Dear all,
So pleased I have found this forum.
My family and I are in the middle of a storm, I regret to say ; caused by the girlfriend of my eldest son.
I read the cassipea report on psychpathy, and am sad to say the dots are connecting concerning the GF of my eldest.
On the other hand I am pleased that the text revealed that a lot of intuitive thoughts by my wife and I were correct, during the course of my sons' relationship with her,
we have now moved into a phase of surrealism, where the phrase "worst nightmare" would be not lightly used.
I like to think of our family as a warm unit with a balanced view on life, our 2 sons (now 21 & 23) are diligent, funny and kind fellows with who we have a good rapport.
3 years ago my eldest son got mesmerized ( for use of a better word) by a woman 5 years his senior, she had a restaurant, he started to work there, in the following 18 months never saw a paycheck, was done for 3000 $ of his savings to "invest" in her biz, 3 months into the relationship she asked him for a baby, he declined, first but was pressured and 6 months later she was pregnant.
In retrospect she kept out of the picture, was isolating him, kept us from seeing our grandchild, etc.
Her mother (50) who worked a fulltime job, and evenings in the restaurant, and lived with them, she became the main figure in granddaughters life.
Patterns emerged, and it seemed the mother of the GF of my son, always excused any behaviour by saying, "once she gets it into her head..." or "you don't know how she can get!".
Our son is the most loyal person you can imagine, and had to "battle" for keeping contact with us, I saw him get degraded, humiliated and once in a proper job he had to hand in his money and got a mini allowance.
... you must think I seem a gullible and simple mind ( as I re read this maybe I would too) but it crept into our lives like a mould, and I always trusted my sons' judgment and believed the intentions were good, and all would get sorted with a little love, credit and patience.
Our son was also forever defending her over the top or crude actions and reassured us he knew what he was doing.
We reacted as parents; "we have to trust his judgment, you have to let go sometime, because that's what you raised them for: to be able to fly..."
2 1/2 years into the relationship, with a baby and a very nice setup ( due to my sons hard work ) she decided she had no more "feelings" for him.
He was pragmatic, called it a post natal and worked even harder, things culminated, into a pow wow a month ago
I mediated to the best of my abilities: it turned out she had denied him intimacy since pregnancy, and she generally made little sense,
and I had the feeling I was talking to a 5 year old, I had to explain words, phrases and concepts, that evening.
OK not a summary of a regular psychopath, but this is getting rather long, I feel.
The punchline is; that she has determined all in the relationship, and my son obliged thinking the more I give, the more she will catch on and respect,
( his nature and theme "everyone must feel good" )
The bombshell was last week when our youngest son ( who had close ties with brother and GF, and baby. Us thinking because of his brother )
told us he's being having an sexual affair with other sons GF since 5 months.
Eldest son is staying very calm, still remaining in their family home, and is most concerned about his brothers wellfare, because he has now "awakened" to what she is,
and our worst fears are now being confirmed.
We saw many many signs, and questioned many situations, but one really doesn't always want to assume the worst, or meddle.
What matters now is getting our eldest "out" safely and legally,
my instincts say not to "protect" my youngest, and let him have his "affair" even move in,
because the perverted reality is allready set, she has manipulated our second son (7 years difference)
that I feel he needs to learn his own lesson in this.
My theory is:
If I create a "forbidden fruit" he will, be even more adamant, if I open the door, it won't be what they expect, and we might get this over with sooner.
Needless to say, my contact with my youngest has broken down, but he still lives in our house.
I couldn't ever imagine me writing this, ( greek tragedy?) , but I can only trust their genes, history and sense.
But in a sense I could use some other views, but please respect the fact that my heart as a father has taken a serious attack, however that is not the reason I am writing this account, I merely seek another pov.
Thank you.
Paul
So pleased I have found this forum.
My family and I are in the middle of a storm, I regret to say ; caused by the girlfriend of my eldest son.
I read the cassipea report on psychpathy, and am sad to say the dots are connecting concerning the GF of my eldest.
On the other hand I am pleased that the text revealed that a lot of intuitive thoughts by my wife and I were correct, during the course of my sons' relationship with her,
we have now moved into a phase of surrealism, where the phrase "worst nightmare" would be not lightly used.
I like to think of our family as a warm unit with a balanced view on life, our 2 sons (now 21 & 23) are diligent, funny and kind fellows with who we have a good rapport.
3 years ago my eldest son got mesmerized ( for use of a better word) by a woman 5 years his senior, she had a restaurant, he started to work there, in the following 18 months never saw a paycheck, was done for 3000 $ of his savings to "invest" in her biz, 3 months into the relationship she asked him for a baby, he declined, first but was pressured and 6 months later she was pregnant.
In retrospect she kept out of the picture, was isolating him, kept us from seeing our grandchild, etc.
Her mother (50) who worked a fulltime job, and evenings in the restaurant, and lived with them, she became the main figure in granddaughters life.
Patterns emerged, and it seemed the mother of the GF of my son, always excused any behaviour by saying, "once she gets it into her head..." or "you don't know how she can get!".
Our son is the most loyal person you can imagine, and had to "battle" for keeping contact with us, I saw him get degraded, humiliated and once in a proper job he had to hand in his money and got a mini allowance.
... you must think I seem a gullible and simple mind ( as I re read this maybe I would too) but it crept into our lives like a mould, and I always trusted my sons' judgment and believed the intentions were good, and all would get sorted with a little love, credit and patience.
Our son was also forever defending her over the top or crude actions and reassured us he knew what he was doing.
We reacted as parents; "we have to trust his judgment, you have to let go sometime, because that's what you raised them for: to be able to fly..."
2 1/2 years into the relationship, with a baby and a very nice setup ( due to my sons hard work ) she decided she had no more "feelings" for him.
He was pragmatic, called it a post natal and worked even harder, things culminated, into a pow wow a month ago
I mediated to the best of my abilities: it turned out she had denied him intimacy since pregnancy, and she generally made little sense,
and I had the feeling I was talking to a 5 year old, I had to explain words, phrases and concepts, that evening.
OK not a summary of a regular psychopath, but this is getting rather long, I feel.
The punchline is; that she has determined all in the relationship, and my son obliged thinking the more I give, the more she will catch on and respect,
( his nature and theme "everyone must feel good" )
The bombshell was last week when our youngest son ( who had close ties with brother and GF, and baby. Us thinking because of his brother )
told us he's being having an sexual affair with other sons GF since 5 months.
Eldest son is staying very calm, still remaining in their family home, and is most concerned about his brothers wellfare, because he has now "awakened" to what she is,
and our worst fears are now being confirmed.
We saw many many signs, and questioned many situations, but one really doesn't always want to assume the worst, or meddle.
What matters now is getting our eldest "out" safely and legally,
my instincts say not to "protect" my youngest, and let him have his "affair" even move in,
because the perverted reality is allready set, she has manipulated our second son (7 years difference)
that I feel he needs to learn his own lesson in this.
My theory is:
If I create a "forbidden fruit" he will, be even more adamant, if I open the door, it won't be what they expect, and we might get this over with sooner.
Needless to say, my contact with my youngest has broken down, but he still lives in our house.
I couldn't ever imagine me writing this, ( greek tragedy?) , but I can only trust their genes, history and sense.
But in a sense I could use some other views, but please respect the fact that my heart as a father has taken a serious attack, however that is not the reason I am writing this account, I merely seek another pov.
Thank you.
Paul
