My poem for Trey

KristinLynne

KristinLynne

Jedi Council Member
FOTCM Member
Since so many here have shared so much, I wanted to offer this piece of poetry which was written shorty after, while in deep grief. Putting it to words in this fashion helped me deal with all the thoughts and emotions that were running through my head. Later I started a letter to him and it is up to about 25 pages long but I do stop for a bit and then something will come up and I'll find other things I wish I could say to him. Writing has helped get all those thoughts out and later I can re read and look at them from a different perspective. Well here goes...


As dawn broke and the day began
I woke up all alone again
As I quietly came to and started my day
I wondered what I did to push you away
As you counted down the days to be free
I wondered how your future would be
We spoke by phone once or twice
The week before you lost your life
You were mad and I was too
At how the world was treatin' you
But we had time or so I thought
For me to teach what needed to be taught

I saw the news and got mad as hell
Even before we knew you weren’t well
The news came in and just couldn’t be true
I had to see with my own eyes before I knew
As I kneeled down to touch your face
I knew you had gone to a better place
But what am I supposed to do
Left here all alone without you

The next two days were planned with care
So many loved you so many were there
After many had left mostly in a daze
I returned to your final resting place
It didn’t seem real it didn’t seem right
I have lost my vision and my inner light
You are my reason you are my soul
And now that you’re gone I may never be whole
Another tragedy and one great loss
What I wouldn’t give to be the one under the moss

As days go by and nights go on
I still wait right here by the phone
I know it may seem crazy or lame
But it is true just the same
If I could I would give every last dime
To hear your voice just one last time
You had no idea how loved you are
But now you can see from your own star
Your friends have stepped up to help with the grief
And I know you look down with pride and relief
You left to soon and will be missed by all
So until that time I’ll wait for your call
 
Great poem, KristinLynne. I hope it has and continues to help in the healing process for you to write. :hug2:
 
It flowed very well, and it made me sad.

When you said this here:
KristinLynne]I feel like I let him down once and don't want to do it again.[/quote] What gave you reason to feel that you let Trey down? Does it have anything to do with this: [quote author=KristinLynne said:
You were mad and I was too
At how the world was treatin' you
Click to expand...
I'm just curious, sorry.
 
Thanks everyone for all your kind words and letting me share.

Muxel it does. I was 18 when he was born and left his father shortly after he was born. He simply wasn't ready to be a dad and then my mother tricked me into moving back home with her. Later mom threw me out again but kept my son. Being 19 then I didn't have the money to fight her and so I told myself it was for the best. In truth the school system there was much better than the county I live which is the next one over so as he got older I didn't see him as much. That was the first big mistake and the second one was beyond my control but he decided to go live with his dad when he was 16.

I knew this wasn't going to be a good situation because my ex was on his 3rd wife and they were simply trying to save that $205 a month in child support. They were also looking for domestic labor because they just had their first child. Trey was there for 7 months and it was the worst experience of his life and he got more than he bargain for. There was a lot of drama when he left from his dad's to go back to my moms to finish out his senior year. Again I wanted him to come and live with me but he wanted to stay with his friends for the last year...so what do you do? I couldn't get him to tell me everything that happened there but he was very angry at the world and his dad in particular for all the lies and broken promises. I tried to tell him the truth about his dad without making it sound like I was just bashing him but I knew he would have to learn that on his own. He was gone 5 months later.
 
It's been almost a month now because I didn't know what to say, but: All is lessons, and infinite timelines exist where Trey did not die, or moved in with you instead of his dad, or was never even born. This timeline became your lesson so you would learn from it. The Trey you knew was an essential part of this timeline, so he is not lost to you if you accept his gift.

Now that you've told me so much about Trey....I'd like to have met him. But you can't meet everybody in the Universe....or can you? ;)
 
I am so sorry to be so sad or even still a little angry at myself and don't mean to bring anyone down. :) Especially here around the holiday's because I truly want folks to enjoy their time with their loved ones. I want to thank you for taking the time to read and care.

All of the reading I've done here has inspired to me to write even more and the blog is turning into a small novel. Who knew I had so much more to say! Struggling to find the right words is a real challenge and it has kept me busy for the last few months. I also had the idea to link songs in the post that suited the content or idea and it has really turned into a study of the bread and circus life I had. I am trying to use humor to get my points across so that any of the kids I know who happened to trip over it can relate to it and just maybe find something they can use. When I get a little more done I think I might post it in the blog section... if I am brave enough! If your interested let me know and I'll post the link for you.

You are so right about the timeline and realities. I do feel like he did what he needed to and and moved on to the next part too. As for meeting everyone in the universe, I've been thinking that maybe that's why we reincarnate so many times... so we can meet every version of ourselves to learn every lesson before becoming one with all? Just a thought... and Happy Holidays!
 
Thanks again and you too! I just post it in the blog section but please take your time. It will be there for a while and it is still growing.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Trending content

Back
Top Bottom