attacks on Sunday afternoons and throw up on Monday mornings. Monday through Friday you come home, kick off your shoes, pick up the TV remote, go to bed and don't get up till the next morning.

What now indeed.
 
doormouse,

Your posts are filled with empathy and sorrow that can only reflect the real pain that you are feeling inside. What you said made me feel VERY strongly for you.

I really don't know what to say to your situation because I honestly don't know what I would do myself... you should, however, find A LOT of comfort in the fact that you are, indeed, aware of these things - that you can see them - that you are AWAKE.

Most importantly, you are NOT alone. We're here to help you, always, even if it is with some words on a computer screen. We also feel for you. I hope with all my heart that you can get through this difficult time.

Finally, remember that 'knowledge (of these things that you are experiencing) protects' and that all you are going through is part of your learning process ('all there is... is lessons'); the lessons learned from such an experience could be monumental in your journey for enlightenment.

With love,
Mat
 
Thank you Mat.

For not knowing what to say, your reply is very helpful. At this point in time, knowing that someone else gets it is comforting.

It had not occurred to me that perhaps observing/studying the situation at work is exactly what I'm supposed to be doing right now. Studying the Signs material supplemented with real life observation. The big thing I've been lacking is a sounding board for my observations. Also, perhaps a place to report my observations?

My son, an active Forum member since its inception, has been encouraging me to get signed on, and also start blogging, for quite some time. And the children shall lead them, eh? :)

In the imortal words of CSN&Y
"Teach your parents well,
Their children's hell will slowly go by,
And feed them on your dreams
The one they picked, the one you'll know by.

Don't you ever ask them why,
if they told you, you would cry,
So just look at them and sigh and know
they love you."

Thanks JW.

Anyway - I'm seeing the job in a new light, I haven't had The Dream in 2 nights. I'm posting and journaling. Change is good!

Love, doormouse
 
Just an update - I haven't had "The Dream" since my last post and I'm sleeping through the night. Seems we hit that nail on the head.
 
hi doormouse,

if you have dreams like this again, it is good to work with them. as an example-re-write them so they have a positive ending-where you are in control of the outcome. i have similar dreams and working with them really helps-because it can make you aware of the manipulations going on w/in the dream. lately i have been finding 'implant devices' that are something inserted into the psyche to sustain the dream and or access to ones mind. they are usually hidden in a female seductress type of character that appear in my dreams. in dreamwork, i confront the characters and they usually crumble and then the implant device is revelead. one friend of mine saw a similar implant device which the dream characters tried to place on her forehead. it has something overtly reptilian about it.

i've come to believe that there is some holographic technology used to insert these dreams into our unconscious minds-and the portal is somewhere in the hara center below the navel. often times i find myself making out with the seductress in the dream and it does not feel good-usually it feels rubbery, cold-no human warmth whatsoever. sometimes the holograms are really convincing-i.e. really attractive looking women appearing in my dreams-but when i confront them, they crumble-there is no life force to sustain them. sometimes they beg for help-but this could be a trick. best to remain guarded.

hope this helps.
 
Not is the thread to talk about it, but touching the part of dreams, I wanted to share this, maybe help with something. And I think I'm misinterpreting something regarding the post.

A few months ago, I had dreams of abductions. But because of what I think was a real abduction memories, the current dreams have changed. But the frightening feeling is the same, even though in the dream, I just see a teddy, or toy or lights in the sky, the circumstances are quite incoherent. However, to some extent I can have control over what I think of the dream, in a way I can analyze the course of the dream as if you were a little awake at the same time, but you're not awake, it's like be the narrator of the dream. And the fear becomes more like a warning, something approaching, I thought if this is due to the difference of frequencies interacting.

Also facilitates remember the dreams o almost the moment to importance with more clearly when talk to the characters present. Something is changing. The short sentences sometimes hold wiht a particular character are deeper than normal. Maybe some from the subconscious.

The last was running with a girl holding hands,I do not know who is this girl. but I felt a strong emotional connection. I just looked at the sky and knew that lights will appear, until it was so and then came around beings with futuristic outfits where they say me "We have only come for you, for your destiny" on the one hand I think is egocentric, also very suggestible, but not yet put aside.

Could be interpreted as the separating, the distraction from the feminine energy. By this time, I was in an internal struggle about the use of creative energy. Knew what to do, but I continued to ignore. And the dreams were more consistent and strong. Two parts fighting. So it felt. I have come to think that at some point to say "was the mental predator"has no place, when is one, who allows the passage. the "You were warned" has appeared at times, directly as in different ways. or perhaps already I lost the head and I hear voices.

Other highly repetitive dreams about a person's past. In my case, than when I understood, Which was the side of the face that I preferred to see, that side where my fancy just kept me weak. Once given that answer, the character fails to appear, no longer works to affect you emotionally. Reappears when you're weak, and anything else that inspires the similar emotion and from differents angle. That was my observation of these dreams. The prayer of the soul, an amazing tool.
 
Hi doormouse,

From reading your account of the recurring dream one thing stands out for me: good 'Work' is being done on you (or you are doing it on yourself).

Let me put it like this: say you are in state A and you know that you need to be in state C; state A being negative (i.e. being attracted to psychopaths, spending your daily life in a place where psychopaths and narcissists are dominant etc etc) and state C being positive (a currently theoretical but entirely possible state that all of us on this forum are striving for, i.e. being cleansed of all within and without us that stops us from doing the 'Work' and progressing spiritually).

Now it's obvious that state A and state C are opposites in many ways and that in order to cross from A to C you will have to go through intermediate state B which due to the opposing natures of A and C will be a state of flux, chaos and restlessness where the negative and the positive will come into conflict and 'try to thrash things out'.

Your recurring dream suggests to me three things:

1) You are crossing from state A to state C and are in state B.
2) The mere fact that you are in this state means that you are in fact progressing and something within you is confronting something else within you and trying to achieve a balance by defeating or rising above the negative state A.
3) No matter how full of conflict state B is it is actually priceless because it's basically propelling you forward. This is 'Work'.

Imagine if you were in state A and happy to be there and not only saw no reason to progress to state C but didn't even know that state C existed. There would be no conflict, you would be reasonably happy and wouldn't be experiencing the problem that you stated in your post. Would this be a better state to be in than the one you are in now?

If there's anything I've learned during my 46 years on this planet it's that happiness is nice but it's conflict, suffering and clashing opposing forces within us that really push us forward and upward.

Does any of this make sense? :)
 
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