othree
Jedi
hi ya'll,
i joined this forum primarily because i needed some clarity about my boss ... to help me understand whether i was dealing with a tortured soul, an organic portal, a sociopath or possibly a psychopath or just a really really bad boss, whether she was put in my life to create pain and suffering so that i could create food for the lizzies or whether i chose to put her in my life to learn a lesson - or a mix of those options LOL ... it seems that the issue has resolved itself over the last few days which were filled with completely absurd drama which led me to my decision to give her my 2 weeks notice tomorrow ... not that i have found any definitive answer to any of those questions but judging from the feeling of lightness, joy and freedom since i made my decision i think there was definitely something sickening going on and that i made the right decision ... or have i forgone a possibility to overcome my ego and grow ... ?
having been with her for 8 months (with a short 2 weeks break inbetween) of which the first 6 consisted of working AND living with her (i was wwoofing the first 6 months) certain things are completely clear to me:
- that it's the classical case of the abused child becoming the abuser. she told me once that her father was a tyrant (to whom she does not talk at all right now) and her mother abused her both emotionally and physically (i do not think sexually, but regular beatings and what she called "slapping around") until her late teens. she is aware of that but justifies the abuse as something good because in the end it made her "tough, hard and independent". so my amateur psychologist take on it is: as long as she justifies the abuse done to her, she'll continue to be a perpetrator herself. and so what i've been seeing ever since i started working for her is that she stretches people to their physical limits as far as working hours are concerned (10 hour days are nothing unsual, one girl put in her time card for the past 2 weeks with 100 hours on it; another girl reported that she would be denied lunch breaks but then found out that when it came to the pay - hours have been deducted from her total hours for lunch breaks she never took). that's both true for girls and boys. but the girls usually get an extra treatment which i call "the evil tyrant stepmother is chastising her misbehaving children" act. she basically starts talking with a anger and hatred-filled high pitched authoritarian, disrespectful tone which is only half-heartedly masking a white hot rage boiling inside of her. at the same time her face gets all tense, her head is jolted forward, her eyes spit fire as if she was demonically possessed and wanted to set you ablaze just by looking at you and her hand is nervously twirling at her hair at the back of her head. it's really scary. the feeling that she evokes through that is fear. she rules by fear.
- she has been living in this city for over 20 years, has had her business for 8 years, yet the employee who has been with her the longest am i at the moment - 8 months. the next one in line: 7 months. after that: 2 months and 1 month. as one of the new girls (1 month) told me: when you hear those numbers then you're immediately aware of a red flag. if someone has an established business and the oldest employee has been there for only few months ... you know something's not right.
- she verbally abuses her husband constantly and in front of everyone. she does that because she feels he's a macho, doesn't allow her to live her life and doesn't do what she tells him to do. yet what we see (i don't know all the details of what is going on btw them behind closed doors, except that they have not shared a bed in 8 years or so - mostly because he was not interested or busy or both she told me) is that he's in complete service to her. he rarely talks back, remains always calm towards her even when she acts completely hysterical, and when she calls "can you help me?" he calls back without hesitation "yes, i'm coming!". he works for her constantly. whatever she wants, he does it. and all that knowing that she wants a divorce from him. they already agreed on that. yet, he still wants to see her succeed and prosper and keep the house and seemingly does everything right now to make that happen for her.
so although the story is about to end btw her and me i would still be interested in finding an answer to the above question ... so if anyone reading this has questions or comments or ideas which will help me to find clarification i'd love to engage in a discussion ...
today, having already gained an emotional distance from all that drama and having remembered a recent flashback article on sott.net about the human flesh searches in china i got the idea of creating a website, similar to yelp, which would provide information on bosses. so that former or current employees of different companies could share their stories with their bosses to offer as an information data for future employees. it would serve at the same time as a kind of voluntary watchdog agency on abusive bosses ... i don't know whether i'm making myself clear ... i think here in the states there would be the whole issue with libel ... so maybe everyone using that website would have to agree to use the info only for personal use and not to damage the given business ... i'm shooting out some ideas here ... let me know what you guys think ...
thanks
i joined this forum primarily because i needed some clarity about my boss ... to help me understand whether i was dealing with a tortured soul, an organic portal, a sociopath or possibly a psychopath or just a really really bad boss, whether she was put in my life to create pain and suffering so that i could create food for the lizzies or whether i chose to put her in my life to learn a lesson - or a mix of those options LOL ... it seems that the issue has resolved itself over the last few days which were filled with completely absurd drama which led me to my decision to give her my 2 weeks notice tomorrow ... not that i have found any definitive answer to any of those questions but judging from the feeling of lightness, joy and freedom since i made my decision i think there was definitely something sickening going on and that i made the right decision ... or have i forgone a possibility to overcome my ego and grow ... ?
having been with her for 8 months (with a short 2 weeks break inbetween) of which the first 6 consisted of working AND living with her (i was wwoofing the first 6 months) certain things are completely clear to me:
- that it's the classical case of the abused child becoming the abuser. she told me once that her father was a tyrant (to whom she does not talk at all right now) and her mother abused her both emotionally and physically (i do not think sexually, but regular beatings and what she called "slapping around") until her late teens. she is aware of that but justifies the abuse as something good because in the end it made her "tough, hard and independent". so my amateur psychologist take on it is: as long as she justifies the abuse done to her, she'll continue to be a perpetrator herself. and so what i've been seeing ever since i started working for her is that she stretches people to their physical limits as far as working hours are concerned (10 hour days are nothing unsual, one girl put in her time card for the past 2 weeks with 100 hours on it; another girl reported that she would be denied lunch breaks but then found out that when it came to the pay - hours have been deducted from her total hours for lunch breaks she never took). that's both true for girls and boys. but the girls usually get an extra treatment which i call "the evil tyrant stepmother is chastising her misbehaving children" act. she basically starts talking with a anger and hatred-filled high pitched authoritarian, disrespectful tone which is only half-heartedly masking a white hot rage boiling inside of her. at the same time her face gets all tense, her head is jolted forward, her eyes spit fire as if she was demonically possessed and wanted to set you ablaze just by looking at you and her hand is nervously twirling at her hair at the back of her head. it's really scary. the feeling that she evokes through that is fear. she rules by fear.
- she has been living in this city for over 20 years, has had her business for 8 years, yet the employee who has been with her the longest am i at the moment - 8 months. the next one in line: 7 months. after that: 2 months and 1 month. as one of the new girls (1 month) told me: when you hear those numbers then you're immediately aware of a red flag. if someone has an established business and the oldest employee has been there for only few months ... you know something's not right.
- she verbally abuses her husband constantly and in front of everyone. she does that because she feels he's a macho, doesn't allow her to live her life and doesn't do what she tells him to do. yet what we see (i don't know all the details of what is going on btw them behind closed doors, except that they have not shared a bed in 8 years or so - mostly because he was not interested or busy or both she told me) is that he's in complete service to her. he rarely talks back, remains always calm towards her even when she acts completely hysterical, and when she calls "can you help me?" he calls back without hesitation "yes, i'm coming!". he works for her constantly. whatever she wants, he does it. and all that knowing that she wants a divorce from him. they already agreed on that. yet, he still wants to see her succeed and prosper and keep the house and seemingly does everything right now to make that happen for her.
so although the story is about to end btw her and me i would still be interested in finding an answer to the above question ... so if anyone reading this has questions or comments or ideas which will help me to find clarification i'd love to engage in a discussion ...
today, having already gained an emotional distance from all that drama and having remembered a recent flashback article on sott.net about the human flesh searches in china i got the idea of creating a website, similar to yelp, which would provide information on bosses. so that former or current employees of different companies could share their stories with their bosses to offer as an information data for future employees. it would serve at the same time as a kind of voluntary watchdog agency on abusive bosses ... i don't know whether i'm making myself clear ... i think here in the states there would be the whole issue with libel ... so maybe everyone using that website would have to agree to use the info only for personal use and not to damage the given business ... i'm shooting out some ideas here ... let me know what you guys think ...
thanks
