Needing time off

[dannybananny]

Lately I didn't really have much time to read or was too tired because of job and work out, don't have time for all. It's very hard to concentrate without a hour two of sleep after work, so I don't have much time and lately I didn't do EE program for a while because of it, was to tired, and had much on my mind, my consciousness has dropped. It all culminated today when I got into physical conflict at my work. I'm working by student service because I took another year of college because I'm left with master work only so I didn't wanted to finish it because I have in this way with one more year student rights for free and can work, which probably wouldn't be the case if i finished college because there's no work, so I work in warehouses mostly and other jobs I can work, but mostly i like working this kind of jobs, don't like corporate or fancy jobs. To make long story short I KO someone. Boss sent me home to cool of and to come in Monday to job, he's a good guy , we had a talk and he is also in secret societies and understands how it all goes on political level so I'm lucky he needs me, but on the other hand I worked very hard so this could be probable reason. There were high school students there on their practical work and they weren't working nothing, just sitting there and getting paid for that, when boss gave warnings they ignore it. I was making jokes with the students I worked so the time can pass faster, and tried with them, I started joking about something like why they don't work, which they used and today started to pick on me and verbally abusing, i tried to joke, then one of them started to throw wrapped paper on me, I said to them you'll get on your nose, it didn't work, probably because I didn't said it angrily(I wasn't angry, it was a matter of principle), I don't do it in that way. Then he throw it again, I came to him and kicked him with my leg in head and he was like in KO zone after 2 seconds, he was smaller then me and had very long mouth, and was some 17-18 years old, but I'm not some robust guy really. I didn't know he would get KO, but then his friend stand up and said don't do it and I left from scene but was on adrenalin rush so I said things that I shouldn't do, wasn't very conscious lately, then the boss realized what happened and ask me to leave, said martial arts aren't used for that, it's not the way, I said that kind of people only know for force, nice talking won't do much unfortunately. And that was it, just I'm not sure if he would get revengeful and get his buddy's and wait me after work, but I think I could manage few of them, if not, if there would be more, I can run very fast, I'm good at it. I know I shouldn't done it, I was saddened later after seeing him go like that in my mind, but nice talk wouldn't do much here. I don't know if I really did right thing in the end, but I think it was good that I stood up for myself, in the end they weren't laughing, they thought I was probably crazy. Some girl said something like you are going down to his level, and other was laughing on something I said and she said this is like that talk my father is stronger then yours, but I assume they were talking that because they were girls and wouldn't really talk that way if they were men because they would know better how it goes or in this way they know nobody hits women so there is no need to be quiet. I think you'll probably said it's not right thing to do and condemn violence and don't want to have anything with it, but that's my lesson and I understand it, so I'll take time to think about my life, if I don't get back, good luck because there's no point of being moderate, you go hard or go home in my opinion, really it's my nature - give all or don't even bother trying, and I was not good at this first for some time and who can really do some things in few years, some things are simply not meant to be for some people, maybe some other life, other time, who knows, I feel that coldness about future that is holding me and things are getting to fast for me in this time, world that I was from doesn't exist no more. Bye.

 

[chaps23]

As long as you pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get back on the band wagon.

Our journey is long, as long as we learn from our mistakes we grow. Perhaps there were other ways with dealing like this but there is no point beating your self up about it.

Whats done is done, Learn then move on.

Regards,

Brent Chapman.

 

[Chopper]

Danny...It's eazy to get into conflict with anyone when wore down and tired , BUT it isn't an excuse to NOT to take the higher ground.

You can only take away from yourself , be the bigger person ...It's a tuff road to take but rewarding.

Take control of your own mind & remember some ppl are just ignorant & will do anything to bring you down to thier level because thats all thay know ,,,, "Collage "I feel for you friend you have a long way to go ;)

Good luck with your future .

 

[anart]

You made a mistake and did something that you should not have done.

If people had to leave this forum after making a mistake, after doing something they should not have done, the forum would be empty. What matters now is not what you did, but what you choose to do from here. Think of it this way - this will either change you in one way or another. It's up to you to choose which way it changes you. I'm hoping you choose to utilize this to become a wiser person, but, as always, that's up to you.

 

[Alana]

dannybananny, I don't know if you are going to read this, or even reply, but I wonder what you mean when you say you KO the other guy. You knocked him out unconscious? Is he going to be alright?

Regarding leaving the forum so that you can think about your life, this is your decision to make, and I agree with what's been said so far. It sounds like you had a few things going on lately, and honestly, I have been feeling especially tired myself over the last few days, so it might be a variety of factors, but do take time to relax and recapitulate before you make any big decisions regarding yourself (who you are) or your life.

My 2 cents...

Anart replied as I was typing, and I agree with her.

 

[kenlee]

Danny...It's eazy to get into conflict with anyone when wore down and tired , BUT it isn't an excuse to NOT to take the higher ground.

You can only take away from yourself , be the bigger person ...It's a tuff road to take but rewarding.

Take control of your own mind & remember some ppl are just ignorant & will do anything to bring you down to thier level because thats all thay know ,,,, "Collage "I feel for you friend you have a long way to go ;)

Good luck with your future .

Yes, I think the above is really good advice. Dannybananny, when your energy is drained and depleted these situations will in all probability be waiting for you, testing you perhaps, to see what choices you'll make. Will your choice (or, actually, the lack of making a conscious choice) lead you to the most reactive, entropic and "soul smashing" of outcomes or will it be a more conscious choice that leads to greater consciousness and self control? So IMO I think this is a really good time to take the EE program seriously, do it, and doing it consciously and consistently.

 

[obyvatel]

then the boss realized what happened and ask me to leave, said martial arts aren't used for that, it's not the way,

I agree with the statement your boss made. Martial arts are best used for self defense against a physical attack or for protecting a weaker person against physical attack. It is best not used to serve the cause of one' self importance.

I think you'll probably said it's not right thing to do and condemn violence and don't want to have anything with it, but that's my lesson and I understand it, so I'll take time to think about my life,

See above. There are situations where using martial arts would be right - this was just not one of them. As long as you realize this, you should be fine. Like others have said, we all make mistakes - how we deal with mistakes and what we do afterward matters more in terms of lessons learned.

 

[cassandra]

Not that it makes much difference, but I think you have contributed well to this forum. Would be a shame for you to leave (hope this doesn't sound patronising).

 

[stellar]

I'm sorry to hear about your challenging time and that you are taking it so hard, being hard on yourself.

You take responsibility for your misjudgment and that is, I think, a lesson learned. It seems to me you are capable of dusting yourself off and keep going. You said 'give it all or go home' ( or words to that effect). Do you really think you have given it 'your all'?
So you let your guard down before a troll, so what. I think there is a lesson to grab with both hands not go away to eat worms.
All the discipline you have learned in martial arts must have something in it about accepting your weaknesses graciously and trying even harder.
At the end of the day it is your decision alone, I just think you have more to give than you realise, most of us do.

 

[Mayb]

It was today right? And you emmediately decite to leave forum? Or you thinking to leave forum for some time because of those emotions and conditions ?

Maybe give yourself more time tho think about it, maybe this accident was cummulation of pressure , the top, and you will go back slowly ?

I know share your feeling of confusion,Im tired as well , with baby, old mother who needs help, two jobs and many more,and have less time to participate , but maybe some quiet time for yourself with just following and reading at leadst 10 minutes before you go to sleep can be all what you can do in next period and as time passing you will have enough energy to stand up, clean your knees and join again.

 

[Nienna]

dannybananny, I think that what this all comes down to, is as has been said, you made a mistake. You were tired and when you are tired, it is harder to be in control of yourself. Sure, what you did was wrong, but it is done. Hopefully, this kid is not seriously injured. And, yes, this is something you do need to think about. But leaving the forum is fairly drastic. You should know by now that we don't make people go because of making a mistake. Heck, we all make mistakes - a lot of mistakes. But that is how we learn if we so choose.

So, as has also been said, what you learn from your mistake and how you proceed is what is important right now.

Since you are so busy, doing this some pipe breathing when you can will help you tremendously. That is really what you should have done in this situation. When you started feeling angry, some pipe breathing might have negated this whole situation.

If you can take 15 minuets and do the 3-stage breathing, all the better.

You do not have to leave this forum, but if that is what you really want to do, than that's what you will do. I think that it will be a loss to this forum, but it is ultimately up to you.

 

[luke wilson]

Hey dannybananny,

I agree with what others have said. Just take some time off and let recent events sink in, then you'll feel better afterwards.

On a different note, from you icon, I assume you have watched, the peaceful warrior. What did you think of it? You seem to be struggling with this 'avoid violence' thing, maybe that is why such incidents as the one you described happens, so that you can figure it out? I remember we had a discussion about this on the BBC Speechless, Trader Tells Truth, Collapse Coming..Question(s) thread and soon after you are involved in such a physical confrontation... Just take it as a lesson and the guilt is normal, infact it only shows you have empathy.. The worry would be if you didn't feel guilty at all after what you did.

I was making jokes with the students I worked so the time can pass faster, and tried with them, I started joking about something like why they don't work, which they used and today started to pick on me and verbally abusing, i tried to joke, then one of them started to throw wrapped paper on me, I said to them you'll get on your nose, it didn't work, probably because I didn't said it angrily(I wasn't angry, it was a matter of principle), I don't do it in that way.

My personal opinion is that, in order to have avoided violence in this situation, you should not have joked with them about why they didn't work. This appears to have been the provocation point. Maybe you can argue about the right/wrongness about them not working and if this is the kind of philosophy that you use as a guiding tool, then you'll have alot more fights since you'll meet alot of people who don't do what they are supposed to do and don't want anyone 'all up in there face about it.' Anyways just some thoughts I wanted to share but it appears the situation you were in 'once escalated' was only bound to end in such a manner or you walking away with a complete ego bruising of being made fun off.

 

[Regulattor]

Hi dannybananny!

I'm very sorry to hear that you are in such a bad condition. Beating up this poor guy surely isn't what I would expect from you or any forum member with significant time spend here learning how to control your self even if this guy deserved a slap or two. On top of that I'm wondering myself what would your coach tell you about using your skills against someone who is no match to you from the start.

It's good thing that you have admit to yourself that you made a huge mistake, yes it could be that you are tired and following your previous posts I can tell that you are in some kind of inner turmoil, but I think that's what this forum is all about! To stay in control over your complete personality, emotions and actions. Especially in circumstances like you were involved. We all know here that in near future all of us could be challenged with situations much more threatening to us and our fellow beings then this one and from knowledge gained here, we could make decisions which can result with positive outcome for us and others. Yes you have failed on this one, but as is pointed above, that does not mean that you should exclude your self from this forum in order to find your inner peace again or to punish yourself for misdeed. I don't think you will be at peace with yourself without sharing your difficulty with other people here. People who can give you real attention and advice. Don't forget that we are all learning together here and your experiences and feedback is a great lesson for all of us.

It's your call, again!

 

[hesperides]

I´m sorry for what you are going through, which looks like a particulary stressful life situation overwhelming you right now, maybe making you thinking like it´s going to last forever and there is nothing you can do to change it, as I and many also can relate to it in some points of our own experiences. As you said, your obligations leave you no time for those things that are working on your side, which seems that part or all of your di-stress also may lay herein because of the conflict arising between choices like e.g. restlessness, concentration difficulty, agitation, too much work and so on versus keeping with those activities suggested in the forum that most positively impact you, even if just 10 min a day as suggested elsewhere, with faith or all the best will you dispose even if you hardly find any now. It´s just a trick, you know the one that tells you that the way you feel, you won´t be able performing anything valuable...

I think you'll probably said it's not right thing to do and condemn violence and don't want to have anything with it, but that's my lesson and I understand it, so I'll take time to think about my life, if I don't get back, good luck because there's no point of being moderate, you go hard or go home in my opinion, really it's my nature - give all or don't even bother trying, and I was not good at this first for some time and who can really do some things in few years, some things are simply not meant to be for some people, maybe some other life, other time, who knows, I feel that coldness about future that is holding me and things are getting to fast for me in this time, world that I was from doesn't exist no more. Bye

Could it be you don´t fully understand this is part of your lessons? Could it be instead your behaviour with the students is affecting you far more than you think, and you have been twisting Lessons with school lessons where your value as a "person" is judged through the 1-10 points system? If this is the case, it would explain why you think the forum may condemn "your" violence (which seems to be an understandable reaction to unresolved earlier emotional wounds) and even yourself as a being!

I really appreciate your narration as well as your bravery in exposing yourself here, I swear you it sounds upmost familliar to me, but what is the point if after life has obliged you to play in one of its multiple scenarios, you draw back thinking such a situation has nothing to do with you... please think about it once you have regained a less unbiassed state.

 

[The Mechanic]

Hi Dannybanny, you've been given a lot of good advice in this thread, so I hope you take all this as an opportunity to learn and better yourself. I can understand it if you feel ashamed about what you've done, but don't let that internal considering get the best of you.