feelings stronger than thoughts

[little_star_orion]

I had to put some feelings onto paper

feelings stronger than thoughts

I am being controlled by emotions
Too much emotions
I am afraid of them
They are very strong
I am afraid that they will crush me
They posses me and take me away
there where I do not want to go
I try to ignore my feelings
But they are everywhere
I do not want to know what I feel
Even though I do know
I feel love in its most fierce form
And I do not know for who
Or do I now lie to myself again
I do not want to know
I thought it would go away
By the passing of the time
But after 9 month it is still there
And as fierce as it ever was
As if time stood still

But what should I do with those feelings
They drive me crazy
I cannot do anything with them
And I do not want to do something with them
I do not even know him
We never really met
He probably does not know I exist
And that will probably never change

But no matter how hard I try
I cannot get him out of my thoughts
Out of my head and out of my heart
It is if the feelings live a life of their own
They decided to not let me go
They control me
I am powerless
When I feel the love flowing trough me
A very special feeling
That takes me away from everyday life
To other worlds and realities
In my daydream I am home again
A world which I long for as long as I am alive in his earthly world
A world with different energies
More love, more harmony, more light more happy
Than this dark, heavy energies here on Earth
I feel his and my energies coalescent
In this other world

this does not make things easier
I am not there with him
I am here without him
So why those feelings
that take me away
Into the worlds of daydreams
Till I wake up again in this reality
And realize that it is all an illusion
Made by hormones and neurotransmitters

But this dream gives me hope
That even though live on earth is hard
Somewhere there is a place
Where I belong and will come home
And he will be there
Waiting for me

But this moment is not now
And maybe this moment will never happen
Who knows

Now
I can only be amazed
By those beautiful feelings
That appear out of nowhere
And delude me

06-01-2012

Sandra Witteveen

 

[Laura]

Sounds like a real chemical soup to me. Thank god I'm past menopause! How's your diet?

 

[little_star_orion]

I just changed my diet half a year ago, because of allergies/foodintollerance, I have had 13 years of pain in mu abdomen, I was tired of it
no more gluten, soya, corn, egg, milk, peas, beans, nuts, I try to use as les sugar as possible (because of fungi) and as less pork, guess on the moment I am allergic for a very lot of things,
perhaps also feelings,
but my feelings have always been very strong, all my life I struggle against feelings/fears, writing them down seems to help a little

Sandra

 

[Laura]

but my feelings have always been very strong, all my life I struggle against feelings/fears, writing them down seems to help a little

Sandra

Writing them down definitely helps. Have you read "The Adaptive Unconscious" and "Redirect" threads here on the forum and possibly, the books that those threads are about?

 

[little_star_orion]

Not yet, there is so much to read here, but I will take a look there, thanks for the advise.

PS. I hope for me it isn't meopause, I am too young for that (34), I hope so.

Sandra