I can see a brick wall.

[melatonin]

Im working on myself. Working through my past issues (and past life ones i believe). Recovering memories, and linking these past events to my more current behaviour.
My diet is great. And im slowly identifying traits in others that make them toxic, something ive been pretty blind to before.

Im starting to see clarity on just how agresssive and brainwashed society is, which is pretty scarey tbh.
As far as i can see most people arent concious of their behaviour, and intention shouldnt really matter - if someone is toxic, they are toxic, simple as.

I just feel a bit stuck. I cant read much atm - mainly because my physcological crap drains so much energy out of me, flashbacks etc.
Im aware of how important knowledge and understanding is, when in the past i thought intention was all that mattered.

Ive never been a social 'butterfly' lol.
So how does a person start trying to connect with people more aware in the 3D world? Who are more concious of their behaviour?
I feel torn. On one hand the people i knew from 'pre-awareness' offer me some sort of connection, but it often just feels like a drain.

Im guessing the LOA works at some level (im not sure what the C's have said about this) - so is it a case of just working on myself, and then naturally more 'self aware' people will come into my life? Or does one have to be far more pro-active? But where? Where do these people exist? lol.

Also - ive noticed that ive become far more vunerable since the start of this journey. While i see how society is conditioned (gradual process of course!), i cant allow myself to be this way conciously, so these walls come down - and its as if i naively think that the world will change around me to fit with my changes. (And it doesnt).

Or is this journey just about 'being aware' and developing 2 different identitys, one true self which is to be hidden away for maybe my next incarnation? And one self that allows me to just survive in this world, and carry on with my 'work' for my next experience after i die? Should i just see this lifetime as one of work and sacrifice?

Dont get me wrong, i have activities i enjoy is this life, i guess im talking about something much deeper.


Edited : One spelling mistake.

 

[Dorothy Minder]

Hi Melatonin,

It sounds like you're working on some heavy stuff and feeling pretty isolated. I think that periods like you describe are common to most people doing the work, especially in the early stages. I've certainly been through them myself, and wouldn't be surprised if there are more to come.

So how does a person start trying to connect with people more aware in the 3D world? Who are more concious of their behaviour?... Im guessing the LOA works at some level (im not sure what the C's have said about this) - so is it a case of just working on myself, and then naturally more 'self aware' people will come into my life? Or does one have to be far more pro-active? But where? Where do these people exist? lol.

It's been my experience that if I want connection, I need to offer it. Or, looking at it from another angle, are you doing the work just for you, or for the universe? If the universe, then you'll need to make yourself available. I do think that serious self-work acts like a magnet and connects like-minded people, but it can't connect people who have retreated into themselves.

Though we sometimes need more solitude for a period of intense inner searching, feelings of loneliness and isolation may be a sign that it's time for you to re-engage. Maybe consider the groups, events, and venues nearby. Which ones might attract people who are awakening? Do you know a cafe with a really good vibe? Are there any interesting speakers coming to town? Any volunteer or study groups that appeal to you? Also consider mundane interactions. For example, do you keep your head up and say hello to people in the grocery store? Do you pay attention to your gas station attendant? Receiving attention and courtesy makes people feel human and helps them open up. They appreciate it, and you might be surprised at the connections that result.

So long as you remember yourself and your aim, I don't think you need to worry that the toxicity of the masses will poison you.

Also - ive noticed that ive become far more vunerable since the start of this journey. While i see how society is conditioned (gradual process of course!), i cant allow myself to be this way conciously, so these walls come down - and its as if i naively think that the world will change around me to fit with my changes. (And it doesnt).

Or is this journey just about 'being aware' and developing 2 different identitys, one true self which is to be hidden away for maybe my next incarnation? And one self that allows me to just survive in this world, and carry on with my 'work' for my next experience after i die?

According to my understanding, the goal is to be able to act "impeccably", in full awareness, in every situation. Survival results from seeing what's there and responding accordingly, not from creating a protective identity based on one's expectations of a brutal world. Whether "enlightenment" comes in this lifetime or takes 7 more, the focus should remain on what you can see and do now. Only conscious effort in the present develops the soul.

Should i just see this lifetime as one of work and sacrifice?

Work and sacrifice are certainly part of it. So is suffering. So are love and fellowship, curiosity and creativity, joy and laughter. Life is an adventure!

OSIT, for all of the above.

Take care!

 

[andreaB]

I am a newbie in this forum, but not a newbie in this life ( look at my hair).
I started to awaken myself when my life began to torn. Then I looked around and wished so strongly to know the True about myself and the world and if there was a link between the two.
I am replying you, because at that time ( about 10 years ago ) I found the lectures of "Eva Pierrakos":
_http://www.pathwork.org/lecturesObtaining.html
very helpful.
At first when I saw that the argument was reincarnation and perhaps in some way connected wit the newage movement, I was not interested in continuing to read but than reading by chance the lesson 52 (The God-Image) I understood the these lectures, not depending on who wrote them, were a very useful tool to gain better knowledge of oneself.
I skipped the first 24 items, because I was more interested in the psychological help that start more direct from the 25°.
I do not known what the Cs think about these lectures, but I do not mind, because I am sure in deep within myself about their validity, so I suggest them to you.

I think that this life has not to be a life of "work and sacrifice"
It is a matter of knowing what one really want from life.
One has to ask himself (herself) with profound sincerity which are the reasons to continue to live.
My first answer was that the only reasons was that my son, daughter, wife and mum need me and my care to live better.
So I had to must continue to live. But also this, was my choose, that is I wanted to stop my life but I preferred to live because I love those persons.
When some time later I realized this, in my deep essence, the sacrifices do not more seemed so burdensome.
I realized also that emotions, thought pattern, that generate a feeling-skeleton, are not a production of my brain.
Emotions, thought pattern, just exist somewere, I have only to choose them.
To choose an emotions (that generate a feeling) is not my ability, because my brain has to create or modify some connections to that purpose, but I can continue to chose what I want at every second of my life, and that results after some time in emotions and feeling and in addressing myself in the direction I have chosen.
In the book "conversation with God" WHO speak as "God" say that we are here to chose Who we want to be and we do this at every second of our life.
I can conclude with: "good luck" but it is better with "be yourself"
andreaB

 

[RedFox]

I just feel a bit stuck. I cant read much atm - mainly because my physcological crap drains so much energy out of me, flashbacks etc.
Im aware of how important knowledge and understanding is, when in the past i thought intention was all that mattered.

It sounds like you need a break from reading and perhaps time out to be gentle on yourself and allow for processing. The predators mind has a habbit of driving healing processes to hard (in order to keep the wound open).
Pipe breathing/EE (without the BaHa) portion would be good. Hot baths with epson salts or a swim in the sea (if its not too cold). Walks on the beach, woods, parks or anywhere generally tranquil and relaxing. Listening to positive music or watching your favourite film. Cooking yourself something nice to eat and taking time to enjoy it.
In short, take on the role of carer and nurse (make that your focus - tending to your needs) as your wounds heal and you process.

Ive never been a social 'butterfly' lol.
So how does a person start trying to connect with people more aware in the 3D world? Who are more concious of their behaviour?
I feel torn. On one hand the people i knew from 'pre-awareness' offer me some sort of connection, but it often just feels like a drain.

It may be worth (gently) asking why at the moment you need to connect to others, when you probably need to be focusing on healing and caring for yourself?

This quote bares repeating, as it applies equally to being around toxic people too.

http://cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?topic=22855.0

Q: (Burma Jones) What do they mean by “psychic hygiene”?

A: Being careful about what you allow into your ”field”.

Q: (L) In what sense?

A: All senses.

Q: (L) What do you mean “all senses”?

A: Seeing, hearing, speaking, and so on

Q: (Ark) So, uh, I will tell a story about this “using all your senses”. A few days ago, I went out and I almost had an accident. I was driving on the interior peripherique - on the lane that was closest to the middle. There are three lanes. There was a guy behind me who was very unhappy that I was driving only 90kmh. He was swaying from left to right, trying to get past me and I could see it in the rear-view mirror. I looked to the right and realized I cannot do anything, because there was a car. I could see it.

So, I stayed. After about two minutes, you know, the one behind me again starts to act impatient behind me. But then, I look in the mirror again and the car to the right is gone. So I figure he must have moved somewhere else. Then I started to do {Ark makes descriptive hand gestures showing his driving maneuver} – only the car was there exactly in the right angle [to be in the blind spot.] But, uh, he was a young guy and he was fast. He steps on the brakes – and nothing happened, you see? I usually do not do such things. I was thinking very fast and that he must be gone, but I was not 100% sure. So, I should have waited until I was 100% sure. So, of course nothing happened, he just got upset.

A: We have more in mind. Take care with interacting with negative energies.

Q: (L) Well that’s kinda like creating your own reality, isn’t it?

A: Not what we mean… Keep your guard up and do not allow negative energies to slip by… such as believing lies… listening to negative music while thinking it is positive…watching negative movies and thinking it is negligible. It is extremely important to not lie to the self. One can listen or watch many things as long as the truth of the orientation is known, acknowledged, and understood. Clear?

Q: (L) So, in other words: awareness. Calling a spade a spade and not allowing something negative to enter you and believing it is positive. You can see it, perceive it and acknowledge it but not allow it to influence you. Because obviously, you cannot shut off your perceptions of the world, but you can control how it affects you. So, don’t let it inside, thinking it’s something that it’s not.

(Belibaste) So, see it as it is. If it is negative, see it as negative.

(L) Yeah, and they’re saying to focus on truth in order for changes to manifest in you that are positive. That is, “positive” can mean acknowledging that something is negative because it is truth.

Q: (Galatea) Choose the seeds you wish to water.

(L) Is that basically what we’re talking about here?

A: Yes

Q: (Ark) But I would say that everybody needs a panoramic retro-mirror.

A: Yes.

Q: (L) because that stuff sneaks up behind you and it gets in your blind spot.

Im guessing the LOA works at some level (im not sure what the C's have said about this) - so is it a case of just working on myself, and then naturally more 'self aware' people will come into my life? Or does one have to be far more pro-active? But where? Where do these people exist? lol.

There right here on this forum, all around you! :)
As to the LOA....not quite like that. Your life reflects who you are, how you interact with others and the universe and what you need to learn. If right now the lesson is to take care of the self, then this could manifest as feeling isolated (i.e. no one to take care of your needs) and things being 'blocked'.

Also - ive noticed that ive become far more vunerable since the start of this journey. While i see how society is conditioned (gradual process of course!), i cant allow myself to be this way conciously, so these walls come down - and its as if i naively think that the world will change around me to fit with my changes. (And it doesnt).

The defences going up (and looking to feed by seeking unhealthy social interactions) can be signs we are low/depleted of energy. So finding a way to recharge and back off from what is draining you is important.

Or is this journey just about 'being aware' and developing 2 different identitys, one true self which is to be hidden away for maybe my next incarnation? And one self that allows me to just survive in this world, and carry on with my 'work' for my next experience after i die? Should i just see this lifetime as one of work and sacrifice?

Another thing that tends to happen when we are depleted (and/or the predators mind has taken over) is our thoughts become black and white and morose.

Dont get me wrong, i have activities i enjoy is this life, i guess im talking about something much deeper.

As to the deeper, I'm picking up on a hint of depression (which is understandable). How is your sleep? Are you able to sleep in complete darkness?
You say your diet is good, are you eating plenty of good fats?

The following thread may help. Depression As A Stepping Stone (to Soul Growth)
Above all though, take it easy on yourself and take time out to recharge.

 

[melatonin]

Wow, all 3 replys are amazing and filled with information that has me thinking.

Only on this forum could i get such thoughtful replys.
I cant wait to gain more knowledge and physcological energy (and read more books) so that i can benefit even more from interacting here.
Sorry if that sounds 'creepy' - i seem to question everything i say atm.
But, again thank-you very much.

 

[Mr.Anderson]

It's amazing how much this forum and the EE breathing program has helped me over the last year or so. I don't have many posts but I have read a lot. And I hope you continue to do the same.

 

[melatonin]

Thanks Mr Anderson. :)

 

[cubbex]

Oh yeah, I lived this when I watched one comercial on MTV about some teenagers talking about how good life is oh yeah, alcohol and more, It felt disgusting, and then observing my people around that had more potential than me, and were no doing what I was doing, and that's amazing, it happened like two years ago.

I don't think more aware people will come so easily in contact with you, and if there it seems to be one, it could be dancing on some new age teaching believe me. I think a good place for so aware people is this forum, really, I have never been in a forum where the forum is taken seriously with serious people talking serious things and sometimes fun topics.

I think that what you asked for, aware people of their behavior, just came to quickly answer you before me, so... there it is, the most aware people you may ever know, ant they are spread over the world, so far away from each other in some sense, but well... that's it.

Hope to help, if not, well, I tried.

 

[Matt]

Im starting to see clarity on just how agresssive and brainwashed society is, which is pretty scarey tbh.
As far as i can see most people arent concious of their behaviour, and intention shouldnt really matter - if someone is toxic, they are toxic, simple as.

I just feel a bit stuck. I cant read much atm - mainly because my physcological crap drains so much energy out of me, flashbacks etc.
Im aware of how important knowledge and understanding is, when in the past i thought intention was all that mattered.

Ive never been a social 'butterfly' lol.

Afaik, sociality is a construct created by people out of lack of understanding on how to work together. Initially being social meant to be able to work with others for a common cause; now being social is so-called solidarity, the sense of owing something to others and calling them "brothers" (which is nothing more but addressing biological routine of protecting your family members a.k.a. using someone to treat you special.

As for toxicity, matter is bit complicated. There are two things in life - intent and action. Action determines the type of result, or consequences you take. Intent seems to dictate what kind of lesson you will take from it though. Same way two men can kill someone in a road accident - while they'll undergo same consequences, their lessons will be different ("bad" person will only incite his hatered towards society, "good" person will accept punishment as his karmic resolution). What I mean is, there are many people who WANT to be toxic and willingly (though perhaps not fully consciously) choose this path, while others are sincere, but simply full of programs.

So how does a person start trying to connect with people more aware in the 3D world? Who are more concious of their behaviour?
I feel torn. On one hand the people i knew from 'pre-awareness' offer me some sort of connection, but it often just feels like a drain.

(...)

Also - ive noticed that ive become far more vunerable since the start of this journey. While i see how society is conditioned (gradual process of course!), i cant allow myself to be this way conciously, so these walls come down - and its as if i naively think that the world will change around me to fit with my changes. (And it doesnt).

Or is this journey just about 'being aware' and developing 2 different identitys, one true self which is to be hidden away for maybe my next incarnation? And one self that allows me to just survive in this world, and carry on with my 'work' for my next experience after i die? Should i just see this lifetime as one of work and sacrifice?

Dont get me wrong, i have activities i enjoy is this life, i guess im talking about something much deeper.

Speaking of the company of other people, have you read Castaneda's work? It was a while ago, but I still remember how Genaro described his awakening - how, when he stopped being just a sheep, he noticed that people are eager; mentioned how everybody keep wanting things from him, and encourage him to join them, even though he knew that will be of no benefit to him, after which he was especially sad about the boy who turned out to be the same. From that, I understand, solitude may be one of the prices to pay for entering the path to better self.

I don't know if I can speak of what you mentioned as developing 2 personalities. Personally I think that would be draining, both energy and awareness-wise and carries a danger of deranging from the journey itself. Perhaps you should just "live". Gurdjief mentioned that to those asleep, awakened sometimes seem like apathetic, sad people with no purpose, while awakened people see only dreamers around them. It might be wishful thinking, but I think there is a stage like this we all have to at least go through.

Warning: opinion alert - I don't personally think you should go with this life as life of sacrifice, though definitely work. Sacrifice implies anticipation of receiving certain results whenever we choose to discard something else. Not achieving this result can be saddening. I think that what C's meant by "Just sit back and enjoy the ride" was to take such matters more lightly, without anticipation. Then again, that's just how I see it.

 

[melatonin]

Thankyou Matt and Brunauld for your replys.

Im starting a serious detox, so maybe my road will become a bit clearer.

 

[Psalehesost]

Warning: opinion alert - I don't personally think you should go with this life as life of sacrifice, though definitely work. Sacrifice implies anticipation of receiving certain results whenever we choose to discard something else. Not achieving this result can be saddening. I think that what C's meant by "Just sit back and enjoy the ride" was to take such matters more lightly, without anticipation. Then again, that's just how I see it.

"Sacrifice" doesn't have to imply that. Given one's aim, some things will be good in relation to it, some thing evil (standing against one's aim). Say someone has a habit of playing video games and craves this, for example, and recognizes that it is a hindrance. Or craves some toxic food. Then renouncing this for the sake of (respectively mental/emotional or physical) health would be a sacrifice - and an entirely appropriate one, benefits being real rather than imagined. Sacrifices based on wishful thinking are of course meaningless, but removing definite obstacles, changing one's life despite the wishes of the Predator's Mind to Work according to one's aim, is absolutely essential, OSIT.

 

[Matt]

Sacrifices based on wishful thinking are of course meaningless, but removing definite obstacles, changing one's life despite the wishes of the Predator's Mind to Work according to one's aim, is absolutely essential, OSIT.

That is a fair point. Thank you for mentioning this; might give me slightly better view at the matter now. Apologies for misinterpretation. Funnily enough, both examples you mentioned are the ones I am struggling against.