I had a pretty interesting dream with some (I think) clear symbolisms. But before I get to it, I'd say in the last few months especially, programs have been running the show for me, as if I'm witness to multiple I's doing what they please creating all sorts of justifications, and a lot of frustration on my part over my inability to find any type of clarity. I've been hard pressed to trust my own thoughts and and feelings, which I find difficult because I felt more sincere and honest with myself at earlier times.
So anyways, before I fell asleep I was doing pipe breathe and then POTS, along with a prayer I came up with last year around the time I started getting these night pressure's/attacks/hypnagogia type states occuring fairly frequently. Which oddly enough started happening more frequently again after I started doing the breathing program. On top of this, I said a prayer to the Universe (A lot of praying last night) asking for help because of the lack of sincerity I've felt in my heart, and basically came to some realizations that my thinking has been really narrow, that I create weighted choices, without realizing I was closing down possibilities. In other words I only believe I can choose A and B, without ever considering C,D,E ... etc.. Especially in regards to thought loops that have been re-occurring with me ... It's frustrated me so much, because there were short periods when I could 'See' much more clearly.
So on to the dream. Basically what was occurring throughout was the same hynagogic states in my dream, only this time I was clearly dreaming and not in a half-conscious state. And everytime it would happen, I would have to fight it ... until my stepdad and family showed up (I particularly remember my stepdad). And when all of us were together the attacks would stop. But when they would leave, I would get attacked again until they showed up again. And it kept happening like this, over and over again. When we were together as a family, whatever this 'pressure' was couldn't do anything to me, but as soon as they left it was back.
Skip to the 2nd part of the dream, its night time, close to morning but still dark out, and I meet a handyman/repairman. He fixes something that really needed fixing and takes me aboard his white mini-van. He's a bit dirty from all the repairs that he does, but he's not a specific repairman, he's kind of like a Jack-of-all Trades one. Plumbing, cars, you name it! And He's Turkish! With a thick accent, and I can't remember clearly enough, butI think he had a moustache too!
So we stop off at a gas station, and as payment for his repairs, I give him $17.00 for gas. A $10, $5 and a toonie. Then we go to his house and relax where I meet his wife (or daughter) now that his shift is done.
I find the symbolisms very telling in regards to the idea of family, how in togetherness, the attacks were thwarted. I think it was a symbol for the forum and this network that I'm becoming a part of. I've really felt at odds with the forum sometimes, and have contemplated leaving on so many occasions. I've always been kind of isolated, not wanting to trust others, but I'm starting to see more and more how openness is so key, not just theoretically, but practically! Practicing what I've learned being here. Being open to helping those who ask, and just as important, asking for help when I need it. And not just writing about it now, but actually DOing, always keeping STO Principles in mind in everything I do. I'm thankful to the forum and to you Laura, for really cutting through the jungle, creating a clearing for the rest of us to follow through! You really have done something that very few people would have been able to accomplish. And of course thanks to the helpful repairman for fixing what needed to be fixed as I'm gonna make sure proper maintenance is done on a continuous basis so that, at the very least, that 'item' doesn't need any further repair, just upgrades! :D
So anyways, before I fell asleep I was doing pipe breathe and then POTS, along with a prayer I came up with last year around the time I started getting these night pressure's/attacks/hypnagogia type states occuring fairly frequently. Which oddly enough started happening more frequently again after I started doing the breathing program. On top of this, I said a prayer to the Universe (A lot of praying last night) asking for help because of the lack of sincerity I've felt in my heart, and basically came to some realizations that my thinking has been really narrow, that I create weighted choices, without realizing I was closing down possibilities. In other words I only believe I can choose A and B, without ever considering C,D,E ... etc.. Especially in regards to thought loops that have been re-occurring with me ... It's frustrated me so much, because there were short periods when I could 'See' much more clearly.
So on to the dream. Basically what was occurring throughout was the same hynagogic states in my dream, only this time I was clearly dreaming and not in a half-conscious state. And everytime it would happen, I would have to fight it ... until my stepdad and family showed up (I particularly remember my stepdad). And when all of us were together the attacks would stop. But when they would leave, I would get attacked again until they showed up again. And it kept happening like this, over and over again. When we were together as a family, whatever this 'pressure' was couldn't do anything to me, but as soon as they left it was back.
Skip to the 2nd part of the dream, its night time, close to morning but still dark out, and I meet a handyman/repairman. He fixes something that really needed fixing and takes me aboard his white mini-van. He's a bit dirty from all the repairs that he does, but he's not a specific repairman, he's kind of like a Jack-of-all Trades one. Plumbing, cars, you name it! And He's Turkish! With a thick accent, and I can't remember clearly enough, butI think he had a moustache too!
So we stop off at a gas station, and as payment for his repairs, I give him $17.00 for gas. A $10, $5 and a toonie. Then we go to his house and relax where I meet his wife (or daughter) now that his shift is done.I find the symbolisms very telling in regards to the idea of family, how in togetherness, the attacks were thwarted. I think it was a symbol for the forum and this network that I'm becoming a part of. I've really felt at odds with the forum sometimes, and have contemplated leaving on so many occasions. I've always been kind of isolated, not wanting to trust others, but I'm starting to see more and more how openness is so key, not just theoretically, but practically! Practicing what I've learned being here. Being open to helping those who ask, and just as important, asking for help when I need it. And not just writing about it now, but actually DOing, always keeping STO Principles in mind in everything I do. I'm thankful to the forum and to you Laura, for really cutting through the jungle, creating a clearing for the rest of us to follow through! You really have done something that very few people would have been able to accomplish. And of course thanks to the helpful repairman for fixing what needed to be fixed as I'm gonna make sure proper maintenance is done on a continuous basis so that, at the very least, that 'item' doesn't need any further repair, just upgrades! :D
