Healing the shame that binds you - John Bradshaw.

[Jones]

This is a book that is recommended by Irene Lyon. The title jumped out at me because the C's talk about reducing the impact of limiting emotions.

Here is the amazon blurb:

This classic book, written 17 years ago but still selling more than 13,000 copies every year, has been completely updated and expanded by the author. I used to drink, writes John Bradshaw, to solve the problems caused by drinking. The more I drank to relieve my shame-based loneliness and hurt, the more I felt ashamed. Shame is the motivator behind our toxic behaviors: the compulsion, co-dependency, addiction and drive to superachieve that breaks down the family and destroys personal lives. This book has helped millions identify their personal shame, understand the underlying reasons for it, address these root causes and release themselves from the shame that binds them to their past failures.

While the author is careful to distinguish between healthy shame and how that contributes to a good life and toxic shame that can be destructive, he attributes the effects of toxic shame to being evil and I initially rejected that because of the knowledge that there are some people who do very evil things who do not feel shame at all. But thinking on that further, shame is probably one of the emotions that is used by toxic people to control us and so is most probably one used in ponerogenic processes. Shame is painful so its an emotion that various mechanisms are developed around to try to avoid feeling it that end up becoming parts of personality identifications.

Both the author and Irene Lyon acknowledge that toxic shame can and often is a part of our pre-verbal development experiences so it can be like the water that we swim in, but are not aware of.

Overall, a helpful book that also gives some helpful exercises to help identify toxic shame and its effects on our lives. It does drift into new agey and black and white approaches in some areas so to that extent needs to be read with some discernment.