Issues with self-image

[luke wilson]

I'm just wondering, could any of these "sexual fantasy" memories be of a previous life?

Wow, in my case this never entered my thought process. If my own "dream/fantasy" is from a previous life, how do I handle it? So far I have just kind of like done nothing with it eventhough it does affect me in a real way in that my life's goal is to actually recapture that moment again but it felt so powerful that it seems impossible to be able to capture such a thing, everything I have encountered falls short.

Is there anyway of actually knowing if a certain memory is from a past life? I noticed in the wave, Laura knows her past life as a woman married to a jewish man who got taken by the nazis. How can someone like me start building a picture of my past lives or just a single past life? Is this an essential process in terms of the work?

 

[shijing]

I'm just wondering, could any of these "sexual fantasy" memories be of a previous life?

Wow, in my case this never entered my thought process. If my own "dream/fantasy" is from a previous life, how do I handle it? So far I have just kind of like done nothing with it even though it does affect me in a real way in that my life's goal is to actually recapture that moment again but it felt so powerful that it seems impossible to be able to capture such a thing, everything I have encountered falls short.

I actually had the same reaction as Nienna Eluch when I read this. If that's really what it is, perhaps you should treat it in the way that other "holdovers" from past lives are treated. Often, people have irrational fears, prejudices, and so forth as a result of things that may have happened in another life, and my understanding is that what needs to be done is first recognize past life experiences as a potential cause, and then decide that you will work not to let them influence your present life. In this case, even though this dream seems to have been quite positive, based on what you have written in other threads it may have had a negative effect on your life, in that it is one of the things that creates a barrier between you and women. My thought is that if you are always waiting for just the right person to duplicate the feelings that you had in this dream, then you are cheating yourself of real experiences that you could be learning from in your interactions with the opposite sex right now. I'm not saying that it's impossible that you would ever experience something like that in this life -- but hanging onto it as an expectation is one form of anticipation, and that will only hinder your growth.

How can someone like me start building a picture of my past lives or just a single past life? Is this an essential process in terms of the work?

I don't think that it is. It could be informative, and potentially helpful, but it is far from essential. The vast majority of people will never have the opportunity to learn directly about their past lives, but it's the one that you are living right now that counts.

 

[Nienna]

I don't think that it is. It could be informative, and potentially helpful, but it is far from essential. The vast majority of people will never have the opportunity to learn directly about their past lives, but it's the one that you are living right now that counts.

I totally agree with Shijing. It is this life that counts and it seems that this memory/dream has quite a hold on you. It is something that is keeping you from really experiencing this life.

I, too, as Shijing has said, would recognize that this could be a past life experience, (or even a screen memory inserted to side track you?) and then make a decision whether you are going to let it distract you from your lessons in this life.

Looking for this woman in your "dream" seems to be quite a distraction to me, especially when there are so much more important things to be doing right now. Things are really becoming quite serious right now and the more of us that can do the Work on ourselves, the better the future will be.

What better way to keep someone "offtrack" than with a distraction of trying to find their "soulmate." Or so I think.

 

[luke wilson]

I don't think that it is. It could be informative, and potentially helpful, but it is far from essential. The vast majority of people will never have the opportunity to learn directly about their past lives, but it's the one that you are living right now that counts.

I totally agree with Shijing. It is this life that counts and it seems that this memory/dream has quite a hold on you. It is something that is keeping you from really experiencing this life.

I, too, as Shijing has said, would recognize that this could be a past life experience, (or even a screen memory inserted to side track you?) and then make a decision whether you are going to let it distract you from your lessons in this life.

Looking for this woman in your "dream" seems to be quite a distraction to me, especially when there are so much more important things to be doing right now. Things are really becoming quite serious right now and the more of us that can do the Work on ourselves, the better the future will be.

What better way to keep someone "offtrack" than with a distraction of trying to find their "soulmate." Or so I think.

Yes, yes I think you are so right. I have this image of this woman in my head. She has no face, all I have is that I felt really amazing in that moment in that park and this has been something quite powerful for me that it has really affected my relationship with other women quite negatively because no one matches the one in that dream.

 

[Nienna]

It is quite something, I cant figure it out! I read that article I cant find the link to it but this seemed like a Love Bite scenario to me but I cant for the life of me understand why the lizies would do such a thing to me!!! Surely they have more important things to do.

Hmmmm, after reading the Wave Series and you still don't get that "nobody is a nobody." I do know that it is hard to comprehend that, to you, you seem so unimportant, how on earth could you be important enough for the lizzies to want to mess around with you. Well, anyone that is waking up is a target. This is a fact, luke, and believe it or not, in the eyes of the General Law, or the lizzies, YOU are a somebody. Especially since you seem to be interested in Working on yourself.

She is actually a very nice person, it's just that I am weird and have awhole load of baggage so I think our friendship was doomed from the moment the 1st greetings were exchanged.

This is another thing that you are doing constantly. As long as you keep telling yourself these things, you will believe them and so make other people believe them, too. This is self-sabotage. Quite the program for keeping you imprisoned in your self-misery and unfounded self-worthlessness.

I mean seriously, women are dangerous in my opinion.

Ah, you are "talking" to a women.

Inorder for this never to happen to me again, I have come up with a set of rules. Under no circumstances am I to befriend a girl that there is any possibility of me developing feelings for her especially if she has a boyfriend. It's funny because that's one of the first things she told me, I have a boyfriend because she was living with him for awhile. This is dangerous territory especially for someone who basically falls in love with any girl that looks at him and says hi. Complete emotional instability on my part.

Don't you think that you are over-reacting because of a program? I think just shortening this up to, "I will never have any serious relationships with a girl who has a boyfriend" would do.

This is an area filled with a great deal of lack of knowledge in my Being and because it is rather a personal sensitive topic I dare not utter a word not to a single soul but I am tired of this, I want to start working on this area and actually improve this side of me. Where do I start? She is even in my dreams! For pits sake! IN MY DREAMS! No escape!! On sunday night I dreamt we were in a lecture and she turned tapped my shoulder to say hi and offered her cheeks I suppose for me to kiss them as a greeting but I ended up kissing her mouth be it accidentally!! What the Hell!! This is definately bad!! I have been having mood swings this week and it is because of that flipping dream! I need help! I dont know how to deal with this!

Okay, I'm not going to bother with the rest of your post because it was more of your hysterical "non-thinking" reactions.

I think that, as you have been told before, you should start with diet changes and doing the EE. Also, you need to start to Work on yourself by self-observing yourself. Nothing more. Only self-observation and self-remembering. Maybe getting and reading In Search of the Miraculous by Ouspenski would be a great benefit to you at this time and then the Narcissist Big 5 books. They will tell you what to do next.

This is the only way that you are going to actually be free of your programs. But it takes a lot of Work and it takes time.

You only get out of life what you put into it. There are no shortcuts, no magical elixir that will make everything change for you. Only you can make the changes. It's all up to you.

 

[Rhys]

This is an area filled with a great deal of lack of knowledge in my Being and because it is rather a personal sensitive topic I dare not utter a word not to a single soul but I am tired of this, I want to start working on this area and actually improve this side of me. Where do I start? She is even in my dreams! For pits sake! IN MY DREAMS! No escape!! On sunday night I dreamt we were in a lecture and she turned tapped my shoulder to say hi and offered her cheeks I suppose for me to kiss them as a greeting but I ended up kissing her mouth be it accidentally!! What the Hell!! This is definately bad!! I have been having mood swings this week and it is because of that flipping dream! I need help! I dont know how to deal with this!

Okay, I'm not going to bother with the rest of your post because it was more of your hysterical "non-thinking" reactions.

I think that, as you have been told before, you should start with diet changes and doing the EE. Also, you need to start to Work on yourself by self-observing yourself. Nothing more. Only self-observation and self-remembering. Maybe getting and reading In Search of the Miraculous by Ouspenski would be a great benefit to you at this time and then the Narcissist Big 5 books. They will tell you what to do next.

This is the only way that you are going to actually be free of your programs. But it takes a lot of Work and it takes time.

You only get out of life what you put into it. There are no shortcuts, no magical elixir that will make everything change for you. Only you can make the changes. It's all up to you.

I agree with Nienna Eluch, Luke.

Fwiw, at your age I secretly considered myself 'too weird' to be worthy of a relationship, and this subjective opinion became a self-fulfilling prophecy in my interactions with women. I would also suggest that if you aren't already, start interacting with women in a 'friends only' capacity without trying to make anything of it. This will take some of the pressure off you in the beginning, because your lack of experience is probably making you put this girl (and probably all women you are interested in?) on a pedestal and this will be picked up on. As your confidence and knowledge base increases from gathered observations and experience, you might find that your head gets clearer :)

The suggestions made by Nienna Eluch will greatly help this process imho.

 

[luke wilson]

Ok, I need to quit with the self-bashing all the time. I remember reading in one transcript on the wave where Laura or someone was surprised the quorum or consotium was taking an interest in them and the Cs said nobody is a nobody. Ok, I get it. I am not a nobody!

I got in search of the miraculous so I will read that.

 

[anart]

Luke, you have a bit of a tendency to hijack threads to discuss yourself, so I've split off these posts from Agni's thread in order to keep that thread on topic and allow you your own thread to discuss what you want to discuss.