itt narcissist wanting to change

[DandG]

just found out about being a narcissist, at 31 with some depressive episodes along the way; what can i do to start changing ? can any type of therapist actually help me ?

i've spent lot time researching the web on "narcissism" and my other possible disorders/clinical status.
im attending a psychologist but not really sure of what therapists can do in my case. for the last 3 years since i knew i was going to be a father my life has changed so much and ive been seeking help and studding my ways out of depression, anxiety and my narcissist behavior.

its been a very hard battle against myself and my mind, im very confused at this stage, i wonder if i will ever be able to be 'normal' since ive some childhood trauma thats has triggered/conducted me into narcissist/anti-social behavior for almost my entire life.

read lot of contradicting advice, among a huge chain of corporative clinics/books/therapists that claim more than the bible itself. (dont believe in god btw)

on a side note and prob a bit narcissist behavior included:
its amazing how many ppl, especially females tell their horror stories of narcissist BF's. and even worse to see is that most advice given to these ppl that has relationships with narcissist is to run away from these them fast as they can like this is some kind of leprosy disease some centuries ago.

dont get me wrong, i would prob do the same if i was 'normal' person, but i would have to consider that selfish and even narcissistic behavior which makes it all kind of contradictory.
what if i come from a narcissistic family then? should other non narcissist family members avoid contact too ? should we all exile ourselves or comit suicide so the 'normal' race should live in peace and free from us ?

apologies if my 1st post here is too 'heavy', will try my best to be polite, have a constructive and helpful discussion, and respect forum terms. tks

 

[Buddy]

Hi DandG.

What do you mean by "just found out about being a narcissist?"

Welcome to the forum. Please stop by the newbie board and introduce yourself. How did you find the forum? Have you read any of the founder's work? We've got a lot of book and other resources here and it would help to know a bit more about you and your situation.

Thanks.

 

[DandG]

tks Buddy

i found out that i fit most of traits of a narcissist and at a high evolution level, i know my defensive system is very strong such as i've creating this personality over all my live. one of the most narcissist traits i fit in is the lack of empathy for other ppl and using others to achieve my goals.
was educated by a grandmother with high narcissist behavior towards their 4 children (one of them my mother).

i've done a lot of reading latelly and to be honest i found it very confusing on how many ppl (even sometimes from same 'field') contradicts.
theres a lot of information nowadays that someone with my condition is very easy lured into, whatever may be 'propaganda', valid and applicable content, true or false, etc.

i like forums cause it takes me to ppl that dont want to sell books, dvds, subscritions, or w/e the business is.

jmo

 

[Buddy]

How is it that you can accept such a diagnosis while being unable to have empathy for people?

 

[DandG]

maybe im not undertanding the question.

what does one thing has anything to do with the other ?

 

[Carl]

maybe im not undertanding the question.

what does one thing has anything to do with the other ?

Generally, a narcissist would not look over some information on narcissism, and suddenly decide that they fit the bill. Most of us have to have our narcissism pointed out to us, and that feels very bad, and we do not want to accept it.

What kind of situation led you to this realization?

 

[Buddy]

I agree with Carlise.

Have you ever put yourself in someone else's shoes which resulted in you mediating your behavior in order not to hurt them?

 

[DandG]

maybe im not undertanding the question.

what does one thing has anything to do with the other ?

Generally, a narcissist would not look over some information on narcissism, and suddenly decide that they fit the bill. Most of us have to have our narcissism pointed out to us, and that feels very bad, and we do not want to accept it.

the ways u see/find your true self dont matter. it may be pointed out, diagnosed, self realized, what does it matter?
why would a narcissist not look over some information on narcissism? prob cause he is in denial.
im not in denial, i can accept things.



What kind of situation led you to this realization?

many situations, a 31yo life.

I agree with Carlise.

Have you ever put yourself in someone else's shoes which resulted in you mediating your behavior in order not to hurt them?

sure i did, do u even know what a narcissist is? they live just like any other normal ppl, at least in my case. they mostly think/interact different.

 

[Buddy]

Have you ever put yourself in someone else's shoes which resulted in you mediating your behavior in order not to hurt them?

sure i did, do u even know what a narcissist is? they live just like any other normal ppl, at least in my case. they mostly think/interact different.

I didn't mean to confuse you. That was an empathy question. It's generally understood that empathy can act like a mediating emotion that rises to inform us we're about to hurt someone with our words or behavior and then we respond with a bit of self-control to prevent any harm.

So, you said you don't have empathy for people, yet you do have experience with behavior that demonstrates empathy?

 

[DandG]

I didn't mean to confuse you. That was an empathy question. It's generally understood that empathy can act like a mediating emotion that rises to inform us we're about to hurt someone with our words or behavior and then we respond with a bit of self-control to prevent any harm.
sry if my reply sounded harsh, but your question didnt seemed like u knew about narcissism

So, you said you don't have empathy for people, yet you do have experience with behavior that demonstrates empathy?

thats correct sir. after all u actually know how narcissist 'emulate' empathy

 

[DandG]

i guess it pictures like this: i can 'generate' false empathy for the ones that im interest in exploiting.

 

[Deleted member 8431]

Hi DandG,

I'm quite confused about your situation.

The point is that you seem to insist a lot on the fact that you are not part of the "normal race" and can't feel empathy at all which makes me really wonder about your motivations to overcome this problem.

You mentioned that you have been seeking help since you became aware that you were going to be a father. So does that mean you want to become a better person for the sake of your children? If so, wouldn't this be a direct sign of empathy?

If you genuinely couldn't feel any form of empathy (which is a characteristic of psychopathy), then I can't see why you would even be here on this board asking for help about this very issue.

So honestly, why do you want to overcome this issue? In what way does it bother you so much if you can't feel empathy?

Or do you simply want us to tell you that you are what you think you are?

I'm sorry, I don't want to sound rude or anything. I'm just trying to understand what's going on.

Also, I'm not an expert in this area so I may be wrong.

Peace.