Long Distance Parental Connections and Grief

[Three Times]

For a long time I felt I had become stronger in my ability to cope with my situation in regards to the physical distance between myself and my family. By that I mean my children (11, 14, 16), who live a 5 hours drive away, and my parents, and siblings who live in other states. I live alone, but I am grateful for my close friends, and for my life; which in reality is pretty good (despite the craziness of the world).

For the last week things (emotions) have bubbled back up as my children are stretching their legs towards adulthood; and whilst I am grateful for the time I get with them ( I see them once a fortnight and for the school holidays), I feel like I am grieving for the time I have lost and the moments that I will never get back (the past), but also feeling sad in knowing that as they grow older they will find their own path/life/family and that I will be less a part of their life (the future). There is also happiness in seeing them grow and evolve, but that's not what I am feeling at the moment.

This part of being a parent is perhaps something I have tried to not think into too much (or avoided) probably for a number of reasons, but I guess avoiding thinking about it doesn't help you cope with these things when they finally become real.

I feel I have a pretty good relationship with my kids but have felt this sadness beginning to impinge on my conversations with them, as it is in my mind when I am talking with them, which I guess sort of makes me annoyed at myself.

I know this situation is something that many people go through, but I am hoping by sharing or externalising these thoughts and writing them down it will help me to work through this, to cope, to learn and to grow and to be the best dad I can be.

 

[Luis Miguel]

Thanks for sharing, Three Times. It's good to vent once in a while.

You love them deeply and want the best for them, and at the same time, you have to let them go with the understanding that it's a natural development of parenthood. Acknowledging the grief and allowing yourself to feel it is part of the process. Sharing about it helps a lot too.

The relationship changes over time, but they will always be a part of your life, and you will always be part of theirs.

Try not focus on the moments you will never get back, there's still plenty of time to share with them as they grow up.

Take care.

 

[Nathancat7]

Well sometimes I grieve and I'm not really comfortable when I do because these things just come out naturally and they don't have to ever be focused or fixated on.
I remember when I was young I used to not necessarily have expectations with people and I just was in the just present in the present focus on learning the truth about things
It's like I have to relearn how to just speaking of President looking to the Future.
Just be in the present looking for the future lol.
The other thing that I do, although I didn't do it today, is praying with pictures of my parents in the morning usually and maybe you can do that with your kids.

 

[Three Times]

Thanks for sharing, Three Times. It's good to vent once in a while.

You love them deeply and want the best for them, and at the same time, you have to let them go with the understanding that it's a natural development of parenthood. Acknowledging the grief and allowing yourself to feel it is part of the process. Sharing about it helps a lot too.

The relationship changes over time, but they will always be a part of your life, and you will always be part of theirs.

Try not focus on the moments you will never get back, there's still plenty of time to share with them as they grow up.

Take care.

Thanks for taking the time to read and reply to my post. I do need to focus more on making the most of each moment rather than the things I can't change. I try to take the lessons from the past and move forward without it turning in to dwelling on it, but I'm still working on strengthening that aspect of myself :) Once I wrote this post I did feel better, I guess putting it into words helped. Acknowledging grief externally is something I used to avoid, but I have got a lot better at it over time, but there is always a new lesson each day to keep me on my toes. And you are right, there still is plenty of time to share with them :)

Thanks again

 

[Three Times]

Well sometimes I grieve and I'm not really comfortable when I do because these things just come out naturally and they don't have to ever be focused or fixated on.
I remember when I was young I used to not necessarily have expectations with people and I just was in the just present in the present focus on learning the truth about things
It's like I have to relearn how to just speaking of President looking to the Future.
Just be in the present looking for the future lol.
The other thing that I do, although I didn't do it today, is praying with pictures of my parents in the morning usually and maybe you can do that with your kids.

Thanks for taking the time to read and reply :) You reminded me of something I forgot to do yesterday which I have restarted, which is meditating on my kids having happy and healthy lives and giving them a mental hug each morning. I did that this morning whilst sitting out in the sun, it does help. Thanks again :)

 

[Nathancat7]

You are welcome, I'm glad to hear it.