Life is religion OR juggling work with the Work

[GqSoul]

I'm really excited to be posting on the forum again after a long hiatus. Thanks to everyone in the community who participate and provide a nurturing environment for those at varying stages in the work.

After 3 years of intensive searching and expanding my knowledge base, I feel that the "terror of the situation," at some point, became more than I could manage. I had undergone similar initiation experiences as Laura and others describe; I was seeing myself and the world around me with more objectivity, struggling with my programs/predators mind, and as I thought, reached the moment of that "featherweight" decision. learning from others' experience, I tried to always make use of the strategic enclosure; I didn't completely avoid running afoul of the General Law, however, as that period marked one of multiple attacks that ultimately left me depressed and unemployed at the height of the economic downturn.

For the better part of last year (while I was unemployed), I had been doing EE fairly consistently, participating more in the forum, and reading through the top 5 psych books. I also meditated on the meaning of "life is religion," worked on thinking with a hammer, as well as bringing into my emotional experience the various heady concepts I'd been dealing with. I've been back to the workforce now 8 months, and life has hit me harder than I was prepared for. During that time I have scarcely read, meditated, or otherwise fed my soul or engaged in any meaningful Work on myself, seemingly.

I'm finding that this balancing of the outer/inner life has been the most emotionally demanding and I haven't done it very well honestly. It seems I'm learning more about what "suffering" means. I am trying though to learn the lessons. Observing all of the programs I have running, integrating knowledge, navigating relationships, struggling with career/economic considerations and trying to maintain hope as I see the world devolve into chaos, is impossible to do--alone. This is what I'm learning, in a way that can't compare to simple intellectual assent. I NEED this network and ask that the universe sustains my newly provoked Will. I've had the FOTCM application since it was first available, but have allowed it to gather dusty so far. I aim to complete that step, continue cleansing my machine through diet/EE, and help to advance the work if possible.

Forgive the length of this post; maybe this should be in the Swamp. I feel I needed to express/journal this to myself for motivation and hopefully it inspires others.

 

[EmeraldHope]

GqSoul,

I think all of us involved with this process go through the same struggles of balancing the inner and outer. I know have, for sure. Having a network is crucial. I wish I would have accepted that earlier. I had bad experiences with groups as a child and that held me back far longer than I would have liked. I am that glad you recognize the imprortance of how crucial it is.


I understand your situation. I am still unemployed and it seems to be a very bad time to be in that boat. As difficult as it is, be thankful that at least you are currently employed. The rest is just a matter of balancing your free time to the best of your ability , to find the time to add in the B influences. When I was still employed and working on myself at the same time, I went by the 80/20 rule. I have a sales background and that concept is drilled into salespeople all the time. But I applied it like this- 20% of what I do is responsible for 100% of my results- the other 80% is fluff. What is crucial and what is fluff? Whatever was fluff I got rid of, streamlined the other 20%, and used the freed up spare time for reading, etc. I always kept a book with me. I read during lunch breaks. I read while waiting in any situtation. I quit watching TV. I cut out just about all frivilous phone calls. I think you may see where I am going with this. The time is there, you just have to prioritize it.

 

[wanderer]

Hi GqSoul,

I'm going through the same same thing. It's been a recurring pattern in my life to let my job or personal projects take over my life to the detriment of everything else, been there done that many times. It's been a tough lesson to learn, and seems all the more urgent now. Like you, I stopped posting here, only lurking on a fairly regular basis, and feel disconnected now. My EE practice was not as consistent as it should be, but it was enough to keep me more balanced than in past episodes. There's a place of peace and joy within me that I can always reach, when I remember to do it.

I got a nice gift the other day. I friend told that she'd purchased the EE program. It made me feel like I'd at least done some small thing to help promote the work. Then she said she saw my testimonial on the site - I had no idea it was there. Now I've done 2 small things! Not much, but it's a start.

I think we just need to be gentle with ourselves. There's no point in beating ourselves up over this. We are where we are on the path and we can't skip the lessons that are in front of us. We just need to find our balance again and get on with the work. Maybe next time we'll be awake and aware enough do the right thing in real time.

 

[Iron]

Now you are perhaps in a most favourable position to do Work, given that life is beating you with a stick.
The worst life conditions are most fruitfull to work, given that one remembers the work.

How are you feeling by all this? How you are reacting to the new pressure? I mean reacting in specific situations. Taking note of those things may provide you with more information about yourself.

Have you tried splitting up the EE practice?
Three stage breathing in the mornings and meditation before bed? Maybe add BaHa breathing when you are confortable with the schedule and new pressure?

Maybe its a good time to self observe and to take note of the mechanicalness of the situations around you!

 

[GqSoul]

Thank you Wanderer, Iron, and Emerald Hope for your encouraging and thought provoking responses. As soon as I get the hang of using the quote function on my phone I'll be able to address certain things more directly, but please bear with the paraphrasing for now.

EH, the 80/20 concept really resonates with me. I was also in sales, as a technology recruiter/headhunter. The practices you suggest were a constant habit for me at that time, and with the new reality I began to see, I couldn't help but voraciously devour information. What I notice now, in retrospect, is that I didn't digest as much as I would've hoped; and without the feedback system of a network, I found many of the things I did grasp were not balanced with doing/experience/emotion/mirroring. I'm working on getting back to time-stretching practices as before, only this go round I expect being plugged into the network will make a world of difference.

Wanderer's comment on being gentle with ourselves is definitely good advice, and even better practice. Like you said, it seems to come down to achieving balance. At times "seeing" myself & surroundings gives me a good kick in the butt while at other times it triggers a mechanical response and I just sit on my butt. At the very least, my aim is to be aware of those mechanical reactions in all there subtle forms as Iron mentions.

Thanks also for the recommendation on splitting up the EE program Iron; I was just reading about that yesterday. I'm really excited to be doing it again, so I'm warning myself to take it slowly least the detox effect knocks me down for the count.

I'm not sure how many others can relate to this , but one of my programs seems to be withdrawing from others, becoming extremely introspective, and trying to work out my problems/crises in isolation. That's one of the major reasons I'm finding the EE to be such a godsend, because doing the Work seems to trigger this thing in overdrive. I believe EE is helping me rightly use my emotional center vs. intellectual & motor. I would love to hear how others are dealing with the more frightening aspects of seeing, especially the ponerization of society and the seeming powerlessness to influence the world's march to destruction.

 

[Alana]

I'm not sure how many others can relate to this , but one of my programs seems to be withdrawing from others, becoming extremely introspective, and trying to work out my problems/crises in isolation. That's one of the major reasons I'm finding the EE to be such a godsend, because doing the Work seems to trigger this thing in overdrive. I believe EE is helping me rightly use my emotional center vs. intellectual & motor. I would love to hear how others are dealing with the more frightening aspects of seeing, especially the ponerization of society and the seeming powerlessness to influence the world's march to destruction.

For me it comes and goes, as in cycles. Each time it seems that addition of information or new events unfolding bring the terror of the situation closer to home. Sometimes i seek solitude, like you, and all i want to do is hide under my bed covers and cry my eyes out or just scream. Sometimes i do it. But soon i remember that i am not alone and i return here, where i know others are going through the same process i am going through, and i, like you all, can't do it alone, we need each other. Just reading other people's process fills me with admiration and love for their struggle, and hope for all of us. Each step one member makes forward, is a step for us all. That reminds me the importance of me making that step myself. It's not just for me, or about me. I keep reminding myself this, especially on those days when part of me loves to whine: "why do *I* always have to push forward, *my* life is so hard, it's been so unfair to *me*, i just need to rest". Staying in that frame of mind, no matter how much that part of me loves it, never did me or anybody any good.

Sometimes a member asks a question, has problem and needs advice and i find that i might have something to say to them, or direct them to where they can find the information. There are SO many projects in this very forum alone, and participating in some, in whatever capacity i can, always makes me feel that at least i am doing something. Knowing that there are people all around the world suffering and dying needlessly everyday because of psychopath's plans or way of ruling us, is enough motivation to want me to expose them and spread the truth they are trying to hide far and wide. Following the diet to heal my body and my mind is also part of this, as it makes me more able to be of help when and where needed. Whenever i have time, i try to read and learn as much as possible about my self, human nature and the world we live in, so that i become an objective being in service to the universe. Ark's and that other guy's Event Enhanced Quantum Theory always inspires me:

Our universe seems to be made up of matter/energy and of consciousness.

Matter/energy by itself "prefers", as it seems, a chaotic state.

Matter/energy by itself doesn't even have a concept of "creation" or "organization". It is the consciousness that brings to life these concepts and by its interaction with matter pushes the universe towards chaos and decay or towards order and creation.

This phenomenon can modeled mathematically and simulated on a computer using EEQT (Event Enhanced Quantum Theory). Whether EEQT faithfully models the interaction of consciousness with matter, we do not know; but chances are that it does because it seems to describe correctly physical phenomena better than just the orthodox quantum mechanics or its rival theories (Bohmian mechanics, GRW etc.)

What we learn from EEQT can be described in simple terms as follows:

Let us call our material universe "the system". The system is characterized by a certain "state". It is useful to represent the state of the system as a point on a disc. The central point of the disk, its origin, is the state of chaos. We could also describe it as "Infinite Potential." The points on the boundary represents "pure states" of being, that is states with "pure, non- fuzzy, knowledge". In between there are mixed states. The closer the state is to the boundary, the more pure, more 'organized' it is.

Now, an external "observer", a "consciousness unit", has some idea - maybe accurate, maybe false or anywhere in between - about the "real state" of the system, and observes the system with this "belief" about the state. Observation, if prolonged, causes the state of the system to "jump". In this sense, you DO "create your own reality", but the devil, as always, is in the details.

The details are that the resulting state of the system under observation can be more pure, or more chaotic depending on the "direction" of the jump. The direction of the jump depends on how objective - how close to the reality of the actual state - the observation is.

According to EEQT if the expectations of the observer are close to the actual state of the system, the system jumps, more often than not, into more organized, less chaotic state.

If, on the other hand, the expectation of the observer is close to the negation of the actual state (that is when the observer's beliefs are closer to being false than to being true according to the ACTUAL state - the objective reality), then the state of the system, typically, will jump into a state that is more chaotic, less organized. Moreover, it will take, as a rule, much longer time to accomplish such a jump.

In other words, if the observer's knowledge of the actual state is close to the truth, then the very act of observation and verification causes a jump quickly, and the resulting state is more organized. If the observer's knowledge of the actual state is false, then it takes usually a long time to cause a change in the state of the system, and the resulting state is more chaotic.

What this means is that order can be brought out of chaos by observing chaos as it IS and not pretending that it is otherwise.

In short, everyone who "believes" in an attempt to "create reality" that is different from what IS, increases the chaos and entropy. If your beliefs are orthogonal to the truth, no matter how strongly you believe them, you are essentially coming into conflict with how the Universe views itself and I can assure you, you ain't gonna win that contest. You are inviting destruction upon yourself and all who engage in this "staring down the universe" exercise with you.

On the other hand, if you are able to view the Universe as it views itself, objectively, without blinking, and with acceptance, you then become more "aligned" with the Creative energy of the universe and your very consciousness becomes a transducer of order. Your energy of observation, given unconditionally, can bring order to chaos, can create out of infinite potential.

And i breathe and say the Prayer of the Soul everyday.

I am sure others will share what drives them and what helps them, and Laura did extensively in her books too. You can find inspiration there. So start by taking it a little step a day. Movement, no matter the speed, is still progress. FWIW, and hope it helps you in some way, GqSoul

 

[Breton]

Like Alana said, I also have up and down cycles in this area.

At this very moment, I am feeling a slow burning anger. It is an anger at feeling too distracted by "everyday cares" - looking after kids, a non-collinear relationship, household chores, fixing the car and spending my days at a boring job to get my wage to feed the family. I would want less of that, and more time and energy for important things: to study, to breathe, exercise, learn how to detox and improve my diet, learn my machine and programs, and contribute and share with others on this road to more objectivity! Further, after all the work and studying I have done, I am frustrated that I cannot seem to get time to help out others on this forum very much!

However, I have been here before, and the feeling will pass, and once again I suspect that I will do what I will do, and be satisfied also with even small steps and small amounts of progress.

Even posting briefly here, (taking a tea-break at work!) is a bit of a way for me to fight against the general law that wants to keep my thoughts solely on everyday things that are only serving mine, and my family's, immediate physical needs.

As soon as I get the hang of using the quote function on my phone ...

Excellent you are doing what you can to access the forum as you can - using your phone! It surely is not optimum, and exposes ourselves to more radiation, but ya gotta do what ya gotta do! I have had to use my phone a lot to catch those moments in the day to study or surf, in these important matters and still juggle all my "obyvatel" duties.

Good luck and keep up the fight against sleep and attacks of the General Law!


Note about obyvatel -Russian word Gurdjieff uses in In Search Of the Miraculous, to mean something like a "good householder".

 

[GqSoul]

11:11, I suppose it's an auspicious time to be posting
Alana, thank you for investing the time to reference Ark's EEQT. When I first researched it, I remember the pronounced mind-shift it caused for me and the counterpoint it provided to the whole YCYOR shtick. A review of the material here is definitely in order. Your reminder that "It's not about me," is also really timely. As I take a step back and observe my experience/our experiences, I realize a couple things: 1). "I will do what I will do" highlights the fact that despite my guilt and need to show contrition programs, I experienced what I did because there were lessons to learn that I couldn't just skip because I imagined I "should" be farther along. 2). Accepting the model of the nonlinear effects of our actions, and also taking to heart the notion that we are infinitesimal parts of an unfathomable cosmic whole, I can find joy in the smallest progressive steps and be humbled at the thought that I am one of innumerable students that have our will learn the same lessons. I'm happy to be on the quest with this community. I think the EE its starting to recharge some brain cells.

Breton, congratulations on finding the calm during the storm to make a post! The anger you're describing sounds like the necessary heating of the crucible; I also find some irony in how its easier to appreciate the positive in these things when it's someone else's experience

I say relish the moment of clarity; who knows what kind of catalyst it will turn out to be. On a lighter note, thanks for the linguistics lesson...I do have a fascination with languages. I'd love to continue a discussion on obyvatel, and especially non-colinear relationships in the appropriate section/thread.

Continue to fight the good fight; survival seems to be a prerequisite to doing the Work ;D