Dropping Your A's and B's

[Skipling]

The subject title is the title of the poem, although it's working project name was "Poetry for Breakfast", which I still consider to be a most splendid title! I have a compendium of about 20 years worth of works which I'm now touting through a journalist friend in London for publication, and yes it does contain C's and G related material. You gotta love those notes on a scale.....

Anyway, I wrote this after a creatively fruitful weekend, so enjoy or critique as you will....

Dropping Your A's and B's

The Devil may care
And the devil may cry,
But then so might the angels
And do you know why?

In the ignorance, folly is carelessly kept,
In the light heart of a
Shrewd introspection....
Dropping your A's and B's like so many pennies into the well....

In sycophantic ocular allure,
I undo and undress your navigational vogue
Whilst paying due diligence
To the swayings of The Boatman....

Hear his dire call............... ...................

On that rackety raft, a kindle on a watery flame,
The spinal crack of your idiot discontents
Ambush your reason like a gang of sulphuric ghouls
And chimeras for the imaginative I to resolve....

Through your stiffness of pride, and steely resolve,
I tangibly taste your keen mechanical denial.
If I can observe these myriad acrobatic
Operations and manouvers, then, pray tell.....

.....Who does that make me?

And tread carefully,
My brother the hypocrite,
And the fool,
Lest you ever be so wise......

Although, with my spitted ire speckling the pool of
One's clandestine misfortune, I say.....
Be wary ever so of the Jailor's Friend,
And you be careful what company you keep.






AH, that's an angry spit at the fire and no mistake!

Sleep well my gentle warrior friends, and be most excellent to one another.... :) I'll have to start asking qustions on The Work threads, because I've been reading and thinking and this has resulted in a ton of unanswered questions that only feedback can elucidate.

 

[NewOrleans]

I like it. I like your enthusiasm. Title is great! Don't stop: You've got a lot to say.
Is criticism OK? Vivid imagery, to say the least.... You started off rhyming and then went ...um, elsewhere...not that rhyming is the only way to write poetry, but do you ever read these aloud to hear how they sound? It would help. The Greeks and the Beats read it aloud - antiquity to modern.... Rhythm frees you to express essence without trying too hard. One last thing: About packing in concepts.... a poem isn't a suitcase. Simpler is stronger. Haiku are amazingly rich with far fewer words. Everyone who tries poetry needs encouragement. Hope you don't mind.

 

[Skipling]

Hey New Orleans, glad you liked it! :D

Reading it again today, made me think of something Michael Stipe had to say about one particular approach to writing. He would label some of his works as "vomit songs", ie- something that was better out than in.

Just reading it aloud now, through a little due diligence I could discern at least three i's having a go at expressing themselves in those few stanzas, but the stylistic shift on the rhyming was deliberate. I get bored of "three chord riffing" and so derailing the flow of the readers' expectations allows one to retain their attention. An easy rhyme can often be a cop out for me, because then you're restricted in what you can allow yourself to say by rhythmic economy. You can sneak in very interesting ideas by simply controlling the pace of the delivery and also elongating a statement. Consonant density and subtle vowel choices help too. Keeps the drama, and a statement always needs to create a psychological atmosphere too. Has to evoke something.....

I enjoy language. When used and loved, your vocal chords become like guitar strings. The broader the lexicon the more versatile the guitar player! However, I'll take Lou Reed's chords over Steve Vai's solos any day, so what do I know?

Tasting the words as they are spoken, that's when poetry is ripe. Speaking and listening skills provide constant learning for me! And this kind of learning really is fun!

Some of the work above is a little too showy and betrays an ego trying perhaps a little too hard to impress, but thankfully I noticed that when writing it and worked it as a concept into the narrative of the poem......a little bit. It's just something I've fallen into doing. Allowing a rather overly muscular verbal technocrat to overpower the lightness of a potential statement with a kind of ominous tone that can border on the pompous. I think I get carried away. Ah well. 'Tis only a clumsy riff, and in poetry, unlike theatre, nobody dies when you mess up.

You're dead right though. Reading the poem aloud is the only way to truly hear the work, plus it allows you to act it out, and this one was a little psychodrama between i's, no doubt about it.

More work shall be following soon! :D

Less is more, more or less. ;)

 

[NewOrleans]

Glad you can see what I mean. Spoken poetry is the way to do it. It separates the dreary forced lines from quick perceptive description. Like Jazz, it's an artform that revitalizes itself by those who are bold enough to get it out clean and unpretentious. It's not as easy as it looks. You've got a gift. Have fun.

 

[cubbex]

I don't know so much about poetry, but it would sound good in a song!!

:/ I know people here wouldn't like those sounds, but with guttural and melodic voices it may be cool.