Incomprehensible Presences in Dreams

[Raoulfrkannon]

Hi Everyone,

In my life I’ve had three dreams all around the same period (around 17/18 years old) which were such extremely powerful and lasting experiences, which totally trump anything else I’ve ever had called a “dream,” that phenomenologically they belong in my memory to a category all their own.

Over the past decade I’ve come to understand a few things about what they might have meant, what their purpose might have been, etc., etc., and I’ll share a bit of them with you in the course of the thread. But basically I would really like to hear everyone’s ideas about them. From the start I want to mainly just describe them, and open things up to hear your thoughts - whatever they are (if you have an interpretation, if they inspire you with something about the nature of dreaming itself, anything). In the course of the discussion, perhaps I’ll be sharing more of what I’ve come up with, but for now, here they are. Besides all that, please also just enjoy!

First Dream

Immediately I’m lucid and standing in the very bedroom that (in the “real world”) I’m sleeping in. There is no normal dream sequence in which, for whatever reason, I slowly become lucid and transition to awareness. Instead, the cause, the stimulus, the start of the whole thing is noticing something. It starts with the noticing, there wasn’t anything before that. My awareness is springing into action with this noticing of, in the periphery of my vision, a clipboard. So, where am I again? I’m standing in my bedroom, basically by the bed. And, oh, I’m facing the mirror that’s hanging there on the wall. And, oh, I‘m naked. Oh... and I have an erection... (what a nice item for only my third major post of this forum). That’s the position I’m in “when” I notice this clipboard in the corner of my eye. What’s weird about the clipboard is that, even though I know it’s a clipboard, visually it’s just a white rectangle with a brown border, i.e. it’s completely flat, 2-dimensional, no depth or texture.

Now, immediately upon noticing this, I get the following feeling (this is how I’ve come to best describe it):
Imagine you start playing a game of hide and seek with someone.
Then, imagine you don’t find them, and you give up an you continue on with your life
But then, years and years later, you’re walking down the street, when, without looking for them (you’ve completely forgotten about the whole thing), you suddenly, by accident, catch sight of them in a bush.
Take a moment to imagine how you’d feel then.
Now, add one more little element to that feeling: Think about how, depending on the years the feeling would change. If it was just a week later, or 10 years, or 40 years later it changes, right? Imagine that the feeling you experience is as if the game had started before you were even born! I caught you! wait, but wha -

Alright, so I get this feeling, and immediately whip round to see who’s holding the clipboard. When I say immediately, I mean im-mediately, without mediation, in an instant. I don’t turn around, I just “teleport” to facing them (teleport in quotes because I don’t move to a new location, just orientation). When this happens, my arm whacks into their body (I know this doesn’t make sense because I said I just instantly turned around, but this is what happened). When it does, it literally just stops, like whack, and it’s like hitting the “immovable object” in that phrase “unstoppable force hits immovable object” (except my arm was hardly the unstoppable force).

And then, before me, in the centre of my room, is this being. She’s feminine, she has this huge golden hair that’s kind of spread around her (like it does underwater in movies). First things first - she doesn’t have a face. But it’s not just black space. It’s like the outside of tunnel vision - in the middle of my vision. You know how you can’t see your hand when you wiggle it behind your head, because you simply can’t see there? Well, I had that - in the middle of my vision, for her face! But that’s not the main thing, here’s the thing which characterises each of these dreams I’m sharing with you today. It was her presence. Her presence was so incredibly overwhelming. It was like if you have a statue of a person, and then the real person, and then imagine taking that step again another hundred times. Just the presence.

I started freaking out, trying to comprehend what was going on. Then she said “Hey” (yeah, seriously, “Hey”) in the kindest voice I’ve ever heard, as if to reassure me. It was like if someone took the idea of kindness and distilled it into a sound. I can still basically hear it upon recollection, and for years after when I would so recall it, I almost teared up. Anyway, the whole thing was way too much and I woke up. In the fetal position. Crying. With my nerves going crazy up and down my spine and all over my body. And I couldn’t move for ten minutes. And that’s the end of the first dream!

Dream number 2!

This time it’s actually a normal dream going on. As you’ll be able to tell, so I won’t try and avoid it by keeping it implicit, at the time I had an issue with sexuality (not my sexuality like orientation, but just sexual stuff). Actually, I said I wouldn’t give an interpretation until later, but I think that first dream was something like my energetic body, which was being checked up on y some benevolent being, and the erection was sort of an expression of this imbalance in me. Anyway, here’s why I mention it: in this dream, I'm, uh... having a threesome (Groan! Sorry!). But! as it turns out, this threesome aspect lent a special comparaitive aid to the whole experience, as we'll see. Anyway, for whatever reason, I can’t quite remember, something clicks and I start realising I’m dreaming - just the usual process like any lucid dream.

What happens next is really interesting though. As I become lucid, and started to see everything I’m experiencing as a dream, it sort of fades backwards and away. At the same time, something comes through, or is revealed in one of the women in the threesome. So this is why the threesome aspect is interesting: the woman on the left was pure dream just like the bed and the wall, and faded away with all of it, but it “turns out” that the one on the right was actually a being with (you guessed it) a similar presence to the one in the first dream. This is was a real problem for little 17/18 year materialist me, because of the contrast between what was just a dream person and what clearly wasn't just dream person, but was a totally separately existing entity (which I didn't believe could exist).

Anyway, what happened is fairly simple. I’m becoming lucid, and everything starts fading away, but then, through the woman on the right, this presence starts coming through. And straight away, it’s way too incredible and overwhelming. I start freaking out, just like before, but this time this entity actually manages a full sentence before I wake up, in the fetal position, crying for 10 minutes, with my nerves going haywire.

Wanna hear the sentence?
It was: “What if your dreams could play for real?” (And then I woke up).

Now, to the members of this board, who know a bit about the nature of dreaming and reality, perhaps it’s a little platitudinous, but imagine little materialist 17/18 year old me! (Also, just an aside, I don’t actually think it is so platitudinous anyway, there seems to be something to draw out from the particular way it’s put).

Aaand dream number 3.

Again, normal dream sequences, except I’m traveling in circles through some places. One of the places is my old school playground. Something clicks, and I realise, wait, I shouldn't be in my old school playground, and I realise of course that I’m dreaming. Then, everything starts fading away, and the scene actually totally changes, or has kind of an overlay, or like a portal to a desert opens - mingle those three together and that's how it was.

Walking towards me is a woman in black Arabic clothing, and her fingers are going crazy. Later on in life, I saw on YouTube Tibetan llamas doing their mudra movements, and it looked like that except faster and more complex. It was like some weird sign language she was communicating to me in, or doing some kind of act through. I haven’t looked into it any deeper, but I also came across someone claiming how you can make all the Hebrew letters with your fingers, and they kind of looked like what she was doing, but that might just be my imagination.

Anyway, she was walking towards me across this desert. And over my left shoulder, was this other presence coming towards me, except it didn't feel Good like the others had been, it was malevolent. Later on when I read Castenada, and how Death comes from over your left shoulder, it reminded me of this feeling and scared me. Anyway, there was something heading towards me from that direction, dangerous, and this woman in Arabic dress in front was coming striaght towards me, fairly rapidly, doing all sorts of stuff with her hands. I got the impression she was both communicating to and protecting me. But the presence of her and the other being, and the whole experience, AGAIN, overwhelmed me, and I woke up in, well you know the drill by now, nerves, crying etc.

And there we go. I hope you at least enjoyed reading, but I’m really looking forward to any thoughts (or even questions) you have about the whole thing, or any parts of it. These were some powerful experiences, and I hope we can work something out about, or from, them!

 

[Dave_P]

Hi @Raoulfrkannon .

It's interesting how his presence made you feel protected, calmed, or you even compared his voice as the beautiful materialized ones, and at the same time you woke up overwhelmed, in a fetal position, crying and with crazy nerves.

 

[Raoulfrkannon]

Hi @Raoulfrkannon .

It's interesting how his presence made you feel protected, calmed, or you even compared his voice as the beautiful materialized ones, and at the same time you woke up overwhelmed, in a fetal position, crying and with crazy nerves.

Yes, I'm well aware of the possibility for not so "benevolent" (to borrow my own words) beings to falsely manufacture such feelings. In the original post I simply wanted to provide the interpretation that I currently hold. I should emphasise that in the state after waking up, there were no horrible feelings. The tears were tears like those some people have when they see the grand canyon. The nerves tingles were powerful, energetic, and felt like something opening up. This was so essential to the whole thing that I didn't notice how it could sound without mentioning it. For the 10 minutes where I couldn't move, it was more like I was just fixed, taking everything in.

So, again, one of the reasons I'm sharing these dreams is to see everyone's ideas, and I know what you're trying to say, so thank you, and I'm really impressed with how you said it as well. Basically, I'm open to the possibility that it was some kind of abduction screen. It is just that, except for the possibility simply being there, absolutely everything else indicates otherwise. This dream, and the following ones, were major steps in my expansion from the materialist worldview. If it weren't for these dreams, I probably would have been stuck for a long as I was as a teenager, i.e., merely one of those atheist, rationalist buddhist types. With those dreams as a quite significant impetus (besides simply caring about finding the truth anyway!) I had the following path: highly limited western view of buddhism -> taoism, alchemy > esoteric tibetan buddhism -> through that, opening up to the possibilities of other beings, channeling, etc. about 60%-> reading (not practising) magick like golden dawn, and qabbalah etc.-> accepting other worlds and channeling about 80%-> not disregarding the ra material on its premise as I would have done otherwise, but instead reading all of it-> then finally the Cassiopaean stuff. Even when I found the cassiopaean stuff, I still wasn't at the point of full acceptance. It took me ages to get over the STEMy, crystals and homepathy are dumb, etc. etc. mindset. "What if your dreams could play for real?" ringing about in my head in combination with the sheer almost impossible to doubt (though I managed it) otherly existence of someone communicating to me, was significant.

Doubtless, I would have found my way here eventually, but I have to say my current opinion leans towards these dreams being of the initiatory kind. Just to reiterate though, if anyone thinks otherwise and wishes to try and convince me, please do so, because if you're right it's important!