Laurelayn
Jedi
I have been feeling "happy" a lot lately, I look around at where I am physically and I see chickens and flowerbeds and trees and vegetable and herb gardens and a messy but comfortable home that I have put a lot of effort into, children and siblings and family members that I have healthy relationships with, and I feel a sense of satisfaction that I don't recall having at any other part of my life. I am working at a temp job for a crappy wage, but I am building things and that makes me happy too.
I have been trying to take life in one moment at a time and, yes, avoiding the valley of the trauma of my past and the depression that always brings. My energy level is good right now, better than it has been in a long time and I just feel good, but, I am always looking over my shoulder when life is good for the incoming whatever it might be to knock me down a few notches.
I was re reading part of Ancient History today looking for something I remembered reading about Catharism and ended up finding parts of the C's transcripts that Laura had inserted in chapter 12 about consciousness and archtypes and densities, the tree of life, chakras, the archetypal stories and how they are played out in every aspect of our lives, atoms and how their existence is only possible with an observer and that the observer must be a consciousness and it all suddenly hit me, a glimpse of understanding that pulsated through me like a bolt of energy, that is the best way I can describe it. It goes through my body and makes me catch my breath and I almost vibrate and become light headed, It is like I would imagine a glimpse through the veil would be experienced.
It was not the first time this energy spike or whatever hit me through reading and contemplating Lauras writings.
A little history about me…I first found the Cassiopaea site in 1998 shortly after a serious bout with depression that culminated in an attempted suicide. I was very disillusioned with my whole world and very much in need of a “reason to go on “ Lauras writings so fascinated me that I just had to keep reading and thus gave me something to look forward to, and that very much helped me get through an extremely difficult period of my life.
I remember waiting impatiently for each new chapter of the Wave to get posted as she was writing it and after reading the first 12 chapters or so and having a couple of these energy spikes while contemplating what I had read and suddenly getting a glimpse of understanding what I was taking in I noticed that the next chapter she posted would contain a lot of things that had been wandering through my own thoughts, Like just reading and contemplating the material led to a thought progression that hooked into the same wavelength. It was kind of disconcerting 10 years ago, but I’ve gotten over that.
Anyway, The psychopaths that run the world piss me off, the way people around me that lean that way treat others pisses me off, Life in the U.S is tough right now, everywhere I look people are so focused on their “I want mine” attitude they cant see the forest for the trees. There are also many good people around me, and many of them are clueless about the actual state of our world, but, trying to, even gently, warn or enlighten or “give bread to” usually results in a glazed over look and headshaking like I am the crazy one.
I still cannot figure out why I feel so unafraid, satisfied with where I am but willing to continue with the work, reading, growing, smiling and ‘talking’ with my chickens, collecting beautiful eggs daily, waking up early every day feeling good, pulling weeds and planting, building office furniture, etc…. It is O.K. to go through some happy satisfied times even within the context of learning discernment, gaining knowledge, and doing the work, isn’t it?
I have been trying to take life in one moment at a time and, yes, avoiding the valley of the trauma of my past and the depression that always brings. My energy level is good right now, better than it has been in a long time and I just feel good, but, I am always looking over my shoulder when life is good for the incoming whatever it might be to knock me down a few notches.
I was re reading part of Ancient History today looking for something I remembered reading about Catharism and ended up finding parts of the C's transcripts that Laura had inserted in chapter 12 about consciousness and archtypes and densities, the tree of life, chakras, the archetypal stories and how they are played out in every aspect of our lives, atoms and how their existence is only possible with an observer and that the observer must be a consciousness and it all suddenly hit me, a glimpse of understanding that pulsated through me like a bolt of energy, that is the best way I can describe it. It goes through my body and makes me catch my breath and I almost vibrate and become light headed, It is like I would imagine a glimpse through the veil would be experienced.
It was not the first time this energy spike or whatever hit me through reading and contemplating Lauras writings.
A little history about me…I first found the Cassiopaea site in 1998 shortly after a serious bout with depression that culminated in an attempted suicide. I was very disillusioned with my whole world and very much in need of a “reason to go on “ Lauras writings so fascinated me that I just had to keep reading and thus gave me something to look forward to, and that very much helped me get through an extremely difficult period of my life.
I remember waiting impatiently for each new chapter of the Wave to get posted as she was writing it and after reading the first 12 chapters or so and having a couple of these energy spikes while contemplating what I had read and suddenly getting a glimpse of understanding what I was taking in I noticed that the next chapter she posted would contain a lot of things that had been wandering through my own thoughts, Like just reading and contemplating the material led to a thought progression that hooked into the same wavelength. It was kind of disconcerting 10 years ago, but I’ve gotten over that.
Anyway, The psychopaths that run the world piss me off, the way people around me that lean that way treat others pisses me off, Life in the U.S is tough right now, everywhere I look people are so focused on their “I want mine” attitude they cant see the forest for the trees. There are also many good people around me, and many of them are clueless about the actual state of our world, but, trying to, even gently, warn or enlighten or “give bread to” usually results in a glazed over look and headshaking like I am the crazy one.
I still cannot figure out why I feel so unafraid, satisfied with where I am but willing to continue with the work, reading, growing, smiling and ‘talking’ with my chickens, collecting beautiful eggs daily, waking up early every day feeling good, pulling weeds and planting, building office furniture, etc…. It is O.K. to go through some happy satisfied times even within the context of learning discernment, gaining knowledge, and doing the work, isn’t it?
