Friendship status and the future

EGVG

Dagobah Resident
Hello everyone! How are you all doing? :D

Well I wanted to post about what you see as a title, friendship status and the future, regarding friendships. We know that the world is going to change, we ourself's are experiencing the changes already and noticing them. But the world is walking blindfolded, so they are not aware of what's happening to their lives, relationships, health or to their minds. The majority of the population is just going with the flow that psychopathic rulers have imposed to us. So it is only normal that our friends follow this same trend, just go along for the ride to destruction.

So I have this BFF of mine, we have known each other for years and I care for her tremendously. We have shared a lot of good times, bad times, I've been for her when she needed me I even talk to her about more esoteric things and she listens, she knows I'm on this forum and she knows what kind of books I like to read. So for not treating me like a crazy person I do the same for her.

So the thing is that, she a couple of month ago had an abortion, she was super scared and finally did it after a couple of weeks of just coping with the situation. She was on a relationship with a younger man, or boy, probably two years younger than her.
She had the abortion, she recovered pretty well and was OK, and everything seemed to be fine. Until she received a phone call from her boyfriend's EX, the ex told my friend that she had been going out with Pepe (not real name for boyfriend) for as long as my friend (July) had been seen Pepe intimately.
The ex told July that she and Pepe had been going out for dinner and kissing for over 5 months, and that she didn't knew July and Pepe where a couple. So July immediately called Pepe and confronted him over the phone, first Pepe denied everything but after a couple minutes he confessed.
After that I received a desperate phone call from July, that was crying and sobbing, I told her that she could come to my house so that we could talk and try to calm her down. So she arrived, more chill, not crying anymore, we talked, and she practically was looking for ways in her mind to forgive him and make it as if nothing had happend, of course I was like "break it off right know" "he is a cheather" "he has no heart, he make you lived a lie for the whole summer" but no no no she didn't listend to me, or anyone that talked to her and told her, what seemed obvious. She later that day went to meet Pepe, and she basically told him that she forgave him.

OK so after a couple of days I meet with July for lunch, we went to get a salad and talk a little bit about her relationship situation, I was not in the mood of talking her out of anything so I just said to her "everyone deserves a second chance, but your basically telling him 'yeah you can cheat on me, I'll be here wainting for you to lie me some more'" So we dropped the subject, honestly it was killing my appetite and I didn't wanted to ruined my lunch...

So this experience make me realise that my friend July is completely weak, and does not listened to her rational mind, but on the contrary she listens to her fears. I'm pretty sure she got back with him out of fear of being alone.

Her and I had this project of making a clothing line, we have been planning this for years and haven't yet produced anything. So one of my intentions was telling her that the fashion brand was a no no, and that we should separate and each one do its own thing.
We are on very different situations, I personally do not want to work with her, I mean yeah she's my friend, my best friend, but I really don't want any more of her drama into my life. It's draining! I mean I'm even posting about it here...

So I was about to tell her that I did not wanted to continue to be on the project for the fashion line, and that I wanted to worked alone, but she kinda sensed what I was about to say and started to plan for things and setting dates to go make the dresses and send them to the manufactures and blah, blah, blah. I was weak, and I couldn't say no to her so we worked that same day on the designs and putted on inventory our fabrics and scheduled a day for taking the fabrics to the manufactures.
Of course that day has already passed and nothing happend, I not complaining I just probing my point that a business with her wold definitely not worked.

SO YEAH, I need advice, how can I tell a best friend that I don't want to work with her and that I do not condone the drama that she brings into her life and then spreads it all over anyone that is kind enough to listen to her?????? OMG it's going to be hard, this whole forgiving the boyfriend and welcome him with open arms has completely changed my perception about her.

EDU
 
Is it possible for you to leave out all the details and just say "I changed my mind. I'm not ready to start a clothing line right now." and leave it at that?
 
truth seeker said:
Is it possible for you to leave out all the details and just say "I changed my mind. I'm not ready to start a clothing line right now." and leave it at that?

The thing is that I'm ready to start a clothing line, but not with her, And if I give her that line, she would probably start to convince me that we can do this together or ask me millions of whys, and she may even cry...

But I guess I have to keep it simple and consice, to the point and then exit.
 
EGVG said:
The thing is that I'm ready to start a clothing line, but not with her, And if I give her that line, she would probably start to convince me that we can do this together or ask me millions of whys, and she may even cry...

But I guess I have to keep it simple and consice, to the point and then exit.
I agree with this. Even to the point of repeating the same thing several times if need be. Just my opinion, but I think if you go into the why's, you may lose her as a friend. Not sure if you want to do that.

So basically something like, "Thanks so much for considering me and I apologize for the confusion. I'm so glad you want to do this together but I really want to see if I can do this on my own." may be something you want to try. Others may have different ideas.
 
truth seeker said:
EGVG said:
The thing is that I'm ready to start a clothing line, but not with her, And if I give her that line, she would probably start to convince me that we can do this together or ask me millions of whys, and she may even cry...

But I guess I have to keep it simple and consice, to the point and then exit.
I agree with this. Even to the point of repeating the same thing several times if need be. Just my opinion, but I think if you go into the why's, you may lose her as a friend. Not sure if you want to do that.

So basically something like, "Thanks so much for considering me and I apologize for the confusion. I'm so glad you want to do this together but I really want to see if I can do this on my own." may be something you want to try. Others may have different ideas.

Yeah I don't want to loose her, I guess I know what I have to say... Thanks truth seeker! :)
 
Is it possible that you see her as more than a best friend? I read your post and it is my perception that you are hurt by her actions because you would not have done to her what her boyfriend did. Is it hurt and rejection that you are feeling, are the lines of friendship blurred in any way?
In any case, as a business owner I would find it very difficult to start a business with someone who I do not respect through their actions. Although personal and professional lives, I believe need to be seperate, if you are friends, this is a difficult task. Personally, I have tried employing 'friends' in the past and generally it turns sour and I would not mix business and friendship again. It was a hard but valuable lesson learned and may be something to consider.
All the best with your venture.
 
fisheye said:
Is it possible that you see her as more than a best friend? I read your post and it is my perception that you are hurt by her actions because you would not have done to her what her boyfriend did. Is it hurt and rejection that you are feeling, are the lines of friendship blurred in any way?
In any case, as a business owner I would find it very difficult to start a business with someone who I do not respect through their actions. Although personal and professional lives, I believe need to be seperate, if you are friends, this is a difficult task. Personally, I have tried employing 'friends' in the past and generally it turns sour and I would not mix business and friendship again. It was a hard but valuable lesson learned and may be something to consider.
All the best with your venture.

I do not see her as more than my best friend :)

Thanks for the advice I think that's exactly what I'm about to do.
 
Perhaps I'm a bit harsh, but one has to keep in mind, when it comes to these type of situations, that there are two lives involved in this... yours and hers.

There is a saying in the South "When you've had enough, you will get up from the table."

I personally live by a "zero drama" rule. That's not to say that if a friend has troubles, that I won't listen/help, but once it becomes apparent that they don't want advice /change, but simply an audience for their drama, I have no issue with cutting them from my life.

At the moment you are simply friends but once you become business partners, you probably will not be able to "walk away" from the drama if it increases, because you, now have a financial investment ....
 
I had almost exactly the same situation with a friend. She moved into my house with her boyfriend to help me get my struggling theatre company off the ground and soon became so involved in her own dramas that she didn't have time to help out at all, and because neither of us talked about it, the situation got worse and worse until we no longer spoke to each other. Eventually, I couldn't bear to live with them any more and moved out of the house. we haven't spoken since.

A part of me regrets that it has come to this, we were best friends before all this happened, but at the end of the day, I can't have any respect for someone who lives so superficially as my friend does - I was not aware of the extent of her boyfriend's drug addiction, and there was no way I could have anticipated how little respect they would show for me and our house. Even though I have lost a friend, it is better that I know the truth about what they are like.

My advice would be to always keep certain aspects of your life, such as work and friendship, totally separate. There's no reason you can't continue to be friends with her (one day she will see how destructive her relationship is and she will end it - then she will need you to be her friend) but tell her that you think you would work better on your clothing line on your own, and that maybe she needs a bit more time; when she is ready, maybe you can try and work together again. Maybe with a bit of time to mature and reprioritise her life, she will turn out to be the best business partner you could have.. Just not now.

Best of luck to you :)
 
Rosemary said:
I had almost exactly the same situation with a friend. She moved into my house with her boyfriend to help me get my struggling theatre company off the ground and soon became so involved in her own dramas that she didn't have time to help out at all, and because neither of us talked about it, the situation got worse and worse until we no longer spoke to each other. Eventually, I couldn't bear to live with them any more and moved out of the house. we haven't spoken since.

A part of me regrets that it has come to this, we were best friends before all this happened, but at the end of the day, I can't have any respect for someone who lives so superficially as my friend does - I was not aware of the extent of her boyfriend's drug addiction, and there was no way I could have anticipated how little respect they would show for me and our house. Even though I have lost a friend, it is better that I know the truth about what they are like.

My advice would be to always keep certain aspects of your life, such as work and friendship, totally separate. There's no reason you can't continue to be friends with her (one day she will see how destructive her relationship is and she will end it - then she will need you to be her friend) but tell her that you think you would work better on your clothing line on your own, and that maybe she needs a bit more time; when she is ready, maybe you can try and work together again. Maybe with a bit of time to mature and reprioritise her life, she will turn out to be the best business partner you could have.. Just not now.

Best of luck to you :)

Hi Rosemary, sorry to hear you had to go through that! That sounds really annoying! Well actually today I'm gonna met with my friend to discus the fashion line, and I'm gonna tell her that I think It would be better that we take our separate ways. :)


EDIT: She canceled the meeting...
 
EGVG said:
Hi Rosemary, sorry to hear you had to go through that! That sounds really annoying! Well actually today I'm gonna met with my friend to discus the fashion line, and I'm gonna tell her that I think It would be better that we take our separate ways. :)


EDIT: She canceled the meeting...

Good for you! It's hard to take decisive action where friendships and emotional attatchments are concerned, I just hope your friend cancelling the meeting doesn't cloud your judgement with anger and frustration... :flowers:


Mod's note: Edited to fix the quotation boxes
 
Rosemary said:
I just hope your friend cancelling the meeting doesn't cloud your judgement with anger and frustration...

If this happens, you'll have lots more data to make a desicion maybe more solid. The past is often used as a defense in cases like this. and sometimes, many things go afloat, regardless of the most beautiful things that have lived together. There is another saying in the south "clear accounts, maintain friendships. " But I was never was good with this phrase haha! :lol: and it will not work, provided that the being a "friend", involves having to support their heaven using the trust as a means of manipulation to charge with their problems.


EDIT: oops! Misunderstood the sentence. Mistranslation. Thought I was referring to the possibility that your friend would bother. If that possibility happen, ready my grain. ;D
 
I saw my friend yesterday on the street, we run into each other and we are going to have a meeting tomorrow. I really hope I'm able to talk to her and say NO.
 
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