SHNAGFNAY
Jedi Master
I will stop my reading and not visit the forum any more. I hope to begin a new different chapter in my personal life. I come to this point where I have a concentrated mind which energy is strong and clear, but which thoughts are slow and hard to turn around once it pulls a given direction. It feels bad most of the time but later I feel better. Something I have read, somewhere that boggle my mind, can really destroy me mentally and make me really lazy and possessed. It can be really just that I don't remember something and that nags my mind, then I look said info up, read, and have to read the day after again, then it just goes on and on with more things I remember, until I have to read longer texts again. It's as if I don't want to know anything now but only know what I can see and touch. I feel mentally drained and don't have the patience I used to have. It feels better that I don't have it, because having that makes me careless with details, and I jumped ahead and speed read, which was not good. But I wanted to make sure I didn't miss some piece of information. I need to free my mind with all the information I have gathered for these 20 year I have followed the Cassiopeans. I need to change what I am. I need to change and stop my online habits, and go out there in the world and interact physically.
I have no social life; I need to focus on a totally new path. I will focus on learning how to talk better, try to get friends, and get excited about daily life or what can happen instead of being a person who is always online. I want to have the eyes of a man who has learned this far but should view things on my own now and perhaps learn from people I can find in society. There is nothing wrong with this forum or related material, it's just that I have autism and psychosis and aren't fit to remember details, it makes this whole task impossible for me. I never really understood everything and I realize I never will. Right now, I wonder if I have what is called a 'black magnetic center'. It's just that I am worried and that I don't know what that is, so I get these thoughts that what if I have it. But I don't want to read about that now, but I tried to do so. But I will not talk about the esoteric or get excited with people over matters. I rather just get some friends and go out having some fun, talking about totally different things. Not much has happened in my life when it comes to others, all my experiences have been lived out in my loneliness.
Whatever happens, it has been a ride thus far, but I am not sure what I will become, but the influence here I believe will keep me an honest person who means well. (I cry I little I admit) Life is short, I had a good time with you here.
I wish you all good, and want to thank everybody who has helped me. I just decided I did not want to leave without a trace and if the mods want to lock the thread that is fine with me.
Bye.
I have no social life; I need to focus on a totally new path. I will focus on learning how to talk better, try to get friends, and get excited about daily life or what can happen instead of being a person who is always online. I want to have the eyes of a man who has learned this far but should view things on my own now and perhaps learn from people I can find in society. There is nothing wrong with this forum or related material, it's just that I have autism and psychosis and aren't fit to remember details, it makes this whole task impossible for me. I never really understood everything and I realize I never will. Right now, I wonder if I have what is called a 'black magnetic center'. It's just that I am worried and that I don't know what that is, so I get these thoughts that what if I have it. But I don't want to read about that now, but I tried to do so. But I will not talk about the esoteric or get excited with people over matters. I rather just get some friends and go out having some fun, talking about totally different things. Not much has happened in my life when it comes to others, all my experiences have been lived out in my loneliness.
Whatever happens, it has been a ride thus far, but I am not sure what I will become, but the influence here I believe will keep me an honest person who means well. (I cry I little I admit) Life is short, I had a good time with you here.
I wish you all good, and want to thank everybody who has helped me. I just decided I did not want to leave without a trace and if the mods want to lock the thread that is fine with me.
Bye.
