Experiences with petty tyrants

[Carl]

Hi everyone :). I am currently on chapter 44 of the wave series, and it has changed my outlook on life in so many ways. Today I consciously defeated my first petty tyrant (I have done with others in the past but I was never fully aware of the dynamic before now).

I have always had periodic arguments with my dad where he would get angry and take it out on me, and then would be nice again the next day and I would forget about it. This went in cycles since I was the age of about 10, and in all those times he never hit me but there was constant psychological trauma inflicted. Since I moved out at the age of 15 my confidence has gradually increased and my anxiety has gradually decreased, so I see now that it was greatly caused by him.

Anyway I had a conversation with my him today in which we started arguing over the same old things. When he started getting aggressive he was spouting lies about me and past events with such precision and conviction that I almost believed them, when I suddenly came to the realisation that he is and always was a psychopath. After about a dozen of personal insults from him (most of which were absolute blatant lies that he seemed to completely believe) I confronted him with the word psychopath to see how he would react. He then threatened to 'kick my face in' if I ever "abused" him like that again (the first threat of violence he has ever made to me). This was all the proof I needed, and in a stunning moment of clarity I said goodbye forever and completely cut him out of my life.

I feel really liberated right now and feel I am starting to learn how to apply my knowledge :).

Do any of you have examples that you would like to share of your experiences with petty tyrants? I would like to see more examples of how this relationship works in the 21st century.

 

[1984]

I have always had periodic arguments with my dad where he would get angry and take it out on me, and then would be nice again the next day and I would forget about it. This went in cycles since I was the age of about 10, and in all those times he never hit me but there was constant psychological trauma inflicted. Since I moved out at the age of 15 my confidence has gradually increased and my anxiety has gradually decreased, so I see now that it was greatly caused by him.

Anyway I had a conversation with my him today in which we started arguing over the same old things. When he started getting aggressive he was spouting lies about me and past events with such precision and conviction that I almost believed them, when I suddenly came to the realisation that he is and always was a psychopath.

Hi carlise - It may be prudent to not jump to the conclusion that your father is a psychopath. He may be a very damaged soul in struggle. Do you know much about his early life?

Have you had a chance to check into the suggested reading of the "Big 5" books?

Narcissism "Big Five"
Myth of Sanity - Martha Stout
The Narcissistic Family - Stephanie Donaldson-Pressman and Robert M. Pressman
Trapped in the Mirror - Elan Golomb
Unholy Hungers - Barbara E. Hort
In Sheep's Clothing - George K. Simon

In your intro you mention that you came from a loving family. Perhaps these books can shed more light on your relationship with your father/mother.

 

[Carl]

I have always had periodic arguments with my dad where he would get angry and take it out on me, and then would be nice again the next day and I would forget about it. This went in cycles since I was the age of about 10, and in all those times he never hit me but there was constant psychological trauma inflicted. Since I moved out at the age of 15 my confidence has gradually increased and my anxiety has gradually decreased, so I see now that it was greatly caused by him.

Anyway I had a conversation with my him today in which we started arguing over the same old things. When he started getting aggressive he was spouting lies about me and past events with such precision and conviction that I almost believed them, when I suddenly came to the realisation that he is and always was a psychopath.

Hi carlise - It may be prudent to not jump to the conclusion that your father is a psychopath. He may be a very damaged soul in struggle. Do you know much about his early life?

Have you had a chance to check into the suggested reading of the "Big 5" books?

Narcissism "Big Five"
Myth of Sanity - Martha Stout
The Narcissistic Family - Stephanie Donaldson-Pressman and Robert M. Pressman
Trapped in the Mirror - Elan Golomb
Unholy Hungers - Barbara E. Hort
In Sheep's Clothing - George K. Simon

In your intro you mention that you came from a loving family. Perhaps these books can shed more light on your relationship with your father/mother.

Maybe he is not an actual psychopath and it was just a heat of the moment decision, but he shows many more psychopathic traits than the average person. The amount of lies and delusions just staggers me. Trust me there is no struggle involved, he firmly believes that he is right and that I am just a weirdo, and has not changed in the past 20 years, I think I will be better off without him.

Those are next on my reading list and have already ordered trapped in the mirror as I realise my understanding is still very lacking, I'm just trying to apply what I've learned so far currently.

 

[Bresias]

Hi Carlise, I have a father like yours, and in my early thirties, I cut off contact with him for much of the same kinds of behaviors you describe. I am now 46, he is 70-something. He attempted to reconnect with me perhaps twice, but thankfully gave up very soon. I had off and on guilty feelings for the first few years. I feel confident in my decision now, and do not regret nor have episodes of guilt.

I encourage you to read the book listed above, and, do some internet googling about "personality disorders", which are a class of mental disturbances, not quite mental illnesses (though they do co-occur with MI), but the family members of a person afflicted with a PD are a miserable lot. They deal with raging, chaotic mood swings, disturbing behavior and a lot of verbal, emotional and sometimes physical abuse.

The "psychopath" is considered one of the personality disorders if you ask a psychiatrist. On this forum, the slant is a little different. I was drawn here because of this "slant", how deeply into the phenomenon of psychopathy we go here, and how we're encouraged to understand it and cope with it. Psychopathy is put into a context here that, for me anyway, makes what I do understand USEFUL in my daily life.

I'm a newbie here and when I hear the term "damaged soul in struggle", my mind pops over to the list of personality disorders or the kinds of behaviors that arise from chronic trauma (abusive relationships, war). My newbie understanding is that redemption and healing are possible, to some degree, whereas a psychopath is a different cat. There's no redemption or healing for such an individual because they are 100% convinced they are fine, in fact, superior.

All that said: such an unpleasant individual as your father is, refusing to put yourself in his line of fire (refusing contact) is HEALTHY, on your part. Whatever his problem is, you know?

He is what he is, whatever that is :P, and whatever that is, it is hurtful, shaming and destructive.

I also think your sudden feeling of clarity and liberation MEAN something important. Perhaps it is a deep recognition of right action, on your part.

 

[Bresias]

I can't edit my posts yet, but when I said "cope" with psychopaths, what I really meant by "cope" is AVOID, get thee away, learn to recognize the red flags and keep them at a very firm distance if you have no choice but to be nearby.

 

[SeekinTruth]

I can't edit my posts yet, but when I said "cope" with psychopaths, what I really meant by "cope" is AVOID, get thee away, learn to recognize the red flags and keep them at a very firm distance if you have no choice but to be nearby.

Hi, Briseis. Since you have 63 post, you should be able to edit your posts (you need fifty, as far as I know). In the upper right hand of the post, next to Quote, you should see Modify. Click on it, edit your post, and then click Save.

 

[Carl]

Hi Carlise, I have a father like yours, and in my early thirties, I cut off contact with him for much of the same kinds of behaviors you describe. I am now 46, he is 70-something. He attempted to reconnect with me perhaps twice, but thankfully gave up very soon. I had off and on guilty feelings for the first few years. I feel confident in my decision now, and do not regret nor have episodes of guilt.

I encourage you to read the book listed above, and, do some internet googling about "personality disorders", which are a class of mental disturbances, not quite mental illnesses (though they do co-occur with MI), but the family members of a person afflicted with a PD are a miserable lot. They deal with raging, chaotic mood swings, disturbing behavior and a lot of verbal, emotional and sometimes physical abuse.

The "psychopath" is considered one of the personality disorders if you ask a psychiatrist. On this forum, the slant is a little different. I was drawn here because of this "slant", how deeply into the phenomenon of psychopathy we go here, and how we're encouraged to understand it and cope with it. Psychopathy is put into a context here that, for me anyway, makes what I do understand USEFUL in my daily life.

I'm a newbie here and when I hear the term "damaged soul in struggle", my mind pops over to the list of personality disorders or the kinds of behaviors that arise from chronic trauma (abusive relationships, war). My newbie understanding is that redemption and healing are possible, to some degree, whereas a psychopath is a different cat. There's no redemption or healing for such an individual because they are 100% convinced they are fine, in fact, superior.

All that said: such an unpleasant individual as your father is, refusing to put yourself in his line of fire (refusing contact) is HEALTHY, on your part. Whatever his problem is, you know?

He is what he is, whatever that is :P, and whatever that is, it is hurtful, shaming and destructive.

I also think your sudden feeling of clarity and liberation MEAN something important. Perhaps it is a deep recognition of right action, on your part.

I agree, maybe being so focused on labelling people (especially without full understanding of such labels) is not a good idea, focusing on the actions of an individual and the effects they have on us, is more important. Basing the decision on his effect on me, I certainly made the right choice even if my diagnosis of psychopath was incorrect.

 

[Carl]

I had off and on guilty feelings for the first few years. I feel confident in my decision now, and do not regret nor have episodes of guilt.

Missed this, guilt is usually phase 2 of his attacks on me (usually the day after) and I see exactly what you mean. A friend informed me he has been telling his friends and family that "his son hates his guts", lying to make it look like my fault, classic sympathy routine. I used to fall for this and feel guilt, letting him feed on me more, but now I know better.

 

[Tristan]

I do not know if after being exposed to some petty tyrants, or tiranitos, I feel strong for a new experience of this type. I think now is the time to gather strength because somehow I expect I'll have to deal with new situations.
I guess I read somewhere that one faces only one who really is able to withstand