How to raise mentally strong and resilient children

[hlat]

How to raise mentally strong and resilient children -- Sott.net

My five-year-old was a blubbering, hot mess. He tackled kindergarten fine nine months before, but the first day of summer camp was too much for him. "I don't want to go. I don't want to go," he moaned, sobbing fat crocodile tears. Most parents...

www.sott.net

My five-year-old was a blubbering, hot mess. He tackled kindergarten fine nine months before, but the first day of summer camp was too much for him.

"I don't want to go. I don't want to go," he moaned, sobbing fat crocodile tears.

Most parents have been in situations like this. It's one of the toughest jobs of being a parent, helping kids through situations like this. But nudging them through is important.

I totally disagree with this. This is easy, if you listened to your children and respected their wishes. 5 year old doesn't want to go to summer camp? No problem. He doesn't go to summer camp then. It's not a matter of convincing, threatening, or manipulating children to do these kinds of things just because the parents thought it was a good idea. How about just letting the children decide what extracurricular activities they want to do?

3. Making Their Kids the Center of the Universe

If you make your entire life revolve around your kids, they'll grow up thinking everyone should cater to them. And self-absorbed, entitled adults aren't likely to get very far in life.

I think the more common danger is for parents not making their children the center of the universe, and instead the parents making themselves the center of the universe, eg narcissists. I think the numbers of parents acting like narcissists overwhelm the theoretical parents who cater to every whim of their children. Yes, it is a problem for parents to cater to every whim of children, but how many of these parents are there? Very few compared to narcissistic parents. So the advice to parents should be make their children the center of the universe, and spoil babies with attention and love.

5. Giving Their Kids Power over Them

Letting kids dictate what the family is going to eat for dinner or where the family is going on vacation gives kids more power than they are developmentally ready to handle. Treating kids like an equal - or the boss-actually robs them of mental strength.

Respecting children and giving them what they want when reasonable is not robbing them of their power or giving away the parents' power. I wonder if this author has children or ever let her children choose where the family is going to eat when it's the child's birthday.

9. Feeling Responsible for Their Kids' Emotions

Cheering your kids up when they're sad and calming them down when they're upset means you take responsibility for regulating their emotions. Kids need to gain emotional competence so they can learn to manage their own feelings.

Yes, parents do bear responsibility for regulating children's emotions, and that responsibility changes when the children are developmentally ready to handle regulating themselves. If the children are sad or crying, it's complete normal and appropriate for the parents to give a comforting hug and ask what is wrong and talk about it.

Many things listed here are things I do with some regularity (#3, #5, and #9, if you really want to know).

It's not a surprise that I singled out 3, 5, 9 as wrong before I got to the author's admission. Doing the opposite of 3, 5, 9 is healthy.

Children normally become independent as a natural progression and expression of growing up. There is no sense in pushing neglecting children and pushing them to be independent. No one should be expecting a newborn to walk and talk and use the toilet. Independence and strength depend on the age of the children and context of the situation.

 

[Adaryn]

How to raise mentally strong and resilient children -- Sott.net

My five-year-old was a blubbering, hot mess. He tackled kindergarten fine nine months before, but the first day of summer camp was too much for him. "I don't want to go. I don't want to go," he moaned, sobbing fat crocodile tears. Most parents...

www.sott.net

I totally disagree with this. This is easy, if you listened to your children and respected their wishes. 5 year old doesn't want to go to summer camp? No problem. He doesn't go to summer camp then.

Why would anyone want to send a 5 year old kit to summer camp anyway? It's much too young, IMO. At that age, kids should stay with their parents, grandparents or extended family.

9. Feeling Responsible for Their Kids' Emotions

Cheering your kids up when they're sad and calming them down when they're upset means you take responsibility for regulating their emotions. Kids need to gain emotional competence so they can learn to manage their own feelings.

Comforting kids when they're upset is part of your job as a parent. Now, if the author means to let the kid express their emotions without you trying to suppress them, I agree. But at 5, kids are not able to "manage their own feelings" or "regulate their emotions" on their own!

 

[aragorn]

Yeah, agree, a 5 year old shouldn’t be forced to summer camp no matter what. Our son who is 10 was quite concerned about participating in a ‘science day course’ that lasted 3 days. We listened to his concerns, and he even cried a bit, and went through all the details. My wife and him even bicycled to the facility the evening before, so that he could familiarize himself. After that, he was amazingly calm about the whole thing. After the course I could sense some pride in him, because he ‘made it’.

The list contains nuggets and seeds that sorta are after the right outcome, but the methods that are suggested are quite off. I think the author, as you said, doesn’t have real experience with children - many details don’t ring true.

 

[Ina]

I went to summer camp from 5 years old until 14. My mother told me I cried the first time I went to camp. Maybe I did. I remember not understanding why my parents sent me away and why they were cheerful at the train station when I left with the rest of the children. I was also a quiet child and I hated confrontations and challenges other girls would send my way. I cannot remember any friendships formed during camps. I rather remember a sense of loneliness and abandonment because by comparison to other kids my parents never visited me. My best camp memories are the sand and the sun at the seaside and the forests at the mountain camps. The best fun I had in a three week mountain camp when for two weeks, I stayed in isolation with another girl because we were both having pulmonary virosis. Well the fun was with trying to bamboozle the nurses to make them believe we did not have temperature. That is not to say that I was a reserved child. I would join in apparently mostly in the naughty free time activities. Maybe that’s why my parents avoided contact with the camp teachers. In retrospect, extended time away from parental authority cemented the rebel side of my character and also a premature sense of separation. That’s all.

 

[Julius]

As the article makes somewhat a mention to the 80s versus now: my take in general as social roles is that kids decades ago where raised to be productive members of the 'cell' family, and I think most really became useful and productive members of the society as far as it can go. Kids nowdays are raised to be princes and princesses, only to become kings and queens of nothing at all.
Its also a pity all the fatherless boys nowdays, most will be Peter Pan. At the start of puberty boys should be more close to their fathers and girls should be more close to their mothers.