Just a bad dream...

[know_yourself_1234]

Dear all,

Please let me relate what happened last night.

I first got up at 01:30 because I could not sleep. A dog was shouting very strangely around the area.
I had a break outside, had a walk in the garden, and felt a 'presence'; it was like time had stopped, there was something REALLY DISTURBING.
Something was clearly happening. Without fantasming - i realized there could be some unwanted, unseen yet presence around.

I went back to bed.

At 05:59 I woke up, and at 06:00 I fainted, after a really disturbing dream.

My dream was the following : we were in a room with other people, and there was my twin sister's boyfriend who was 'in charge'.
They were 'transfusing' us, taking and giving us blood. Other people had different blood types. I was 'representing mine' (A+).

Fainting never happened to me just after waking up from a bad dream. It usually happens to me when I hurt myself badly, or get a vaccine/blood prelevement.
What I experienced was dreadful, really painful, fearful and exausting.

I am normally able to grasp why I faint, and there are always reasons, for example the fact that a foreign body comes in mine (vaccination).
But this feeling was so real - I actually got the impression that it happened.

Applying my own 'strategic protection' provided an immediate relief - it was like what was happening was being cut off.

The last days I have been quite BROUGHT to read 'unholy hungers' - and discovered the fact of psychic vampires I am feeding in my life.
It helps me to realize that :
- I had given my power away to many many people and erroneous concepts
- how wrong I am about many beliefs, and particularly about the conspiracy theory
- my fears are only illusions coming out from my own psyche

And yesterday I REALLY ASKED MYSELF - without really finding the answer - if everything was an illusion, including the strangest phenomenons that happened during last month (I have to say that I found out that my closest relations MIGHT be not as kind as I thought - I have been wishing it was not so, and that this was just PROJECTIONS of my own mind - but it seems that I was really living in a kind of dream where everyone is kind, for 27 years).

After this event, I still have much wishful thinking; I admit that I cannot rely on MANY facts/events because I truly do not know what I really am.
But after this kind of event, my wishful thinking becomes 'everyone is kind - no no no there aren't bad people around'.

Before these days of change, my wishful thinking was more like 'i am an infinite god, seeking unconditionnal love to fight ennemies, because it is written on the web that they exist in such ways...wanting to experience attacks so that I could justify my SKILLS...'

But as I move further in joining myself truly, things are happening.
Today I do NOT want to experience attacks - I do NOT want to experience darkness - and it is coming STRAIGHT IN MY FACE.

I feel a bit lost. Do you have an idea on what I might rely on? Are these just remains of my wrong ideas of my twin sister's bofriend being 'related to 4D STS being', coupled with the impressive idea of 'psychic vampires' I discovered and am currently working on?

I have ALWAYS been 'provided' the 'correct material' in my life, when asking for it truly.
It was what happened when I found out a pdf copy of unholy hunger on the web.
Is this self-importance and still wishful thinking?

I feel ashamed because I know that it happened to me because i let it be so, even because I might want it to be so; I feel fear of something bigger than myself. I feel disturbed about the people around me. This is not easy task, but I wish I will overcome all this in the truth.

 

[Alma.Innovadora]

I Have To Say That I Found Out That My Closest relations Might Not Be as kind as I Thought - I Have Been Wishing It Was not so, And That This Was just projections of my own mind - But It Seems That I was really living in a kind of dream Where everyone is kind, for 27 years

It is your own perception. For example, when we always expect good things for people, or someone "special" without doubt that anything will ever harm us. It is quite the opposite, and the pain comes in different ways.

But After This kind of event, my wishful thinking Becomes' everyone is kind - no no no There Are not bad people around. "

You yourself are responding, "My iluscion becomes"... in only more illusions.

Today I do NOT want to experience Attacks - I do NOT want to experience darkness - and it is coming STRAIGHT IN MY FACE.

The worst attack that we receive from the "darkness" is one that we choose by ourselves. I am talking about creating a corner in our mind where we're just going for things that make us feel good, out of fear and out of pain. There are many subtle attacks, we must take special care when everything is of "wonder" because they can get away from actually doing something practical for our soul.

Is this self-Importance and Still wishful thinking?

Yes, it is part of a wide range of that desires are rooted in the ego. In the "I" illusory, attribute to ourselves qualities that we do not have.

"The Importance Is Our Greatest Enemy. Think about it - what weakens us is feeling Offended by the Deeds and misdeeds of Our fellowmen. Our Self-Importance Requires That We spend most of Our Lives Offended by someone." - Carlos Castaneda, The Teachings of Don Juan.

I feel ashamed Because I Know That It Happened to me because i let it be so, Even Because I might want it to be so, I feel fear of something bigger than myself. I feel disturbed about the people around me. This is Not Easy Task, But I wish I will Overcome all this in the truth.

It is part of this school. One tends to be afraid of something "bigger" than us, by our condition as humans. One feels small when our fear and imagination run freely through our soul and then create a disorder in our thoughts. We must take control, thinking with a hammer. Certainly not an easy task, fighting against the forces that keep us glued to our being illusory.

We chose, now we must continue reading and thinking.

 

[know_yourself_1234]

Dear Alma,

Thank you for your answer. It makes much sense to me, even if this dream was particularly real and frightening...

It seems obvious that La Gorda was hanging around (well, she's still a too good friend of mine... )

Thank you for pointing these things out, it is very helpful; my 'self-correction' tends to come from my ego or my so-little actual soul (well, what remains from what I've done to him), and I understand the need to ask for external advices and views on my actions and thoughts.